The Greatest Commandment

Love is a mystery. It is like the wind. It comes, we know not from where, and it goes, we know not to where. We feel it, but we don't know why. It happens without our control. It also goes away when we least want it to. Love is so mysterious!

Though it seems so, I don't believe it for a second! When Jesus was asked, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?" (Matthew 22:36) He answered, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." (Matthew 22:37)

If love is so mysterious that we have no control over who we love, why would we be commanded to love God? Nephi assures us that "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1 Nephi 3:7) This leads me to believe that love is something we can learn.

When a child is set in front of a piano, he will plink the keys until someone in the room tells him to stop because it becomes annoying very quickly. A piano teacher is brought in, and soon the child is playing scales and chords, and little tunes. Over time, as the child practices, he gets better and better. There is no top, he can always improve his skills. I believe love is like that. We are dependent and annoying at first, but as we are taught the skills of love, we can continually improve forever.

If love is a skill, why don't we learn it? Because we don't have teachers. There are no professional instructors in the skills of the heart. We just expect that over time we will learn by doing. However, this is like expecting a child plinking on the piano keys to become a concert pianist without a teacher. I've heard that it happens, but it isn't something that we would expect. Teachers are needed. Coaches are needed. We need instruction in how to have a heart, and how to place our heart on the Lord.

First, in order to understand anything we must be able to define it. We are told that love is not even comprehensible, much less definable. Part of the problem is that we use the same word to mean so many different concepts, feelings and actions. This creates a lot of confusion. In spite of this, we can know what love is and why we feel the way we do, and then act on what we know. There are two primary foundations of what we call "love." One is selfish and immature, and the other is selfless and mature. This is not to say that immature love is bad, while mature love is good, this is not the case. The lower form of love is simply the starting point. Like all growth, we start by being dependent.

Immature love

The immature form of love is based on need. This can be applied to anything we feel we love. Children love their parents because they fill their needs. We love our things of the world because they fill needs. We fall in love with our spouse because she fills our needs. There are two essential components to this love:

1. A heartfelt need, or desire
2. A belief that the other could fill that need

The need comes from our heart. We may be aware of it, but often we are not. These are the stuff of songs and poems. They express the deepest needs of our hearts. Some needs may be as simple as money, food, and shelter. Other needs may include learning, growth, a connection with others, or to be loved. The things we live, work, and pray for are the desires of our hearts -- they are the motivation of all we do in life.

When we find something or someone that we believe could fill any one or more of our needs, we will feel an immediate attraction, need, or love. But, with immature love, we don't have to have the need actually filled, all we need is a belief that it is possible. For example, we could have "love at first sight," which is falling in love with a person we don't even know because we believe that this person could fill our needs. All we need is a belief. This works with anything. If we believe a car could fill a need we could love it, even though we don't own it, or have never driven it. No matter what you love, if you look, you will find that it fills some need, or perceived need, of your heart.

We even fall in love with God, or our own concept of God, when we believe that He could fill our needs. Most of those who believe in God see Him as a parental figure who loves us, takes care of us, and fills our every need. He has the power to give us all we want and therefore it is easy to fall in love with Him in the same way we might fall in love with anyone in the world. I think this is why of the literature, poetry, and songs of love can be equally applied to a girlfriend, a parent, or God.

 

The problem with this kind of love is that it only lasts as long as the need is filled, or as long as the person believes it could be filled. We "fall out of love" with those we love because we realize that they cannot fill the need we had hoped. Some, though faced with the reality that another person cannot, or will not, fill their needs, they continue to believe, and thus continue to love. Others, like married couples, get married and want to stay in love, but find it dies over time. Thus, love is fickle. It can come and go depending on our perceptions and beliefs -- and not according to our desires. This is why it seems like such a mystery.

Mature love

There is another type of love that is almost the opposite of immature love in many ways:

• It is not based on feelings.
• It isn't selfish or reflexive.
• It doesn't seek to have my own needs filled, but rather seeks for the benefit of others.
• Instead of being self-centered, it is other-centered.
• Instead of being based on a belief or filling my needs, it is based on giving up my needs for the benefit of another.

There are two essential elements to this love:

1. A sacrifice by the one who loves
2. A benefit to the one who is loved

A sacrifice is giving up our own needs, that which we want, or desire. Those same things that we desire in our hearts, our needs, must be sacrificed. The very thing for which we "fall in love" is put aside or given up in order to have a mature love. Moreover, it must be a willing sacrifice, giving up what we desire, or even suffering pain or deprivation, not forced or thrust upon us without our consent. When we give up our hearts we are not seeking fulfillment, as with immature love.

For example, when we fast, we are instructed to give what we would have spent on food to the poor -- our fast offering. This is metaphorical for the type of sacrifice required for love: "I will suffer hunger so you can eat." Christianity is filled with examples of accepting suffering, not returning railing for railing, or even going "the extra mile." We give not what we are given by others, but even more, blessing those who curse us. If we are sued to take away our coat, we give the coat and our cloak also. These are to teach us how to have mature love.

