Newfound Faith

In the past, I have written about the similarity of gathering knowledge both by study and by faith.  Science, in all ways is what we call the knowledge of the things of the world, physical things, while faith is the process of gaining the knowledge of God, or spiritual things.  While there are a lot of similarities in coming to know both areas of knowledge, a long conversation with my scientist boys the other night has opened my eyes to the differences.

Faith is a process, not an event.  There are three main aspects to faith:

• Believe in the experiences of others
• Seek to know what they know, gather evidence
• Persist in the search with patience

Believe
The knowledge of the world comes through things that we can perceive with our senses.  They have weight, mass, color, sound, and so forth; they can be seen, heard, and felt.  Because of this, they can be demonstrated to others.  Chemical reactions can be demonstrated, and work every time; a whole class in college can observe the demonstration, and try it out themselves in the lab, and learn about what is happening, gaining an understanding of chemistry, physics, and biology.

Spiritual knowledge, however, is very different.  There is no demonstration to others because it's all internal.  It is hearing voices that nobody else can hear.  It is seeing things with your spiritual eyes that nobody else can see.  It is speaking to a God that nobody around you knows.  All of the knowledge is very personal, and cannot be given to others.  The only way we understand spiritual knowledge is by personally seeking, asking, and knocking on Heaven's door.  Others may tell us their experience, but that doesn't give us the experience -- it cannot be given.  But, it can be shared when each has the same experience.

Seek
On August 29, 2016 I had an experience that completely changed me.  For forty years I had "wandered in the wilderness" not knowing where I was going.  I believed that God lived, that Jesus was the Savior of the world, but in reality I didn't even know that I needed salvation.  I didn't know I was lost.  Against all odds, with little to go on, I persisted in seeking the Lord.  I studied, prayed, and pondered daily on the things of God.  I read the Scriptures, and the words of any who said they had experience with God.  I took them as honest men, and believed in their words.  I had to sacrifice many things on this quest.

The process of gaining spiritual knowledge, in a sense, is opposite from the knowledge of the world.  Science starts with a tangible, observable fact, and works backwards to answer the questions of "what?" and "how?"   Spiritual knowledge starts with only a word, a testimony, or the experience of another, and works forward to have that same experience.  I read about so many others who found peace, love, and a connection with God.  I wanted what they had, and persisted in seeking it.  After many years, I have finally had the experience of forgiveness.  I have been born again.  I have a connection with God.  I understand all the words of all those who worship the Lord.  I understand the Halleluiah chorus, why people would sing praises to Him.  I understand the Hosanna shout, why there is such joy in God and the Lamb.  I understand why Christians, and even Christ Himself would be a martyr, suffering all manner of pain in the world.

All of the things I have heard others experience, and believed that they really did experience them because I had no cause to doubt them, I now have also experienced.  I understand their experience because I have felt the same.  "I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see."  I get it only because I have heard and read the experience of others so much, and now I have had the same experience and finally understand what they were talking about.

Faith is gathering information that nobody in the world can give me.  I go to church to hear the words of others, but they can only tell their own experience, and cannot make me see what they see.  In order for me to actually see it, I would have to seek that knowledge directly from God.  He gives us the experiences of the spirit in His own time, and in His own way.

Patience
We cannot demand anything, or even expect immediate cause and effect.  In science, it's easy because every time I put bicarbonate in the acid, I'm going to get an immediate, observable reaction.  Spiritual knowledge, on the other hand, requires patience.  Faith is patience, or waiting for the light to come.  It is believing, and waiting.  Abraham waited for many years to say, at the age of 62, "Thy servant has sought thee earnestly; now I have found thee."  (Abraham 2:12)

Because we have no control over the acquisition of spiritual knowledge, it seems random and arbitrary, but it is not.  The reason for this is that we are in the dark, and don't know what we don't know.  Children often over-estimate their understanding and abilities, thinking they know everything, and are able to walk close to the edge of a cliff, ride a bike, light the fireworks on the forth of July, cross the street, or drive a car.  When I was young I asked my mom about having children, and she told me, "When you get married, you'll know how to make babies."  I never got "the birds and the bees" lecture.  Our Father in Heaven knows our abilities, and when we are ready to receive any knowledge, it is given immediately, the same way any parent would teach their children.  I often told my children to be patient, that when the time was right, they would get what they wanted -- and they did.

