Gods save sentient beings. We have choice, and ignorance. Learning requires making mistakes, and experiencing evil, hatred, bad, loss, pain, and suffering. These are eternal, so we need to be saved. Everyone needs salvation from themselves. We know we need salvation. All that we do indicates that we know we need to be saved from our own ignorance, childishness - and stupidity. The gods are whatever we need to save us. False gods cannot save. We look for others to save us from loneliness. Some seek a sexual connection. Others create an ego of goodness. We may numb our conscience with drugs, or feel like money can fix anything. So many of us bury our head in the sand and refuse to believe, thinking ignorance can save us.
For me, I need others to bear testimony of my goodness. I need my wife to say, “He’s a good husband.” I need my children to say, “He’s a good father.” I need my patients to say, “He’s a good doctor.” I need members of the Church to say “He’s a good Mormon.” I need Christians to say, "He's a good Christian." I need friends to support my “goodness.” My pride, my ego, my god needs this support. I protect my pride - at all costs. I have to, or I would have nothing. I see myself as a basically good person, and I want to continue to see myself as good. I need to protect my image. The image is a false god. My “good” ego is a false god which cannot save me.
I have an enemy, a patient who is threatening a lawsuit, and to publish to the world that I created pain - hurting instead of healing, and I feel extremely stressed. I’m in self-preservation mode. I’m being accused of being a bad doctor. It feels like I could lose everything! I need to protect myself. I feel so anxious about the possibility of losing the support of others - my pride - that I shake, and feel palpitations, I lose sleep, I can’t eat. My mind is racing from “defend myself,” to “attack my attacker.” I have to protect myself.
However, it’s clear to me after fervent prayer that I really need the ego to be stripped away - to be stripped of pride. I need to stop looking to others to feed my ego. The ego is very fragile and requires the support of others. It’s a building without a foundation, standing in the air, and will fall. It will fall, sooner or later. I cannot protect it. I cannot continue to put all my energy into supporting it. It needs to fall.
I only have one other option: to turn to God. The only true God. The only One who saves. Charity doesn’t protect herself. Meekness and lowliness of heart allow the exposure, pain, and loss without attacking back, or even getting angry. Meekness doesn’t kill the snake that bit me. I need charity. I need meekness. I need love. I need kindness. I need compassion. I’ve been bitten. My ego is being threatened. I need to NOT protect myself. I will meekly go into the loss of my pride. I will look to God to save me, instead of the opinions of others. In this sense, it’s the best thing that could happen to me, truly a gift from God. The attack on my pride is needed, for without it I would never learn these things.
My friends are my enemies. My friends support my ego. My friends tell me what I want to hear. My friends give me what I want. Those I like, who like me, require nothing of me, offering nothing but more of the same. I do not have to sacrifice, nor suffer, so I cannot learn to love, nor have charity. I keep my ego. I keep my pride. They support my false gods. My friends enable my addictions, and help me float down the river of pride to the gulf of misery and endless wo -- pushing me down to hell!
My enemies are my friends. Only my enemies help me to grow, to learn, to smash all of my false gods. My enemies help me on the way to Eternal Life by showing me my weaknesses. They teach me the lessons of life. They give me pain, sorrow, and grief. They teach me the ways of forgiveness and love. They make me whole. They make me turn to the Lord. Only my enemies prepare me to receive the gift of charity, the pure love of Christ. Suffering at the hand of an enemy is the path to salvation because it helps me to let go of the false gods. Enemies are a gift from God, the true God, the One who saves.
I need more enemies, and fewer friends.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Grace
Judas was chosen to be an apostle by Jesus for a purpose, specifically to betray Him.
I don’t understand, why was he chosen to do a heinous crime? Why was he told to do it? There was purpose, so Jesus could fulfill His mission. Is Judas Iscariot a hero, or a villain? Should we condemn or exalt him? For, without his courageous mission to betray the Lord, we could not be saved. Peter is replaceable; we would still be saved without Paul or John, but Judas was a necessary part of the plan. Without him the Savior would not have finished His work.
The Jews
Likewise, without the Jews willingness to take upon themselves the blood of the Son of God, we would be left without salvation. The counsel of the Jews was told by the High Priest (the prophet) that Jesus needed to die for them, to save their nation, to gather all of Israel, and for the world, that salvation may come to all. They needed to put Him to death.
Repentance and Grace
I don’t understand. Some are called to greatness, others to infamy. Why? Why did the Lord choose Judas to be infamous? Did Judas ask for the job? I don’t like the idea. He wasn’t chosen for salvation, but we’re all saved because of what he did. Thus, there must be another way to look at the situation. Perhaps Judas is just the same before God as Peter. Peter denied knowing Him, lying, and abandoning Him during His darkest hour,
To give a modern contrast, Mother Theresa is offered the same grace as Hitler, and both have access to the same forgiveness. Perhaps, those who sin more, such as Judas or Hitler, are more grateful for the grace of Christ, as Jesus explained to Simon, the Pharisee.
Often, those we consider to be the worst sinners are fulfilling prophecy, and doing the will of the Lord. They are part of the plan from the beginning.
But, grace is for all, even the "worst" of us. One verse of a hymn describes the situation of Judas, and the Jews, perfectly:
We’re all in the same boat.
We’re all offenders
We’ve all crucified our Lord.
We’ve all sinned.
None are acceptable before God.
We’re all enemies to God.
In terms of grace, the worst sinner is exactly the same as the greatest prophet. Those who betrayed Him, and killed Him, will stand before Him exactly the same as those who were His friends. All are offered the same grace - complete forgiveness. “The prisoners shall go free!” The grand design includes all. None are left out. No matter who we are, no matter what we’ve done doesn’t matter; the grace of the Lord, Jesus Christ is offered to all.
Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that believed not, and who should betray him... Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil? He spake of Judas Iscariot the son of Simon: for he it was that should betray him, being one of the twelve.Judas had a mission, and was chosen for that mission. He was told to do it, even commanded. Read carefully, did the Lord really command Judas to betray Him?
(John 6:64,70-71)
When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.Jesus specifically told Judas to do it, quickly, and he did. He did all that he was told to do. He was chosen for this moment. The other eleven apostles didn't know what it meant, but Judas did.
Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake.
Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.
Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake.
He then lying on Jesus' breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?
Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give a sop, when I have dipped it. And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon.
And after the sop Satan entered into him. Then said Jesus unto him, That thou doest, do quickly.
Now no man at the table knew for what intent he spake this unto him.
For some of them thought, because Judas had the bag, that Jesus had said unto him, Buy those things that we have need of against the feast; or, that he should give something to the poor.
He then having received the sop went immediately out: and it was night.
Therefore, when he was gone out, Jesus said, Now is the Son of man glorified, and God is glorified in him. (John 13:21-31)
I don’t understand, why was he chosen to do a heinous crime? Why was he told to do it? There was purpose, so Jesus could fulfill His mission. Is Judas Iscariot a hero, or a villain? Should we condemn or exalt him? For, without his courageous mission to betray the Lord, we could not be saved. Peter is replaceable; we would still be saved without Paul or John, but Judas was a necessary part of the plan. Without him the Savior would not have finished His work.
The Jews
Likewise, without the Jews willingness to take upon themselves the blood of the Son of God, we would be left without salvation. The counsel of the Jews was told by the High Priest (the prophet) that Jesus needed to die for them, to save their nation, to gather all of Israel, and for the world, that salvation may come to all. They needed to put Him to death.
Then gathered the chief priests and the Pharisees a council, and said, What do we? for this man doeth many miracles.The Jews were commanded by the High Priest to kill Jesus. It was their mission to slay the Passover Lamb. They knew He was sent from God, as confessed by Nicodemus:
If we let him thus alone, all men will believe on him: and the Romans shall come and take away both our place and nation.
And one of them, named Caiaphas, being the high priest that same year, said unto them, Ye know nothing at all, Nor consider that it is expedient for us, that one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not.
And this spake he not of himself: but being high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus should die for that nation; And not for that nation only, but that also he should gather together in one the children of God that were scattered abroad.
Then from that day forth they took counsel together for to put him to death.
(John 11:47-53)
There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.Judas, and the Jews needed to perform this act so that the prophecy could be fulfilled, and the world could be saved. They did as they were commanded to do. In that sense, they allow us to be saved because Jesus had to die.
(John 3:1-2)
Wherefore, as I said unto you, it must needs be expedient that Christ—for in the last night the angel spake unto me that this should be his name—should come among the Jews, among those who are the more wicked part of the world; and they shall crucify him—for thus it behooveth our God, and there is none other nation on earth that would crucify their God. (2 Nephi 10:3)What does “Behoove” mean?
Behoove: to be necessary or proper for, as for moral or ethical considerations; be incumbent on. (Google Dictionary)It was planned. The Jews had to fulfill their mission to crucify their God. Nobody else in the world would do it. Nobody else could do it. It was set up to happen this way. It was “necessary and proper.” Those people were specifically sent to Earth to that place and time to do what they did. For centuries priests had symbolically sacrificed the clean, white, unbroken lamb at Passover, now it was time for them to do the real thing. The law was fulfilled in them, ending animal sacrifice. He is the last sacrifice, and the Jews were chosen to perform it.
Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! (Matthew 18:7)Those who make offences are necessary for the Father's plan to be carried-out. If the Jews had worshiped Him and refused to betray and kill the Son of God, there would be no salvation for the world. The Pharisees, Caiaphas, Pontius Pilate, and Judas Iscariot had important roles to play, extremely important. In fact, they were central to the Father’s plan, even more so than Peter, James, John, and Paul. Their role was essential for Jesus Christ to become the Savior of the world. In that sense, we owe a debt of gratitude to them. If they had not done their part, we would not have the option of salvation. They fulfilled their mission in life, and because they did we’re all saved. In that sense, we could be more grateful to them than we are to those who wrote about them in the Bible.
I don’t understand. Some are called to greatness, others to infamy. Why? Why did the Lord choose Judas to be infamous? Did Judas ask for the job? I don’t like the idea. He wasn’t chosen for salvation, but we’re all saved because of what he did. Thus, there must be another way to look at the situation. Perhaps Judas is just the same before God as Peter. Peter denied knowing Him, lying, and abandoning Him during His darkest hour,
And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:75)Judas, after realizing what He did, went back to repent, confessing that he had done wrong,
Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.Judas was finished with his mission as Peter was just starting his. Both are repentant. Judas is loved as much as Peter. Both are offered the same grace.
And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:4-5)
To give a modern contrast, Mother Theresa is offered the same grace as Hitler, and both have access to the same forgiveness. Perhaps, those who sin more, such as Judas or Hitler, are more grateful for the grace of Christ, as Jesus explained to Simon, the Pharisee.
There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?If he repents, perhaps Hitler will love God more than Mother Theresa, if she repents. Hitler fulfilled prophecy in persecuting the Jews, who took upon themselves the responsibility of crucifying their God. In front of Pontius Pilate the Jews said,
Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. (Luke 7:41-43)
His blood be on us, and on our children.And, indeed they did, as prophesied long before. God told them He would judge them, and afflict them.
(Matthew 27:25)
...the judgments of the Father upon my people who are of the house of Israel, verily, verily, I say unto you, that after all this, and I have caused my people who are of the house of Israel to be smitten, and to be afflicted, and to be slain, and to be cast out from among them, and to become hated by them, and to become a hiss and a byword among them... (3 Nephi 16:9)
And I have trampled them in my fury, and I did tread upon them in mine anger, and their blood have I sprinkled upon my garments, and stained all my raiment; for this was the day of vengeance which was in my heart. (D&C 133:51)The Lord says, "I have caused..." and "I have trampled..." He caused them to be smitten. Hitler was doing His will. They indeed became “a hiss and a byword” in the world, describing well the philosophy and actions of the Third Reich. Hitler did as he was instructed, fulfilling his mission -- and prophecy.