Though it is hard to give up the things we desire in our hearts, it is even harder to know what will benefit another person. This is the part that must be learned over time. Very often, that which we perceive to be a benefit would actually be a detriment to others. Keeping children dependent by giving them everything they want often seems to be a benefit, but really is destructive. Giving people food or money would in some cases bless, and in others curse the person. So, we need to define "benefit" not in terms of a specific action, but rather in terms of the effect it produces. The desired effect is growth.

Any time we help another to grow we are providing a benefit. All benefit is growth, and without growth there is no benefit. Growth is improvement. When a parent gives up buying a new car she wants so her son can have a piano to play, she is showing love by sacrificing what she wants for the growth of her son. He will learn and grow from his piano practice in many more ways than musically.

Both elements, sacrifice and growth, must be in place.  If a person grows, but there is no sacrifice, it isn't love. Also, if there is a sacrifice, but no growth there is no love. If a person sacrifices his very life, but it helps no one it isn't love.  We can also use this to test the amount of love.  The greater the sacrifice, the greater the love; and, the greater the benefit, the greater the love. Thus, love is not only definable, but scalable.

It's important to note that the mom could buy a piano and the child could refuse to take advantage of it and thus gets no benefit from it. Is this love? Yes. A sacrifice made to increase the opportunity for growth is love even if the person who is loved doesn't actually grow. Just providing the means to do so is loving.

God's Love

God loves everyone on an immature level. He has His heart set on us, His children. He finds joy in each of His children who choose Him, and feels sad for all those who don't. It breaks His heart when we choose to suffer, causing the Heavens to weep. He gives us His whole heart. We are His every want. He believes in us to fill His desires.

He, of course, also loves with the most mature love, as manifested in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. God showed us the greatest love by sacrificing His only begotten Son. By our definition, Jesus Christ has the greatest love because He made the greatest sacrifice to benefit the largest number of people. He said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) He used the same definition of mature love; notice the two elements: sacrifice of laying down his life, and providing a benefit for his friends.

In this, He is talking about His own sacrifice, where He would lay down His life for His friends, meaning his disciples. This is evident in the next statement, "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." (John 15:14) Notice that His sacrifice will benefit those who obey Him. This is because it is only through obedience that we can grow.

 

 God didn't lay down His life for everyone, this sacrifice will benefit only those who love Him. Thus, even the greatest love of God only applies to those who take advantage of His sacrifice by being obedient. He provides the opportunity for Eternal Life, but some will not avail themselves of it. He provides the means -- this is His love, as explained by John, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." (John 3:16-17) His love is His sacrifice for the benefit of the whole world, whether they actually grow -- or not.

How we love Him

We come to love God in the same way we love our parents, or anyone. We start with an immature love as we recognize that He fills all our needs. We stop loving the things of the world because we find only emptiness in them. They can, at best, only fill our need on a temporary basis. Food fills the need for minutes to hours. Sex fills our need for maybe days. Thrills make us feel better temporarily. Money doesn't really fill the needs we have in our heart. However, when we find that the Lord can fill our needs, we can truly love Him. He fills all of our needs by giving us "our daily bread." He provides for us. He encourages us to pray to Him and ask for our every need to be filled by Him. We are to fall in love with Him and He gives us the desires of our heart. By continually filling our needs, He continues to be the object of our love. We give Him all our praise and glory -- our hearts are set on Him.

As we mature, we find that the love of God is reciprocal. We find that a deeper love is needed, and we desire to be close to Him. Thus, rather than seek Him to fill our needs, we begin to look for ways to give up our own needs. Though we begin to love Him because He fills our needs, we grow in a mature love as we keep His commandments, as He said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." (John 14:15) Keeping His commandments requires us to make many sacrifices. We give our money to the poor. We give our time to the Church. We give up the things we want of the world, such as:

• Time (the Sabbath)
• Money (tithing)
• Food (fasting)
• Sex (Chastity)
• Drugs/alcohol (Word of Wisdom) 

...or anything we desire. In fact, the final requirement of our covenant with God is the ultimate sacrifice of our heart. He said, "And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit." (3 Nephi 9:20) The heart is all of our deepest desires. We love God when we willingly sacrifice our own desires in order to glorify His name.

This begs the final question of keeping the greatest commandment, "How can we benefit God, or help Him to grow?" Doesn't He have everything? Doesn't He have all power, might, glory and honor? Isn't He above all things? We are as ants to Him, and yet we have something to offer -- our heart, meaning our will. When we submit to His will we glorify Him by becoming part of Him. He is increased in glory, joy, honor, and power each time one of His children bows to Him in submission, giving his love and honor. So, when we love God, we help Him to grow by our sacrifice. This is how we can learn, step-by-step, to keep the first, and greatest, commandment.