He is the Light of the world
Science starts with an observable fact that is demonstrable to all.  Spiritual knowledge starts with only a word that nobody else can understand.  The process of seeking to understand that word is called faith.  I wish with all my heart that everyone in the world would seek the knowledge of God by faith -- by believing in my words, that I have experienced a mighty change of heart, and have seen for myself, and know by experience, that the words of the prophets are true.  Jesus Christ is the Lord, the Savior of the world.  Only through Him can we have any hope of salvation from death and suffering.  He can, and He will, take upon Himself the consequences of our disobedience, if we desire.  Even if you don't know you need salvation, you do.  Believe me, you do.  And, all it takes is to come to Him, repent of all your sins, and ask for mercy.  His grace is sufficient for all, no matter who you are, or what you've done.

I will add my word to the many testimonies that have been given of Him.  I have seen.  I know for myself that He lives.  Believe me.  I have no reason to lie.  Everyone must be "born again" through faith on His name.  The longer you wait, the longer it will take, the more patience you will need.  Faith in Him is knowledge, light, mercy, grace, and love.  This is truth.  Discover it for yourself:

• Believe in Him.  
• Seek Him.  
• Don't give up!  

The Most Important Thing

In the early 18th century scurvy was a plague.  Thousands died of this horrendous disease.  Symptoms of scurvy include:
Fatigue, irritable and miserable all the time
Severe pain in limbs and joints
Easy bruising
Swollen, bleeding gums
teeth fall out
Shortness of breath
wounds fail to heal
Jaundice
Edema
Fatal heart disease

The worst epidemic was among sailors.  Ships would go out to sea and return with half to only a third of the crew, the rest having been buried at sea when they died of scurvy.  For example, during the Seven Years War the British Royal Navy reported 134,000 out of their 185,000 enlisted men died of disease, mostly scurvy.  Scurvy killed over a thousand times more sailors than cannon fire.

In 1753 a British naval surgeon, John Lind, published a book about curing scurvy with lime juice.  The establishment doctors rejected his ideas, and continued to prescribe:
Mercury
Purgatories
Laxatives
Malt
Smoke in the colon
Elixirs
Bury the patient up to his neck in hot sand
Alcohol
Herbal concoctions
Patent medicines

People continued to die of scurvy.

Forty years after Dr. Lind's book, a few admirals required lemons aboard their vessels to prevent scurvy, against the advice of the naval doctors.  From there, people started using fresh fruit and vegetables to cure scurvy, while the doctors continued to prescribe false treatments.  It wasn't the establishment that cured scurvy; it wasn't "science," but rather the common man's quest for truth.  When people stopped listening to the doctors, and started looking at the evidence, they came up with the cure.  It took another half-century before the doctors accepted the truth!

Truth is all that matters.  You can blow smoke up a patient's butt until the cows come home, but it won't cure scurvy.  Burying the scurvy-ridden sailor in hot sand for years isn't going to help.  For every true treatment, there are a thousand false ones.  But the true ones are all that matter.  Falsehoods are a waste of time, at best, and mostly do more harm than good.

Nothing has changed in the 21st century.  Doctors are recommending crazy surgeries and patent medicines of all sorts with toxic results for heart disease, diabetes, and cancer -- the three biggest causes of death, and people still die.  All the remedies and surgeries in the armamentarium of the physician are a waste of time, at best, and kill at worst.  There are thousands of treatments, but none are true.

All of the false beliefs of the "scientists" easily become accepted and established because of politics.  It is a requirement that the government enforce all false beliefs because otherwise we would have too many independent thinkers seeking practical solutions to problems.  This would solve all the problems, and the establishment would fall.  Who would go in for heart surgery, the number one most common surgery, if he knew all he needed to do was a simple change in diet?  Former President William Jefferson Clinton figured this one out -- the hard way.  Who would take toxic drugs that sap energy, libido, and brain power if he knew that hypertension is a fake disease?  It is essential for science to hide behind several bastions of power:
Government
Peer pressure
Bandwagon
Money
Statistics
Published "facts"

The problem with government interference in science is taking control.  Because of the power of a strong central government to enforce the rules, people will not be allowed to dissent.  Those who are not in agreement are ostracized and discredited.  They aren't allowed to voice their opinion in printed science journals because it is contrary to what is being taught.  "Peer Reviewed" only means "status quo."  Also, they aren't given positions of authority so they cannot make changes.  Only those who are "yes men" are allowed into the upper levels of established doctrine.