Often, those we consider to be the worst sinners are fulfilling prophecy, and doing the will of the Lord. They are part of the plan from the beginning.
But, grace is for all, even the "worst" of us. One verse of a hymn describes the situation of Judas, and the Jews, perfectly:
No creature is so lowly,
No sinner so depraved,
But feels thy presence holy
And thru thy love is saved.
Tho craven friends betray thee,
They feel thy love’s embrace;
The very foes who slay thee
Have access to thy grace.
(O Savior Thou Who Wearest, by Karen Lynn Davidson, b. 1943. © 1985 IRI)The fact remains that we are all offenders, and fall short of salvation. We all need the grace of God. Jesus offers His grace equally to all.
We’re all in the same boat.
We’re all offenders
We’ve all crucified our Lord.
We’ve all sinned.
None are acceptable before God.
We’re all enemies to God.
In terms of grace, the worst sinner is exactly the same as the greatest prophet. Those who betrayed Him, and killed Him, will stand before Him exactly the same as those who were His friends. All are offered the same grace - complete forgiveness. “The prisoners shall go free!” The grand design includes all. None are left out. No matter who we are, no matter what we’ve done doesn’t matter; the grace of the Lord, Jesus Christ is offered to all.
...and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile. (2 Nephi 26:33)This is literally true! All are alike to God. It doesn’t matter who I am, or what I’ve done. It doesn’t matter if I’m black or white. It doesn’t matter if I’ve committed heinous crimes or bounteous charity. It doesn’t matter if I’m ignorant or lettered, we are all the same in the eyes of God! Peter had a vision that explained this concept to him. The Lord said:
What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common. (Acts 10:15)Subsequent events lead Peter to understand what the Lord meant:
Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: (Acts 10:34)We are all His children. He loves us all with an Eternal love, and offers every one all He has. Nobody is left out; no matter who we are, or what we’ve done, we’re the same. God offers His love, forgiveness, and grace to everyone!
Sunday, October 1, 2017
The Straight Path
I have a friend who was having marital problems. When I told him that I have had similar issues, and have been working on them for over twenty years, he was shocked. "I don't want to go through this for years, isn't there a faster way?" He pleaded. I laughed, but realized that there is a shortcut for those who are humble.
We can take a direct route to Eternal Life. It isn’t a requirement that we wander for years, wallowing in sin, starving in the desert. The children of Israel had the option of going directly to the Promised Land, but they feared, and were consigned to wander in the wilderness with many hardships before their children were allowed to go in.
The key is humility. Alma explains to a group of poor people that there are two ways to be humble -- by force, or by choice.
1. Those that are imposed upon us by circumstances over which we have no control.
2. Those that we willingly give.
The willing heart is much more blessed, who only has the enticing of the Holy Ghost to guide him to let go of his natural needs, wants, and worldly desires, submitting because of the still, small, voice to everything the Lord gives him.
We can take a direct route to Eternal Life. It isn’t a requirement that we wander for years, wallowing in sin, starving in the desert. The children of Israel had the option of going directly to the Promised Land, but they feared, and were consigned to wander in the wilderness with many hardships before their children were allowed to go in.
The key is humility. Alma explains to a group of poor people that there are two ways to be humble -- by force, or by choice.
And now, as I said unto you, that because ye were compelled to be humble ye were blessed, do ye not suppose that they are more blessed who truly humble themselves because of the word? Yea, he that truly humbleth himself, and repenteth of his sins, and endureth to the end, the same shall be blessed—yea, much more blessed than they who are compelled to be humble because of their exceeding poverty.If we are humble because of our circumstances, we are blessed, even though we are forced to be humble, deciding to follow God. However, Alma explains that we are much more blessed if we seek the path and travel it by our own volition. When we hear the word of God, and believe, we don’t have to be driven to obey because of circumstances of pain, suffering, poverty, hunger, loss, or a broken heart. We can choose a broken heart by making a willing sacrifice.
Alma 32:14-15
Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice—yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord, shall command—they are accepted of me. For I, the Lord, will cause them to bring forth as a very fruitful tree which is planted in a goodly land, by a pure stream, that yieldeth much precious fruit.There are two types of sacrifice:
D&C 97:8-9
1. Those that are imposed upon us by circumstances over which we have no control.
2. Those that we willingly give.
The willing heart is much more blessed, who only has the enticing of the Holy Ghost to guide him to let go of his natural needs, wants, and worldly desires, submitting because of the still, small, voice to everything the Lord gives him.
...he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.Choosing the direct path to Eternal Life means doing everything the Lord puts in front of me, no matter what it is, and accepting it, even if I don’t understand it. It means not whining or complaining, comparing my sacrifices to that of others. It means turning to the Lord for my needs that I sacrifice. It means giving in to the still, small voice so I don’t have to be knocked over the head with pain or loss. It means remembering Him always, trusting in His love, like a little child trusts his father, putting my life into His hands, His wounded hands.
Mosiah 3:19
Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen.Making a willing sacrifice is following Christ, allowing the will of the Father in all things. That is His legacy. To suffer the will of God is to allow it. Jesus allowed the will of God always, living a perfect life, becoming the light of the world.
D&C 6:36-37
And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.Observing my friend's humility, I'm amazed at the progress he has made. He has submitted to everything, even though he didn't see the need, or understand the reason. He just does whatever is placed in front of him, willingly and fully, he has done things I never could have thought of, and the results are tremendous. I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel for them. Christ really does heal all wounds!
3 Nephi 11:11
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Dedication to Truth
What is truth?
Truth is well-defined. It isn’t nebulous or grey. It isn’t different for different people, or in different situations. It doesn’t depend on the feelings or ideas of individuals. Truth is what it is. It is entirely independent of the observer. It exists separately from all theories. Truth contains all the facts. Truth is independent.
Truth exists independent of God, man and even intelligence. Intelligence is an entity with the ability to choose. Man and God are intelligent.
That which is enlightened by truth is intelligence. God didn’t create it. It exists independently, giving it separation from all else that exists. Because it is independent, intelligence has choice, and in choosing truth gives glory to God.
The organization of intelligence that makes up God requires acceptance of, and dedication to truth. All that is, is known. There is nothing that is not known. Thus, God knows all truth.
Why is it important to know truth?
When scurvy was epidemic among sailors for centuries, the doctors had a lot of treatments. They would give potions, some including mercury and other poisons, bury people up to their necks in hot sand, and blow smoke up their colons. They claimed these worked, and if they didn’t work, they just weren’t doing enough. In spite of such wonderful treatments, ships on long voyages would often lose half the sailors to scurvy. When the truth came in the form of something simple, the doctors all said, “That’s ridiculous! Nothing as simple as a lime could cure a disease as horrific as scurvy!” It took fifty more years of dying sailors before the ships captains decided to defy the doctors and require lime juice on board every ship. The scurvy stopped. Dead. The truth is that important.
Ignaz Semmelweis was a young doctor in the mid-nineteenth century who observed that the midwives had a much lower rate of infection and death than the doctors delivering babies. He had a theory that the doctors were doing dissections on corpses and bringing something from the corpses to the mothers during delivery of the babies, and suggested the doctors wash their hands before a delivery. The doctors persecuted him for suggesting they were the cause of childbed fever, but after a couple more decades of administering death to women, they finally relented, accepted the truth, and washed their hands, lowering childbed fever rates in Vienna dramatically. The truth exists, whether we believe, or not!
Ignorance is death. This may be immediately true for health care, but also applies to all knowledge. It is life-and-death important to know the truth in everything. Whatever we are ignorant of, whatever we don’t know will hurt us. Only the truth brings life, peace, and happiness. Our connection with God requires truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This is life, light, knowledge, wisdom, peace, happiness, love, and joy!
Can we know truth?
Each of the circles below represent ideas, theories, and/or facts. One is true, containing all the facts, and no untruths.
The single truth is defined, containing all that is true, and nothing that is false. Everything else is not true. There are an infinite number of false ideas for each truth. If the purple one with the orange dot represents truth, then all the others are false. Even the orange dot that is entirely within the truth doesn’t contain all the facts. The light purple one may seem to be true, and even contain some truth, but it also contains much that isn’t true. The big circle that contains all of them, including all truth, is false because it contains all false ideas as well.
We study each idea and find that they are all possible. We compare them, their merits and contradictions, but we can’t, by our own wits, determine what is truth. We can weigh the evidence and make a decision, but our own observations are always colored by our beliefs. Truth is independent of belief. But, no matter what we do, we’re always going to have colored glasses on, and we can never see everything clearly. Even if we’re told the truth is purple, we can’t be sure what purple is, exactly, first of all, because there are different shades that might be called purple, and second, we don’t know if the colors we’re seeing are the true color, or just appear that way because of our glasses. We want to know things as they are, but we only see things as we are. We’re all color-distorted.
Also, there is no way to know what is truth because we cannot know if we have all the facts. Ellsworth seemed to believe that human improvement was coming to an end. Since then technology has advanced beyond his, or anyone else’s imagination. Just when we have a theory that fits our facts perfectly, another fact comes up to destroy it. Then, we’re back to ground zero, trying to come up with another theory to explain the facts. If a fact is hidden, then we cannot know if any theory is true. One nagging fact always exists, “we don’t know what we don’t know!” Some just take the big circle- -it’s all true! Others just say, “None of it is true,” and quit searching. It’s a cop-out, and laziness, not helping anyone to know anything. It still leaves us lost and useless. We don’t reach Nirvana, Heaven, or life if we call false things true, or true things false, we just continue to live in ignorance. More smoke up the butt will not cure scurvy, nor will more mercury, or a new poison. If there’s a fact missing, we wallow in ignorance as people suffer and die.
Does belief lead to truth?
Since we cannot know what is true, all we have is belief. No truth can be found or understood by us for all of the reasons above so we continue to believe what we’re told. We see what we believe, and throw out all facts that don’t correspond to our beliefs. Therefore, as soon as we define our beliefs we have cut ourselves off from all access to truth. If we believe in the blue circle, then we have no chance of finding the purple one. Only in the happenstance that we define our beliefs as the purple circle can we begin to discover truth, because we will see what we believe.
Those who don’t define their beliefs have underlying beliefs of which they are not aware. The first step is to become aware of our beliefs. Many don’t even know what they believe. Becoming aware requires introspection, and help. Many go to counseling to help them reveal their beliefs. A good counselor knows what questions to ask to bring out beliefs and desires, or the heart.
Very often, those who don’t want to know what they believe, or who don’t want to change their beliefs, become skeptics. Skeptics are those who question the beliefs of others, but not their own. To justify their beliefs and prevent challenge, they continually try to put down the beliefs of others, calling them false. Mostly, they don’t know the truth, nor are they even aware of the actual belief of another, using vague generalities, having done no research, knowing little about the evidence, or lack thereof. For example, atheists consider themselves skeptics, not knowing what they believe, using all kinds of straw-man arguments to attempt to prove that God doesn’t exist. They simply wallow in ignorance.
Truth cannot be found by skeptics because it requires humility, which is just the opposite of skepticism. Humility is the ability to accept the beliefs of others, and question our own. Seeking evidence that might change what I hold dear is a hard thing to do, making humility a rare trait. But without humility we are doomed to ignorance. We must be constantly questioning what we believe, seeking evidence for what others believe, and changing our theories. This leaves us without a foundation. This is the truth. Life is not firm, it is not as we see, or even as we hope; life is different. Our search for truth requires that we give up all we think we know. Others have a different point-of-view, or different colored glasses, which could give us a different perspective in finding what is true. Thus, being humble allows us to work together to discover truth that we could not know alone.
Why is truth so scarce?
First, there are an infinite number of possible false ideas for every truth. We can look at anything false as sin, because it is against God.
