To Rule The World!

Recently, an employee sued me for compensation on a contract that had been terminated.  He appealed to the terms of the contract which required we go to binding arbitration to settle the matter.  We both submitted our arguments by email and the arbitrator agreed with me.  The contract was null and void.  The man became irate and insisted the arbitrator had mis-judged the contract, and that I was cheating him out of what was his due.  However, he must submit to the force of government and the law -- against his will.

When a ball-game is played, the referees have total control over the game.  The coaches only control their own teams, but the refs control the field or court.  If a ref calls a foul, both sides must accept it, and the penalty must be paid.  Whether we are players, coaches, or spectators, our own desires, wants, or needs must be submitted to the authority of the referee, even if we are sure it was a "bad call."  Since a ref has so much control over the game -- ideally within the rules -- to be in charge we don't want to be a player, but rather the referee!

Everybody wants to rule the world!

Pride is the will, made up of wants, needs, and desires.  Everybody has desires.  Everybody has needs.  My brother thinks he doesn't have any needs, but he has just suppressed them, living a spartan life.  In order to get our needs met, we need other people.  Those people we believe can fill our needs are the ones we love.  If we don't believe a person can fill a need for us, we aren't interested.  The next thing we do is to somehow get that person to actually do what we want them to do in order to fill our needs.  We have three basic ways:

• Force -- we command, coerce, threaten, or otherwise use force.  "Do what I want, or else you will suffer!"  Power or authority over others almost always leads to this.  Parents, governments, and other organizations generally use this to get what they want.  This is life under a dictatorship, whether government or family.
• Bargain -- we may offer an exchange, "If you will give me what I want, I will give you what you want."  These are not always fair exchanges but at least each believes he is getting what he wants.  This includes a free-market system or republic.
• Love -- The greatest motivator is love.  However love does not force or bargain in any way.  Love is based on sacrifice.  "I love you so I want you to be happy."  That's the entire message.  The action is sacrifice, being willing to give up my wants, needs and desires for your happiness.  The underlying purpose is not to get my needs met, but rather to fill the needs of others -- not necessarily to give them what they want, but rather to see what is missing that would help them to be happy, and fill that.  This is the antithesis of the other two because the motivating force is not self-centered, but rather centered on the other person.

Lord of my castle

A couple of days ago, I had made plans for a reporter from the Santa Barbara News-Press to interview me and the family for an article for father's day.  I told the family, but they didn't think it was very convenient because it was in the middle of the day, and everyone wanted to go to Santa Barbara.  So, I called the reporter and told her that we could meet in Santa Barbara.  The next day when I told them, they said, "That's not very convenient, because now everyone wants to go to the beach."  Suddenly, it occurred to me, It's NOT about ME!

I have always thought that I should be the "father figure" and the central character in the family, a leader and ruler, but it's not the case.  I'm actually not a decision maker at all.  I'm secondary, or really, tertiary.  I cannot make plans for the family, I am only a rider on this train.  I'm sort-of an outsider.  I provide a service, the gas that makes it go, but I have no authority.  My needs, wants, and desires are not a consideration in the family dynamic.  My wife is clearly the central figure, and everything revolves around her.  Being an outsider has put me in a weak position to get my needs filled, to be a leader, or rather, commander.  I don't have the option of using force in any way.

With my first family it was similar, but there was a constant "cold war" of wills.  I would insist on my way and wasn't very considerate of what they wanted.  We didn't fight much, and did a lot of things together, but when it came to certain things, I insisted on my way.  I think I tried everything to get them to do my will, but they were very hard, really oblivious to my needs as they were working so hard to fill their own wants.  I also refused to see my wife's needs so she stopped believing in me.  She didn't feel loved.  When she left, she took the kids with her.  

