Marriage and Happiness

I have had an ongoing discussion with my son about marriage.  He insists there is no need for marriage, and I have a hard time explaining it in a way that he would understand.  Using metaphors and analogies can be helpful, but they don't convey the reality of marriage to one who has not experienced it any more than a description of a Mozart sonata would really help anyone who has never heard one.  In spite of this, I would like to venture to elaborate on the seven reasons for marriage, in no particular order.

• Love
• Security
• God
• Children
• Fun
• Connection
• Happiness

Love
Marriage is about true love.  Only within the bonds of marriage can we really love another.  It is the covenant we make that allows us to learn to get outside of ourselves and truly love another.  Without the commitment, we only do what we want, what we like, or seek fulfillment, and don't really learn to love.  However,with a real commitment we can truly love our spouse with all our hearts, which leads to peace, joy and happiness.

Security
People often seek security in having money, land, houses, or other material goods.  Others want their employer or the government to provide a "safety net" in their lives.  Marriage, however, is the best way to have safety and security.  Being able to depend on another person who loves you gives more sense of security than even the government with all its power and resources.  True love removes all fear, allowing real peace and contentment.

God
There are two kinds of power in the Universe, constructive, and destructive.  A close bond with a spouse allows us to come to know God in a deeper way than we can without marriage.  The couple makes a complete human being, and together with God they are empowered to reproduce, taking part in creation with Him.  In every way, marriage brings with it the power of God, which is always constructive.  We cannot begin to understand God unless we share experiences with Him.  Marriage allows this to happen in two ways -- love and creation.

Children
Marriage naturally allows children into the world.  Children help the couple to experience more of life.  We learn more as we teach.  Parenting is the process of teaching the children, helping them to grow up in all areas of life: mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and so forth.  As the parents help their children to grow they not only learn a deeper love, but also improve themselves in all these areas.  Each child is different, and will necessarily give the parents different experiences.

Fun
Those who marry have more fun in life because they have more experience.  Each in a couple gets to live more as they experience the world of their spouse.  Moreover, they get to re-live their childhood as their children grow up and learn.  There is nothing more fun than going to plays, games, recitals, and other activities of children, and being totally interested and absorbed in the outcome.  Disneyland isn't fun unless you can bring a child.  Experiencing life through our children as they discover the world is truly fun!  Fun isn't fun unless it is shared.  Marriage allows us to share everything, making all of life fun.

Connection
Probably the best part of being married is having a connection with another.  We only really become complete and whole as we become one with our spouse.  The experience of unity is the most wonderful part of being human.  It is fulfilling like no other human accomplishment can be.  No amount of success, power, money, or fame could even come close to the fulfillment of marriage.  Feeling complete and whole, comfortable and content is worth thousands of times more than all the wealth in the world!  What is amazing is that every single individual has access to this connection no matter where, who, or what they are.

Happiness
Ultimately, the purpose of existence is happiness.  God has children, us, and provides for us, teaches us, and sacrifices for us so that we can be happy.  A man nor a woman can be happy alone.  Becoming perfect, or complete, requires a man and a woman, which make up a whole human being.  Marriage is the path to happiness.  It is hard, to be sure, in fact, it is the hardest endeavor of life because is requires the greatest sacrifice.  All other ventures in life are temporary, at best, and not nearly as fulfilling.  Even our children will, hopefully, grow up and leave us as they get married and become complete, raising their own children.  A marriage, however, is made to be forever as we become one with another, forming the foundation of happiness.

The price of marriage
The hard part of marriage is the sacrifice required.  The expectations of fulfillment, love and unity are not given to us by our spouse, but rather achieved as we sacrifice ourselves, giving up all we are in our heart in order to become one with her, or him.  The sacrifice of the heart is the wants, needs and desires that are deep inside.  "I want..." is a selfish way to live and doesn't lead to unity and happiness.  This is why "living together" or any other false marriage cannot lead to happiness.  None of the goals of marriage can be reached without the commitment.  Only as we give up all the things we want can we achieve this higher level of existence.  Unity is achieved only as this is desired more than everything else.  Marriage offers the most opportunities to learn to love, as well as the deepest love as we give up all that we are inside in order to become one with our spouse.  It is the greatest achievement of all of humanity.  It is more important than being a world leader, a spiritual healer, a philanthropist, or any businessman.  Those may be good, but achieving a marriage of unity is so far ahead, hands-down, millions of times better.  There is no comparison.