Money is the biggest driver of false science.  "You get what you pay for" applies equally to scientists.  When the marketing department of a drug company wants a certain outcome, they pay for a study, and find a statistically significant result.  Those who pay to publish journals expect to get what they pay for, and don't allow anything that would hurt their business to be published.  "Science" is just a tool of marketing.  When the California Raisin Board wanted to quell the rumor that raisins caused tooth decay, they paid for a study, and published: "a chemical found in raisins might inhibit tooth decay."  The "science" is sound, except for the fact that raisins cause tooth decay.

The way to truth, then is not more government money in science, nor can it come through large donations by foundations or corporations.  Truth will always be found in the lowest levels of practicality where nobody cares about statistics, nobody gets paid for a specific outcome, nobody reads journals, and there is only pressure to bring results.  Scurvy was cured by the common man, in spite of doctors.  Truth is found in the practical wisdom of the ages, or in new solutions to problems that are found by those in the trenches, who deal with it regularly.  Those who are looking for money or notoriety are going to give false information so professionals can never be expected to bring truth to a society.  The fact that it happens occasionally is a credit to those who are not sullied by the system.  Whether in or out of the establishment, only those who are seeking practical solutions will know truth.

This principle applies to all knowledge.  Science, law, art, religion, teaching, health care, and all professions and institutions are more likely to find truth when there is no establishment or dogma.  Nobody can be an expert; everyone must become a humble seeker of truth.  Power to learn, grow, and progress in all areas of life comes from the individual.  Institutions maintain falsehoods more than they could ever establish truth.  All forms of regimes, installations, or establishments exist to promote a status quo, and halt progress.  Truth comes through independence.

Truth is the most important thing.  There is nothing more important.  If we learn all there is to know, but it's all false, then we are still just ignorant.  All the concoctions and surgeries in the world aren't going to cure scurvy until the patient gets vitamin C.  There is no way around the truth.  In spite of all the oncologists in the world, people die of cancer at the same rate.  Because of peer pressure, only a precious few see the futility of the treatments offered by "science."  Truth is found in the common man, not in the pillared halls of institutions.  The truth is simple.  Eating an orange is so much easier than being buried up to the neck in hot sand; improvement happens instantly, and cure comes in a couple of weeks.  Ignorance is in establishment, while freedom brings truth.  We look back in scorn at those stupid doctors of the 18th century blowing smoke, but often don't consider that because we also have an establishment that purports to be able to cure our epidemics, we are as ignorant as they were.  As Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Carr so aptly stated:

plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

We All Need Justification

Guilt is a fact of life.  Everyone feels it, and there are a variety of means to deal with it.  Some blame others, while others seek self-justification.  Many try to ignore it, or explain it away, but it is always there.  Since I am a sinner, and feel guilty, I have looked for salvation mostly by trying to justify myself.  There are four primary ways I have done this, not always explicitly, but always assuming I could be justified by:

1. Heritage, or ancestry, family ties, the faithfulness of my forefathers -- because they were faithful, and I was born into a faithful family, I am saved with them.  I'm standing on their shoulders; I carry the torch they started so I'm going the same way.  I know the traditions, and keep them well.
2. Good works -- if I do a lot of good works, then weighed in the balance, I'm basically good, and saved!  I try to help people, and not injure anyone.  I have done a lot of good in the world, I think.
3. Knowledge -- If I know stuff, I am more worthy.  I'm smart, smarter than others.  Knowledge is power, I believe it even has the power to save me, or justify me.
4. Ordinances -- baptism, and other ordinances have been performed that bring salvation.  I have done all of the outward rituals to put me in the right way, and therefore should be justified by this obedience.

However, in reality, none of these can save me.

1. The works of my ancestors don't apply to me.  The Pharisees thought they were saved because they were children of Abraham, but Jesus told them,

"And think not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham."  (Matthew 3:9)

2. A million good works cannot erase one single infraction of the law.  Every infraction must be paid-for independent of all other acts, good or bad.

