Good and evil can be defined in terms of growth, learning or improvement, and our effect on others.
Good is helping others to learn and grow.
Evil is preventing others from growing.
This way of looking at life allows us to make judgments and decisions on what is good or evil for us. It is easy to judge when we have a standard by which to measure. For example, we can judge murder to be evil because taking the life of another stops his growth, learning or improvement. We can also see that enslavement is evil. Watching TV or other entertainment is evil if we don’t grow from it.
We can judge what is good as well. Those who are continually learning and growing are good. These always bring others with them. Authors who share their ideas by writing books, or speaking helping others to learn are good. Teachers who teach truth are good. Politicians who improve society, increasing freedom, allow others to grow and learn more are good. Businesses that provide goods and services to help others grow and connect people together are necessarily good.
Business
We can use this standard to judge businesses in our whole society. Some business is good by helping individuals to grow, or by connecting people together. Others are evil because they cause addiction, or bring destruction. Most can be either good or evil, depending on how they are used.
Good Business
Good business facilitates growth in any way, and preserves choice. Most good businesses increase freedom. For example, the travel industry allows people the freedom to move around much more, and make more connections, or experience other cultures, and thus grow in many ways. The electric companies allow more freedom to work and improve. Any business that increases freedom is necessarily good, such as the following:
Schools
Farming
The automobile industry
Publishing books that inspire
Building homes and offices
Power companies
Communications industry
Providing clean water
Clothing industry
Inspiring art
Travel industry
Hospitality industry
Oil and gas
Building products
Mining industry
Evil Business
Businesses that are evil take money and decrease choice and freedom. Anything that can be addictive, that doesn’t build up and improve, is evil. Whole areas of our economy are inherently evil. These touch everyone from infants to grown adults, including:
Pornography
Gambling casinos
Sugar
Tobacco
Drugs
Alcohol
Ambidextrous Business
Some businesses are tools that can be used for good or evil. The weapons industry for example is important for protection from invasion and loss of freedom, but on the other hand can be used for destructive purposes. The health care industry can feed on people’s fears and bind them into a lifetime of drugs, or help them to be free of illness, depending on how the tool is used. Many industries are ambidextrous, and in these cases caveat emptor applies.
Finance - credit can destroy, while savings can build
Insurance - creating fear, or protection from risk
Legal - plundering the wealth of others, or helping those in trouble
Entertainment - wasting time, training the heart to feel fear, loss, and desire, or connecting the heart and the brain together
Churches - addiction to self-justification, or pointing the way to God
Supplements - giving false health, becoming less healthy, or building nutrition
Food - eating for taste brings addiction and destruction, while eating for nourishment allows health, vitality, and growth.
Government
The reason government is a “necessary evil” is because it can only take away from growth and improvement. Freedom is the engine of human progress, and government necessarily restricts freedom. Living in a society with others requires rules which are administered by the government. Wherever rules are made, there will be stagnation. Defining an industry prevents progress in that industry. For example, in 1910 the Kinsey Report indicated how the government should define medical care, leaving us a hundred years later with the same definition, making it difficult for our society to get past the patent drug era. Though our technology is rapidly increasing to remove the cause of disease, our government forces us into an archaic system of relieving symptoms. Government slows growth; the more the people are governed, the slower will be the growth. The ideal would be a population that obeys the rules, and doesn’t need government interference. If there were no evil businesses, there would be little need for government at all.
Learning
The object of all good leadership is to remove the evil elements from society. Previously, this was done by law, making vice illegal such as alcohol, sex, and drugs. However, instead of putting people with vices into prison, there needs to be a way to teach our children to avoid those businesses that will bring them down to suffer in their own prison of addiction. Knowledge defines good, where evil is ignorance. By knowing the truth we are free to choose, and I believe people with knowledge mostly choose good.
We must learn everything, even, or especially, those things we think we know. I was talking with a physical therapist who was explaining that people don’t walk correctly and cause themselves pain. We think we know how to walk because we’ve been doing it since we were one year old. However, just because we’ve been doing it a long time, doesn’t mean we know how to do it right. In high school and college I ran long distance, from three to over ten mile runs. I had coaches who talked about breathing technique, and indicated that some runners had an innate ability to run well. But it wasn’t until a recent class at my Cross-Fit gym that I was taught how to run. The first time I went for a mile with my new knowledge was amazing! I could run so much longer with less effort, and I didn’t get shin-splints like I had before. After fifty years of running, I finally learned how to run.
