Last week I had a patient in my office whom I had seen many times. She had an intestinal bypass and stomach stapling procedure to lose weight eight years ago and is now experiencing many problems associated with poor digestion. She is severely malnourished, but can't absorb her food, or even supplements. We give her intravenous nutrients, but that's not a permanent fix. She continues to have all sorts of nervous problems, pain, weakness, fatigue, brain fog, and many other symptoms. She can't function normally. She used to run a business, and now can't even work at all. As we were discussing her situation she said, "I believe in Jesus." I asked, "Do you believe that He can heal you?" thinking about all the physical problems we had been discussing. She looked up at me with a puzzled look on her face and replied, "He already has."
At that moment I knew she was sent to tell me that. It struck me with such force that this very damaged and suffering person could understand something in her heart that I didn't. She understood that when Jesus hung on the cross, just before He "gave up the ghost" He cried, "It is finished!" --and it was! She knew that she would suffer through her life, but her salvation was assured already. This is something I have never understood.
It's easy!
When the Children of Israel were in the wilderness and snakes came among them, biting them they were dying. They went to Moses who inquired of the Lord. He told them to erect a brass serpent on a pole in the front of the camp. If anyone was bitten, all they had to do was to look up at the serpent on the pole and they would be healed. Alma tells us that because it was so simple, many died, not believing that something as simple as looking could heal them from a poisonous snake bite.
Salvation really is that easy. As soon as we look to Jesus Christ for salvation it's done -- we're healed. I'm just beginning to understand that the Atonement is NOW! I don't have to be perfect to qualify. I don't have to have conquered everything, I just have to be repentant. If I have weaknesses and I'm repentant I still have the same gift from the Lord. I need to start living like I believe THAT. I believe in the Lord, Jesus Christ. I believe that He can and will forgive my sins. I believe that it is ALL Him, and that I don't do anything to merit His grace, except to sin. If I have no sin, then I don't need Him so I must sin in order to participate in the program of salvation.
The un-Christian Christian
All of my life I have been trying to repent of all my sins, to be perfect, in order to be worthy to stand before God. At first I tried doing it by myself, then I tried to become perfect by using the Lord. Now, however, I realize that I only need to rely on Him, keep repenting, and just carry-on. I don't need to wait for perfection. What is need is faith. I'm looking to supplant faith by seeking signs that I'm forgiven, that I'm justified, or that I have received a remission of sins. I'm looking to be a "just man made perfect through the blood of the Lamb" without putting my faith in Him and trusting that He ALREADY did pay the price for my sins.
The gift of salvation has been given again and again, but I have been rejecting it, saying, "I'm not ready..." for whatever reason. Basically, I was always assuming that I have to be something or do something, or have something before I can accept His offer. I needed to "overcome the world." I needed to "repent of all my sins." Ironically, in my zeal to BE a Christian, I have rejected Christ and His offer of forgiveness. I have been trying so hard NOT to need Him.
A changed heart
I feel now differently as well. I see others who are weak, and have no disdain or judgment. I don't see them as somehow less because of their weakness. Instead, I see weakness as an injury that just needs a Physician. That's all. People who sin need the Lord, not a lecture on sin, not punishment for sin, not rejection or hatred. Judgment is wrong because it denies the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know people who have "sinned against the greater light," knowing it was wrong, but being compelled to do things they had specifically made covenants not to do, and I have judged them to be unworthy of the Kingdom of God. It seemed obvious, black and white, but now I'm not so sure. All I know is that if the person is repentant, the Lord can heal him of his "greater" sins in the same way He can heal me of my "little" transgressions.
Moreover, I feel differently about my own sins and weaknesses. Understanding that the Lord has already paid the price for all my past, present and future problems is such a relief of the burden of sin. I have been carrying these rocks around with me for so many years, and the burden is so heavy. The Lord has offered to take them, but I say, "No, thank you, I must deal with them first, and then we'll talk..." Now, the burden is lifted. I don't have to be perfect; I only have to put my trust in Him, have faith in Him, believing that He can and will make me clean in His own time. The gift is given. The Atonement was carried-out. On the cross He cried, "It is finished!" and it was! It's a done-deal. I can bank on it. I can trust in Him. The rest is just details, filling-in the blanks, living, learning, being humble, prayerful, and doing His will in all things so that I can learn and grow in the Spirit. I have stuff to do, but perfecting myself isn't one of them. He did it already.
Also, gratitude has entered into my heart. I feel grateful for EVERYTHING. I am grateful for all my experiences in life. I give thanks for pain and suffering, for tastes, smells, touch, and feeling. I'm thankful for the contrast of love and rejection. I'm thankful for the Earth, sky, clouds, rain, and every person whom I have encountered. I'm thankful for the Lord and His gift. I just feel so grateful.
Lastly, I feel loved. I have always pushed away love because I didn't feel worthy of it... yet! I was working on it. Now I know that I have intrinsic value to Him because He has already paid the price. I don't have to wait. I love Him because He loved me first, and has made the ultimate sacrifice for me -- not because I have any special worthiness, or because I have "overcome my sins" or any act of mine, but rather because I am His son. I know He loves me -- no matter what!
I'm not finished growing up, but His grace is a "DONE DEAL!" I wish everyone could know this.
