A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit

Under the law of Moses the people of God were required to bring the first fruits of the field and the firstlings of their flocks to put them on the altar and burn them up. This was a big sacrifice because the people depended on these things for their sustenance. However, after His resurrection, the Lord, Jesus Christ, instituted the sacrament among the Nephites, and spoke of a new sacrifice. 

And ye shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt offerings. And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. (3 Nephi 9:19-20)

The covenant people no longer would bring animals to the altar, instead they would make a different sacrifice -- a sacrifice of their own heart and spirit. 

The heart represents the deepest wants, needs, and desires of the individual. It is the “raison d’etre” of each person, the most basic reason for living. Your heart is what you really want, it’s the reason why of everything you say, everything you feel, and everything you do. You can know your heart by the things you say and do, simply ask, "why?" The things you love that make you happy give you the desires of your heart. When you are anxious you fear losing the desires of your heart. You become depressed when there is no hope in getting what you need to fill your heart. Whatever you feel you need is your heart. 

My Broken Heart

Since I only know one heart, I’m going to use my own heart as an example: 

I have three things that drive me. 

1. I need to feel loved. 
2. I need peace and rest
3. I need justification and redemption

These are my needs, and my reason for being. There is nothing wrong with having needs, or having a heart, our problems only come from trying to fulfill our needs with the things of the world. Because I am in the world my heart believes that these needs can be filled by the things around me that I can see, hear, and feel. 

1. My heart believes that I would feel loved if other people, such as family and friends, loved me.  
2. My heart believes that peace and rest will come from money -- having wealth, lands, houses, and stuff of the world.
3. My heart believes that justification comes through the honors of men -- everyone must agree that I’m a good guy. 

This is my life, these are my gods, or the idols I worship. These are at the heart of why I do anything at all. For example, this is why I became a medical doctor -- it would help me to get these three things: 

1. Love, 
2. Money, 
3. and the honors of men. 

So I went to work to get my needs filled. I did everything right. I wanted the Lord to help me so I served a mission. I worked hard in school. I got sealed in the temple, had children, started my career helping people, served in the community in a Rotary club, had callings in the church, I became a temple worker and built my dream house. I was doing great! I was on the road to fulfillment! I was being blessed because of my faithfulness and diligence. The Lord had given me everything I needed.

But then tragedy struck, and everything I cared about and needed was taken from me. Through a series of unfortunate events I lost my medical license and my medical practice, and became a pariah among my peers, my wife left me and took my children so I lost my family and the home I had built with my own blood, sweat, and tears; and to add insult to injury, my best friend died and I lost my only confidant, the only person I ever really loved. 

1. I had nobody who loved me.
2. I was homeless and had no way to make money.
3. I had no honor or respect. 

Within only a few years I lost everything I had my heart set on in the world. My heart was broken. 

Everyone Must Have a Broken Heart

A broken heart is when the deepest desires of the heart are either lost or never received. My mom told me that life is perfectly fair, sooner or later it breaks everyone’s heart. Indeed, President Nelson told of his broken heart with the death of his wife and two daughters. Wendy Nelson told of her broken heart in never having children. When Jesus was one month old, Simeon blessed Mary and told her that a sword would pierce her soul. Who can doubt her broken heart as she stood at the foot of the cross bearing her eldest Son?

Anything we need of the world to fill the desires of our heart will always end in failure -- a broken heart. You cannot have them. They are fantasies because everything in the world is temporary. Things change, people die, thieves steal, and “moth and rust doth corrupt” everything around us. 

1. There is no enduring comfort in the world. 
2. There is no peace or rest in the world.
3. There is no redemption in the world. 

Seeking fulfillment in the things of the world is why “the natural man is an enemy to God.” You are trying to fill an infinite need with something temporary. Do you think you can eat your favorite meal once and never be hungry again? This is why worshipping idols causes addictions, we become a “bottomless pit” that is never filled. The problem with addictions is they seem like they would fill the need at least temporarily, but they never really do. As Alma told his son, Corianton, who was in that situation, “Wickedness never was happiness.” For these reasons, everyone must have a broken heart. 

Choosing a Broken Heart

Most don't have an option as life happens and things in the world change they either lose what they need or never are able to get it. Some get what they want and find that it doesn't fill the need. However, there are some who choose a broken heart. I was given opportunities to have everything I wanted in the world. I had offers of love from what I thought would be a perfect partner -- if I left my family. I also had offers for lots of money -- if I gave up my standard of integrity. I had to let these go, which broke my heart. 

Having the choice to leave a miserable life for what looks perfect is not unusual. In the early days of the latter-day church of Jesus Christ everyone had that option. They could stay with the floundering and miserable church, or go with some other group that seemed to be doing better. But this kind of choice has a dark side. The price you pay for getting what you want in the world is to sacrifice what you want in heaven. The sacrifice of future happiness is always part of getting what you want now. This is the broad gate and wide path that Jesus said many travel. Instead, I chose the narrow way and let go of the things of the world to keep my covenants, even though it broke my heart to do so. 

A Contrite Spirit

Losing all the hopes and dreams that I believed would fill my heart made me depressed. So, I went to a therapist to talk about my broken heart, and she told me, “You deserve to have all your needs met.” That is exactly what I wanted to hear -- it sounded right. I deserve it!

1. I am loveable and deserve a family who loves me. 
2. I work hard, and deserve money. 
3. I help others so I deserve respect. 