Goodness is always learned because nobody automatically knows how to build, grow, and learn. We can’t know what we don’t know; we must be taught everything. The best way to do this is with mentors, or one-on-one teaching. We understand that a great athlete always requires a coach, but often don’t think that everyone needs to be coached in how to do things right. There are specialists who know the right way to build a business so an entrepreneur can seek one to learn. We all need coaching in how to handle our finances. We need coaching in how to nourish our bodies. We need to learn how to walk, run, and move to build and not tear down our bones, muscles, and joints. The myth of the self-made man is dead. We need those who know. There is a huge need for good mentors in every area, and among all people.
Becoming Good Leaders
After becoming good at something, the next step is to teach others, becoming leaders. A leader provides an objective for a group of people. If the objective is growth and improvement, the leader is good. But, if the objective prevents progress the leader is evil. We can easily judge by the “fruits” of their objective. We know what brings freedom and choice, and what will cause addiction and slavery. A doctor treating hypertension doesn’t teach the patient how to live a healthy life, instead giving a pill that only the doctor can give. Rather than health and freedom of choice, the patient is bound for life to the doctor. The “natural” doctor who prescribes a supplement to lower blood pressure is little different because the evil business model is unchanged -- “a pill for every ill” binds people to pills. On the other hand, those who seek the cause of the problem, and remove it, open doors of freedom. This is good leadership. By teaching each person the truth freedom will prevail, and people will grow.
Mentors are perhaps more important than politicians because the root cause of bondage isn’t the President, it’s the people. If the individual members of society are seeking safety, stability, uniformity, and security, they will not be seeking truth, they will not be looking for mentors, they will not subject themselves to coaching, and will not be growing and learning. The default is bondage to those who bind and steal, the evil businesses. As more people are in bondage, addicted to their own desires, the whole society stops growing, leading to a government of despotism. This isn’t created by politicians, it starts with the population. If good leaders can teach individuals and groups to know the truth about every part of life, then no power on Earth can subject them, they are free. The real leaders of society, then, are not the politicians, presidents, kings, or rulers, but rather the counselors, teachers, coaches, tutors, and mentors of the people. The real leaders are the entrepreneurs who have failed at multiple businesses, and finally get one right. It’s the teachers who continuously learn and grow in their field, teaching what they learn to others. It’s the CEO’s who take people under their wing, showing them how to help employees to grow in their own positions. And, it’s the MLM business owners who are trying to build a downline, learning skills with people, marketing, accounting, and personal growth. Good leaders are rarely in the limelight.
Choosing a mentor
This is how truth spreads, one person at a time. If I need to learn about finance, I seek a mentor who is proficient and learn the simple truth that borrowing money doesn’t lead to wealth, only by spending less than we earn can this come about. The mentor teaches the truth, and shows me how to live within my means. I then become an expert and can teach others the same process. Truth doesn’t change. If I want to know God, then I need a mentor who has been there and can show me the way. As I learn, I can help others who are seeking. There is a myth that there are no good leaders. I would beg to differ. I think there are too few who are looking for truth.
Finding a mentor is a complex task. Jesus gave us the criteria: “Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? (Matthew 7:16) In other words, don’t go to a poor man to learn how to be rich. Don’t go to a fat person to learn how to be thin. The lesson is simple. When I sought a life coach, I was feeling trapped in a job, and was looking for freedom. I found among the people I knew, a friend who was similarly trapped, and had escaped and was doing well. I hired him, and he has helped me to become free. The simple (and cheap) way to find coaches is through books. Authors have written on every subject, and for pennies we can get their advice, learn their truths, and improve our own lives. While I think reading is an essential part of learning, I also believe that a coach is essential for the application of principles we learn to our own lives, giving support and encouragement. I don’t think a boxer can become a champion by reading a book. I don’t think a pianist can be great without a teacher. I don’t think a businessman can succeed without a mentor. Seek a mentor. There is no limit to the number. Learn. Grow. Improve any aspect of your life, and then, become a good leader.
