Diary of a Wimpy Guy

I have been such a wimp all of my life. I have avoided conflict and confrontation to the extreme. I come to the point of confrontation and lose all resolve. I could never be a lawyer because I cannot think clearly when the confrontation is hot. I must always have the upper hand, or else I lose my cool, and my brain.

I always thought of myself as a "peacemaker" who helps others to get along, but I suspect I've been doing it wrong. "Peace at all costs" means giving in to evil. It means not confronting wrong. It means allowing people to take advantage of others. It means being complicit to evil. Mostly, it seems I lack clarity on what is right and what is wrong.

Fear

The reason for being a wimp is because of the fear of man. The strong desire to be admired by all, or seeking for the honors of men, creates a fear inside of losing such honor. Those who use and abuse mankind can see through that weakness and use it against me to their own ends. Thus, the fear of man is among the seven deadly sins. I think it should be chief among them. I need to repent of this evil that I perpetrate on all of mankind by my inaction.

"You should not have feared man more than God." (D&C 3:7) God is all that is good. All good is embodied in Jesus Christ, who has set the standard and paid the price. Whatever leads to Him is good, and whatever doesn't is evil. Good and evil can be defined so clearly and concisely that anyone can know. I'm not afraid that they will hurt me. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of obscurity, loneliness, and disapproval. I don't want to be "trodden under the feet of men." This is my fear.

Ironically, that which we fear is what we bring about in our lives. I have caused, by my wimpiness, much tongue-wagging, pity, and reprisal. I have been in court in front of juries and judges, reprimanded by the California Medical Board, and lost the respect of my peers. I am not considered a good doctor among doctors, a good businessman among those who know business, a good husband by my ex-wife, or father by my children, or anything good. I cannot do good if I am in such fear of stepping on toes. In trying to please everyone, I have pleased no one. Fear has brought about the very thing I feared.

Making enemies

Living a good life means having friends and enemies. Doing the right thing will cause those who don't to oppose you. One author noted, "If you don't have any enemies, you haven't tried hard enough." (author unknown) The process of helping people come to know God and salvation brings with it the attendant effect of many who bless your name, and those who curse you.

Being a wimp is not the way of the Lord. The Lord never allows sin, error, or evil. He doesn't let the smallest impurity into His Kingdom. "I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance." (D&C 1:31) While He loves His children more than any human capacity to understand, yet He allows all to choose, even it they choose to suffer. He weeps over them when they choose not to be with Him, and are cast out and suffer Eternal torment. God has enemies, and he doesn't allow them into His House -- even though He loves them.

Wise as serpents

"In order for evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing." (author unknown) Edmund Burke tells us that "When evil combines, it is essential for good men to gather as well." Those who fight evil must do so by pointing it out, making it clear, and focusing on good, truth, right, and virtue. When in conversation an evil philosophy is voiced, the error must be pointed out, and the truth told. Allowing the wrong doctrine to go unopposed is akin to promoting it. Doing nothing is being a friend to evil, and accomplishes nothing.

The fact is, we are in a war. We have been fighting a war since before we came to Earth. The war between good and evil is ongoing. We won the first battle, and now we are in the midst of the great and last battle. This is the battle for the souls of men, the children of God. We fight with the sword of truth, the shield of faith, and so forth. People are killed as their souls are lost to error and complacency. The confrontation is constant. The battle rages on without letting up for a second. The enemy tells us there is no battle, people are not dying, all is good, all is quiet on the front, the enemy is our friend -- and we believe. We lose sight of the lines of good and evil.

In order to understand your enemy, you must become like him. The Father of lies seeks for understanding, and I have obliged. After all, it's only right that I give everyone an opportunity. I am learning that this is wrong. People choose their own paths in life. I cannot choose for them. I cannot give in to even a little evil. If people come into the office and don't follow instructions, they might be asked to leave. Only those who will comply with my program should come back. This is because of their choices. If they choose to be healthy, they will do as they're told and get better. "Him that has, gets." This is because their previous choices lead to more choices and blessings. While all people have the same opportunity, all people are not salvageable. Many choose the low road, and these will no longer waste my time. I will not "Cast my pearls before the swine." I can encourage everyone, allow for mistakes and repentance, and move on in the work of the Lord, always seeking after those things and people that are "Virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy."

