Our society, as all degenerating societies in the history of the world, is obsessed with sex. We teach in our schools, from our pulpits, and in our media that sex is entertainment, or fun. We use it to titillate others to buy products. We encourage children to use their bodies for pleasure. The largest use of the internet is pornography -- by far! Our television shows are filled with sexual jokes and innuendo. Homosexuals entirely define themselves by their sexual desires. Like a teenage boy our entire society focuses on sex. There is nowhere to turn in public and private that doesn't contain sexual content.
Learning to love yourself
In all of this focus on sex our culture teaches us to love ourselves, producing only loneliness. We live in "the lone and dreary world" where we are all alone, but we need others so we all search for intimacy. We all have an innate need for love -- to love and to be loved. We want to connect with another in a very meaningful and deep way. Because of the need for a connection we believe that a sexual relationship will provide that, but it's not true. There is a big mistake in our culture that the physical act of sex is equated with love and intimacy.
Instead of building trust, unity, and intimacy degenerating societies focus on gratification. We make barriers, or put up walls to protect ourselves from rejection, but this also prevents us from connecting with others. We marry and are given in marriage to have someone available for our needs, but never come to know one another. My friend called me saying that his wife is depressed and stays in bed all the time. She isn't pulling her weight in the relationship; she isn't taking care of business. She says she will go shopping, but never does it. She never wants sex. "I'm getting really tired of this," he whines. This is purely selfish. The majority of divorces are based on "I'm not getting my needs filled," as if that were the purpose of marriage.
The greatest love of all...
Intimacy is far more than sexual intercourse. Becoming one with another is a metaphysical relationship that requires total commitment. There is one relationship on this Earth that can fulfill our need to become one, marriage. We marry for life, or forever, so that we can gradually break down those barriers to intimacy and develop unity. This is the most fulfilling of all experiences we can have in mortality. In a marriage where both are committed exclusively to each other each can safely let down the walls that protect their very tender hearts. We can allow ourselves to be understood, and to understand another. We can forgive the things that hurt and give compassion. Unity cannot happen without trust. Trust is not given, it's earned. When we have experienced the heart of another we can begin to trust them with our own hearts -- we give our heart to our spouse knowing that he or she will keep it safe.
Moreover, the unity in a marriage is so much greater than sexual fulfillment. It is also a necessary part of coming to know God. In the Scriptures the most common euphemism for sex is "to know." "Adam knew his wife and she bore a son." This process of coming to know another in such a deep and intimate way must go hand-in-hand with our coming to know God. In fact, the intimate human relationship is directly connected to an intimate relationship with God. Actually, they are one in the same because as one goes, so goes the other. Illicit sexual relationships are so destructive because they preclude, and prevent, intimacy. All too often even married couples have disconnected sexual relations that are devoid of intimacy. Without the human intimacy -- all of it: need, vulnerability, trust, as well as the physical and spiritual connections -- the ability to have an intimate relationship with God is impaired, or impossible.
If this is true, then complete obedience to the law of chastity must include not only abstaining from sexual relations outside of marriage, but also the obverse of having true intimacy in marriage. We connect with the Savior on an intimate level when we connect with our spouse on an intimate level. They are equal. Or, in other words, we connect with the Savior on the same level of intimacy that we connect with our spouse. To become one with God, we must become one with our husband, or wife. The greatest love is the closest relationship. The couple must become one because, as Jesus said, "If ye are not one, ye are not mine."
...Is easy to achieve
This unity is achieved in a stepwise fashion. The goal of unity, an absolute connection, a perfect (complete, whole, or finished) love, is only achieved through the Lord, Jesus Christ. The reason we hide, the reason we build walls that prevent this connection is the same reason Satan told Adam to make an apron of fig leaves to hide from God -- because of his transgression. By sin came insecurity or a sense of unworthiness, along with the need to hide. The only way out is to be forgiven of our sins, and the only way to achieve that is through Christ. This is the program of the Gospel, the "good news" that Jesus Christ suffered for our sins and we can be made whole and forgiven.
Each member of a couple must individually follow the Gospel starting with building faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, then repenting of all their sins ("all" means "all" and "all" is all "all" means!), they can then be baptized as He was for the remission of sins and receive the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands. The Holy Ghost can then sanctify us and cleanse us of all sin -- the baptism of fire. It is only at this point that each can begin to let down his or her guard and trust. The fear goes away when the sins are forgiven; and when the fear is gone, love can thrive. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18) When both have individually received the baptism of fire, then they are ready for the next step -- love.
Thus, intimacy with God and man is intricately intertwined; they cannot be separated. We cannot be truly intimate with our spouse, or any other, without having an intimate relationship with God. However, by the same token, we cannot have an intimate relationship with God unless we have a connection with our spouse. "If a man say, I love God, and hateth [rejects] his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also." (1 John 4:20-21) The marriage relationship is the epitome of intimacy in all Earthly relationships and is thus the beginning of our quest for unity and intimacy with God and man.
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