Good leadership
After going through the process of learning, when we have mastered an area of life, we can then turn to help others. Parents can mentor their children in some areas, but will be weak in others. Parents who are good leaders will seek mentors for their children, to teach them in areas where the parent is weak. In business, those who have mastered the art of business are always looking for a protégé. Politicians who are seeking the freedom of the population need to take on young leaders. Those who understand the principles of health can help others apply them in their own lives. The art of good leadership is one by one. Growth happens one by one. Your legacy is not just the one or two that learned to grow from you, but also includes those who are taught by them, and so on through time -- an endless line of leaders. Whether in your family, your business, or your country, helping one person to grow is, by definition, good leadership.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
From Shame to Joy
Hans Christian Anderson tells the tale of a king who was very proud. He had some tailors come in and describe a beautiful cloth that was like magic, and could only be seen by those who were fit for their position. The king himself, and everyone in the kingdom came to watch the king parade in his new clothes, feigning amazement at the beautiful new robes. All were afraid to admit that they felt unfit, and worried that others would know if they indicated that they couldn’t see the cloth.
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, has written several books on the subject of shame, and the courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, in order to heal. Shame is a universal human experience. Every person in every society, country, and village experiences shame.
Shame is often confused as guilt. Guilt is when we feel that we did something wrong. It is tied to a specific action, or something we do. Shame, on the other hand, is feeling that we are flawed, that we don’t measure-up to a standard, that we aren’t good enough, or that we are somehow unfit.
There are three ways to deal with shame.
1. Denial
2. Justification
3. Change
Denial
Most in the world are in denial of their shame. They immerse themselves in the physical senses, focused on their own bodies, while completely neglecting the duality of existence. They don’t know, nor do they care to know, their heart, afraid that they might find flaws.
Those in denial will naturally be suspicious of their feelings and the feelings of others. Since they feel shame, but deny it, they must doubt all of their feelings, hiding and denying their own heart. Unable to trust their own feelings, they rely only on what they can demonstrate to others. They become pseudo-scientists, insisting that God be taken out of society. They deny god exists, or that He can’t be proven.
Those in denial still feel shame, but they continue to deny it exists, or they deny that it’s real or true, requiring that they deny there is a heart, or a spirit. Since the mind is a one-act stage, they can push out all that is in their heart by narrowly focusing on what their five senses give them, and what they can physically demonstrate to others. They work hard in the world, focused on their work and play, accomplishing much, but never finding themselves. They may do a lot, but don’t live to fulfill their purpose.
Self-Justification
To “justify” means to “make straight.” We know in our hearts we are crooked, that is the reason for our shame, and we need to be made straight. We don’t deny that we are imperfect and flawed, we just need some way to make it alright -- or appear to be straight by some form of justification. There are four basic ways to justify ourselves.
1. Self-help
2. Comparing to others
3. Perfectionism
4. Excusing ourselves
Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps
Many seek to justify themselves; believing they can straighten themselves. They work very hard to fix themselves. They go to self-help seminars seeking some information that will change them. They read self-help books. They have mentors, living and dead, to guide them through life. They work hard to get better and better, straighter and more justified. They seem to be getting better every day, and being perfect is only a little way off. These are the “good” people of the Earth. They go to church or side with some other group that is “right.” They do the “right” thing, like being vegetarian, saving the whales, the environment, or otherwise having a cause to fight for. They see the shame in their heart, and seek to rid themselves of it by becoming better and better so they can measure-up, eventually.
Compared to you...
Another way to justify ourselves is in comparing ourselves to others. We believe that we will never be straight so we find an excuse. We point the finger at others; we don't need to be good, just better than others. We start looking at everything as relative since nothing seems to be absolute. Being relatively better than others is comforting for our shame. The shame never dissipates so we will always be in competition with people around us, exposing their weaknesses to make ourselves look better. This competition can also cause us to seek big things. We want more money, a bigger house, a better swimming pool, or a nicer car. We don’t need all the money or things, we just need it to be more than others so we can feel justified in comparison, like Einstein, “I’m not a genius, you’re all just stupid.”.