Now I have nothing to call my own.  I rule over no one.  I have no authority.  I have no family.  I'm no father in the sense of ruling.  I don't even have a house -- I'm homeless!  I belong nowhere.  So, I am left with two options,

1. Bargaining
2. Love

The problem with number one is that nobody in my current family cares that much about money, or, rather, they are not easily manipulated by monetary gain, they have all they want, and I have nothing else to bargain.  So, I'm down to love.  It's all I have, but it's very frustrating because love doesn't seek her own.  Love looks to help others grow through sacrifice, or giving up what I want.  What a dilemma!  It doesn't seem like a way to "rule over your household."

Business Leadership

I have changed the way I practice medicine.  Before, it was all directed by the patient; they would make appointments and come in when they wanted and ask me to supply them with their desires.  Now, I ask them to come in.  I direct their care.  I tell them who to see, when, and how long.  I tell them what to eat, what supplements to take, and how to exercise.  I tell them what medications to take, and what not to take, and if they want a medication I don't agree with, they are told to go to a different doctor to get it.  I tell my patients, "If you will do what I tell you to do, you will be able to get healthy."  It's all about me.

However, that doesn't always work.  Within the principles of health, there are an infinite number of variables that I must take into account.  I need to change the treatment according to the wants, needs, and desires of the patient.  Sometimes it hurts to give in to them in order to work with them.  It's hard work to try to individualize treatment for a large number of people.  I need to submit to those the Lord sends to me, to love them by giving up what I want.

Power in sacrifice

All of the sacrifices I must make of my own will are hard for me, but I see that it's necessary.  I need to learn to love by letting go of my own wants, needs and desires in order to bless the lives of others.  I need to submit my will... to whom?  To God!  The way this is done, however, is not as I expected.  I thought a prophet would come, an angel, or a voice from Heaven to tell me to "Go back to Jerusalem and get the plates," "build a ship," or some other such marvelous task.  Instead, I find it is so mundane as to submit to my wife and children, the government, and my patients.  The will of God is found in the daily tasks of life, the people around me, whether friend or foe, in work or play.  The will of God are the situations in which He puts me.  I decide how I will respond and act.

The role of leadership is not to command that my will be done, but rather to offer a way for growth for those who want to follow.  There is a great deal of power in making a sacrifice with a willing heart.  People see this and feel in their hearts that they are loved.  Love draws them in like moths to a light on a dark night.  They want to know you and be with you.  They believe that you can fill their need, their greatest need -- to be loved.

The love of God

The real Ruler is God.  He is the Referee in every game of life.  He will call all the fouls.  He is the Supreme Court Judge; His will is supreme over all the wills of others.  He has made the ultimate sacrifice for every child of Adam out of love.  His leadership is love; He will not force or bargain.  People may submit to His will because they believe He can fill their needs, wants, and desires, and He does, but they can have more if they love Him.  If they desire Him, He will lead them to love and happiness.  He rules with love.  God is love.  All we are required to do is submit to His love.  

The process of letting go of my will is often very different than expected.  Jesus explains how He did it:

"I have suffered the will of the Father in all things..."  (3 Nephi 11:11)

To "suffer" means to "allow."  We do not control our lives.  We make decisions that lead us down a path, but we do not have control over all of the variables that influence what options present themselves.  God is in charge.  He knows the end of every road from the beginning.  He will present opportunities for us to accept, or reject, but will not force us in any way.  Loving leadership requires allowing freedom of choice, and he certainly loves us.

When we love Him, we allow His will to work in our lives.  We stop fighting against it, and just accept what happens to us.  Jesus did not want to suffer in the Garden of Gethsemene, but He allowed it because it was the will of God.  Submission may be wonderful and terrible at the same time.  It may feel like death.  It may be giving up our very nature.  It may mean sacrificing the most basic needs of our heart.  Nevertheless, we allow it.  In this way, He becomes our Lord, King, and Ruler.

Paradoxically, those who allow God to rule over them become rulers.  Only those who sacrifice their own will may actually become leaders in Heaven.  The gift of love through sacrifice and freedom is the only way to rule in righteousness.  This is the way of God.  We don't force or bargain, we love.  When we follow Christ, and "suffer the will of the Father in all things," this is how we will gain the capacity to rule a family, a business, a nation, and, yes, a world!