I had to ponder on this concept for a long time before realizing that this was pride. Every thought of “I deserve...” was selfish. I had a broken heart, but without a contrite spirit. 

When people have a broken heart without a contrite spirit, they often become bitter and angry at the world, at God, and at those around them who do not give them what they feel are their rights. They may feel justified in hating others, like the Lamanites in the Book of Mormon, blaming the Nephites because they felt like they deserved to rule, and keep the brass plates, passing this anger down through many generations, having a spirit of pride and causing wars over it. Pride is holding on to the dreams of the world that cannot fulfill the needs of the heart. A poem I heard many years ago describes this attitude. 

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend.
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend. 
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone. 
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. 
At last I snatched them back and cried, “how could you be so slow!?” 
“My child,” he said, “what could I do, you never did let go.” 

A contrite spirit is able to let go of  dreams, needs, wants, and desires. It does not feel deserving. Contrition is being humble, meek, and lowly. A contrite spirit is guilty, and ashamed, understanding why we need the Lord -- because we are “unworthy creatures” as King Benjamin described his people, who saw themselves as “less than the dust of the earth.” The contrite spirit lets go of the things of the world and trusts the Lord. 

A Mighty Change of Heart

So, I turned to the Lord. I wanted to be like the people of King Benjamin who went to listen to the prophet and hear about Christ for the first time -- and all of them had a mighty change of heart such that they had “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” 

Perhaps some of you have had such a mighty change of heart like the people of king Benjamin, or Alma and the sons of Mosiah, or like King Lamoni and His wife and parents, and all the people of Ammon. These all saw themselves in their lost and fallen state so they prayed for forgiveness and their hearts were changed immediately. They no longer had any desire to do evil, as Alma explains: 

Now they, after being sanctified by the Holy Ghost, having their garments made white, being pure and spotless before God, could not look upon sin save it were with abhorrence; and there were many, exceedingly great many, who were made pure and entered into the rest of the Lord their God. (Alma 13:12)

Jesus told the people that when the Lamanites were converted they had a mighty change of heart, but didn’t even know it! He said: 

And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not. (3 Nephi 9:20)

Moreover, Mormon tells us that none of these ever fell away. That’s what I need -- to enter into the rest of the Lord because He fills all the desires of my heart. I need a mighty change of heart! I need The baptism of fire and the Holy Ghost. So, I prayed as the people of King Benjamin: 

O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that [I] may receive forgiveness of [my] sins, and [my heart] may be purified; (Mosiah 4:2)

I waited... but nothing happened. 

Waiting Upon The Lord

For many years I have prayed for it, but I find that the needs of my heart are still there -- unfulfilled. And, worse yet, my heart still believes that those needs can be filled by the things of the world! I try to change my heart, but I can’t! It would be like lifting myself up by my bootstraps -- it cannot be done. I know in my head, but my heart still desires the lusts of the eyes. So, I remain as Nephi, who, near the end of his life, exclaimed, 

O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. (2 Nephi 4:17-18)

However, I can also say, with Nephi, that “I know in Whom I have trusted.” I believe that Christ can change my heart forever so I remain faithful and trust that He will: 

1. Give comfort through the Holy Ghost as I remember Him always. I am comforted as I pray, and I feel His love. 
2. Give peace and rest as I take His yoke upon me, doing His work by keeping His commandments. I feel peace and joy in the temple so I go weekly. 
3. Justify me as I repent of all my sins. I ask forgiveness, and He forgives me. 

His Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit

He offers these gifts to me out of His pure loving kindness. I know in my head that only the Lord can give these things and truly fill my heart. Only His infinite atonement can fill my infinite needs through His sacrifice of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. When He came to the garden of Gethsemane, He said: 

Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. (Luke 22:42)

He did not want to suffer, but He submitted to the Father, willingly sacrificing His heart to descend below all things. He chose to pay for the sins of all mankind, knowing that His heart would be broken again by each of God's children that does not come to Him and take advantage of His sacrifice. They will suffer for their own sins, even though He already did. Yet, He is longsuffering, meek, and lowly in heart such that He is even willing to suffer with those who reject Him. He loves us that much! 

Knowing these things, I trust Him that my heart will be changed in His own due time. Meanwhile, I must, like Nephi, deal with a heart that is set on the things of the world. So, I choose to break my heart daily by denying it what it wants of the world, putting off the natural man, and continually turning it to the Lord through prayer, fasting, attending the temple, searching the scriptures, and listening to the prophets. I bear with patience my infirmities. Then, I bring my broken heart to the Lord with a contrite spirit during the sacrament. Each week I come to the table, as an altar that contains the flesh and blood of the Lord representing His own sacrifice of His broken heart and contrite spirit. 

The emblems are blessed to my soul which is both the body and the spirit. 

• I take the broken bread into my body to remember that His broken flesh will fill the needs of my hungry heart. 
• I take the bitter cup into my body to remember that His shed blood will cleanse me and fill my spiritual needs. 

I pin all my hopes on Him, making a new covenant with Him every week to put off the natural man, and be meek, humble, submissive, longsuffering -- and patient -- to keep His commandments and always remember Him, so that I may have His Spirit to be with me as I wait for the fulfillment of His promise of a mighty change of heart, when He will permanently: 

1. Fill my heart with His comforting love
2. Give me peace and rest from all my labors, and
3. Purify my heart. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.