There are two sins only:
1. Ignorance
2. Rebellion
These are the only two things that keep us away from God, or truth. If we’re ignorant, then we can’t keep the will of God because we don’t know it. The only other way to sin is to know the will of God for us, but not do it. By far, ignorance is the greater, or more common, sin, while rebellion is the greater, or worse, one.
Our beliefs prevent us from learning truth. Those who have the truth in front of them, but deny, neglect, or resist it are the worst kind of ignorance. Most humans prefer the Orwellian Ministry of Truth.
Nothing has changed since 1984. The television is spouting these same slogans every minute, but we don’t always see it. Our newest enemy is North Korea. We can have financial freedom by acquiring debt. Science has all the answers. We want to be ignorant. We want someone else to do the hard work of finding truth so they can spoon-feed us. Sunday schools are filled with people who want someone else to do the thinking for them. They believe so they don’t have to know. It’s hard to be humble. Both the skeptic and the believer deceive themselves due to laziness, and will never come to know truth.
Why is it important to know that God knows all truth?
Because we can never find truth for ourselves, we must have a standard of truth. There is only one source of truth. Thus, it is essential to understand that God knows all truth. Only One who knows all truth can help us find truth. God can never be surprised. He knows everything. He is in all things, and through all things. There is nothing that He doesn’t know, so, if He tells me something is true, then I can be sure it is true. He will never lie. I’m not going to find another fact later that negates or precludes the truth that I know, because God already knows. He knows the end from the beginning. Without specifically receiving intelligence from God we can never know truth, but by receiving intelligence from Him, we don’t need to believe, we know.
Thus, access to truth requires a connection with God. There is no other way. There is no substitute, nor is there any second-best. There is one truth, so whichever falsehood you believe is irrelevant -- it isn’t the truth. False ideas are all the same. We are often given a choice between two false ideas, and told that one of them is true. Politics and religion is famous for this. The Republicans and Democrats fight over which is right by accusing the other of being wrong. Ironically, this is the only truth they both teach -- that the other is wrong. False religions continuously fight each other, accusing the other of being untrue, and, again, they are both right. Only God can tell us what is true. There is no other way. Everything, and everyone, else is suspect. Only through a personal connection with God can I know what is true. If everything presented to me is false, then only He can lead me to truth. People just don’t know. Even those who have a connection with God, and know truth don’t know everything, they can’t. Thus, God is our only personal resource for truth.
How can we know the truth?
Work. Read. Ponder. Pray. Search. Be humble. Obey the truth that you know. Dedication to truth requires constant vigilance. Any idea we have is suspect, until we know from God. “God told me.” is the only foundation we can have for truth. Everything else is suspect, and may change as we get more information. Thus, the largest part of our search for truth requires that we build a relationship with God, come to know Him, and develop trust in Him. This is done just like any other relationship, through time, and shared experiences. It takes time to get to know some one. It also takes effort, as we try to discover who He is. He will reveal Himself little-by-little. He knows me from the beginning, I’m the one who needs to come to know Him. Beliefs are irrelevant in the face of truth, and must be let go. Without humility we cannot come to know Him. Our search for truth must include a relationship with the Source of all truth. While we can support each other, we each must seek truth on our own.
And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;
D&C 93:24
Truth is well-defined. It isn’t nebulous or grey. It isn’t different for different people, or in different situations. It doesn’t depend on the feelings or ideas of individuals. Truth is what it is. It is entirely independent of the observer. It exists separately from all theories. Truth contains all the facts. Truth is independent.
All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence.
D&C 93:30
Truth exists independent of God, man and even intelligence. Intelligence is an entity with the ability to choose. Man and God are intelligent.
Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made, neither indeed can be.
D&C 93:29
That which is enlightened by truth is intelligence. God didn’t create it. It exists independently, giving it separation from all else that exists. Because it is independent, intelligence has choice, and in choosing truth gives glory to God.
The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.
D&C 93:36
The organization of intelligence that makes up God requires acceptance of, and dedication to truth. All that is, is known. There is nothing that is not known. Thus, God knows all truth.
Why is it important to know truth?
When scurvy was epidemic among sailors for centuries, the doctors had a lot of treatments. They would give potions, some including mercury and other poisons, bury people up to their necks in hot sand, and blow smoke up their colons. They claimed these worked, and if they didn’t work, they just weren’t doing enough. In spite of such wonderful treatments, ships on long voyages would often lose half the sailors to scurvy. When the truth came in the form of something simple, the doctors all said, “That’s ridiculous! Nothing as simple as a lime could cure a disease as horrific as scurvy!” It took fifty more years of dying sailors before the ships captains decided to defy the doctors and require lime juice on board every ship. The scurvy stopped. Dead. The truth is that important.
Ignaz Semmelweis was a young doctor in the mid-nineteenth century who observed that the midwives had a much lower rate of infection and death than the doctors delivering babies. He had a theory that the doctors were doing dissections on corpses and bringing something from the corpses to the mothers during delivery of the babies, and suggested the doctors wash their hands before a delivery. The doctors persecuted him for suggesting they were the cause of childbed fever, but after a couple more decades of administering death to women, they finally relented, accepted the truth, and washed their hands, lowering childbed fever rates in Vienna dramatically. The truth exists, whether we believe, or not!
Ignorance is death. This may be immediately true for health care, but also applies to all knowledge. It is life-and-death important to know the truth in everything. Whatever we are ignorant of, whatever we don’t know will hurt us. Only the truth brings life, peace, and happiness. Our connection with God requires truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This is life, light, knowledge, wisdom, peace, happiness, love, and joy!
Can we know truth?
Each of the circles below represent ideas, theories, and/or facts. One is true, containing all the facts, and no untruths.
The single truth is defined, containing all that is true, and nothing that is false. Everything else is not true. There are an infinite number of false ideas for each truth. If the purple one with the orange dot represents truth, then all the others are false. Even the orange dot that is entirely within the truth doesn’t contain all the facts. The light purple one may seem to be true, and even contain some truth, but it also contains much that isn’t true. The big circle that contains all of them, including all truth, is false because it contains all false ideas as well.
We study each idea and find that they are all possible. We compare them, their merits and contradictions, but we can’t, by our own wits, determine what is truth. We can weigh the evidence and make a decision, but our own observations are always colored by our beliefs. Truth is independent of belief. But, no matter what we do, we’re always going to have colored glasses on, and we can never see everything clearly. Even if we’re told the truth is purple, we can’t be sure what purple is, exactly, first of all, because there are different shades that might be called purple, and second, we don’t know if the colors we’re seeing are the true color, or just appear that way because of our glasses. We want to know things as they are, but we only see things as we are. We’re all color-distorted.
“...a report to Congress in 1843 by Patent Office Commissioner, Henry Ellsworth... states, ‘The advancement of the arts, from year to year, taxes our credulity and seems to presage the arrival of that period when human improvement must end.’” (Wikipedia)
Also, there is no way to know what is truth because we cannot know if we have all the facts. Ellsworth seemed to believe that human improvement was coming to an end. Since then technology has advanced beyond his, or anyone else’s imagination. Just when we have a theory that fits our facts perfectly, another fact comes up to destroy it. Then, we’re back to ground zero, trying to come up with another theory to explain the facts. If a fact is hidden, then we cannot know if any theory is true. One nagging fact always exists, “we don’t know what we don’t know!” Some just take the big circle- -it’s all true! Others just say, “None of it is true,” and quit searching. It’s a cop-out, and laziness, not helping anyone to know anything. It still leaves us lost and useless. We don’t reach Nirvana, Heaven, or life if we call false things true, or true things false, we just continue to live in ignorance. More smoke up the butt will not cure scurvy, nor will more mercury, or a new poison. If there’s a fact missing, we wallow in ignorance as people suffer and die.
Does belief lead to truth?
Since we cannot know what is true, all we have is belief. No truth can be found or understood by us for all of the reasons above so we continue to believe what we’re told. We see what we believe, and throw out all facts that don’t correspond to our beliefs. Therefore, as soon as we define our beliefs we have cut ourselves off from all access to truth. If we believe in the blue circle, then we have no chance of finding the purple one. Only in the happenstance that we define our beliefs as the purple circle can we begin to discover truth, because we will see what we believe.
Those who don’t define their beliefs have underlying beliefs of which they are not aware. The first step is to become aware of our beliefs. Many don’t even know what they believe. Becoming aware requires introspection, and help. Many go to counseling to help them reveal their beliefs. A good counselor knows what questions to ask to bring out beliefs and desires, or the heart.
Very often, those who don’t want to know what they believe, or who don’t want to change their beliefs, become skeptics. Skeptics are those who question the beliefs of others, but not their own. To justify their beliefs and prevent challenge, they continually try to put down the beliefs of others, calling them false. Mostly, they don’t know the truth, nor are they even aware of the actual belief of another, using vague generalities, having done no research, knowing little about the evidence, or lack thereof. For example, atheists consider themselves skeptics, not knowing what they believe, using all kinds of straw-man arguments to attempt to prove that God doesn’t exist. They simply wallow in ignorance.
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” (The Big Short, attributed to Mark Twain)
Truth cannot be found by skeptics because it requires humility, which is just the opposite of skepticism. Humility is the ability to accept the beliefs of others, and question our own. Seeking evidence that might change what I hold dear is a hard thing to do, making humility a rare trait. But without humility we are doomed to ignorance. We must be constantly questioning what we believe, seeking evidence for what others believe, and changing our theories. This leaves us without a foundation. This is the truth. Life is not firm, it is not as we see, or even as we hope; life is different. Our search for truth requires that we give up all we think we know. Others have a different point-of-view, or different colored glasses, which could give us a different perspective in finding what is true. Thus, being humble allows us to work together to discover truth that we could not know alone.
Why is truth so scarce?
First, there are an infinite number of possible false ideas for every truth. We can look at anything false as sin, because it is against God.
There are two sins only:
1. Ignorance
2. Rebellion
These are the only two things that keep us away from God, or truth. If we’re ignorant, then we can’t keep the will of God because we don’t know it. The only other way to sin is to know the will of God for us, but not do it. By far, ignorance is the greater, or more common, sin, while rebellion is the greater, or worse, one.
Our beliefs prevent us from learning truth. Those who have the truth in front of them, but deny, neglect, or resist it are the worst kind of ignorance. Most humans prefer the Orwellian Ministry of Truth.
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
― George Orwell, 1984
Nothing has changed since 1984. The television is spouting these same slogans every minute, but we don’t always see it. Our newest enemy is North Korea. We can have financial freedom by acquiring debt. Science has all the answers. We want to be ignorant. We want someone else to do the hard work of finding truth so they can spoon-feed us. Sunday schools are filled with people who want someone else to do the thinking for them. They believe so they don’t have to know. It’s hard to be humble. Both the skeptic and the believer deceive themselves due to laziness, and will never come to know truth.
Why is it important to know that God knows all truth?
Because we can never find truth for ourselves, we must have a standard of truth. There is only one source of truth. Thus, it is essential to understand that God knows all truth. Only One who knows all truth can help us find truth. God can never be surprised. He knows everything. He is in all things, and through all things. There is nothing that He doesn’t know, so, if He tells me something is true, then I can be sure it is true. He will never lie. I’m not going to find another fact later that negates or precludes the truth that I know, because God already knows. He knows the end from the beginning. Without specifically receiving intelligence from God we can never know truth, but by receiving intelligence from Him, we don’t need to believe, we know.
Thus, access to truth requires a connection with God. There is no other way. There is no substitute, nor is there any second-best. There is one truth, so whichever falsehood you believe is irrelevant -- it isn’t the truth. False ideas are all the same. We are often given a choice between two false ideas, and told that one of them is true. Politics and religion is famous for this. The Republicans and Democrats fight over which is right by accusing the other of being wrong. Ironically, this is the only truth they both teach -- that the other is wrong. False religions continuously fight each other, accusing the other of being untrue, and, again, they are both right. Only God can tell us what is true. There is no other way. Everything, and everyone, else is suspect. Only through a personal connection with God can I know what is true. If everything presented to me is false, then only He can lead me to truth. People just don’t know. Even those who have a connection with God, and know truth don’t know everything, they can’t. Thus, God is our only personal resource for truth.