Courage and Victory

Victory! Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Jesus is the reason for everything. All improvement in life, either individual or collective, must come through Him.

In the Book of Mormon there is a story of Nephi and his family traveling for many years in the wilderness. They came to an ocean that they needed to cross. While they had seen ships before, nobody in the family had experience building one. How could they make one that was seaworthy? Nephi was instructed by the Lord how to build one, but his brothers, Laman and Lemuel, didn't believe it was possible. They just wanted to stay where they were and not go on to the Promised Land. It would be safer. Nephi tried to persuade them to go on:

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto them that they should murmur no more against their father; neither should they withhold their labor from me, for God had commanded me that I should build a ship.

And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done.

And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"  (1 Nephi 17:49-51)

With the Lord's help, Nephi convinced his brothers to help him, and together they built a ship that withstood the storms and took the family safely across the sea to the promised land.

All success, safety, and security come from Jesus. In fact, with the help of the Lord, there is no way we can fail. He gives us the ability to go past what we know, feel, and understand. We can venture out into the darkness or the great unknown with the security of knowing He will help us, that He will always be there, that He has already made sure we will win.

Without Him there is no growth or improvement. We can only do what we already know because that is where our security lies. We will seek security in doing what other people do. Thus, everyone keeps doing the same things and neither the individual nor the group can learn, grow, and live. Part of the decline of a society is the focus on worldly safety and security instead of that of the Lord. This causes people to act out of fear, instead of choosing what is best, or the will of God. Those without faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, seek for a "government" or some other powerful entity to save them. They always end up trading their freedom for a promise of security, but they never get it. We see this happening in our political arena today.

On the other hand, those who have faith in Christ are those who become the leavening to raise up their generation because they have the ability and security to venture out and do things that others wouldn't do. They are willing to go "outside the box" into paths unknown in spite of disapproval and criticism of men. For example, I do "alternative" medicine. My peers call me a "quack," but I heal diseases they consider "incurable." I am able to do my business because of Him. If not for Him and His assurance of salvation I would take the easy, secure, well-worn path, and continue doing what I learned in medical school -- just like everyone else. My security is in Him so I'm willing to take a lot of risks. As Admiral David Farragut said, "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" Over time, I see more and more of "us," doctors who are willing to go out on a limb and do what works, instead of what everyone else does. Thus, the population will have more access to healing and everyone is better.

Those who have committed themselves to doing His will, know that there is no way they could lose. They know that if the Lord says it will happen, it will so they can have courage. The knowledge that He died for me gives me power to do anything because I know I will be resurrected. Also, His grace is sufficient for all ills such that even my failures are turned into successes; if I should fall, I can repent and be forgiven, and I will learn and grow in the process. I can go into the line of fire, risking everything because I know the final outcome -- "Victory! victory! Through Him that redeemed us!"

Life is not efficient

I have always tried to be efficient. I'm very frugal, even miserly! I have few needs -- my kids call me "Gandhi." I keep things in order. My family was always on time to every function. I even had a specific way of dressing in the morning. In the midst of this miserly, practical and efficient way of living I have come to know, and love, Karyn. Karyn has a lot of children who have a lot of needs, which they often take care of themselves. For example, food is provided in the kitchen, and the children may cook and eat whenever they're hungry. All of these people in the kitchen at random times makes for a very inefficient system. The kitchen gets messy very quickly. Food is left out to spoil. Lots of food is wasted -- there always seems to be one slice of cold toast in the toaster. Nobody can keep up with it. The system is so inefficient!

 

I look around at the world and see that all of life is very inefficient. I had an apricot tree that produced every other year, or so. I love apricots fresh-picked ripe off the tree, but they would all come ripe at the same time. I only got a few of them, the rest went to the ants, and lay rotting on the ground under the tree -- so inefficient! There is waste everywhere! Plants make hundreds or thousands of seeds for every one that will grow into another plant. Animals likewise have multiple offspring for every one that will grow up to reproduce.

