The Internal Struggle

"From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?"  (James 4:1)

What is this "war in your members?"  There is a gap between the way we see things, or the way we want them to be, and the way things are.  The struggle of life comes down to one thing: I WANT vs. REALITY.  This is the ongoing war that has no beginning and no end.  All other wars have a foundation in this struggle. 

From the child who wants comfort and convenience at all times to the scientist who wants his theory to be true.  This is the conflict every single person lives with on a daily basis.  We feel things "should" be a certain way because our senses are limited so we interpret the vicissitudes of life incorrectly.  Reality is really outside of our experience.  A few examples might explain.

Justice

We want equality of outcome.  We see some are rich, and some are poor, some are in bondage, and some are free, some are happy and others are miserable.  This causes a sense of injustice in us.  Some wish they could create a powerful entity, like a government, to redistribute wealth so that all will be equal.  It seems that "stealing from the rich and giving to the poor" would make everyone equal -- and happy.  The problem is that it never works because it is against reality.

Those who see the big picture understand the reality of equality of opportunity.  Everyone starts in the same place and has the same opportunity to progress, learn and grow.  There are differences in man because they have agency.  Alma explained that the differences among men are due to choices they make.  All men start in the same place.  "In the first place they were on the same standing with their brethren."  (Alma 13:5)  However, those who are more obedient receive more light and truth, becoming more intelligent than the others.  Thus, men become unequal.  The outcomes are very different because of the choices that are made along the way.

For example, a family with two brothers, twins, start out in the same place: the same house, the same educational opportunities, the same food, and so forth -- they have the same upbringing.  However, in the end you will almost always find differences in all areas.  One goes to college and becomes a professional, while another works at a local grocery store.  One gets married and has children, and the other doesn't.  One travels the world and the other doesn't.  One takes drugs and the other doesn't.  Their outcomes in life may vary widely due to the choices they make.  This is reality.

Love

People often wonder why they fall in love with inappropriate people.  Some marry and aren't happy because they don't share their lives or their needs aren't being met by the relationship.  Others end up in the same abusive situation multiple times.  One of my friends, in the middle of her second "nasty divorce" said, "I know I'm not going to get married again because my picker's busted." 

The reason people fall in love with inappropriate people is because they want one specific thing.  If they see that quality in a person they see it as "this person can fill my needs.  They want to believe that the person they want is good for them so thy look for the good points and ignore the ways in which they aren't compatible.  They literally don't see that their beloved is seriously flawed, they see him as "perfect."  However, this belief goes against reality.  The saying goes that a woman marries hoping he'll change -- and he doesn't, while a man marries hoping she won't change -- and she does. 

Men most often fall in love with a woman they find attractive.  Because she looks beautiful to him he only sees the ways in which she is like him.  He looks for her admirable qualities to support his belief that she could fill his needs because he wants her.  However, at the same time, he ignores her weaknesses and incompatibilities.  She is "perfect" to him.  Reality usually strikes sometime after marriage when he finds her difficult to live with.  She didn't really change, rather his eyes were closed to the truth of who she was before they were married.

Women most often want to "fix" a man they fall in love with.  The woman sees the flaws and believes they aren't important -- or that they're fixable.  She isn't in tune with the reality that we can't change others.  Men can change, but only if they decide it's necessary.  Thus, many women are unhappy with their choices, believing their "picker is busted."

Reality requires that we come to know a person before falling in love with him or her.  Knowing and understanding all of their strengths and weaknesses helps us to be rational and truthful so we can find happiness in our relationships.

Science

We want our ideas to be truth.  A hypothesis is an idea that seems to describe reality.  A good scientist will test his hypotheses for evidence of truth, but this is not easy.  Just as a woman falls in love with a man because she "believes" that he will fill her needs, we fall in love with all our beliefs and make the same mistakes.  We see what we're looking for, and automatically filter out what we aren't.  Negative evidence is overlooked, downplayed, or ignored.  Even against overwhelming odds people maintain their pet beliefs.  For this reason, the history of science is not a search for progress, but rather "conventional wisdom," which has a very poor track-record of describing reality.