Perfectionism
Some are perfectionists, believing they can do everything right in an absolute sense. There is a right way, and a lot of wrong ways. They always choose the right, being perfect and upright, like Job. They don’t compare themselves to others, there isn’t any competition. They don’t look at others or judge others, but they are their own harshest critics.
Can I be excused?
A fourth way to justify ourselves is by making excuses. We excuse ourselves because of all the things outside of our control that cause us to be crooked. “It’s not me, it’s my genes.” Is one modern method. The scientific doctrine of genetic determinism has been used for decades to explain why people do things, and feel certain ways. Others cite their upbringing, poverty, wealth, mold exposure, toxic environment, or other factor outside of their control. Many of these also blame others, mean people, neighbors, disloyal friends, parents, siblings, the boss, or other people who had some power over them and abused them. Thus, they can be justified in being crooked because they were made that way by factors they can’t control. There are many who continually put themselves in hateful situations again and again to prove that it’s not their fault, they are justified, or excused.
Illness is very commonly used to excuse us when we don’t measure-up. The husband of a patient with cancer said, “Cancer is the most common form of suicide.” He had studied the current treatments, both orthodox and alternative, and found that most people chose to take those things that held little promise of helping. They wanted to feel like they were doing something, so they wouldn't feel guilty, while really doing nothing. Others get chronic illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, and Lyme disease. They remain in the diseased state to rest from their labors, not being required to grow up, care for themselves and others, and live life. Disease is a great excuse.
Insanity
No matter what form or how perfect our justification, we still feel shame and need to continuously seek more justification. There is no end, because the shame persists, but we keep trying. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results". (Attributed to Ben Franklin, ancient Chinese proverb, Albert Einstein, and Rita Mae Browne) There is value to persistence. If you are a gymnast and you keep trying to “stick the landing,” you keep trying over and over until you get it right. However, if you’re “trying to find gold in a silver mine” or “trying to drink whiskey from a bottle of wine,” it becomes insanity. (John Nash indicated that there is some choice in insanity, “It was like a tornado, you want to hold on to everything you have, you don't want to let anything go.” -- Sylvia Nasar, A Beautiful Mind) The “insanity” is doing the wrong thing and expecting the right thing to come out.
"You cannot do wrong and feel right. It is impossible!" - Ezra Taft Benson
Thus, all the attempts to deny our shame or justify ourselves amount to an impossibility. Like the gambler who is just one pull away from a jackpot, we continue to feed the lie, addicted to our “right” way of doing things.
Removing Shame
The antidote is to actually find a way to remove shame. The way to deal with our feelings is to understand the cause. We feel shame because of deficiencies that we perceive in ourselves. Humans are needy, and imperfect. We fear we are unworthy of communion with others and might be rejected. These are a reality that we must deal with directly. We need to face our weaknesses and change our hearts.
Unless we become straight, there is no way to avoid the shame of being crooked. Becoming straight requires a square and a compass, or divider. There must be a standard by which to measure anything. We cannot just assume straightness, the world is round, and has no plane, or standard for straightness. We need real, tangible, absolute tools to measure our straightness. A chalk line marks a straight line. The square makes the vertical at 90 degrees, or perpendicular. They straighten us out.
The tools that make us straight are the standards of righteousness. They are found in the Scriptures, the Ten Commandments, and other words of the prophets. They are covenants that we make with God, and commandments He gives us personally through the Holy Ghost. The purpose for all of Holy Writ is to give us a standard by which we can measure ourselves to see what “straight.” All the words of the prophets speak of our Standard, Jesus Christ. He is the only standard by which we can measure ourselves.
“He marked the path and led the way, And ev'ry point defines
To light and life and endless day Where God's full presence shines.”
(Hymn 195:4)
He showed us the way by coming to Earth, taking on Himself the weaknesses of mortality, and pioneering the path back to God.
“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)
Though we cannot justify ourselves and remove the shame we feel, Jesus Christ can justify us through His atonement. He has paid the price for us so we have the opportunity to change. As we change, and become straight, all that we did in the past while we were crooked is covered by Him. Thus, faith in Him is how we begin to make a change and become straight.