Of course it's hard, but anyone can do it.  There is nothing in the world to stop it.  While we can become distracted by the cares of the world such as money, business, children, play, friends, parents, and all the other things that can get in the way, these also must be sacrificed for unity to be achieved.  It is an accomplishment like no other.  It is worth all the sacrifices we make, a thousand times over.  But what is most amazing is that it is the right of every person on the Earth.  While our pride may make it hard, in reality it's the easiest thing in the world, and it is within the grasp of every individual.  It's as easy as letting go.  Indeed, marriage is unique as the only thing on the Earth worth all of our best efforts, while at the same time being simple.  It is the hardest and at the same time the easiest.  It is most uncommon and at the same time most common.  It is the best of humanity, and the only way to fulfillment.

The hardest part about writing this is to end what is endless, knowing that none will understand who have not experienced it.  Hopefully, these can believe that it isn't random, and have a desire to seek marriage, or if they are already married, to decide to put their marriage at the top of their list of things to do.  If anyone can hope for fulfillment and desire to achieve it, they can begin to work on it by letting go of their wants, needs, and desires so they can love.  It's that simple, but I can promise that such efforts will bring the most wonderful results!

Faith and Hope

As I read, I often come to "sticking points" which cause me to think.  One such place has been a talk given by Mormon, found in Moroni chapter 7.  It seems to have a contradiction that I have been unable to reconcile.  I now think I know.

The first part reads:
"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?"  (Moroni 7:40)

Hope--> Faith
Without hope you cannot get faith.

Then, two verses later:
"...if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." (Moroni 7:42)

Faith --> Hope
If faith, then hope
No faith, no hope

It feels like without hope we cannot have faith, and without faith we cannot have hope.

The definition of hope is found in the intervening verse:
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)

So, hope is the expectation of resurrection to Eternal Life, which comes through faith in Christ.

The definition of faith is given by Paul to the Hebrews:
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)   Another circle of faith connected to hope.  Hope comes first, then we get faith as we gain substance and evidence for that hope.  In other words, we develop faith by gaining knowledge and experience, or substance and evidence.  Faith in Christ is the evidence that only through Him can we hope for salvation.  It is a knowledge of the Atonement.  The better we understand the Atonement of Christ, the more faith we have.

Does faith come before hope, or does hope come before faith?

Maybe it's like this:
Your knowledge of the existence of a glorious resurrection brings you to desire that blessing -- or hope for it.
This desire (hope)  brings you to Jesus Christ, your only hope, to learn more about His Atonement and resurrection.
As you gain knowledge (faith) of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and have more evidence, you receive the hope you desire.

Thus, hope brings you to faith in Christ, which faith then gives you that hope.
In other words, the hope of the possibility of a glorious resurrection causes you to seek Christ and develop the faith needed to actually receive that hope.

Hope --> Faith --> Hope

Thus, the reconciliation of the "which comes first" question is that there are two related, but distinct, senses of the word "hope."  They both have the same definition, but the first is the possibility, whereas the second is the assurance of a glorious resurrection to Eternal Life.  What brings the assurance is faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement and resurrection.  Without hope, or the possibility of Eternal Life we could not develop faith, and without faith we cannot have the hope, or assurance, of it.  Faith is sandwiched between hope!

Swimming in deep water

“Perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters.... better deep than shallow!”
― Joseph Smith Jr.

In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution.  Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed.  Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner?  Of course, for their benefit!  When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?"  This decision is essential to being a Christian.  Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice.  Persecution forces that decision immediately.  The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.

"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).

If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end.  There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives.  Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in.  When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!  

Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints.  For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level.  It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in.  They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth.  It appears that they keep the commandments of God.  They're in the pool.  However, their hearts are not necessarily changed.  They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness.  They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside.  They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!"  They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family.  Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.

I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years!  Wading in shallow water.  Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart.  I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men.  My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.

I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end.  I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life.  I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart.  Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world.  This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth.  Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith.  I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.

I will obey every word of God.  I will do anything.  I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution.  I'm willing to make that decision.  I will take the bullet.  I will walk the walk.  I will suffer ridicule and pain.  I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.

The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth.  Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim!  I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way.  I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it!  ...But, there is no obvious choice.  I'm not threatened in any way.  I'm not being pushed.  I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world.  I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.

It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support.  We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can.  But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you?  Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make.  Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world?  How do we know?  Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row?  Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission?  How is one to know what sacrifice to make?  Where is the deep end, really?

"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..."  Joseph Smith

The Lord will guide.  Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed.  He is faithful to answer every prayer.  Blessings may be hard.  We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God.  It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good.  It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices.  We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun.  Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim.  God knows.  He is the swimming instructor.  He is the lifeguard.  He has all the floaties!  He won't let us drown.  With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.