Moses, through the grace of God, led the children of Israel out of bondage in Egypt. They went straight to the Promised Land, and waited outside while they sent spies in to see about the inhabitants of the land. The spies returned and said that the people were strong, and the children of Israel would not be able to conquer them. Moses explained that the Lord would fight their battles and they would win, but they believed the report of the spies more than the prophet of God. For this, they were not able to go into the Promised Land and wandered in the wilderness for forty years. They could have rested in the Promised Land, overflowing with milk and honey, but they did not trust the Lord.
I have had a similar experience that changed my life completely. When I was just starting out in medical school, I was praying one morning and the Holy Ghost asked me to promise God that I would only marry in the temple. For me, that was obvious, I couldn’t even consider an alternative at the time. I promised the Lord that I would only marry in the temple. Days later, I met a girl who was also a medical student, but not a member of the church and after a while we started dating. In time, she asked to speak with the missionaries and soon asked me to baptize her. After a few months, we started talking about getting married, and because of the medical school curriculum and other factors, she wanted to get married before she qualified to go to the temple. I relented, and I did not keep the promise I had made to God. I got married outside the temple. That decision to put my girlfriend in front of the Lord has had the greatest effect on my life. Twenty years later, she decided she didn’t want to go to church or be married to anyone who did, so she left. She took the kids, physically and spiritually. I was crushed!
MERCY
Because of this I have “wandered in the wilderness” for many years. I have fasted and prayed for forgiveness. I have cried to Him daily, shedding many tears. Over time, I repented of all my sins such that I have been forgiven. I am different because I repented. I would no longer make that decision. I would be strong and have courage. I now put my covenants and promises to the Lord on top of everything and everyone of the world. I know the mercy of God. He has been merciful to me and has forgiven me of all I have done. He has suffered for my sake. I will not have to suffer for what I have done. He laid down His life for me. I am blessed to know His love and mercy.
Mercy means not making me pay the price for my mistakes and rebellion. I know His mercy because I had sinned against Him, and repented. I had never before considered myself a sinner because I was like the rich young ruler who came to Jesus asking what he could do to have eternal life. The Lord told him to keep the commandments and he said, “All these have I kept from my youth up.” (Luke 18:21) That was me. I had nothing of which to repent. I could not understand the need for a savior because I didn’t know of my need to be saved. I had kept the commandments, so I thought I wasn’t a bad person who needed to repent.
I had to learn the hard way. I wanted to know the mercy of the Lord but I just didn’t understand the need for a Savior. Before I was married, I knew a girl who was staying with a foster family near my home because she was pregnant. She was from a different part of the state, but had been sent away to live with my friends through her pregnancy and delivery. She would give the baby up for adoption to a couple who was not able to have children, after which she would go home and continue high school. I got to know her well, and knew something of how much she suffered through this time. Once when I was blessing the sacrament, facing the congregation, I noticed that as the tray passed by her she had a tear in her eye. I thought about how lucky she was to understand first-hand the mercy of the Lord, Jesus Christ. I thought, “better to have sinned and repented, then never to have sinned at all!” what I thought was echoing the Lords statement, “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” (Luke 15:7) Now I know that my idea is not right -- there are no “just persons,” only people who believe they are just.
It most certainly is not necessary to commit sin to find the need to repent. It is not necessary to break promises with the Lord to understand repentance. Everyone born on the earth is born in sin. What that means is that we are all cast out of heaven because of rebellion. We are here on the earth, in hell with the devil and His angels, or, rather in a half-way house between heaven and hell, because we ate the fruit, we did that which was forbidden, every man and woman is, respectively, Adam and Eve. I did not need to go off the path to repent and come back on the path. I can know I need the Lord just because I am with all the outcasts in the lone and dreary world, cast out of heaven. None can return to be with God unless there is sincere repentance. There is only One who did not “eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” Jehovah was not cast out of heaven, but came down at the will of the Father to bring us out of prison. Everyone else is a sinner, as the Apostle Paul said, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:23)
LOST BLESSINGS
Every blessing of God has a contingency. There are no free blessings, not one. All blessings are received by keeping a specific law.
There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated. (Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21)
The corollary being if I don’t obey the law, I cannot receive the blessing, or a blessing that I might have had is lost. Promised blessings are sacrificed by not keeping covenants, promises, or commandments. I know what I lost by breaking my promise to the Lord -- my eternal family. I have no children who are on the covenant path. All have gone astray and are wandering in the wilderness. I have no eternal companion. I asked the Lord about this, and He showed me what my life might have been like if I have listened to the Spirit and kept my promise. I saw exactly what I thought my life should be. I know why I always feel like something is missing. Now I know what I have lost. That blessing will never come back. I am forgiven, but what might have been is gone forever because of a broken promise. Such an example is found in the Scriptures in the story of king David, the ancestor of the Lord, after whom the Jesus Christ is named by the prophets: the Son of David. He went off the covenant path, and committed sin, but repented and turned to the Lord. The Lord explained what was lost:
...in none of these things did he sin against me save in the case of Uriah and his wife; and, therefore he hath fallen from his exaltation, and received his portion; (Doctrine and Covenants 132:39)
In eternity David has lost his exaltation. It will never come back. What is his portion? The scriptures don’t say. I don’t know what my “portion” will be, but knowing what I lost in the world still makes me sad. I know that every sin or transgression makes me lose what I might have had if I had kept the commandment or covenant. What is lost is never re-gained. It is gone forever. I can never go back, I must move on from where I am. I am sad for what I lost, but happy for the mercy and grace of God.