Even God is not efficient. Of the billions of offspring who are our siblings, only a handful will reach their full potential and go on to Eternal Life. A third were lost before even coming to Earth, and most of those who are born in this world don't choose the Lord to serve Him. Like the millions of seeds that lay dormant and die they will not have Eternal Life. They don't grow. They don't learn. They don't have offspring. This is not as a sperm where millions are trying to reach the one egg and only one of them will get in while the rest are left out. Nor is it like a seed that randomly falls into a plot of ground with good soil and moisture. Nature is filled with seemingly random events, but every child of God can choose not to live, making humans just as inefficient!

Meeting in the middle

With my new family being so inefficient, I have had to look at the other side of the coin. The product of efficiency is to separate people, because people are inefficient. In order to run at peak efficiency the needs of people around you must be avoided. This isn't just true in a family, it is true in business. I worked for a head and neck surgeon who was able to take care of sixty patients in one day (that's three times what I was doing) She explained to me that the way she was able to do this was to not let them speak, don't ask open-ended questions, only "yes-or-no," and don't allow elaboration. I have since found many doctors who work with people in this manner. One study showed that it took an average of six seconds for a doctor to interrupt a patient. This is how efficiency excludes others.

On the other hand, there are those who connect with people. They aren't very efficient, in fact, like my family, they may be downright wasteful. However, they provide more than "food, clothing, and shelter" for others. They provide things like love, comfort, hope, and belonging. It may be more effective to be inefficient!

Nevertheless, while we are in the world we need to take care of things. Everything in the world is constantly degrading and needs to be kept up. There is work to do for "our daily bread," as Adam was told. If we do nothing, we suffer a lack of the things we need. The more efficient we are, the more we will have to take care of our own needs and those of others. I have often thought that there must be some "happy medium" that allows us to both love and be efficient, or an ideal balance between the two.

In discussing this concept with my brother, Chas, he explained that it isn't "meeting in the middle" that brings balance, but rather having the wisdom to know what to manage efficiently, and what to waste. The bottom-line is that the things of the world need to be run efficiently, but people are to be taken care-of.

In the movie Mary Poppins Mr. Banks is a model of efficiency both at work and at home. His song tells his philosophy:

"A British bank is run with precision;

A British home requires nothing less.

Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools.

Without them, disorder! catastrophe! in short you have a ghastly mess!"

and

"Tuppins, patiently... invested in the... bank."

Into his perfect world comes Mary Poppins to care for the children. Her songs include:

"Find the fun and, snap! the job's a game!

...For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."

and

"Feed the birds, Tuppins a bag."

Two very different philosophies indeed! One is a man who takes care of things, the other is a woman who takes care of people. In the end, Mr. Banks learns the lesson -- That the bank may need to be efficient, but his home is for taking care of his wife and children. In his job he can be exacting with tradition, discipline and rules, but at home he needs to "go fly a kite!"

 

Wisdom

But, even in the middle of business it is important to keep the people and the efficiency separate. Tools, equipment, and money must be efficiently handled, but people must be allowed to be inefficient. For example, a medical practice must keep efficiency subservient to care. Caring for people requires time. Time is money. Thus, it may be more costly to adequately take care of people, but the extra time and expense are worth the investment. Truly helping people rise up, improve, and change requires that it be done on their time, not ours. Teachers and parents understand this implicitly; not all children will be reading books by the age of six. Growth and development for some may come much later and take a long time. But even so, one part of caring for people is to help them to grow in their ability to see the details needed in caring for things.

Resources and property must be cared-for, but in a different way than people. They must be maintained to exacting standards at all times. "The devil is in the details." John D. Rockefeller was one of the early industrialists in the oil business. He was so orderly and efficient that he was able to keep costs down below his competitors and push them out of business. For example, one day while passing by the packaging plant, he saw a worker using 40 welds on the lids of Oil barrels. John D. asked him use 38 instead, but the man didn't think that would work so they settled on 39. Just one weld per barrel saved thousands of dollars every year.

Wisdom requires that we exclude neither the inefficiencies of caring for life, nor the details of caring for things, but rather to keep them in their proper order. The focus must be efficiency for things and caring for people. Putting these right gave Mr. Rockefeller the ability to direct hundreds of millions of dollars for the benefit of millions of people. His legacy continues to this day.

Live, and Give Life

I used to say, "live and let live..."