"And men are instructed sufficiently that they know good from evil. And the law is given unto men. And by the law no flesh is justified; or, by the law men are cut off. Yea, by the temporal law they were cut off; and also, by the spiritual law they perish from that which is good, and become miserable forever."  (2 Nephi 2:5)

3. Knowledge cannot save me, it only condemns because of doing things I know better.

"For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation."  (D&C 82:3)

4. Ordinances must be fulfilled in order for them to bring salvation.  For example, baptism is only getting wet if we don't repent, and we remain guilty and not washed clean just because we went into the water.  If we don't do our part, if we don't take upon ourselves the name of Christ, we are performing the ordinance in vain, and are not forgiven.

"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."  (Exodus 20:7)

The Sacrament of the Lord's Supper is just eating and drinking unless we are repentant, remembering the gift of the Lord, Jesus Christ.  Moreover, we are not saved by doing it, leading to damnation.

"For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body."  (1 Corinthians 11:29)

All ordinances bring damnation if we don't fulfill our part of the covenant.

"...the law of Moses availeth nothing except it were through the atonement of his blood."  (Mosiah 3:15)

Only Christ can save.   There is no other salvation.  All of the other ways are either just false, or worse.

Other Myths of Justification
Besides the justifications I have used, there are others that people commonly use.  For example, a nurse I work with was listening to a conversation I was having about immortality and exclaimed, "I don't want life to go on!  I just want to live my life, doing what I want to do, and be done, disappearing forever when I die!"  Many believe existence ends at death in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.  Salvation for them is erasure of their lives and all they have done.  They never have to account for their choices in life.  This is false.  Every person who ever lived will stand before God and judge their lives.  There is no way out of this reality; nobody is going to disappear.

Another common theme in salvation is that everyone is saved, that there is nothing we have to do.  Life is like children playing in a sandbox, we play, we fight, we destroy each other's sand castles, and build them up again, then mom calls us in for dinner, and everything is forgotten and we're all friends again in Heaven.  Children are not accountable for their actions, and we are children to God.  But, this is a lie!  We come here for the purpose of being tested, to find our place in our Father's house so we will account for every word spoken, every deed, and every thought.

Many believe they are saved by their gifts and talents.  By comparing themselves to others they feel justified because they are really good at something.  If they are smarter than others, more spiritual, have more children, or are able to run businesses, then they can be justified.  Andrew Carnegie isn't justified for giving millions of dollars for universities and libraries.  Mother Theresa doesn't get a pass because of her gifts of working with orphans, she must repent like everyone else, "relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save."  (2 Nephi 31:19)  There is no justification outside of that given by Christ.

Real Justification
The only real way out is through the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He has paid the price, and if we are willing to rely on Him, instead of justifying ourselves, He can deliver us from all we have done.  He can justify us.  He can wash us clean.  He can make us whole.  He can heal all wounds and remove all guilt.  It's not that we never did the evil, but rather we are forgiven so we don't have to pay the price for what we have done.  This is why we must repent in order to be forgiven.  If we are still filled with evil thoughts, words, and deeds, then we're just going to do it again.  However, once our nature is changed so "that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually," (Mosiah 5:2) we can be forgiven through His Atonement -- there is no other way.

"And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent."  (Mosiah 3:17)

The end of justification
So, I was baptized on October 2, 1971 at the age of eight.  I hardly remember the day that I was symbolically born again, washed clean from my former life, and born into the life of Christ.  But it wasn't until August 29, 2016 that I was actually "born again."  As noted above, baptism is just a metaphor until it is actually fulfilled through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Until I actually have faith in Him and repent of my sins, weaknesses, and rebellion, and turn to Him I have not fulfilled the covenant.  As soon as I do my part by turning away from my weaknesses, His part is already done -- just waiting for me to fulfill my part of repentance.  All those years I put off repenting because I was too busy justifying myself has kept me from Him.  It took me over 44 years to see my folly, and finally take the plunge.