Finding yourself -- warts and all
Being straight does not mean that we don’t have imperfections and weaknesses, we still have them, it’s just that we begin to understand that weaknesses are strengths, in the right context. If we continue to harbor fear, and loneliness, wasting our lives trying to deny it, or justify ourselves, then our lives will be on a merry-go-round, doing the same things, and getting the same results. But if we turn and face our fears, our lack, our vulnerability, we can use them as a springboard to move ahead.
Brené Brown explains in The Gifts of Imperfection, that we all experience shame because of our weaknesses and imperfections. The way to handle this, though, is not to hide as most do, but rather to confess and work with our weaknesses, to become ourselves, warts and all. We can form relationships, start businesses, and do our art, using our talents in spite of our fears. We can even celebrate and be grateful for our weaknesses because they make us who we are. It takes courage to step forward and be ourselves, to move ahead in spite of weaknesses, open to the criticism of others. However, as we accept our own weaknesses, we become more compassionate with others.
Following the Light
The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Institute, is a treatise on how and why we separate ourselves from others, seeing them as objects, and how we can begin to see them as people. We do this by following the voice inside, our conscience, that tells us what we can do for others. When we obey, we begin to see them as people, and when we don’t, they remain things.
By acknowledging our weaknesses, and accepting them, we learn to see, understand, and have compassion for the weaknesses of others, and in this way we begin to straighten out our crooked lives. Being a little straighter gives us the desire, and power, to continue on that path until we meet the Standard. It’s not a event, it’s a process. It isn’t just a dip in the road of life, it is the road, it is life. The purpose of our life is to “straighten-up and fly right.” Each path is different. Unless we are told by God, we can never advise others by giving directions on where to go, all we can do is explain to them how they can find their own path, which first requires that we first find our own.
Real self-esteem
Being straight gives us confidence.
“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;” (D&C 121:45)
The quality of compassion for others begins when we have compassion for ourselves. When we face our fears and imperfections, it gives us room to see and accept those in others. And when we are no longer in denial or justification of our shame we can gain control of our thoughts. Being straight gives us confidence when facing straightness. We won’t be crooked so we won’t feel ashamed in the presence of God, the standard of straightness.
No one is alone
Though our path seems lonely, we are always guided and are never alone. The moment we step out with courage to face our own shortcomings, we will be guided on an amazing path that leads to love, glory, honor, and riches beyond imagination. We cannot do it alone. We don’t even know the goal because we cannot see it or understand it. We can only trust that God knows the end from the beginning, and we can follow Jesus Christ to peace, love and happiness, the very purpose for our existence.
“Men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25)
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, has written several books on the subject of shame, and the courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, in order to heal. Shame is a universal human experience. Every person in every society, country, and village experiences shame.
Shame is often confused as guilt. Guilt is when we feel that we did something wrong. It is tied to a specific action, or something we do. Shame, on the other hand, is feeling that we are flawed, that we don’t measure-up to a standard, that we aren’t good enough, or that we are somehow unfit.
There are three ways to deal with shame.
1. Denial
2. Justification
3. Change
Denial
Most in the world are in denial of their shame. They immerse themselves in the physical senses, focused on their own bodies, while completely neglecting the duality of existence. They don’t know, nor do they care to know, their heart, afraid that they might find flaws.
Those in denial will naturally be suspicious of their feelings and the feelings of others. Since they feel shame, but deny it, they must doubt all of their feelings, hiding and denying their own heart. Unable to trust their own feelings, they rely only on what they can demonstrate to others. They become pseudo-scientists, insisting that God be taken out of society. They deny god exists, or that He can’t be proven.
Those in denial still feel shame, but they continue to deny it exists, or they deny that it’s real or true, requiring that they deny there is a heart, or a spirit. Since the mind is a one-act stage, they can push out all that is in their heart by narrowly focusing on what their five senses give them, and what they can physically demonstrate to others. They work hard in the world, focused on their work and play, accomplishing much, but never finding themselves. They may do a lot, but don’t live to fulfill their purpose.