Only in the past couple of days have I come to realize that I was really saying, "Live and let DIE!"

Throughout my life I have viewed Christianity as a philosophy, or a two-dimensional idea. I fully believed and knew that it was true, but it had the status of an idea, it wasn't real. I had a certain understanding, and allowed others keep their own ideas. This is "tolerance." I would love to share my philosophy with others, and listen to theirs in a pleasant exchange of ideas. In my head, or heart, Christianity was just another philosophy, among many. I believed it to be the truth, and I had many experiences that confirmed this to me, however being Christian remained a concept.

Through a series of experiences in the past several weeks I have come to know that accepting Christ as our Savior isn't just a good idea, it's not just truth, it is life. It is everything. It is the purpose of life. It is the reality of existence. It's really, really important. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of becoming a disciple of Christ. Not only is it the beginning of everything good, it is the end of everything bad.

I have done a grave disservice to my family because I wasn't valiant in the testimony of Jesus Christ. I let my wife and children be on their own, independent. I gave them what I had. I wanted them to go to church and participate in the rituals of my religion, but I left them alone in just accepting whatever they believed. But, in the end, they didn't accept my two-dimensional religion.

Now I feel differently. Because of this the Atonement of Jesus Christ has taken on a real, three-dimensional, aspect. Instead of being like a picture, it is now palpable; it isn't a philosophy, it is life, reality, and truth. Everything else is false. If we don't believe in Jesus Christ and obey the word of God we will not return to Heaven, we will not be happy, we will suffer the most intense and horrific suffering, more than can be imagined by man. There is no way out in Hell, as Dante said, "Abandon hope all who enter here!" This suffering will apply to EACH and EVERY person who doesn't accept Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter how much of a "good" life one has lived, nor does your particular philosophy matter.

There are many philosophies that include the death of the body as the end of consciousness. This is dangerously false. I actually thought it would be fine because I would just cease to exist, I even liked the idea -- but that isn't possible. Existence goes on forever, our only choice is how we are going to continue. "Death" in the Eternal sense means "separation," physical death being the separation of body and spirit, and spiritual death being separation from God. Separation from God is NOT fun. You will go on, the only real choice in life is to go on in misery, or to believe in the Lord, Jesus Christ and be saved from death and suffering.

I now know why the martyrs suffered so much for their testimony of Jesus Christ. They had a testimony of what it really means to be His disciple. They had views of Eternity. They had built their house on The Rock, or Foundation that cannot fall. They knew what I now know -- there is no other way. Whatever we suffer in life is limited and temporary -- nothing, compared to Endless suffering. I would suffer any pain, deprivation, torture, or death for this truth because it is everything good, and there is nothing outside of Him. To deny Him is Eternal torment, which is beyond anything we could suffer in the flesh.

I also know why we even capitalize the pronouns that refer to Him! I used to think it was just convention due out of respect because He is our Creator, but now I know that it's all about Him. He is the Light and Life of the World. He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end of all that is. Without Him there is no life, no health, no happiness, no joy, no goodness, no pleasure, and no peace. All that is left is misery, suffering, sorrow, loneliness, and pain.

With Him is everything good. Good is whatever leads us to Him, and evil is whatever takes us away. Evil is simply the absence of Christ. Thus, my concept of "live and let live" is really "live and let die." If I allow others to maintain their false philosophies, then they remain without Christ and will only find misery, suffering, and death. Life is in Him, and everything else is death.

Not, "Live and let live."

Not, "Live and let die."

Rather, "live and give life." Share knowledge and wisdom of the reality of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Live and give life! An old movie I saw as a child called "Logan's Run" had a big impact on me. They were in a domed city where all their needs were met. They had no families, no work, no struggle for life. Logan heard about the world outside and went to find it. What he found was beauty and infinite variety in nature, he went back to tell the others. He came to the place where those who were programmed to die before they became a burden were going in and yelled to them, "You don't have to die! You can live! LIVE!" This is what I want to shout to all. Everyone who will believe in Jesus Christ can live!

Everyone needs to know this. It's not just another philosophy. We don't just need to convince people it's true. It's the only path to God and life. Any other way only brings suffering and death. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise." (2 Nephi 2:8)