Now, I am born again, of the water and of the Spirit.  I have finally found what I was looking for all my life.  I have no need for self-justification because He has given me a remission of sins.  Like Enos, "...my guilt was swept away."  (Enos 1:6)  He is quick to forgive.  Salvation is free, instant, and retroactive.  I don't have to pay the price, or even try to justify myself.  It's already done by Him!  It is amazing and wonderful to be forgiven!  I'm free!  I have peace of conscience!  I have hope!  I am in awe and wonder that He could take away my sins, in spite of my years of neglect and rebellion, and that He would be willing to justify me.

I hope I always remember His gift of justification.

Discipleship Test #1: Injustice

On August 29, 2016 I became a disciple of Christ, I was born again; I received a remission of sins through the grace and mercy of the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ.  He has forgiven me of my sins and has allowed me to enter into the Kingdom of God even though I have sinned.  I am guilty of a huge crime, but I don't have to pay the penalty because He already paid it for me.

On September first I received my first test of discipleship -- a bill.  The test is to see if I will be likewise merciful to my fellow-men.  Jesus taught:

Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.  (Luke 6:30)

If I am to be a disciple, I would welcome the opportunity to give and not receive.  One test of being a disciple of Christ is to sacrifice our sense of justice.  The things of the world are play-toys, and the more we can give away without getting in return, the more we can be blessed.  Blessings don't come from justice, fairness, and equity in our dealings, but rather from allowing others to take what we have -- and giving it to them, in mercy and grace.  This is what the Lord has done for us many times over.  Our little bit of injustice is only a metaphor to show that we are willing to follow Him.

A few weeks ago, I asked a local man to wash my windows and clean the outside of my house.  He gave me an estimate for that work of $375.  When he came a week later, he said that he wouldn't honor the estimate and would only do the windows for $375 because the estimate didn't show the full price because the carbon copy didn't come through.  I didn't look and said OK.  So he only washed the windows, which I thought was really expensive.  Later, when I looked at the estimate, it clearly had wash the house and do the windows with $375 in the "Total" line in ink, no carbon, no copy, so I made a copy and wrote that he should come back and finish the job.  He lied about the "carbon copy not showing through."  I had felt that the price for just doing the windows was too much, and he should have washed the house as well, that was our agreement.

On September first he came back to the house without contacting me and washed the house down and left a bill for $525!  I just saw that bill last night, and was filled with indignation, and adrenaline.  It wasn't fair.  There was no fair way to handle this.  There is no win-win because he had already done the work, and I didn't agree to it.  I would never have agreed to that, because I wouldn't think it was worth that much.  I was arguing in my head, I couldn't sleep.  I would argue that I shouldn't have to pay because it was part of the original estimate.  I would just not pay anything, and throw away his "invoice," keeping the original estimate only; that's what we had agreed.  I had a hard time going to sleep.  My heart was pounding.

I knelt down before the Lord and prayed for guidance.  The Spirit said to just pay the bill, but that wasn't the answer I wanted.  It wasn't fair.  I thought I could make a compromise, taking out the $375 I already paid from the $575 he billed.  But I still felt cheated.  That was still too much!  There was no way out.  Either he would lose, or I would.  The answer came this morning in the scripture, "Give to every man that asketh..."  The Lord is teaching me to be a true disciple.  This is an opportunity to be merciful, to take upon myself the consequences of the sins of another.  The man is asking for mercy and grace for his oversight and subsequent lie about the original estimate.  He doesn't want to pay for his mistake so he gave me a bill.

I am reminded of the parable given by Jesus of the wicked servant found in Matthew 18:23-35.  The servant owed the king 10,000 talents (a billion dollars), and when he begged for mercy, he was forgiven, but subsequently had a fellow-servant thrown in jail for a hundred pence ($10,000).  When the king found out what he had done, the wicked servant was turned-over to the tormentors.  I don't want this to happen to me.  I want to keep the forgiveness I have received so I will be as merciful as possible -- no compromise!

I will pay for his mistake, and pay the full invoice, not as a "holier than thou" gesture, but rather for Christ, because I am a disciple of Christ I will give to anyone that asks.   "...the Lord do so to me, and more also..."  (Ruth 1:17)  It is a tiny fraction of the thanks I feel in my heart for His grace and mercy towards me.  He has forgiven infinitely more than this.  This is easy.  It is small.  It is really nothing, in reality.  God gave the money to me in the first place.  I can certainly share with others, being merciful, kind, and giving.  Thus, I will pass the first test of discipleship.  Giving mercy instead of justice.