How can we know the truth?
Work. Read. Ponder. Pray. Search. Be humble. Obey the truth that you know. Dedication to truth requires constant vigilance. Any idea we have is suspect, until we know from God. “God told me.” is the only foundation we can have for truth. Everything else is suspect, and may change as we get more information. Thus, the largest part of our search for truth requires that we build a relationship with God, come to know Him, and develop trust in Him. This is done just like any other relationship, through time, and shared experiences. It takes time to get to know some one. It also takes effort, as we try to discover who He is. He will reveal Himself little-by-little. He knows me from the beginning, I’m the one who needs to come to know Him. Beliefs are irrelevant in the face of truth, and must be let go. Without humility we cannot come to know Him. Our search for truth must include a relationship with the Source of all truth. While we can support each other, we each must seek truth on our own.
"Seek, and ye shall find."
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Frustration
Growth is frustrating. Change happens so slowly that there are no real steps, as such, only a gradual slope -- very gradual. In the world we have clear steps, sort of, because we make them. We have a school year with grades. We have graduation. We have birth, marriage, and death. We mark events by our achievements, and happenings. We celebrate birthdays, but we are really no different the day before we added another year. So, in spite of our attempts to mark steps, growth is still a very gradual process.
We laugh at the two-year-old who thinks she’s “all growed up!” because she can use the toilet, and we say, “Honey, you’ve got a LONG way to go!” We see children get frustrated that they don’t have the ability or privilege of the adults. They want to be there. They know where they’re going, but don’t want to have to take the long journey to get there. It’s so slow. It’s frustrating.
All growth takes time. There are no shortcuts. A five-year-old can pretend to be an adult, and indeed can imitate the adults well, but still has to take the time to become an adult. The time element is a requirement for all growth. We don’t suddenly know everything we want to know, but rather gradually learn everything.
Looking to others
The story is told of a young lad who asked Socrates to tell him everything he knew. Socrates got up and walked out, and the lad followed. He then walked down into a river, and the lad followed. Socrates then grabbed the boy and held him under water until he was struggling for air. When he brought him up, Socrates said, “When you want to know all that I know as much as you wanted air, then come and talk to me.” Near the end of his life, Socrates said, “I only know that I know nothing.” Sometimes all our learning only gets us to the frustrating place of realizing our own ignorance.
Moreover, we cannot give our growth to others. A professor can impart information, but the student can take in only what he’s prepared to receive. Parents, teachers, mentors, and others may tell what they have learned, most of which is wrong, incomplete, or irrelevant. We get tidbits of information from each other that keep us going on our own path, or help us to decide which path to take. However, each must make his own journey, taking his own path, finding mentors who can help on one section, until one or the other takes a fork and loses us. Our briefly shared paths bind us forever, but we journey on alone. Our path is individual, and others cannot tell us which way to go.
Re-Birthday!
Where is the fanfare? Where are the celebrations? Yesterday, I was given to know that my heart has been changed, that I’m no longer steeped in sin, that my heart is on the Lord, instead of in the world. It’s a momentous occasion, one worthy of my grandest party, and an annual celebration. I have been born again. I’m a new man. But, I still look, act, and feel the same as I did two days ago. On the outside, nothing has changed. On the inside, I’m still me. In my heart, the change has been gradual, VERY gradual, frustratingly gradual, compared to my expectations. Which day do I mark? Do I have more to go? Maybe I’m not even there yet. I don’t know what I don’t know so I don’t know if I can mark this in my calendar. In fact, in August a year ago I wrote:
So, a year ago I received a knowledge that Jesus could save me, that He would be my personal Savior. Now, I know that He has. Each one feels like arrival, but that begs the question, "What is the next step?" Where do I go from here? It’s not about events, it’s about processes. The changes are more like “Two roads diverging in a yellow wood,” than a 180-degree turn, or even a 90-degree turn. The turn is a few degrees each time, such that there is little difference months, or even years down the road. Now, a year later, I see that I have made another 2-degree turn. How can we celebrate such a small step. Like Neil A. Armstrong stepping down onto the surface of the moon, after a 300,000 mile journey said, “That’s one small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind.” He had arrived, but could have been frustrated that it was just a bunch of dust and rocks, like the Arizona desert. He didn't have to travel so far just to see another rock. The “giant leaps” In spiritual growth, like any other, are really small steps. It can be frustrating, if I think I should already be there, “all growed up!” as if there is a "there" to be.
Birth, and re-birth, are processes in the path of growth. Taking your first breath, or your first step, is just one of many. Learning is always a process that goes on forever. Like all things in the Universe, there is a bottom of zero, but there is no top, no ceiling. The apparent top is just a ridge over which we climb to see that there is more mountain to go. The trail goes onward and upward without end, as long as we choose that path. It’s only frustrating if we look ahead and want to arrive, to be there, to end the journey.
There is no end. Acceptance of life as a continual journey ends the frustration of growth. When we realize that there is no arrival, there is no stopping, there is no end, we can enjoy the excursion much more. We no longer dread the path, hoping to arrive, asking continually, “Are we there yet?” My answer to my children when we went on long trips was always, “Yes” To that question. “No matter where you are, you’re there.” I would tell them. We actually never arrive, we’re always traveling. Ironically, what we want, arrival, is damnation. Eternal Life is continual growth, we never arrive! How wonderful! Growth is excitement, change is interesting, learning is joyful, and progress makes life worthwhile. Loving the journey is Eternal Life. Rather than looking back and celebrating a small step, or a slight change in my path, I think I’ll look ahead and enjoy the road I’m on. I'm going to turn right at the next fork, just to see where it goes.
We laugh at the two-year-old who thinks she’s “all growed up!” because she can use the toilet, and we say, “Honey, you’ve got a LONG way to go!” We see children get frustrated that they don’t have the ability or privilege of the adults. They want to be there. They know where they’re going, but don’t want to have to take the long journey to get there. It’s so slow. It’s frustrating.
All growth takes time. There are no shortcuts. A five-year-old can pretend to be an adult, and indeed can imitate the adults well, but still has to take the time to become an adult. The time element is a requirement for all growth. We don’t suddenly know everything we want to know, but rather gradually learn everything.
Looking to others
The story is told of a young lad who asked Socrates to tell him everything he knew. Socrates got up and walked out, and the lad followed. He then walked down into a river, and the lad followed. Socrates then grabbed the boy and held him under water until he was struggling for air. When he brought him up, Socrates said, “When you want to know all that I know as much as you wanted air, then come and talk to me.” Near the end of his life, Socrates said, “I only know that I know nothing.” Sometimes all our learning only gets us to the frustrating place of realizing our own ignorance.
Moreover, we cannot give our growth to others. A professor can impart information, but the student can take in only what he’s prepared to receive. Parents, teachers, mentors, and others may tell what they have learned, most of which is wrong, incomplete, or irrelevant. We get tidbits of information from each other that keep us going on our own path, or help us to decide which path to take. However, each must make his own journey, taking his own path, finding mentors who can help on one section, until one or the other takes a fork and loses us. Our briefly shared paths bind us forever, but we journey on alone. Our path is individual, and others cannot tell us which way to go.
Re-Birthday!
Where is the fanfare? Where are the celebrations? Yesterday, I was given to know that my heart has been changed, that I’m no longer steeped in sin, that my heart is on the Lord, instead of in the world. It’s a momentous occasion, one worthy of my grandest party, and an annual celebration. I have been born again. I’m a new man. But, I still look, act, and feel the same as I did two days ago. On the outside, nothing has changed. On the inside, I’m still me. In my heart, the change has been gradual, VERY gradual, frustratingly gradual, compared to my expectations. Which day do I mark? Do I have more to go? Maybe I’m not even there yet. I don’t know what I don’t know so I don’t know if I can mark this in my calendar. In fact, in August a year ago I wrote:
08/29/2016 Born Again
I have finally found what I have been searching for all of my life. I am a new man in Christ. I am a son of Christ. I have taken upon me His name. This day He has spiritually begotten me. I am born again. After so many years of seeking, asking, and knocking, I have finally found salvation through the Lord, Jesus Christ, and I can feel to sing the song of redeeming love. I know Him. I know He lives, and I know He has to power to save me from all my weaknesses, rebellion, and sins.
So, a year ago I received a knowledge that Jesus could save me, that He would be my personal Savior. Now, I know that He has. Each one feels like arrival, but that begs the question, "What is the next step?" Where do I go from here? It’s not about events, it’s about processes. The changes are more like “Two roads diverging in a yellow wood,” than a 180-degree turn, or even a 90-degree turn. The turn is a few degrees each time, such that there is little difference months, or even years down the road. Now, a year later, I see that I have made another 2-degree turn. How can we celebrate such a small step. Like Neil A. Armstrong stepping down onto the surface of the moon, after a 300,000 mile journey said, “That’s one small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind.” He had arrived, but could have been frustrated that it was just a bunch of dust and rocks, like the Arizona desert. He didn't have to travel so far just to see another rock. The “giant leaps” In spiritual growth, like any other, are really small steps. It can be frustrating, if I think I should already be there, “all growed up!” as if there is a "there" to be.
Birth, and re-birth, are processes in the path of growth. Taking your first breath, or your first step, is just one of many. Learning is always a process that goes on forever. Like all things in the Universe, there is a bottom of zero, but there is no top, no ceiling. The apparent top is just a ridge over which we climb to see that there is more mountain to go. The trail goes onward and upward without end, as long as we choose that path. It’s only frustrating if we look ahead and want to arrive, to be there, to end the journey.
There is no end. Acceptance of life as a continual journey ends the frustration of growth. When we realize that there is no arrival, there is no stopping, there is no end, we can enjoy the excursion much more. We no longer dread the path, hoping to arrive, asking continually, “Are we there yet?” My answer to my children when we went on long trips was always, “Yes” To that question. “No matter where you are, you’re there.” I would tell them. We actually never arrive, we’re always traveling. Ironically, what we want, arrival, is damnation. Eternal Life is continual growth, we never arrive! How wonderful! Growth is excitement, change is interesting, learning is joyful, and progress makes life worthwhile. Loving the journey is Eternal Life. Rather than looking back and celebrating a small step, or a slight change in my path, I think I’ll look ahead and enjoy the road I’m on. I'm going to turn right at the next fork, just to see where it goes.
Sunday, July 23, 2017
Hope
Hope
I don’t care. I really don’t care. In my heart I don’t care about the things of this world. Nothing can hurt me. I’m strong.
I don’t want ease, I want hardship.
I don’t want fun, I want suffering.
I don’t want peace, I want a sword.
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:34
Mind you, I don’t want to suffer any more than anyone else, but I’m willing. I will accept the will of the Lord in all things. If I’m tortured, hated, rejected, scorned, or have to suffer loss or pain in any form, I will rejoice!
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Matthew 5:10-12
There is a name for this place: Hope.
Hope
Hope is a simple concept that we often use.
“I hope I get into school this semester.”
“I hope I win the jackpot.”
“I hope my business succeeds.”
“I hope I make it to my next doctors appointment.”
Hope is an anticipation of gain in things over which we have no control. We are willing to put in work and effort for the possibility of gain in the future. We invest time and money for the hope of an increase. We allow suffering for the hope of fulfillment. When we marry and make a commitment to our spouse, we hold out for the hope that this marriage will be a “happily ever after,” even when it is hard, painful, and lonely. Hope gets us through the hard times, allowing us to “see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
In the Tongue of Angels, hope is progressive. The gift of hope starts as a small wish or want, a desire for a good outcome. This desire grows as faith grows, a little at a time. It is the hope of salvation, and ultimately the hope of a glorious resurrection.
