Elaine Cooper

Being a doctor offers me unique opportunities. I had a patient who died about a year ago that I wish I could tell how much she blessed my life. I love her. I was feeling down the other day, missing Karyn when I looked up from my bedroom couch and saw the heart wreath Elaine made for our wedding a year ago. There was such love put into this. She folded many dollar-bills, accordion-style, and tied them to a wreath made of sticks in the shape of a heart. She was in a great deal of pain when she made it. She could barely walk. She was terminal with disseminated lung cancer and many metastases in her brain. She had a friend drive it to my office in Santa Barbara only weeks before she died. At the time, I was so stressed about the business and marriage that I wasn't able to really appreciate it. Now I do. Her story is AWESOME! I'll do the best I can to reproduce it from memory.

 

Elaine was born in Europe, she doesn't know where. Nor did she ever know her parents. She was probably the product of an American GI and a German woman during WWII. She was found in an orphanage in Germany where she lived until she was about five, then she was transferred to Spain where she lived for another three. At this time, the American military began to take responsibility for all the war orphans/births and she was scheduled to come to the United States to be adopted by a military family. She was put on a ship bound for New York Harbor, but when they got to the Statue of Liberty they had to turn around and go back because an outbreak of tuberculosis in Spain was reported. She went back for a few more years before she was finally taken to America. 

She was assigned (ordered) to be adopted by a military family. The father was really nice to her, but the mother told her she hated her. A year later the father died and the mother told her to leave. She had nowhere to go, and she didn't know anyone so she lived in the streets of Atlanta.

She wanted an education so she went to school while living in the streets. She began working at a clothing factory, sneaking in and sleeping in the cloth at night. In the morning she would get herself up and go to school, then come home from school and work in the factory. The other girls who lived in the streets told her that she could make money by selling herself to men, then she wouldn't have to work, but she thought, "I'm not going to do anything I would have to explain to my children some day." 

She did so well in school, that the principal wanted to advance her a grade. She was told to bring her parents to the principal's office, but since she didn't have any parents, she decided to go alone. The next day, while she was walking to his office, she was crossing the street and a car driving very fast hit her. She was taken to the hospital where she was found to have several broken bones, a broken hip, and a concussion. She was unable to walk, and was put in a body cast. The nurse tried to find and notify her family, but she didn't have one. When she got out of the hospital, she was placed with a foster family, but they were very abusive to her so she left and was homeless again. 

She worked and finished high school and went on to college. She met a man and they were married. When she was pregnant with their first child, her husband died. And she had to go through the pregnancy and raising her son alone.

When her son was very young, she brought him to the doctor and told him that her child was deaf. The doctor said, "nonsense! his behavior is normal." She didn't wait for a diagnosis. She began teaching him sign language and lip reading. It took two more years before the doctors told her that her son was deaf.

She eventually married again to a man she loved very much. After about ten years, he was diagnosed with cancer. She took care of him through all his treatment until he finally succumbed to the disease.

A few years later she was also diagnosed with cancer. She had an 8cm mass in her lung and was told she wouldn't live three months. She told the doctor, "There is no expiration date stamped on my ass, and you don't know how long I'm going to live!" She came to see us at the Integrative Medicine Center and was getting vitamin C IV drips and glutathione every week. Her lung cancer shrunk down and she remained active.

She lived for two more years, continuing to work as a parole officer for children in Los Angeles. She loved the boys she was assigned to. What's more, while she was getting treatments, she would sit there and knit caps for the homeless people in Los Angeles. She never stopped, though her own life was very hard, she looked for and helped those in need at all times. She has been an inspiration to me by her wonderful example.

The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

Psalm 34:17-19

Truth

The truth is different than I thought.  I thought I was to learn the truth about God, but what I first need to know is the truth about myself!

Last Sunday I read a book by James Ferrell called, "Falling to Heaven." I would recommend this book to all the "Pharisees" of the world -- like me. In it, he talks about how we don't climb to God, but rather paradoxically fall to Him. Only by falling at His feet do we receive His love and forgiveness, to be saved from our sins. "Every knee shall bow..." says the Scripture.

This morning I read in Mosiah where King Benjamin speaks to his people. After he tells them about their need for salvation, and how Christ would come to redeem them, he looked, and "they had fallen to the earth, for the fear of the Lord had come upon them. And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth." (Mosiah 4:1-2)

I see that I have put the cart before the horse. I have assumed salvation because of my "worthiness" in keeping the commandments of God. I have tried to climb the ladder to Heaven, thinking I was good and acceptable before Him because I was somehow better than others. I was smarter, I studied more, I kept the commandments better, I forgave everyone, I was doing all the things I was supposed to do so I would get preferential treatment at the judgment seat. I had proof because he had given me knowledge and wisdom. I was called the "gospel wikipedia" by the Elders at church! In short, I was using His gifts to me to prove that I didn't need Him.

In doing this, I have shut myself out of Heaven. I have made myself beyond the reach of God, not because He can't reach me, but rather because I have pushed Him away. I have also shut myself out of humanity. I cannot love, or be loved. I am above others, not with them. I cannot be with them as long as I remain above them. In this, I am lonely. I have ruined my family because I couldn't love them. I had no connection with my wife and children so it was easy for them to push me away. In my zeal to do everything right, I have really been doing everything wrong.

Thus, keeping the commandments doesn't qualify me for salvation. After King Benjamin commended his people for keeping the commandments, he went on to tell them: "And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you." (Mosiah 2:25)

Then, he told them about Christ, who would come to redeem them from this lost and fallen state. They believed his words. They believed in Christ. They saw themselves in their lowly state and cried to God to, "have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified;" (Mosiah 4:2) God then did give them their desires.

Now, I desire this blessing. I would like to see myself in my lost and fallen state. I would like to know my carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. I want to understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my life. I want to see that I am NOT worthy, deserving, or in any way merit His love and salvation. I want to see the truth. I want to be free, free from the tyranny of my own needs and expectations. I want to be free of the desire to save myself by doing everything right. I want to be free of being above others. I want to become a part of humanity and receive the gift that Christ has to offer to the meek and lowly of the world. I desire to see my weakness, to expose every sin and transgression.

Oh Lord! Wilt thou not grant unto me my desire? Wilt thou not have mercy on me that I may be free? Wilt thou not open my eyes, unstop my ears, and soften my heart that I may understand the truth? Wilt thou not have mercy? Yea, I know that thou wilt answer my prayer. I know that in thine own time and way that I will see myself in the Light of Truth. I will know His love and redeeming power. I will come to know that I am nothing, unworthy, and that there is nothing I can do to escape my plight. I know that thou wilt grant this understanding that I may come unto thee, for this is the purpose for which thou hast created all things. Yea, this is the reason thou didst send thy Son to suffer, bleed and die in the garden and on the cross. I desire that I may come to thee. Wilt thou not grant my desire? I will give up all my sins to know thee. I only want to see what King Benjamin's people saw -- myself in my lost and fallen state. Oh! Have mercy on me! I pray, I plead, I beg of thee -- soften my heart, show me my weakness, show me the truth! In the name of thy Beloved Son, I pray. Amen.