Real Life

I was praying about my situation, thinking about what I really loved: God, Truth, Jesus Christ, Love, Faith, Knowledge, Hope, Wisdom, Peace, Holy things, Charity and so forth. I realized that I would never have to understand what He did for me, and I am so grateful for that. I would never have to know the suffering of damned souls in hell because He did, and by so doing spared me the same pain. I feel so grateful! I asked God if I could personally come to my Savior to thank Him for His gift given to me.  I would kneel before him and bathe His feet with my tears of gratitude.  At that point I had a vision:

I was walking toward Him, we were alone, there was nothing else, and nobody else, around. I walked up to Him slowly, and knelt down and I was about to speak my grateful heart when He reached down and put His arms around me and lifted me straight up off my feet. He was so happy that I was there.  He gave me a big hug, not a pat on the back, but a full, strong embrace filled with love and joy, like I was a long-lost son returning home.  He was SO HAPPY!  It wasn’t a “I’m bigger than you” relationship, or “I’ll help you out of the mess you got yourself into…”  There was no judgment at all, rather it was just joy and even gratitude that I had come to Him.  He was grateful for me!  He thanked me! I was perplexed, and He said, “I’m thankful that you took advantage of my offer so I didn’t suffer in vain. I offered a gift into which I put my whole heart, my whole being, my whole soul. I suffered both body and spirit so my brethren would not have to suffer, and I’m so grateful for those who receive my gift. I don’t want my suffering to be in vain. I want every soul to accept my gift to them. Thank you for accepting my suffering. Thank you!”

He saved me, and is grateful to me! It was amazing to feel pure humility, and I understood that the words, “there is more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents…” is referring to HIM.  He rejoices when His Atonement can apply to ANYONE.

At the same time I understood the other side of the Atonement.  Why wouldn’t anyone want to accept such a gift?  Why would they suffer?  I cried like Enoch when he saw God weep for his lost children.  I felt the pain God feels.  I wept for my own lost children whom I cannot save.  Why won’t they choose happiness?  Why will they choose misery?  …and my soul refused to be comforted.

I shed tears of joy for His joy, and tears of sorrow for His sorrow.  They come together, as God explained to Enoch.  This is life, because life is agency.  He knows it, and does it anyway.  He feels the extremes of emotion for His children.  It’s wonderful to be alive!