The Ancient Greeks had three words for love: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is love of a sexual nature. Philia is brotherly love or friendship. And agape is mostly regarded as the "higher" love of God or family. These are based on the feeling itself, like naming a disease based on symptoms. I believe there are better ways to characterize three different kinds of love based on the reason why, or the foundation of the feeling of love. The three foundations of a feeling of love seem to be need, desire, and unselfishness.
I see these as progressive. The most immature is a need-based love, like an infant who needs his parents. The middle is desire-based like a spouse who desires to be with, follow, and care for their partner. And the highest is unselfish love where sacrifices are made for the benefit of another. The first is completely self-centered, the second has elements of being both self- and other-centered, whereas the last is other-centered.
Filling your bucket
The first is love based on need. Immature love is how children love their parents; or how couples "fall in love." It is also the love of casual friendships, and business acquaintances. When we love someone based on a need they fill inside us, or a mutual arrangement our love is conditional, depending on our needs.
We "fall in love" because we perceive or imagine that the other has the ability to fill a need in us. We don't have to know someone to imagine that they could fill a need. This is especially true with men as they are very visual so they automatically feel that a beautiful woman could fill a sexual need in them. For this reason Jim Morrison could say to a pretty woman, "Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name." Women often have similar feelings for a man, mostly because he is wealthy and they perceive that he could fill their need for security, and other times because he is strong or good-looking.
This kind of love easily becomes a quid pro quo arrangement where each is giving to the other on conditions of getting what they need. Many (and I think most) get married based on this love. For this reason they will have problems and go to a marriage counselor complaining that they aren't getting their needs filled. The man is saying, "fix her" so he will get what he needs, while at the same time the woman is saying, "fix him" because her bucket is empty and she has nothing to give. This would also be true of friends who love each other because of filling a need. If you no longer have the need, or the other is not filling it, you "lose touch."
Desire
I use desire in the sense of "worship." The foundation of the love of desire is not that the other can fill your needs, but rather you desire to know, be with, or follow this person. There may be no need to fill. Friendship, married couples who have passed the "need" stage, parents who desire to be with their children, and those who worship God often have a desire-based love. This love has two facets: the first is that there is a feeling in each, and the second is that it seeks the other. Because of this it has the elements of selfishness and selflessness. I don't love you in order for you to give me what I need, but rather I have feelings for you and I want to bless your life.
This is the progression of love often found between married couples. Because of the feelings they share, they are willing to make sacrifices, and give to one another. As long as they desire the other they will continue to share this love. However, when the feelings of love die, there are two ways they can go. The first is to seek divorce because without that feeling of desire they are no longer willing to make sacrifices. The other option, however, is to progress to selfless love.
Selflessness
The third kind of love does away with the feeling altogether. It's not that the feeling doesn't exist, in fact, they are stronger by far than the love of desire, but they don't provide the motivation for what we do. This love is entirely selfless and self-sacrificing. It gives but has no expectation of return. Not that there will be no hope of return, but there is no need or desire to receive.
The two elements of the highest love are sacrifice and benefit. We simply make a sacrifice that benefits another. Only these two elements need to be present, and there is nothing else, no act or feeling that improves it.
These two elements are defined perfectly in the mother-child relationship. A mother sacrifices everything in her life to nurture her children. The sacrifice is what the mother does -- getting up with them at all hours of the night, giving her time and energy and all she possesses, and the benefit is the growth -- physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and other areas. "Sacrifice," then, is giving up our own desires, time, talents, and possessions, and "benefit" is growth, maturity, knowledge, or improvement.
Selfless love has a progression. Less sacrifice and/or benefit indicate less love, whereas greater sacrifice and/or benefit indicate greater love. Either one alone is not love. Sacrificing your life in a way that benefits no one isn't love, like suicide. By the same token, providing a great benefit that is no sacrifice such as the tokens given at Christmas don't show this love.
The Greatest Love
Jesus Christ demonstrated this kind of love. He gave of Himself knowing that many would reject his offer. He loves them anyway. In His case, this love has a special name, "charity." Charity is the selfless love that He had for all mankind, as the Prophet Moroni states: "This love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity." (Ether 12:34) Though we can demonstrate a token of Charity, we do not give it because it is the greatest love, as Jesus explained to His disciples: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) Notice that He included both elements of selfless love: sacrifice and benefit. He did lay down His life in the greatest act of love in all of the Universe because it provides the greatest benefit that can be given -- Eternal life. So, Jesus was speaking about His own love, the greatest of all, that He would have for His friends, or those who obey His commandments: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." (John 15:14) However, those who are given this gift will never even comprehend it because they will never have to experience the depth of the sacrifice that was made, or the pains of hell. This is the greatest of all loves.
Paul, after telling the Corinthians about all the gifts of the Spirit clearly tells them that charity is the greatest gift of all. "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." (1 Corinthians 13:13) The three gifts that continue beyond this life are faith, hope and charity, but charity is the greatest of all. Mormon repeats this concept to his people: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail -- but charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." (Moroni 7:46-47) Mormon says it is a possession that we can bring with us to the resurrection, or judgment bar "at the last day." In fact, it is the only thing that will save us at that moment. Nothing we have done will spare us from Eternal suffering; if we don't possess the love of Christ we are "nothing" so we are doomed.
It seems like this love is important to have so there must be a way to obtain it. Mormon explains: "My beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen." (Moroni 7:48) It seems like charity is the end result of all those who follow Christ -- true Christians. Then after we have become disciples, we can pray for this love, and the Father bestows it on us. This is the most important of all possessions we can obtain on the Earth.
We can progress, then, from a need-based love, through a desire-based love, to a selfless love. We possess the principle of love, or the gift of love, when we sacrifice ourselves for the benefit of those who don't care about us, or even hurt us. This is Christian love, or the gift of love, which becomes the motivation for everything we do. Those who love in this manner are true followers of Jesus. The final step is to pray for the gift of Charity, which is what Jesus Christ did for us so we can receive the gift of Eternal life.
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