GRACE
Whatever King David’s “portion” is, I know it is great because I know that the Lord gives grace. Grace is giving gifts that are not deserved. He will give all He can to anyone who desires and will prepare themselves to receive them. Though I never deserve or earn the gifts, I must actively receive them. Every gift is conditional upon qualifying to receive it, but all the work done does not pay for the gift. For example, if, when I turn 16, my parents come to me and say, “we will give you a car if you get your driver’s license,” I would be really excited and work hard to get my license. The license qualifies me to drive a car. Without the license a car would be a useless gift; it would just sit there, unused. However, obtaining a license, for all the work it entails, such as taking driver’s education, hours of practice, preparing for and passing the tests, does in no way pay for the car -- not a penny! Likewise, the gifts of God are not paid in any form by keeping the commandments, repenting, or making and keeping covenants. The gifts of God are pure grace. I qualify myself to receive them by following His Spirit, remembering Him, keeping His commandments, repenting of all my sins, and staying on the covenant path. If I keep my covenants, I qualify to receive His gifts.
For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:33)
In repenting and turning to Him, the Lord has given me grace. I have been given a foster family with a faithful wife and children. They have accepted me as their husband and father as we journey together on the earth. The relationships we form are forever. I have joy in them. I love them. I receive other gifts because of the connections I have with them. I am learning and growing in many ways because I have a family to serve and care for. The Lord is truly gracious. Though I have lost my family, I have been given some of the blessings of having a family.
NEVER SIN
The Lord will be merciful. “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;” (Isaiah 1:18) He will forgive every sin if we repent. But we don’t need to sin while here, our presence here is a probation for sins committed before we came. We are born in sin. We can live a “perfect” life, and still be sinners if we don’t repent of our rebellion that got us into this worldly prison in the first place. That is repentance. Don’t even think that there is a need to commit some sin to repent and receive the Lord. Everyone can instead go on the direct path to the Promised Land. I wish I could convince everyone to keep every covenant with God, as Alma pleaded with his son, Helaman:
And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the thing which our fathers call a ball, or director—or our fathers called it Liahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it. And behold, there cannot any man work after the manner of so curious a workmanship. And behold, it was prepared to show unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness. And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day. Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey; Therefore, they tarried in the wilderness, or did not travel a direct course, and were afflicted with hunger and thirst, because of their transgressions. And now, my son, I would that ye should understand that these things are not without a shadow; for as our fathers were slothful to give heed to this compass (now these things were temporal) they did not prosper; even so it is with things which are spiritual. For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course to the promised land. And now I say, is there not a type in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise. O my son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so was it with our fathers; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever. (Alma 37:38-46)
Like the children of Israel with Moses, the people of Lehi wandered in the wilderness for many years because they were not diligent. With trust in the Lord, they might have traveled a direct course to the Promised Land. Alma says how easy it is to remain obedient. It’s easy to stay on the covenant path and keep all your covenants, taking the straight course to eternal life. Don’t go off the path and wander in the wilderness for forty years. It’s not worth it. There is no need for the “rich, young ruler” who came to Jesus to have sinned. He didn’t need to have killed, stolen, nor committed adultery. He had kept the commandments, but Jesus explained that repentance required that he sacrifice the things of the world upon which his heart was set. He depended on his wealth to save him from suffering. He could not imagine being a pauper with no money. I had the same sin with my heart set on a girl. She was going to save me from my loneliness. She was my comfort. She was my salvation. I did not trust in the promises of the Lord. I needed to repent, the same way the rich, young ruler did.
In each case, the Lord gives a direct course to happiness. The children of Israel could have gone directly to the Promised Land. Likewise Lehi and his family could have followed a direct course; the rich, young ruler might have come directly to the Lord. My pregnant friend did not need to commit adultery, and I did not need to break my promise to understand the mercy and grace of the Lord. I could have trusted in the Lord, kept my promise, and had a wonderful life without ever going off the path. I would still come to know the mercy of God, who saves me from death and hell, who paid the price to get me out of prison and bring me back to the His presence. I would have also understood grace, that He offers gifts that I do not earn. That is true salvation and redemption. All the little sins like stealing, adultery and murder only deviate from the path and bring heartache, loss, grief, and pain. It’s easier to repent first and keep all the covenants and promises and go directly back to God. Repentance is not about what I did so much as what I am. I can repent just by living and trusting in the promises of God, letting go of the things of the world. It’s simple. Just let go of the things of the world. There is no need to break covenants or commit sins. It is better to repent by turning to the Lord immediately and trusting in Him to bring me directly to the Promised Land. The “straight course” is much easier. Stay on the covenant path.
