We are all looking for the same thing -- change. Everyone who goes to a doctor, a psychiatrist or counselor, to a church, AA, or other organization are looking for the same thing -- change. We have problems, trials, difficulties, and all manner of pain and suffering. We want to change that. We want to get better. We want to improve. We want to grow and live. Life is about growing, and growth only happens as we change.
Most want change to happen on the outside. When I was in Venezuela as a new missionary I was struggling with the language for what seemed like a long time. I thought it would be easier for everyone there to learn English before I would learn Spanish. The feeling comes as we struggle that it would be easier for us, and we wouldn't have to struggle, if others would change. This is most apparent in a family. Each partner in a marriage feels that change is necessary, and it would be easier for the other to change. They start picking at the faults of the other, trying to get them to change, but it never works. Only change within ourselves actually brings ease and comfort. It wasn't until I learned to speak Spanish that it became easy for me to communicate.
There are three requirements for change to happen in any person. No growth happens without all three. There is no change within until all three requirements are fulfilled. The first is a plan, the second is a commitment, and the third is a sacrifice. These three must go together, because you don't have growth without them. Random sacrifices don't bring growth, nor does a plan that is not carried-out. All must be done in proper order.
A Plan
Many people assume growth is random, that it just happens automatically. In reality, however, growth is always planned. When children are born, their parents plan for their growth. The plan for physical growth is simple, they work to get food for the child to eat, and he grows! If they did not plan for his physical growth, and did not feed him, he would not grow up, and would die. Parents also plan for the child's growth in other ways. Some believe spiritual growth is important so they read scripture at home, pray, and take the child to church to learn about God. Others may believe a secular education is important so they plan for the intellectual growth of the child, reading to him, providing books and other educational materials, expecting him to go to school, maybe even to Harvard one day. All growth is planned.
Those who don't plan for growth do not get growth. Children who are allowed to mill-about all day, playing video games and doing nonsensical activities don't grow through those. All activities can provide some learning, but it is really only through a planned program that the most growth takes place.
A plan must include an achievable goal and a deadline. It isn't helpful to have a goal of "whatever," and "whenever." I once had a goal of reading all the volumes of "The Great Books" -- "someday." It hasn't happened. I started reading one or two, carried one around for a while, but since there was no endpoint, it's still "out there." Also, having a goal to accomplish something over which I have no control isn't a plan. I cannot determine the weather or the actions or feelings of another. A proper plan tells us what we will do and when.
This plan must be a true plan. If the plan is not correct, then growth doesn't happen. You do not get financial growth with an intellectual plan. Also, if a person is taught false principles then they do not grow. For example, if parents teach that a good financial plan is to gamble, they will not have financially successful children. The parents must teach correct financial principles such as spending less than you earn, saving, investing, and avoiding debt in order to see financial growth in their children. Likewise, teaching about Zeus, Thor, Isis, or other false gods doesn't allow spiritual growth. Truth is imperative if growth is going to happen.
I speak of children because we easily see the growth in them, but adults must plan for growth as well. However, adults must plan their own lives. Some may have had a very deprived childhood and learned nothing, nevertheless as adults they still have the option to grow. They can plan for any sort of growth, according to their own desires. There are numerous examples of children raised in poverty who become very wealthy, or raised in ignorance who become scholars, or any other form of growth. This happens as adults plan for their own growth, and carry out the plan by making a commitment to it.
A Commitment
While children seem to automatically commit to their parents as part of growth, this is not really the case. Many children are rebellious and refuse to accept the plan given to them for growth. I had a friend, David, whose parents were from Korea so they planned his life for him. He was to get good grades in school, go to UCLA undergraduate and then medical school. He had a wife chosen for him as well, that would keep proper Korean family connections. He didn't like any of it. While he did get good grades and went to UCLA, he really wanted to study film production. For the sake of his parents, he went to medical school, but lasted only two weeks, and came home. He visited his betrothed, but they didn't like each other so they didn't get married. He liked blondes. He never married, and works in a 40-hour per week job for a big company. Because he didn't commit to his parents' plan, he didn't commit to anything and didn't grow.