The Depth of Despair
Hope starts as a recognition that salvation is possible; if I don’t see the possibility of salvation, then I’m in despair.
And if ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity.
Moroni 10:22
Despair is a lack of hope, or the quality of being hopeless. Without hope, life is only suffering and death. The pleasures of the world may hide or calm despair, but the reality of hopelessness returns. There is even despair in pleasures because we know they are going to end in suffering. “I never want it to end...” but it always does, and the outcome of our pleasure-seeking behavior leaves us with more pain and suffering.
Putting hope in the things of the world is a dead-end. There is no hope in indulgence. Without God all other things are hopeless. Jean-Paul Sartre explained how godlessness brings despair:
Dostoyevsky once wrote: “If God did not exist, everything would be permitted”; and that, for existentialism, is the starting point. Everything is indeed permissible if God does not exist, and man is in consequence forlorn, for he cannot find anything to depend upon either within or outside himself. He discovers forthwith, that he is without excuse.
(Existentialism from Dostoyevsky to Sartre, ed. Walter Kaufman, Meridian Publishing Company, 1989)
Hope and despair are at opposite ends of a spectrum. Without hope there is only despair; as we increase in hope, we decrease in despair. I have been in the depths of despair. I have been hopeless to the point of wishing I could cease to exist. Without God, as Sartre points out, there is no way out of my predicament, I have weaknesses and problems, I have sins and iniquities. I don’t have control of myself, or anything around me -- I’m lost! I feel very deeply the loneliness of separation from God, and the hopelessness of ever finding fulfillment. I live life the way the dying Nephites were described by Mormon:
“But behold, I was without hope, for I knew the judgments of the Lord which should come upon them; for they repented not of their iniquities, but did struggle for their lives without calling upon that Being who created them.” (Mormon 5:2)
“...they did curse God, and wish to die. Nevertheless they would struggle with the sword for their lives.” (Mormon 2:14)
I understand this despair. Mormon served as the leader of the armies of the Nephites in spite of being without hope for them. In turn, the people were hopeless because they didn’t turn to God. There was nothing they could do. They only wished to die, yet they continued to struggle for life. Even in my despair, I wanted to hope, I looked for hope -- I hoped for hope.
Obtaining a Hope in Christ
From the beginning hope is a gift. It begins with a recognition that we’re born in sin, that we are in the lone and dreary world, separated from God. If we don’t feel this loss, then there is nothing to hope for. There is no need for improvement. It is what it is, and we wouldn’t be looking for more, or better. If what we have is enough, than it would be illogical to seek more. More than enough is too much.
However, when we understand the loss of communion with God, we long for fulfillment. I felt a hole in the heart that needed to be filled. I needed a connection. I would hear the word of the Lord, and begin to “hope for a better world.” I rejoiced in the testimony of others who had obtained this hope; I wanted what they had. I believed that the Lord, Jesus Christ, could fill my hole, and make me whole; I had hope in this. As I believed I began to seek evidence of its validity.
Faith
The evidence we seek is faith. My evidence came from others, at first. I believed that they knew something I didn’t, and I wanted to experience it myself. Being very scientific, I needed evidence, my own personal evidence. I couldn’t always rely on the witness of others.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1
I began to gather evidence of what I believed. I prayed, and studied, and pondered, and listened, and began to gather more and more evidence. The words were true. I verified them myself. As my evidence increased, my faith grew, and I began to gain knowledge of things outside of the world. I received a testimony of God, and of His love, and this gave me hope.
But Aaron said unto him: If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God, yea, if thou wilt repent of all thy sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, then shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest.
Alma 22:16
As faith lead me to understanding, I began to change my life, trying to be obedient to the words of God. His commandments have only one purpose, and that is to bring us back to Him, to Eternal Life. As we are more obedient, we purify ourselves, as He is pure, and gain a hope in Christ.
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
1 John 3:2-3
Having hope gave me the desire to invest in the Lord, and in my future beyond this life. I was willing to go through the purification process so I could obtain those things that are promised, or those things I hope for. I’m even willing to suffer pain and loss, as Christ did, because I know it helps me to purify myself. I sought to give up, or sacrifice the things of the world for the hope of a better world.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
A Sure Thing
The concept of enduring suffering now so that we can enjoy later is as old as man, and is found everywhere. In personal finance we have Dave Ramsey telling us to live the first years like nobody else wants to so that we can live our last years like nobody else can. We sacrifice what we want now, for having wealth and financial freedom later. We go to college, studying hard, paying a lot of money, so we can have a future career that we will enjoy for years. We have a family, and endure a great number of hardships so we can have love. The hope we have in all these cases might never come to fruition because the world is very unpredictable. However, the hope in Christ is a sure thing because God keeps all of His promises.
Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath: That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil; Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
Hebrews 6:17-20
A hope in Christ allows me to divest myself of all the things of the world because I want more.
And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.
D&C 25:10
I don’t need to worry about anything. I don’t need to mourn the loss of anything. I don’t even care about pain and suffering.
...and they never did look upon death with any degree of terror, for their hope and views of Christ and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to them by the victory of Christ over it. Therefore, they would suffer death in the most aggravating and distressing manner which could be inflicted by their brethren...
Alma 27:28-29
When I have hope, I don’t care about suffering, pain, or afflictions. I can endure all things because I know and am sure that there is an end, a glorious end.
But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.
Alma 34:41
I can endure suffering because it will be only a moment, like getting a shot, or suffering through surgery is painful for a moment, but will be for my good. A patient submits to be cut up by the surgeon’s scalpel because of the hope of healing. Hope gives a reason for suffering; it isn’t just to be endured, but is training to be like Christ.
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
Romans 5:1-4
Hope comes in the promise of God of salvation, redemption, healing, peace, love, and abundance, that of a glorious resurrection, and exaltation.
My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high
D&C 121:7-8
Thus, hope requires faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, and in His promises. Having obtained this hope, I’m no longer stuck in the world. I’m no longer servants of sin. I’m free through the truth. Knowing what comes next, and having a promise of a glorious resurrection, meaning death is not the end, and suffering will come to an end, and be for my benefit, allows me to endure all things in the world. Nothing of the world is important. Nothing in the world can take away my hope in Christ so I don’t care about anything. He is my all in all. All I need is Him. What happens to me here is only temporary, whether pleasure or pain, so I care for neither. I can do as He did, and be as He is because I know what will happen in the end. I can take upon myself the suffering of others through His grace. I can accept injustice because He did. I can love all without reservation because I don’t care, they can’t hurt me. I’m invincible in Him.
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
My Three Sins and the Love of God
Years ago I wrote about “My Three Sins.” The three things I have needed in the world have always been:
In my case, He has taken away all my money and lets me see that I can do without. My business fails. I can’t seem to be truly successful in anything. I really am a failure. "Money to business is like blood to life." (Phil Knight) My business is anemic, and always teetering on the edge of life. I find no comfort, but only anxiety and stress.
He takes away my love. I get married seeking a connection. We have issues, “like anyone else...” I’m being patient. I pray so hard that I could love my wife, so we could bond and have a great marriage. I pray for knowledge to show me the way to find love. I read all the books on marriage. I go to counseling. I work on it every day, but instead, she asks for a divorce. My children completely reject all that I love. Epic failure. Then, I marry again, and my new wife cannot live with me. I’m lonely. It’s cold out here all alone. I deal with loneliness. My heart is broken.
He removes my respectability. I became a doctor to find respect among men. I went further to educate myself in the principles of health, instead of just giving drugs that are toxic, and only treat the symptoms, I’m looking for the cure! I can really help people; I can do so well! But, the Lord had other plans. I lost my license. I’m shamed among men, a pariah. Now I'm alone working part-time in the office of a nurse. It’s not even my office. I have another job in a nursing home where I'm not allowed to use my skills. This is not what I wanted!
Seek the Lord with all my heart.
I suppose there are two ways to go. I can redouble my efforts to get the things of the world. I could be like Scarlet O'Hara and do whatever it takes to get what I want. Or, I could turn to the Lord. The message of the Scriptures is that I could put my trust in Him.
To do that, there are two things that must be done:
The altars (sacrament table, temple) represent sacrifice. Every altar is a sacrifice that I must make of the things of the world. I start to give up every inkling that anything in the world could fill my needs. I seek for nothing in the world. The sacrifice must come first. This is true faith. Putting my trust in the Lord means giving up what I have for some pie-in-the-sky promise of God.
My money is given to Him -- the “first fruits of the field,” and “the firstlings of the flock.” I don’t give him what is left over, but rather what I need to survive, the best of what I have. I pay Him first.
My love is sacrificed. I let go of my wife and children, turning them over to the Lord. They aren’t mine anyway. I let them go to fulfill whatever He has for them. They are in His hands.
The honors of men is sacrificed. I give up my profession. I allow obscurity. I don’t boast in my own strength or knowledge and power. I give it up. I submit to the powers that be, becoming just another doctor doing what everyone else does. I totally give up my own knowledge and wisdom. I sacrifice my self-promotion.
Turn to the Lord
If I turn these over to God, and truly put my trust in Him, and have Him be my supply, my guide and stay, my all in all, then I will love Him because I need Him. I will put all my hopes on Him. I will put my trust in Him as I let go of the idea that anything in the world could possibly fill those needs. He will fill my needs.
I don’t need money because the Lord provides for my needs.
I don’t need a woman, or children, because the Lord fills my heart and gives me hope, and love.
I don’t need respect, or admirers because the Lord gives me confidence as I become unselfish, not seeking my needs.
Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;
D&C 121:45
There’s more, but this is as far as I’ve come to understand. I know what I need to do.
Comfort, or physical fulfillmentThe sin is not the need, so much as the attempt to fill the need with the things of the world. I have felt as though:
Connection, or love
Respect, or admiration
Money could fill my physical needs for comfort.My thoughts and experience is that God strips His people of all needs. He has always dealt with his people in this way, removing the stumbling blocks of the world that keep them from finding Him, or that take them into paths of the world. Some are denied what they want, and others are given what they want so they can see that there is no real fulfillment in it.
Marriage and family would fill my need for a connection and love.
My career would fill my needs for respect and admiration.
In my case, He has taken away all my money and lets me see that I can do without. My business fails. I can’t seem to be truly successful in anything. I really am a failure. "Money to business is like blood to life." (Phil Knight) My business is anemic, and always teetering on the edge of life. I find no comfort, but only anxiety and stress.
He takes away my love. I get married seeking a connection. We have issues, “like anyone else...” I’m being patient. I pray so hard that I could love my wife, so we could bond and have a great marriage. I pray for knowledge to show me the way to find love. I read all the books on marriage. I go to counseling. I work on it every day, but instead, she asks for a divorce. My children completely reject all that I love. Epic failure. Then, I marry again, and my new wife cannot live with me. I’m lonely. It’s cold out here all alone. I deal with loneliness. My heart is broken.
He removes my respectability. I became a doctor to find respect among men. I went further to educate myself in the principles of health, instead of just giving drugs that are toxic, and only treat the symptoms, I’m looking for the cure! I can really help people; I can do so well! But, the Lord had other plans. I lost my license. I’m shamed among men, a pariah. Now I'm alone working part-time in the office of a nurse. It’s not even my office. I have another job in a nursing home where I'm not allowed to use my skills. This is not what I wanted!
Seek the Lord with all my heart.
I suppose there are two ways to go. I can redouble my efforts to get the things of the world. I could be like Scarlet O'Hara and do whatever it takes to get what I want. Or, I could turn to the Lord. The message of the Scriptures is that I could put my trust in Him.
To do that, there are two things that must be done:
1. Let go of the things of the world.Sacrifice
2. Seek the Lord.
The altars (sacrament table, temple) represent sacrifice. Every altar is a sacrifice that I must make of the things of the world. I start to give up every inkling that anything in the world could fill my needs. I seek for nothing in the world. The sacrifice must come first. This is true faith. Putting my trust in the Lord means giving up what I have for some pie-in-the-sky promise of God.