Self-Justification
To “justify” means to “make straight.” We know in our hearts we are crooked, that is the reason for our shame, and we need to be made straight. We don’t deny that we are imperfect and flawed, we just need some way to make it alright -- or appear to be straight by some form of justification. There are four basic ways to justify ourselves.
1. Self-help
2. Comparing to others
3. Perfectionism
4. Excusing ourselves
Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps
Many seek to justify themselves; believing they can straighten themselves. They work very hard to fix themselves. They go to self-help seminars seeking some information that will change them. They read self-help books. They have mentors, living and dead, to guide them through life. They work hard to get better and better, straighter and more justified. They seem to be getting better every day, and being perfect is only a little way off. These are the “good” people of the Earth. They go to church or side with some other group that is “right.” They do the “right” thing, like being vegetarian, saving the whales, the environment, or otherwise having a cause to fight for. They see the shame in their heart, and seek to rid themselves of it by becoming better and better so they can measure-up, eventually.
Compared to you...
Another way to justify ourselves is in comparing ourselves to others. We believe that we will never be straight so we find an excuse. We point the finger at others; we don't need to be good, just better than others. We start looking at everything as relative since nothing seems to be absolute. Being relatively better than others is comforting for our shame. The shame never dissipates so we will always be in competition with people around us, exposing their weaknesses to make ourselves look better. This competition can also cause us to seek big things. We want more money, a bigger house, a better swimming pool, or a nicer car. We don’t need all the money or things, we just need it to be more than others so we can feel justified in comparison, like Einstein, “I’m not a genius, you’re all just stupid.”.
Perfectionism
Some are perfectionists, believing they can do everything right in an absolute sense. There is a right way, and a lot of wrong ways. They always choose the right, being perfect and upright, like Job. They don’t compare themselves to others, there isn’t any competition. They don’t look at others or judge others, but they are their own harshest critics.
Can I be excused?
A fourth way to justify ourselves is by making excuses. We excuse ourselves because of all the things outside of our control that cause us to be crooked. “It’s not me, it’s my genes.” Is one modern method. The scientific doctrine of genetic determinism has been used for decades to explain why people do things, and feel certain ways. Others cite their upbringing, poverty, wealth, mold exposure, toxic environment, or other factor outside of their control. Many of these also blame others, mean people, neighbors, disloyal friends, parents, siblings, the boss, or other people who had some power over them and abused them. Thus, they can be justified in being crooked because they were made that way by factors they can’t control. There are many who continually put themselves in hateful situations again and again to prove that it’s not their fault, they are justified, or excused.
Illness is very commonly used to excuse us when we don’t measure-up. The husband of a patient with cancer said, “Cancer is the most common form of suicide.” He had studied the current treatments, both orthodox and alternative, and found that most people chose to take those things that held little promise of helping. They wanted to feel like they were doing something, so they wouldn't feel guilty, while really doing nothing. Others get chronic illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, and Lyme disease. They remain in the diseased state to rest from their labors, not being required to grow up, care for themselves and others, and live life. Disease is a great excuse.
Insanity
No matter what form or how perfect our justification, we still feel shame and need to continuously seek more justification. There is no end, because the shame persists, but we keep trying. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results". (Attributed to Ben Franklin, ancient Chinese proverb, Albert Einstein, and Rita Mae Browne) There is value to persistence. If you are a gymnast and you keep trying to “stick the landing,” you keep trying over and over until you get it right. However, if you’re “trying to find gold in a silver mine” or “trying to drink whiskey from a bottle of wine,” it becomes insanity. (John Nash indicated that there is some choice in insanity, “It was like a tornado, you want to hold on to everything you have, you don't want to let anything go.” -- Sylvia Nasar, A Beautiful Mind) The “insanity” is doing the wrong thing and expecting the right thing to come out.
"You cannot do wrong and feel right. It is impossible!" - Ezra Taft Benson
Thus, all the attempts to deny our shame or justify ourselves amount to an impossibility. Like the gambler who is just one pull away from a jackpot, we continue to feed the lie, addicted to our “right” way of doing things.