It is clear that all we know in science is infantile.  As we are just beginning to understand quantum physics we can see that all of our pet theories of light, matter, motion, energy, and so forth are going to go out the window.  All of our chemistry, physics, astronomy, biology and even math will be supplanted by new theories that explain truth better.  The only limit to this change is the experts who war on the side of the status quo.  They want reality to be what they think, and refuse to conform to what it is.

This is the process of science -- and the ongoing war within.  The "professors" hold the old ways in high esteem and do not give them up easily.  Their beliefs overcome the truth because they wield the power of degrees and licenses, indeed, they have achieved "expert" status.  Thus, the "expert" is nearly always on the opposite side of truth because he as a stake in being an expert.  If his theory is questioned, so is his expert status.  This prevents progress.  Perhaps it is for this reason that progress rarely, if ever, comes from experts.  Most who change the world are not accepted as tops in their fields until after their deaths.  During their lives they are persecuted by established experts. 

For example, Louis Pasteur developed the "germ theory of disease" through his own observation.  Prior to this time people were thought to get sick from "bad air," bad thoughts, or bad humors.  The establishment tried to protect their theories by saying, "Are you trying to tell me that people get sick and die from an animal that is so small it can't even be seen?  That's preposterous!"  Pasteur came into the war head-on, and eventually won because of economics.  Farmers didn't care about the theory, all they cared about was that their sheep and chickens weren't dying.  We continue to hold this theory today, but at some point we will have to give it up as well because we know that "microbial illnesses" don't all fit Koch's Postulates -- not every person exposed to the "germ" gets sick.  There are more variables, and when we understand them all we will truly be able to prevent and cure illness.

Growing up

We want a smooth, easy life, but life is more like a roller-coaster.  If we're trying to stop it, we only get sick, whereas when we accept the reality of change it can be fun.

Just like in science, our individual growth is dependent on accepting what happens instead of what we want to happen.  Life changes.  People change.  Things change.  People die.  People are born.  Change is the only constant, and there is no foundation.  Children think their parents are a foundation, but this must change.  Children grow up; parents divorce or die and the children are uprooted.  Some accept and conform to the reality of the change quite easily, while others want it to be the way it was.  Many people are "looking back" throughout their lives, remembering the way things were and wishing they could always be that way.

I had one patient who was crying over the loss of her boyfriend partly because she was now in her fifties and didn't think she could ever find someone else.  As a young woman she was very pretty and could attract a lot of attention from men, however, now that she wasn't young and supple she didn't think men would want her.  A large proportion of our economy is based in the search for the "fountain of youth" because people who want to be "forever young"  have a hard time accepting the reality of growth and change.

Part of happiness is accepting and embracing the reality of change.  There is no going back.  We can only take where we are at this moment and go forward.

Peace

The moment we begin to accept reality as different from our experience we start down a different path.  We are no longer plagued with the pain of "beating our head against a wall," or inappropriate relationships and theories.  Life actually gets smoother as we accept the changes, and even welcome them.  We look for the truth instead of evidence for our worn-out theories.  We can listen to and accept others.  We stop seeing the world as a constant battle-ground defined as "us" against "them."  "They" Become our allies because it's the only way we are able to see opposing views and possibly arrive at truth.

Ultimately, this road leads to the same place for all.  The only salvation that exists, the only reality, and the foundation of all truth is found in the Lord, Jesus Christ.  "He comprehendeth all things, and all things are before him, and all things are round about him; and he is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by him, and of him, even God, forever and ever."  (D&C 88:41)  This is the truth, and all other truths are founded upon it.  Without accepting this truth, nothing can be known and we can only have our pet theories, philosophies and ideas.  The truth is very different from the way we want things to be.  For this reason Jesus told His disciples, "the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."  (John 14:26-27)  The Holy Ghost leads us to truth, the truth of Christ, and we find peace -- not as the world, on the outside, but rather peace on the inside -- in our hearts.  This is how we can have "smooth sailing over rough seas."