My money is given to Him -- the “first fruits of the field,” and “the firstlings of the flock.” I don’t give him what is left over, but rather what I need to survive, the best of what I have. I pay Him first.
My love is sacrificed. I let go of my wife and children, turning them over to the Lord. They aren’t mine anyway. I let them go to fulfill whatever He has for them. They are in His hands.
The honors of men is sacrificed. I give up my profession. I allow obscurity. I don’t boast in my own strength or knowledge and power. I give it up. I submit to the powers that be, becoming just another doctor doing what everyone else does. I totally give up my own knowledge and wisdom. I sacrifice my self-promotion.
Turn to the Lord
If I turn these over to God, and truly put my trust in Him, and have Him be my supply, my guide and stay, my all in all, then I will love Him because I need Him. I will put all my hopes on Him. I will put my trust in Him as I let go of the idea that anything in the world could possibly fill those needs. He will fill my needs.
I don’t need money because the Lord provides for my needs.
I don’t need a woman, or children, because the Lord fills my heart and gives me hope, and love.
I don’t need respect, or admirers because the Lord gives me confidence as I become unselfish, not seeking my needs.
Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;
D&C 121:45
There’s more, but this is as far as I’ve come to understand. I know what I need to do.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Falling in Love with God
I have often wondered about the terminology used by others in describing their love for God. Words that are generally used for a lover, an affair, or a young couple are also used for those who love God.
The entire book “Song of Solomon” is about the love affair between God and His people.
There are only two we are commanded to love with all our heart. The relationship between husband and wife is similar to that of God and His children.
The basis for the love of God is the same as that of our spouse -- need. We love what we need. In the world, our connection comes from those we love. We need a connection. This is the love of a spouse or family as they fill this need. Those who say they don’t need anyone are lying, we all need others, we all need to be accepted, loved, and needed.
Young Love
A beautiful girl walks into a room, looks around, and her eyes meet those of a young man. They are in love. This love is belief. He sees her, and and is attracted to her so he believes that she could fill his need for a deep connection from the heart. She likewise believes that he could fill her needs. They don’t need to know anything about each other, they only need the belief. As long as that belief remains, love will remain with it. However, if they marry, and time passes, and there are breeches of trust and faith, then the belief fades. One or both no longer believe that the other could fill the deep need inside their heart so love goes away. Once the belief is gone, the love goes with it, and all too often the couple dissolves, and they go their separate ways.
The foundation for the love we have for God is exactly the same. We hear the word of God and believe that He can fill our deep need, and we fall in love with Him. We seek Him, to be with Him. We desire Him. We listen to Him, living by every word. We don’t know Him, we only believe, and that belief gives us love, or a desire for Him.
The same way I need my love, I need my God.
What is this need that I have? Why do I need? I need a connection. I need to be heard. I need to be understood. I need to be wanted. I need acceptance. I need validation. I need unconditional approval. I need recognition. I need to be loved. I will love anyone whom I believe could possibly fill my needs.
Falling out of love
Though I believe with all my heart, and love God, as time goes by, I find that my needs are not always filled. I don’t get what I want in the way I want it. I’m not filled all the time. I’m often left with unfulfilled dreams and desires.
Also, there are breeches on my part, I cannot always be faithful so I lose His presence. I feel like my trust is broken, and the belief fades, I cease to believe that He will fill my needs, or that I can merit His love, and my love fades with it. Either I lose the belief that He can fill my needs, or that He will. Either way, I will fall out of love with Him and will start looking elsewhere to fill my needs. I seek other gods. The modern world is filled with gods accessible to everyone. Knowledge, drugs, sex (virtual or real), games, work, money, and so forth.
The reason it’s so easy to fall out of love, or go to another, is because the basis of my love is a selfish belief. My beloved is nothing more than a vehicle to fill my needs. As soon as I don’t believe my lover could fill my needs, or if I believe someone else could fill them better, then my love will change. I can’t be faithful as long as my needs aren’t being met; I’m always going to be searching for another to fill the need.
If I’m unfaithful, the breech always comes from me. I’m the one who goes off seeking another. I love God as long has He fills the need, but as soon as I perceive that my needs aren’t filled, I seek another god. I lose belief in myself because of my weakness and impropriety. I lose the companionship of God because I don’t remember Him, breaking the covenant I make every week at the altar of the Holy Sacrament of bread and water, body and blood. I don’t abide the covenant.
Sampson and Delilah is a story of the love affair between God and His people. For love, the Lord gives his life, willingly, betrayed by His lover.
Pure Love
I can’t love until I am loved, but I can be loved until I love. This is why the unconditional love of God is so essential to my being. I’m not whole, or complete without Him so I cannot love with all my heart. If there is a hole in my heart, it must be filled before I can love. He fills the hole, allowing me to love so that I can be loved, or so that I can feel loved. I won’t feel loved with a hole in my heart. A broken heart. A lack of connection. Loss. Misery. To be miserable is to be disconnected and alone. Alone is misery. Connection is joy.
Immature love is based on need. The couple who were married based on their belief fell out of love as their hopes were dashed. They parted, but didn’t have to because there is a higher love. The other option is to learn true love or charity. Some would have the couple try to go backwards, relying on their original love, trying to fill each other’s needs, to rekindle the fire of belief that got them started on the journey. Likewise, we believe that God will fill our needs, causing us to love Him. Some continue in this love of God, seeking Him to fill their every need, for life. However, there is “a more excellent way.” This is called charity.
The immature love is based on belief, while mature love is based on understanding. I don’t need to know my lover for her to fill my needs, whether that is a woman, or a god. When the needs are filled, I seek to know. Charity is not faith nor hope, but knowledge. I know because I love, and I love because I know.
Coming to know God
While some remain in love with God, because they believe He will fill their needs, the real way back into love with God is by coming to know Him through perfect love.
Anxiety
Anxiety is the sensation of being unsure, or lacking stability. Immature love is unstable because nothing in this world is permanent. Anyone I love could die tomorrow. My mom once was offered a puppy that she had fallen in love with, but said, “I’m not going to pay $300 for a dog that could die tomorrow!” There are no guarantees in life, and the promises we make in love cannot be fulfilled because we have no control over what will happen. Young couples in love tell each other, “I will always love you!” or “I will always be there for you!” but they don’t even know if they’re going to be around tomorrow. As soon as we realize this truth we become anxious. We need a more sure foundation.
The sure foundation of charity dispels all anxiety.
The Holy Ghost
Jesus gives a gift to those who follow Him, by doing as He says, even the gift of peace.
1. Obedience
2. Love
3. Peace
The three members of the Godhead are all intricately intertwined in these concepts:
1. Father
2. Son
3. Holy Ghost
Those who follow Christ are obedient to everything He says, because His words are not His, but those of the Father. God gave Him the words that He gives to me. If I keep His commandments, I’m obeying the will of the Father, and both God the Father and Jesus Christ will abide with me, meaning to stay with me. I like the way this states, “make our abode with him.” It’s more than just being near, or coming for an occasional visit, but more like living with. God the Father and Jesus Christ become my roommates in my little house, my body. The Father sends the Comforter in the name of Jesus Christ to comfort me, or to fill the need in my heart. This brings peace. I’m no longer looking for fulfillment because I’m already filled, I’m connected, I’m loved all the way through my heart and soul.
The sacrament prayers give me the way.
Once I’m filled by the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, I’m able to truly love others with all my heart. I can give love, true love. I can love my wife, my children, and my neighbor with a pure love, untainted by need or want. I’m truly unselfish, giving from the heart with the only purpose of blessing them. I love them by giving. I’m not taking. I’m not needy. I have no ulterior motives because I need nothing from them. I’m already whole and complete, as Jesus has commanded.
I need Him. I know I need Him. I believe that He can and will fill my needs. I have faith that He will fill the hole in my heart, and hope that He will grant unto me the gift of charity, the pure love of Christ, when I’m ready. He is beautiful! I need Him every hour. He is the lover of my soul. He is my all in all. He is my comfort. He fills me up. I will always love Him. I adore Him. I worship Him. Thus, I have fallen in love with God.
The entire book “Song of Solomon” is about the love affair between God and His people.
A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.
My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of En-gedi.
Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
Song of Solomon 1:13-16
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.
Song of Solomon 7:10
There are only two we are commanded to love with all our heart. The relationship between husband and wife is similar to that of God and His children.
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Matthew 22:37
Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.The songs we sing to God are songs of love and beauty, using the same words as a lover, words like beautiful, love, light, and fair.
D&C 42:22
"Beautiful Savior"
by Author Unknown, 1677
Translated by Joseph A. Seiss, 1823-1904
Beautiful Savior,
King of Creation,
Son of God and Son of Man!
Truly I'd love Thee,
Truly I'd serve Thee,
Light of my soul, my Joy, my Crown.
Fair are the meadows,
Fair are the woodlands,
Robed in flowers of blooming spring;
Jesus is fairer,
Jesus is purer;
He makes our sorrowing spirit sing.
Fair is the sunshine,
Fair is the moonlight,
Bright the sparkling stars on high;
Jesus shines brighter,
Jesus shines purer,
Than all the angels in the sky.
Beautiful Savior,Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him.
Lord of the nations,
Son of God and Son of Man!
Glory and honor,
Praise, adoration,
Now and forevermore be Thine!
He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee.We sing songs of Love to Him, to stay near, to protect, to comfort, as we would a lover, even using the same language.
John 21:17
Jesus, Lover of My Soul, Hymn 102
Jesus, lover of my soul, Let me to thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll, While the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide, Till the storm of life is past.
Safe into the haven guide; Oh, receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none; Hangs my helpless soul on thee.
Leave, oh, leave me not alone; Still support and comfort me.
All my turst on thee is stayed; All my help from thee I bring.
Cover my defenseless head With the shadow of thy wing.
The basis for the love of God is the same as that of our spouse -- need. We love what we need. In the world, our connection comes from those we love. We need a connection. This is the love of a spouse or family as they fill this need. Those who say they don’t need anyone are lying, we all need others, we all need to be accepted, loved, and needed.
Young Love
A beautiful girl walks into a room, looks around, and her eyes meet those of a young man. They are in love. This love is belief. He sees her, and and is attracted to her so he believes that she could fill his need for a deep connection from the heart. She likewise believes that he could fill her needs. They don’t need to know anything about each other, they only need the belief. As long as that belief remains, love will remain with it. However, if they marry, and time passes, and there are breeches of trust and faith, then the belief fades. One or both no longer believe that the other could fill the deep need inside their heart so love goes away. Once the belief is gone, the love goes with it, and all too often the couple dissolves, and they go their separate ways.
The foundation for the love we have for God is exactly the same. We hear the word of God and believe that He can fill our deep need, and we fall in love with Him. We seek Him, to be with Him. We desire Him. We listen to Him, living by every word. We don’t know Him, we only believe, and that belief gives us love, or a desire for Him.
The same way I need my love, I need my God.
I need thee every hour, In joy or pain. Come quickly and abide, Or life is vain.
I need thee, oh, I need thee; Ev'ry hour I need thee! Oh, bless me now, my Savior; I come to thee!
Hymn 98:3
I need thy presence ev'ry passing hour.Needs
Abide with Me!
What is this need that I have? Why do I need? I need a connection. I need to be heard. I need to be understood. I need to be wanted. I need acceptance. I need validation. I need unconditional approval. I need recognition. I need to be loved. I will love anyone whom I believe could possibly fill my needs.
Falling out of love
Though I believe with all my heart, and love God, as time goes by, I find that my needs are not always filled. I don’t get what I want in the way I want it. I’m not filled all the time. I’m often left with unfulfilled dreams and desires.