08/29/2016 Born again

I have finally found what I have been searching for all of my life.  I am a new man in Christ.  I am a son of Christ.  I have taken upon me His name.  This day He has spiritually begotten me.  I am born again.  After so many years of seeking, asking, and knocking, I have finally found salvation through the Lord, Jesus Christ, and I can feel to sing the song of redeeming love.  I know Him.  I know He lives, and I know He has to power to save me from all my weaknesses, rebellion, and sins.

In my heart I never knew the love of God before.  It was all in my head.  I studied and prayed.  I learned many things.  I could define all the words of the prophets, for I knew them well.  I read the scriptures frequently, and was taught from on High as the Spirit of God bore witness to my soul of their truth.  He enlightened my understanding and gave me knowledge.  I could even speak the Tongue of Angels!  However, I had never tasted of His goodness.  While I could define the words, I didn't possess them in my heart.

One day I was driving on the freeway near Diamond Bar.  The car in front of me was only going a little faster than the speed limit so I pulled into the "fast lane" to speed past him.  I was going pretty fast.  Just as I was passing him on the left, I saw blue and red flashing lights in my rear-view mirror, coming up fast behind me.  My heart sunk.  I was caught!  My heart was pounding as I let off the gas and applied the brakes to bring the car into compliance with the speed limit.  Then, I realized that my wallet was back at home -- I didn't have my driver's license!  I was going to get it.  I felt so bad.  I was guilty, and would have to pay.

Last week an officer of the Medical Board of California came to my office.  He said he just wanted to know how our office ran.  The experience of sitting face-to-face with someone who could judge me and condemn me is very revealing.  I saw all the ways I wasn't keeping the rules.  I know their job is to administer justice to those who aren't keeping the rules.  Suddenly realizing all the ways I had not been obedient to the rules, I wished I had been more compliant and careful, but, it's too late.  I'm caught.  I'm guilty.

As the flashing lights get closer,  knew I was going to have to justify my actions, I started to think of all the things I could say to get off.  Maybe he will just give me a warning.  Maybe I could lie and say I was a doctor and had an emergency (that never works anymore, they call us on it... literally!).  I could explain that I was late, and just needed to pass the car in front of me.  I looked for a way out, could I run?  Could I hide?  How could I get out of this?  I wish I hadn't been speeding just then!  I needed some justification for breaking the law.

In my office, the officer said there were some complaints that he had to follow-up on, and needed to talk with me on Monday.  He didn't say why, specifically, so of course the whole weekend I was imagining all the ways I could be crucified.  I knew the possibilities because I had seen colleagues go through these audits.  One of them, who has a similar type of alternative practice, had his license revoked, was fined a large sum, and went to federal prison for five years!  That was me.  I do mostly alternative medicine, and the Board doesn't like that.  They would know I was a rebel.  Surely I would find no mercy.  I was scared!

The effect of this fear is realizing for the first time that I am not innocent.  I'm guilty.  I had let everyone down by not living by the rules.  I wasn't some "high and mighty" or "better than everyone else," in fact I was worse!  I was supposed to be a good example, but instead I became the bad example.  "Don't do what he did... that's why he's in prison!"  I felt in a very deep and real way that I was guilty, and there was no way out of the consequences.  I couldn't run.  I couldn't hide.  In only a few days, they would know, and I would have to hire lawyers, go to court, face my rebelliousness, and go to prison.  I was bracing myself for the worst.

I pictured myself pulled over on the side of the freeway.  I didn't want the ticket.  I didn't want to pay the price.  In my own mind, I justify myself by averaging my life.  If I could tell the officer that I always go the speed limit, and just this once was in a hurry.  Yes, I was guilty this one time, but it's alright because of all the times I had obeyed the law, as if all the times I was good could make up for a single infraction.

As the officer told me about my practice, and the things we were doing wrong, I searched for a way out.  There must be some justification.  I've spent most of my life justifying myself.  "Look at all the good things I do!"  My weaknesses are minor, compared to all the good I do.  I have helped all these people!  I have cured diseases!  I have done all these good things!  Surely they make up for my infractions and lack of respect for the rules!  But this time was different; I saw the absurdity of this thinking, a million good acts cannot justify one infraction.  If I am obedient to the law, even an officer of the law, lawmaker, or advocate of the law, but break the law just one time, I'm guilty of that infraction and must pay the penalty.  Good works cannot justify guilt.  I was guilty!  I was lost, and had no hope.