Removing Shame
The antidote is to actually find a way to remove shame. The way to deal with our feelings is to understand the cause. We feel shame because of deficiencies that we perceive in ourselves. Humans are needy, and imperfect. We fear we are unworthy of communion with others and might be rejected. These are a reality that we must deal with directly. We need to face our weaknesses and change our hearts.
Unless we become straight, there is no way to avoid the shame of being crooked. Becoming straight requires a square and a compass, or divider. There must be a standard by which to measure anything. We cannot just assume straightness, the world is round, and has no plane, or standard for straightness. We need real, tangible, absolute tools to measure our straightness. A chalk line marks a straight line. The square makes the vertical at 90 degrees, or perpendicular. They straighten us out.
The tools that make us straight are the standards of righteousness. They are found in the Scriptures, the Ten Commandments, and other words of the prophets. They are covenants that we make with God, and commandments He gives us personally through the Holy Ghost. The purpose for all of Holy Writ is to give us a standard by which we can measure ourselves to see what “straight.” All the words of the prophets speak of our Standard, Jesus Christ. He is the only standard by which we can measure ourselves.
“He marked the path and led the way, And ev'ry point defines
To light and life and endless day Where God's full presence shines.”
(Hymn 195:4)
He showed us the way by coming to Earth, taking on Himself the weaknesses of mortality, and pioneering the path back to God.
“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)
Though we cannot justify ourselves and remove the shame we feel, Jesus Christ can justify us through His atonement. He has paid the price for us so we have the opportunity to change. As we change, and become straight, all that we did in the past while we were crooked is covered by Him. Thus, faith in Him is how we begin to make a change and become straight.
Finding yourself -- warts and all
Being straight does not mean that we don’t have imperfections and weaknesses, we still have them, it’s just that we begin to understand that weaknesses are strengths, in the right context. If we continue to harbor fear, and loneliness, wasting our lives trying to deny it, or justify ourselves, then our lives will be on a merry-go-round, doing the same things, and getting the same results. But if we turn and face our fears, our lack, our vulnerability, we can use them as a springboard to move ahead.
Brené Brown explains in The Gifts of Imperfection, that we all experience shame because of our weaknesses and imperfections. The way to handle this, though, is not to hide as most do, but rather to confess and work with our weaknesses, to become ourselves, warts and all. We can form relationships, start businesses, and do our art, using our talents in spite of our fears. We can even celebrate and be grateful for our weaknesses because they make us who we are. It takes courage to step forward and be ourselves, to move ahead in spite of weaknesses, open to the criticism of others. However, as we accept our own weaknesses, we become more compassionate with others.
Following the Light
The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Institute, is a treatise on how and why we separate ourselves from others, seeing them as objects, and how we can begin to see them as people. We do this by following the voice inside, our conscience, that tells us what we can do for others. When we obey, we begin to see them as people, and when we don’t, they remain things.
By acknowledging our weaknesses, and accepting them, we learn to see, understand, and have compassion for the weaknesses of others, and in this way we begin to straighten out our crooked lives. Being a little straighter gives us the desire, and power, to continue on that path until we meet the Standard. It’s not a event, it’s a process. It isn’t just a dip in the road of life, it is the road, it is life. The purpose of our life is to “straighten-up and fly right.” Each path is different. Unless we are told by God, we can never advise others by giving directions on where to go, all we can do is explain to them how they can find their own path, which first requires that we first find our own.
Real self-esteem
Being straight gives us confidence.
“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;” (D&C 121:45)
The quality of compassion for others begins when we have compassion for ourselves. When we face our fears and imperfections, it gives us room to see and accept those in others. And when we are no longer in denial or justification of our shame we can gain control of our thoughts. Being straight gives us confidence when facing straightness. We won’t be crooked so we won’t feel ashamed in the presence of God, the standard of straightness.
No one is alone
Though our path seems lonely, we are always guided and are never alone. The moment we step out with courage to face our own shortcomings, we will be guided on an amazing path that leads to love, glory, honor, and riches beyond imagination. We cannot do it alone. We don’t even know the goal because we cannot see it or understand it. We can only trust that God knows the end from the beginning, and we can follow Jesus Christ to peace, love and happiness, the very purpose for our existence.
“Men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)