Also, there are breeches on my part, I cannot always be faithful so I lose His presence. I feel like my trust is broken, and the belief fades, I cease to believe that He will fill my needs, or that I can merit His love, and my love fades with it. Either I lose the belief that He can fill my needs, or that He will. Either way, I will fall out of love with Him and will start looking elsewhere to fill my needs. I seek other gods. The modern world is filled with gods accessible to everyone. Knowledge, drugs, sex (virtual or real), games, work, money, and so forth.
The reason it’s so easy to fall out of love, or go to another, is because the basis of my love is a selfish belief. My beloved is nothing more than a vehicle to fill my needs. As soon as I don’t believe my lover could fill my needs, or if I believe someone else could fill them better, then my love will change. I can’t be faithful as long as my needs aren’t being met; I’m always going to be searching for another to fill the need.
If I’m unfaithful, the breech always comes from me. I’m the one who goes off seeking another. I love God as long has He fills the need, but as soon as I perceive that my needs aren’t filled, I seek another god. I lose belief in myself because of my weakness and impropriety. I lose the companionship of God because I don’t remember Him, breaking the covenant I make every week at the altar of the Holy Sacrament of bread and water, body and blood. I don’t abide the covenant.
Sampson and Delilah is a story of the love affair between God and His people. For love, the Lord gives his life, willingly, betrayed by His lover.
And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.Likewise, Hosea was commanded to marry a prostitute in similitude of the children of Israel turning their hearts to other gods.
Judges 16:15
And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord.After leaving, and finding myself wandering in the wilderness, I come back to Him. I still need Him. I have walked in bitterness, and have found, truly, that only God could fill my needs. There is no God besides Him. My broken covenant must return to Him, begging forgiveness, pleading for mercy, because I need Him. I need Him always. He will fill my needs, and I will be faithful to Him. I have sought other gods to fill my needs and found them wanting. It seems like money, food, sex, drugs, fun, friends, marriage, alcohol, children, homes, stuff, business, service, or some other thing of the world could fill my needs, but they are all temporary. I put a lot of effort into them, but they don’t fulfill their promise. Getting my needs for love filled by anyone, or anything, in this world is impossible. Nothing will work. Everything is temporary, in terms of minutes, hours, or even years. My heart is broken. All those things I set my heart on are useless, dead, gone, fallen.
Hosea 1:2
And behold, I have given you the law and the commandments of my Father, that ye shall believe in me, and that ye shall repent of your sins, and come unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Behold, ye have the commandments before you, and the law is fulfilled. Therefore come unto me and be ye saved; for verily I say unto you, that except ye shall keep my commandments, which I have commanded you at this time, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.I could then fall in love with God, believing that He will fill my needs, and continue on throughout my life with this belief. If I understand that I will not get everything I want, and that He knows best, I can love Him for the rest of my life based on the promise of fulfillment. I will keep His commandments so that I can get my needs filled. This is a “true believer,” however, there is “a more excellent way.”
3 Nephi 12:19-20
Pure Love
I can’t love until I am loved, but I can be loved until I love. This is why the unconditional love of God is so essential to my being. I’m not whole, or complete without Him so I cannot love with all my heart. If there is a hole in my heart, it must be filled before I can love. He fills the hole, allowing me to love so that I can be loved, or so that I can feel loved. I won’t feel loved with a hole in my heart. A broken heart. A lack of connection. Loss. Misery. To be miserable is to be disconnected and alone. Alone is misery. Connection is joy.
Immature love is based on need. The couple who were married based on their belief fell out of love as their hopes were dashed. They parted, but didn’t have to because there is a higher love. The other option is to learn true love or charity. Some would have the couple try to go backwards, relying on their original love, trying to fill each other’s needs, to rekindle the fire of belief that got them started on the journey. Likewise, we believe that God will fill our needs, causing us to love Him. Some continue in this love of God, seeking Him to fill their every need, for life. However, there is “a more excellent way.” This is called charity.
...yet shew I unto you a more excellent way:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.As we see from this, charity is unselfish at the core. While we fall in love because we believe that our beloved could fill our needs, charity, or pure love, “seeketh not her own.” If we aren’t seeking fulfillment, then we will not fall in love. If we have no needs, then we will lose our belief, and love will die. Immature love cannot exist in the absence of need. Charity, however, grows and thrives only when there is no need.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
1 Corinthians 13
The immature love is based on belief, while mature love is based on understanding. I don’t need to know my lover for her to fill my needs, whether that is a woman, or a god. When the needs are filled, I seek to know. Charity is not faith nor hope, but knowledge. I know because I love, and I love because I know.
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.The first part of Paul’s beautiful poem on charity is what it’s not -- charity isn’t selfish. The second part describes what charity is -- full knowledge, mature understanding, completeness, and wholeness. It is knowing God.
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
1 Corinthians 13
Coming to know God
While some remain in love with God, because they believe He will fill their needs, the real way back into love with God is by coming to know Him through perfect love.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.Note that the same verb "to know" is used to describe the intimate sexual relationship between a husband and wife.
1 John 4:8
And Adam knew his wife, and she bare unto him sons and daughters, and they began to multiply and to replenish the earth.A song titled “To Know Me is to Love Me” illustrates the relationship between love and knowledge. When we know God, we will love Him, not based on His ability to fill our needs, but rather on our ability to serve His needs. We love Him when we serve Him, and keep His commandments.
Moses 5:2
If ye love me, keep my commandments.We are assured that the breech never comes from God. He is faithful. He is loving. He is kind. He will always fulfill His promises. He ever remains trustworthy.
John 14:15
Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;We can always depend on Him. I will promise to be obedient to every word. I love Him because I need Him. I obey His commandments in the same way He loved God by being obedient.
Deuteronomy 7:9
But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do.I come to know Him as I do His will.
John 14:31
But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.“Perfected” means “completed.” The love of God is complete as we are more obedient. Over time, I become trustworthy. I no longer go off to worship other gods. I stay with Him. I believe more and more. My faith in Him is increased as my belief in my own ability to be faithful to Him increases. I come to know Him as I serve Him.
1 John 2:5
For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?As I come to know Him, I begin to love truly, and the cares of the world are lost. I can receive the Holy Ghost as a constant companion, being comforted and relieving me of all worry, care, or anxiety.
Mosiah 5:13
Anxiety
Anxiety is the sensation of being unsure, or lacking stability. Immature love is unstable because nothing in this world is permanent. Anyone I love could die tomorrow. My mom once was offered a puppy that she had fallen in love with, but said, “I’m not going to pay $300 for a dog that could die tomorrow!” There are no guarantees in life, and the promises we make in love cannot be fulfilled because we have no control over what will happen. Young couples in love tell each other, “I will always love you!” or “I will always be there for you!” but they don’t even know if they’re going to be around tomorrow. As soon as we realize this truth we become anxious. We need a more sure foundation.
The sure foundation of charity dispels all anxiety.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:
1 John 4:18
I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear. And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love;The word “everlasting” is essential to love as a foundation. With charity, worry, care, fear, and anxiety are completely removed, and only peace reigns inside me. I have a foundation on which to build, the foundation of charity, or the pure love of Christ. The old foundation of need, or immature love, is taken away because I no longer need. I don’t fear losing this love because it’s Eternal love, it’s a sure foundation.
Moroni 8:16-17
...it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.Christ is the sure foundation. I would submit to you that it is charity, the pure love of Christ that forms this foundation and brings stability and peace.
Helaman 5:12
The Holy Ghost
Jesus gives a gift to those who follow Him, by doing as He says, even the gift of peace.
He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.The three concepts found in these verses are intricately intertwined:
Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.
These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:21-27
1. Obedience
2. Love
3. Peace
The three members of the Godhead are all intricately intertwined in these concepts:
1. Father
2. Son
3. Holy Ghost
Those who follow Christ are obedient to everything He says, because His words are not His, but those of the Father. God gave Him the words that He gives to me. If I keep His commandments, I’m obeying the will of the Father, and both God the Father and Jesus Christ will abide with me, meaning to stay with me. I like the way this states, “make our abode with him.” It’s more than just being near, or coming for an occasional visit, but more like living with. God the Father and Jesus Christ become my roommates in my little house, my body. The Father sends the Comforter in the name of Jesus Christ to comfort me, or to fill the need in my heart. This brings peace. I’m no longer looking for fulfillment because I’m already filled, I’m connected, I’m loved all the way through my heart and soul.
The sacrament prayers give me the way.
O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it, that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given them; that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.As I take upon myself His name, obey His commandments, and remember Him always, then I’m promised to have His Spirit to always be with me. I follow Him by being obedient to the words given to me through Him by God, the Father. The gift of charity is given to those who are true followers of Christ.
D&C 20:77,79
But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.With the Holy Ghost in my heart, I’m comforted, and no longer need the comforts of the world. I’m pure, clean, and filled with His love. I don’t need drugs to make me feel better. I don’t need sex to make a temporary connection. I don’t need others to validate me. I don’t need money to buy comforts. All the things of the world are as dross because I have the pure gold, and I know the difference. I have the real thing. I’m filled, complete, and whole. This isn’t a temporary sensation, but rather a permanent fix. The hole in my heart is filled such that it’s no longer there. It’s stable and everlasting.
Moroni 7:47-48
Once I’m filled by the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, I’m able to truly love others with all my heart. I can give love, true love. I can love my wife, my children, and my neighbor with a pure love, untainted by need or want. I’m truly unselfish, giving from the heart with the only purpose of blessing them. I love them by giving. I’m not taking. I’m not needy. I have no ulterior motives because I need nothing from them. I’m already whole and complete, as Jesus has commanded.
Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.Charity is perfect love, being complete and whole. God is love. God is perfect because He is whole. The gift of charity is truly greater than all the gifts we receive in the world. It is greater than prophecy, tongues, faith to move mountains, or knowledge. To love God, being filled with His love, is worth all of the sacrifices I must make. All of my other gods must go. I must let them go. I must sacrifice them on the altar, the sacrifice of a broken heart, letting go of everything of the world, and a contrite spirit, willing to live “by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4)
3 Nephi 12:48
I need Him. I know I need Him. I believe that He can and will fill my needs. I have faith that He will fill the hole in my heart, and hope that He will grant unto me the gift of charity, the pure love of Christ, when I’m ready. He is beautiful! I need Him every hour. He is the lover of my soul. He is my all in all. He is my comfort. He fills me up. I will always love Him. I adore Him. I worship Him. Thus, I have fallen in love with God.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Love vs. Friendship
“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
Albert Camus
If you didn’t love me:
You wouldn’t be jealous of other relationships.
You wouldn’t need me to prove my love.
You wouldn’t feel angry when I don’t call.
You wouldn't need me to be the same as you.
You wouldn’t be sad because of a missed birthday.
You wouldn't be a harsh critic.
You wouldn’t need me to be something other than what I am.
If you were my friend:
You would call me just to talk.
You would be able to ask for help.
You would let your heart be known.
You would overlook my faults.
You would forget the bad.
You would lean on me.
You would talk to me from your heart,
You would accept me as I am.
You would remember the good.
You would be there.
To love is to know. You cannot love anyone you don’t know; as King Benjamin said, “For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” (Mosiah 5:13) Whatever you feel about another, but it isn’t love until you know him, and understand his heart, like a longtime friend.
To love is to be with. You cannot know, or love anyone you don’t spend time with. Experience brings understanding, acceptance, and friendship.
To love is to be happy with. Being angry, sad, frustrated, and irritable isn’t loving. These are all emotions of rejection, they push away. Love, on the other hand is acceptance, understanding, patience, and tolerance -- the way you treat your best friend, warts and all.
Love isn’t love, friendship is love.
I don’t want you to love me.
I want you to be my friend.
Albert Camus
If you didn’t love me:
You wouldn’t be jealous of other relationships.
You wouldn’t need me to prove my love.
You wouldn’t feel angry when I don’t call.
You wouldn't need me to be the same as you.