Then, I remembered the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He can save me from my sins, but would He?  I was guilty.  I deserved the full measure of the law that I had broken.  I felt the guilt so deeply, and knew I would have to pay the price of my actions.  How could I even ask for mercy when I did it all so knowingly?  I thought I had to "be good" in order to receive forgiveness.  I was guilty and didn't deserve any clemency.

On the other hand I was in such need, with no other hope, that I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness.  I needed mercy.  I was willing to repent of all my sins and do anything.  I would pay anything, or suffer anything, if I could only be let off with a warning -- just this once.  I would bring the office into compliance with all the rules.  I would keep the rules.  I would obey every rule and law with exactness and honor.  I would be an advocate for the law, instead of a detractor.  Please!!!

I fasted and prayed that weekend, and began to understand on a spiritual level all that I was experiencing.  I had seen myself, for the first time, as less than the dust of the Earth.  I was weak.  I was lost.  I needed help.  I had been given the gift of humility.  Also, I had a contrite spirit; I was willing to be obedient on His terms, instead of my own.  I had lost the "holier than thou" attitude that had filled my heart since birth.  I truly felt the weight of sin.  I went to see the bishop, to confess all my sins and to receive counsel on what to do.  I was open to counsel because I was in such need of it.  I promised to keep all the rules and obey all the laws with exactness.  I was repentant.

Those I shared my feelings with were very supportive.  The bishop said it would be well, and recommended that I don't give up my recommend, but rather go to the temple and work.  "If we all had to be perfect to go to the temple, it would be empty all the time!" he said.  My wife said that the officer would not be able to see those things I worried about.  My daughter said she felt that it would be fine, that I wouldn't go to prison, get a huge fine, or even lose my license.  Each time the Spirit bore witness to me that they spoke the truth, but I had a hard time believing, knowing that I was guilty.

This morning at our office huddle I apologized to the staff for not being a stickler for detail.  I told them that from now on we will keep every rule, no matter what, and asked them to inform me if they felt that any laws or rules were being violated.

As the cop car came up right behind me, I put on my blinker and pulled into the lane on the right.  But, as I was looking to get into the next right lane, the flashing lights whizzed past me on the left.  I watched the blue and red lights go off into the distance for a few seconds before breathing a sigh of relief.  I started laughing!  I had been spared.  I wasn't going to have to pay any fines.  How lucky I felt!  Wow!  What a relief!

The officer came back today and asked a lot of questions.  I'm a horrible liar, and have a terrible track-record of defending myself so I had determined that I would only tell the truth.  I braced myself, but nothing happened.  I had the Spirit of God with me because I could feel His presence, and He told me what to say.  The officer never asked about the things I was worried about.  In the end of the interview he said he was finished with his investigation, and told me he would recommend a "letter of reprimand" for allowing an unlicensed person perform IV treatments, and the Board would probably require me to take an ethics class.  That's all.  I'm free!  No fine.  No loss of license.  No jail time.  This is truly a miracle!

This harrowing experience has changed my life.  It's a physical metaphor for a spiritual reality.  I knew immediately that the Lord had blessed me.  I was spared.  I know Jesus saves!  I know He lives!  I know that I don't have to suffer the consequences of my weaknesses, sins, and even my rebellion because of Him.  He saved me from my sins.  I am a new creature in Christ.  I know His love.  I've been saved!  I'm born again!  I have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.  I'll keep all the rules.  I'll obey all the laws with exactness!  I will do this because I love Him.  I want to do it, for Him.  He has done so much for me!  I could never express the gratitude I feel in my heart.  I know what it means to be saved from sin, to be guilty but not have to suffer the consequences.  It is wonderful, and awesome in the real sense of the word -- it fills me with awe!  I feel to sing the song of redeeming love!  To know that He has already paid the price is amazing!

What has changed is that, to me, He is no longer just the Savior of the world, and all mankind, but rather my personal Savior.  I feel a sense of awe and wonder.  I feel peace.  I feel reverence.  I feel gratitude.  I love the Lord, with all my heart!  I will thank Him and praise Him forever!