Adults also grow through commitment. We look at children as growing, but when they reach adulthood they stop. Actually, this is not, or should not be, the case; growth needs to continue throughout life. There is a difference, though. Children commit to the growth plan of their parents, or what is imposed upon them. Adults, however, commit to their own plan for growth. The focus changes from doing what my parents want me to do, to doing what I want to do. The commitment also changes from accepting the commitments my parents give me, to making my own commitments.
Most avoid commitment because it looks hard. Growth is hard. Life is hard. However, the alternative is death and stagnation. In order to live we must be continually growing. This means that we take on hard things, commit to doing them and grow in the process. Running a business is hard, but there is great growth in being a leader. Having and raising children is hard, but parents who commit to teaching their children grow along with them. Keeping physically healthy requires constant attention. Learning new skills takes a real commitment, as does higher education or any new endeavor. There are so many adults avoiding commitment so as not to make life hard, but, paradoxically, their lives are harder because of it. Having the commitment to learn Spanish allowed me to push through the hard times and now it is easy. I can communicate freely and easily with those who only speak Spanish. This has allowed me many opportunities that I otherwise would not have had. People say they wish they could play the piano, but don't commit to practicing every day so they could. They might find a great deal of enjoyment in such a commitment. Of course, that would also require that they sacrifice something else to obtain it, such as time sitting in front of a televisión.
A Sacrifice
Having a plan and a commitment is only the first half of growth. The third essential element is the other half of the battle, follow-through. Actually carrying-out the plan requires sacrifice. Sacrifice is what you are willing to give up in order to fulfill the plan you have made. If you plan to grow intellectually, you will probably commit to go to college, which will require the sacrifice of a lot of money, both in the income you don't earn while in school, and the tuition you have to pay to be taught. You will also have to sacrifice time away from doing the things you want to do in order to be in class and study. The sacrifices made are where real growth occurs.
Marriage and family illustrate this concept well. It is common for couples to live together instead of getting married. First, they have no plan. They don't plan to become one, have and raise children, or grow in love. Second, they have no commitment. They live together for mutual comfort and gratification. As Billy Joel sang, "They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." Also, their love is based on need, their own needs, so they don't have to make any sacrifices. Growth does not happen. On the other hand, planning a family, getting married, raising children and sacrificing your heart in order to be knit together in love truly brings growth.
All learning and growth requires sacrifice. As stated previously, a plan and a commitment to learning how to play a piano still requires the sacrifice of time to actually learn it. And, the commitment to higher education requires a sacrifice of time and money. A family is the greatest earthly sacrifice we can make because it requires more than just time, money, and physical strength, it requires the heart. However, there is a greater sacrifice, and that is our plan for and commitment to spiritual growth. God requires the sacrifice of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We must give up all we have, all we know, and all we desire in order to come to Him. This is the hardest, but brings with it the greatest rewards.
The perfect plan for change
The perfect example of growth is given to us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There was a plan of our Father in Heaven to allow His children to experience evil and yet be unsullied by it. Knowledge only comes through experience. We could never explain the taste of salt, or the cool breeze on the face, or the colors of the rainbow to someone without these experiences. Likewise we could never explain pain or suffering to one who hasn't felt them. It is only in the actual experience that we learn and understand. Thus, we had to experience these things outside of the Kingdom of Heaven, for there is no sorrow there. However, the experience of evil would leave us unfit to return to our Heavenly home. The perfect plan is for God to sacrifice Himself to cleanse His children and bring them back to Him. The plan was presented, and a commitment was made; Jesus said, "Here am I, send me." He then came to Earth in the meridian of time to carry-out the plan, making the ultimate sacrifice by descending into the depths of hell to bring all those who desire out, and back into Heaven. This is the perfect plan because it allows for growth in all ways by allowing everyone to grow in any way they desire. It keeps them free to choose to grow, or not, and how much to grow. The perfect plan had a perfect commitment, and a perfect sacrifice.
The pattern is set by Him. All growth happens through Him and of Him and because of Him; for without Him there is no way we could benefit from any sacrifice of our own. All our plans would be in vain, commitments would not be kept, and sacrifices would be worthless. However, because of His plan, commitment and Great and Last Sacrifice, we are now able to learn and grow through our own plans, commitments, and sacrifices in the likeness of His. The perfect plan, then, is to follow Him. We don't need to change those around us or go to counseling or join organizations. We need only follow the pattern set by Him to make real change.