You wouldn’t be sad because of a missed birthday.
You wouldn't be a harsh critic.
You wouldn’t need me to be something other than what I am.
If you were my friend:
You would call me just to talk.
You would be able to ask for help.
You would let your heart be known.
You would overlook my faults.
You would forget the bad.
You would lean on me.
You would talk to me from your heart,
You would accept me as I am.
You would remember the good.
You would be there.
To love is to know. You cannot love anyone you don’t know; as King Benjamin said, “For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” (Mosiah 5:13) Whatever you feel about another, but it isn’t love until you know him, and understand his heart, like a longtime friend.
To love is to be with. You cannot know, or love anyone you don’t spend time with. Experience brings understanding, acceptance, and friendship.
To love is to be happy with. Being angry, sad, frustrated, and irritable isn’t loving. These are all emotions of rejection, they push away. Love, on the other hand is acceptance, understanding, patience, and tolerance -- the way you treat your best friend, warts and all.
Love isn’t love, friendship is love.
I don’t want you to love me.
I want you to be my friend.
Monday, May 15, 2017
The Question of Marriage
Marriage is a unique relationship. Almost everyone wants to get married, but we soon find that it’s hard to be married. Most marriages start out like a hydrogen atom with a proton and an electron -- they are attracted to one another, but they can’t get too close. There is an optimal distance where repelling force is perfectly balanced by the attractive force. The couple together form a hydrogen atom, one is an electron, and the other a proton; one revolves around the other. One is the strong center, the other revolves around, but they never come together. They feel this lack as a defect on the part of their spouse being unable to fulfill the promise of marriage and become one.
Wives
First, I notice that women are looking for a way in. They want to be married, to have a husband, a companion, a helpmeet -- that is, until they get married. Then, they begin looking for a way out. Most eventually find it. It’s pretty easy to find reasons why she cannot trust him. He has weaknesses. He has shortcomings. He’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t provide well. He gets angry. He withholds love. He doesn’t speak my love language. We don’t have anything in common. He’s not like me. He’s weird. He thinks different. He isn’t good with my children. He lies. He’s a democrat. He comes from a different culture. He doesn’t believe in God. He has bad habits. He looks at other women. He cheated on me. He’s cold and distant. The list is endless, and can excuse her from loving him. She doesn’t need to love him because he doesn’t deserve to be loved. He can’t be trusted. Thus wives can keep their heart from their husbands.
Instead, she loves her children. She puts all of her efforts, her whole heart, into her children, and has none to spare for her husband. She gives to them. She loves them. They are hers, the only ones in the world that are hers -- that is, until they aren’t. Children grow up and need to fly the nest, find a mate, and become one with them, leaving out the mom. She is not part of that union, and no longer feels nurtured by her children. The loss can be tremendous. The wife built her house on a shaky foundation, and it crumbled. Now she only has her husband, whom she has avoided for so many years. Many of these relationships break up.
Husbands
Then, I realized that men do the same, only in a different way. They pull away. They get angry. They become grumpy. They play sports. They join clubs. They work all day, and then all night. They’re busy. They don’t have time to spend with their wives. They forget important dates. They are generally stressed. They find an outside source for stress relief. They don’t come home. They don’t spend time. They’re busy. They keep their heart.
Instead, men often try to get their wives to love them by filling their needs. Mostly, they substitute love with money, rather than giving themselves -- they buy gifts. They do lawn care and vehicle maintenance. They may help with chores and honey-do lists. They work alone. As long as the wife needs them to perform tasks, they have something to do, and it feels like a connection. But, again, it’s a shaky foundation. There will come a time when the children are gone, and the need is no longer there. Then, they are left without a relationship. They have a wife that they have avoided for so many years. Now her needs have changed, and the glue that held them together doesn’t stick. They often go out searching for someone else.
Waiting
Most marriages begin more like a parent-child relationship, a child seeks love from a parent, but has no responsibility to return love, nurture, or care. Each sees themselves as the child, and their spouse as the parent. The child loves the parent because the parent loves the child first. Thus, conflict ensues because each is waiting for the other to love first. This is why they cannot get closer, it’s the repelling force of the atom of marriage. If they don’t break up, they may live out their lives waiting, and waiting, never realizing the potential of marriage. They don’t become one, they just live together like the proton and electron, not flying apart, but not joining either. They’re companions, having a bond, but not that of unity.
Marriage is so disappointing. It’s unfulfilling. It’s not a comedy, it’s a tragedy. The boy doesn’t get the girl in the end. It’s Romeo and Juliet. They die, never realizing the unity, love, and wonder of the marriage covenant. This is why divorce is such a tragedy -- the promise of life is broken. Children lose faith, they no longer believe that true love is possible so they begin to look for pleasures in the world, becoming dependent on them, instead of seeking true happiness through unity. Each is waiting for the other to love them. But that’s never going to happen. Each can become distant, bitter, or angry at the other for not fulfilling the expectation of the marriage. “You’re supposed to love me.” “I’m still waiting.” We wait forever. Staying together in an unfulfilled marriage is just as tragic.
“Few there be that find it.”
Some few persist in marriage, growing up, and learning to be unselfish. They learn that marriage isn’t a question of, “Does my wife love me?” but rather, “Do I love her?” Learning to love is the basis of feeling loved, which is why waiting for my wife to love me never works. Unity is achieved not by being loved, but by loving. It only takes one. The husband is the leader, and must have the courage to step out in love. He must be the first to love. He gives his whole heart, accepting her and loving who she is, a daughter of God, a queen, royalty. He understands her strengths and weaknesses, and loves her with all his heart. He isn’t using manipulation to make her do, say, or be anything. He just loves her for who she is. He isn’t looking to feel loved, only to love, to give.
They then begin to have an attraction like the poles of a magnet where they are drawn together, the closer they are, the stronger the pull. The object of life is to become magnets, the man to be the north pole, and the woman to be the south pole. As they become closer, they are more attracted. The attraction is love; we are naturally attracted to those who love us. The closer we are, the more we love, which increases the attraction. It’s magnetic!
We all inherently know that the best that life has to offer is found in a husband and wife becoming one. Every culture, every society, in every time has celebrated marriage as the most important relationship. Indeed, unity is better than all the riches of the Earth. It is more satisfying than any drug, food, or pleasure. It’s the highest achievement in life. It’s the ultimate expression of life. It is truly living.
This is why every story needs the guy to get the girl in the end. It’s the promise of fulfillment of life. A husband and wife who become magnets with opposite poles come together as one -- automatically and magically! The difference between the tragedy of marriage, and a comedy is a simple question. They stop being an atoms soon as they stop hoping to be loved, asking, “Does she love me?” This question becomes impertinent to them as they begin to ask the magnetic question that changes marriage from a tragedy to the ultimate comedy, “Do I love her?”
Wives
First, I notice that women are looking for a way in. They want to be married, to have a husband, a companion, a helpmeet -- that is, until they get married. Then, they begin looking for a way out. Most eventually find it. It’s pretty easy to find reasons why she cannot trust him. He has weaknesses. He has shortcomings. He’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t provide well. He gets angry. He withholds love. He doesn’t speak my love language. We don’t have anything in common. He’s not like me. He’s weird. He thinks different. He isn’t good with my children. He lies. He’s a democrat. He comes from a different culture. He doesn’t believe in God. He has bad habits. He looks at other women. He cheated on me. He’s cold and distant. The list is endless, and can excuse her from loving him. She doesn’t need to love him because he doesn’t deserve to be loved. He can’t be trusted. Thus wives can keep their heart from their husbands.
Instead, she loves her children. She puts all of her efforts, her whole heart, into her children, and has none to spare for her husband. She gives to them. She loves them. They are hers, the only ones in the world that are hers -- that is, until they aren’t. Children grow up and need to fly the nest, find a mate, and become one with them, leaving out the mom. She is not part of that union, and no longer feels nurtured by her children. The loss can be tremendous. The wife built her house on a shaky foundation, and it crumbled. Now she only has her husband, whom she has avoided for so many years. Many of these relationships break up.
Husbands
Then, I realized that men do the same, only in a different way. They pull away. They get angry. They become grumpy. They play sports. They join clubs. They work all day, and then all night. They’re busy. They don’t have time to spend with their wives. They forget important dates. They are generally stressed. They find an outside source for stress relief. They don’t come home. They don’t spend time. They’re busy. They keep their heart.
Instead, men often try to get their wives to love them by filling their needs. Mostly, they substitute love with money, rather than giving themselves -- they buy gifts. They do lawn care and vehicle maintenance. They may help with chores and honey-do lists. They work alone. As long as the wife needs them to perform tasks, they have something to do, and it feels like a connection. But, again, it’s a shaky foundation. There will come a time when the children are gone, and the need is no longer there. Then, they are left without a relationship. They have a wife that they have avoided for so many years. Now her needs have changed, and the glue that held them together doesn’t stick. They often go out searching for someone else.
Waiting
Most marriages begin more like a parent-child relationship, a child seeks love from a parent, but has no responsibility to return love, nurture, or care. Each sees themselves as the child, and their spouse as the parent. The child loves the parent because the parent loves the child first. Thus, conflict ensues because each is waiting for the other to love first. This is why they cannot get closer, it’s the repelling force of the atom of marriage. If they don’t break up, they may live out their lives waiting, and waiting, never realizing the potential of marriage. They don’t become one, they just live together like the proton and electron, not flying apart, but not joining either. They’re companions, having a bond, but not that of unity.
Marriage is so disappointing. It’s unfulfilling. It’s not a comedy, it’s a tragedy. The boy doesn’t get the girl in the end. It’s Romeo and Juliet. They die, never realizing the unity, love, and wonder of the marriage covenant. This is why divorce is such a tragedy -- the promise of life is broken. Children lose faith, they no longer believe that true love is possible so they begin to look for pleasures in the world, becoming dependent on them, instead of seeking true happiness through unity. Each is waiting for the other to love them. But that’s never going to happen. Each can become distant, bitter, or angry at the other for not fulfilling the expectation of the marriage. “You’re supposed to love me.” “I’m still waiting.” We wait forever. Staying together in an unfulfilled marriage is just as tragic.
“Few there be that find it.”
Some few persist in marriage, growing up, and learning to be unselfish. They learn that marriage isn’t a question of, “Does my wife love me?” but rather, “Do I love her?” Learning to love is the basis of feeling loved, which is why waiting for my wife to love me never works. Unity is achieved not by being loved, but by loving. It only takes one. The husband is the leader, and must have the courage to step out in love. He must be the first to love. He gives his whole heart, accepting her and loving who she is, a daughter of God, a queen, royalty. He understands her strengths and weaknesses, and loves her with all his heart. He isn’t using manipulation to make her do, say, or be anything. He just loves her for who she is. He isn’t looking to feel loved, only to love, to give.
They then begin to have an attraction like the poles of a magnet where they are drawn together, the closer they are, the stronger the pull. The object of life is to become magnets, the man to be the north pole, and the woman to be the south pole. As they become closer, they are more attracted. The attraction is love; we are naturally attracted to those who love us. The closer we are, the more we love, which increases the attraction. It’s magnetic!
We all inherently know that the best that life has to offer is found in a husband and wife becoming one. Every culture, every society, in every time has celebrated marriage as the most important relationship. Indeed, unity is better than all the riches of the Earth. It is more satisfying than any drug, food, or pleasure. It’s the highest achievement in life. It’s the ultimate expression of life. It is truly living.
This is why every story needs the guy to get the girl in the end. It’s the promise of fulfillment of life. A husband and wife who become magnets with opposite poles come together as one -- automatically and magically! The difference between the tragedy of marriage, and a comedy is a simple question. They stop being an atoms soon as they stop hoping to be loved, asking, “Does she love me?” This question becomes impertinent to them as they begin to ask the magnetic question that changes marriage from a tragedy to the ultimate comedy, “Do I love her?”
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