Older Women

Billy Joel has a song that describes nicely how a man feels about his young bride called She's Always a Woman. In it he describes a very self-centered, hurtful, lying, and conniving woman -- "but she's always a woman, to me." A pretty girl is a feast for the eyes. Young women have soft skin, breasts, buttocks, skin, hair, and they can make babies. His woman is everything a young man could want, and none of this has anything to do with what she is inside. She could be a real witch, but she's his woman. A man just wants to touch, possess, and take care of the woman he loves. He'll do anything to make her happy. Because of this, young women don't have to grow up or be mature. They don't have to love. They don't have to take care of themselves. They don't have to have skills, earn money, exhibit leadership, or even be kind. All they have to do is look cute and they are loved.

Young men are concrete. The pretty woman is a sensual experience because sex is the concrete token of what a man really wants -- her heart. A young woman gives her body to her husband in token of giving her heart. Too often, though, the wife thinks she can continue this charade forever, never having to actually follow-through. The heart is hard to give. A wife must develop full trust in her husband. She must be willing to let go of everything else, including her children, to love him. It's hard. My mom said, "It feels like death" -- right before she left my dad.

As women age they are no longer cute. They sag. Their skin gets blotched and wrinkly. Their hair gets wiry. Their fat distribution changes so their bodies are no longer attractive. They can't make babies. The outward appearance no longer compels men to desire them, or take care of them. Women hate this. They spend billions of dollars on creams to keep their skin soft and supple, implants to prevent the breasts from sagging, cosmetic surgery to tighten the skin, and liposuction to remodel the fat distribution. They go to spas to put cucumber slices on their eyes, eat strange diets, exercise obsessively, take hormones, vitamins, and all sorts of "youth-enizing" dietary supplements. They spend a great deal of money and time trying to be cute and cuddly so they can be attractive -- and loved like a young woman. They don't want to have to grow up. They want to be loved for just being cute, but it doesn't work. It isn't cute. In fact, often the harder they try the worse they look. "What a drag it is getting old."

Most men also remain childish so they continue to try to live their childhood fantasies. They still believe the token to be the real thing so they seek more sexual relationships hoping that it will lead to fulfillment. They're not looking for a mature relationship so no matter what the age, immature men will seek immature women of youth and beauty. If he wants an immature woman he's not going to seek one his own age, he's going to find a young, supple, sensual one. However, as men mature, they become more abstract. They don't just want the token anymore, they want the real thing. A mature man wants a mature woman who can give him what he really wants -- her heart. Childish men of any age look for young women to be with, and mature men look for mature women so childish older women are the only people left out.

The problem, then, isn't that older women aren't attractive, but rather that they believe they should be coddled like teen brides all their lives. When they realize they are no longer attractive, they begin to resent that men pay attention to younger women, and often become bitter and angry. I have seen so many bitter and angry old women who say, "It's not fair that a man can remain immature into old age and still be attractive to young women." Older immature women feel left out for good reason. Since the body won't return to its virgin state, and they haven't developed their mind and heart, they think they have nothing to offer. They thought they could put off growing up, as if cuteness lasts forever. But now it's gone -- never to return. Life is so hard. .

What our culture doesn't teach is that maturity, not youth, leads to fulfillment. Experience can be a great benefit if a woman has applied herself to growing up. An older woman, though not soft and supple, is very attractive if she has become mature. It's a dimension that cannot be seen in a photograph. She has developed skills and assets beyond looking good. She should be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. She should be widely read and have a good understanding of human nature. She should know who she is, what she wants, and where she's going. A mature woman doesn't make decisions out of fear, but rather faith. She should have hobbies that she enjoys. She should take good care of herself, showing discipline by not indulging her appetites. She should be independent, having marketable skills, and being able to manage finances. She should be happy, not lonely or needy. Most importantly, she should possess the gift of charity, being able to give from her heart. Whether married or not, she is fulfilled.

The attraction of an older woman is not for how she looks, but rather who she is -- just the opposite of younger women. The young woman creates life and nurtures physical growth; the mature woman lives life, possesses wisdom, and nutures spiritual growth. Instead of a supple body with a whiny and selfish temperament, she has a saggy body with a happy and loving disposition. Instead of offering her body, she gives her heart, bringing fulfillment. A mature woman of any age is truly ageless!