sex and world peace

Sexual maturity is entirely hidden from our view in the modern world.  Pornography and explicit sex are huge industries.  All around us we see sexual innuendo and fantasy.  Women and men spend fortunes on surgery, clothing, spas, peels, and make-up to appear "sexy," or to be sexually attractive.  Advertising of even the most non-sexy products, like egg beaters, are based on sexual fantasy.

Human beings find sex incredibly enticing.  Just the use of the word "sex" in any conversation makes ears perk up from the youngest to the oldest.  However, it's all a fantasy.  None of it is real.  Because our childish ideas about sex are two-dimensional we can never really find what we're looking for.  All of the commotion surrounding sex feeds into the childhood fantasy, and keeps us from finding true sexual fulfillment.  Our childish sexual fantasies of being loved without any effort on our part can persist into adulthood if we don't actively change them.  It's not an accident, they are principles and practices which must be followed.  For those few who actually do it, the reality of sex is just the opposite of the fantasy -- it gets better and better.

Sex with a stranger

Part of the fantasy requires that we don't know the person with whom we have sex.  It feels more comfortable to have sex with strangers because we can imagine them to fit our fantasy.  Each one of a couple is looking for his or her own fantasy to be fulfilled, which is little more than "mutual masturbation" where each uses the body of the other for personal stimulation.  There is little connection with the partner beyond their ability to help produce an orgasm.  The orgasm itself  becomes the objective, and seems to fill the need for a connection with the partner, albeit briefly.  Those who don't "need" orgasms then just don't have sexual relationships -- or no relationships at all.  A stranger always seems more interesting because s/he can be anything you want, this is called "mystery."

If there is no intimacy in a sexual relationship, the only thing that may make it exciting or enticing is mystery.  However, as Dan Fogelberg said, "Mystery's a thing not easily captured, and once deceased not easily exhumed."  It's mysterious.  We don't know why we feel the way we do.  It just happens.  We "fall in love" and feel the need to consummate a relationship though we don't even know the other.  The word "mystery" could just be replaced by "fantasy."  There is no reality.  There is no connection.  There is no love.  It's just a fantasy. 

We make the person into what we want them to be, but we can only do this to a stranger because as they come to know each other, reality will stare them in the face.  The fantasy is what I want, not what my spouse is -- I don't love him/her, I only love what I want him/her to be.  Thus, .  Reality will show us the huge gap between what we wanted and what we have so we would never want to know our spouse intimately.  Thus, paradoxically, love is the opposite of love because sexual fantasy is the opposite of sexual intimacy.  A couple has sexual problems because they don’t want to know each other.  They are afraid to talk about how they really feel because they would have to sacrifice their precious fantasies. 

Sexual deviance comes from avoiding reality.  Without either mystery or intimacy the sexual experience quickly becomes routine and boring.  But, they still have desires so they need to try to find a way to make it more interesting.  They may try different positions or use sex toys, or, they may look at pictures or watch movies that portray sex with others.  As this also becomes routine too often they seek other strangers to use.  Lasciviousness of all types only feed the fantasy, creating a never-ending downward spiral.

Sex without commitment

Sex is preferable with strangers not only for excitement and mystery, but also for the lack of commitment.  We cannot make a commitment to a mystery because we have no control over it.  A commitment would require us to give up our fantasies, but we want to hold onto the fantasies and continue to believe love is outside of our control. 

Problems are created when a fantasy forms the foundation of marriage.  Instead of a commitment to their spouse each has a selfish commitment to maintain his or her own fantasy.  Many couples maintain the fantasy as long as they can, but eventually it becomes hopeless.  Each accuses the other of "lying" because they really weren't the fantasy they "promised" to be.  Now it seems their fantasies will never be fulfilled.  They can't "bring back that loving feeling."  When the mystery, or fantasy, dies, they no longer see any reason to be married, and they get divorced.  Some go through multiple marriages in this manner, never able to make a real commitment because they continue to live in a fantasy world.  They keep hoping for "Mr./Ms. Right" to come along who will fit perfectly into their fantasies.  Since we are told that we cannot determine if he is Mr./Ms. Right unless we know we are "sexually compatible," many are carried away into a persistent fantasy world from which there is no escape.  Married or not, few sacrifice their fantasies, instead becoming bitter and angry when they can no longer find strangers to have sex with.

We can't have both knowledge and mystery so fantasy and commitment cannot co-exist.  Either we know a person, or we have mystery, not both.  In the movie The Lion King the two lion cubs, Simba and Nala, were best friends.  When they were told that they were betrothed, Simba winced, "EEEEEW!  I can't marry her, she's my friend!"  His idea of marriage was to a stranger, or a fantasy -- a non-committal relationship -- not someone he knew and loved.  Likewise, children don't like to consider the fact that their parents have a sexual relationship because they consider their parents to be committed.  They don't like the idea of their parents living in a fantasy world, nor can they let go of equating sex with a fantasy.  Even children know, a priori, that sexual fantasy and sexual commitment are mutually exclusive. 

Sexual reality

Since immature love is the opposite of mature love the first must be sacrificed to have the second.  The fantasy must be acknowledged and sacrificed in order to obtain reality.  We don't know what our expectations of marriage are until we actually get married.  At that point, our spouse helps us to see our fantasies and the sacrifice we need to make.

Sex is ordained of God to be the token of this intimate relationship.  It is just the opposite from the "mystery" taught by those who are immature because there is no mystery, but rather knowledge.  The Scriptures use the euphemism "to know" for sex.   "Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived..."  (Genesis 4:1)  Knowledge, and not mystery, is what leads to intimacy.  A truly intimate relationship leads to a real connection -- to unity.  What people really crave is this connection.  Sigmund Freud wrote in his autobiography, The Psychopathology of Everyday Life, that men want to have an intimate relationship with their mother, to crawl back into the womb, so to speak.  This is symbolic of the unity we really need.  This unity cannot come from a fantasy, but it can come from intimacy.

It's unfortunate that we use the word "love" for both fantasy and reality.  The reality of sex is on the opposite end of the scale from fantasy because it's loving.  There is no mystery, but rather knowledge.  Reality requires that your eyes be wide open.  Love really is the sacrifice we make for the benefit of our beloved.  The sacrifice of the heart, or our fantasies, is the greatest gift of love.

Giving the gift of love leads to sexual fulfillment.  The real excitement in a relationship is coming to know each other.  There is no end to this.  There is no way to fully know a person in this life because people are very complex.  Our spouse also reflects us so we learn about ourselves as well.  This is the process of becoming intimate.  A man must seek to know his wife, and a woman must seek to know her husband before they can be truly intimate and find unity, love and sexual fulfillment.

Teaching children about sex

Children need to be taught about sex from a very young age.  They should first know how mom and dad came to know each other.  They should know the difference between fantasy and reality.  They must be told about the sacrifices that are made for love.  Each couple would need to teach their children from a young age what a sexual relationship really is, namely knowledge and commitment.  They would need to model unselfishness, giving instead of taking.  As children grew up with this model of intimacy in the home, they would naturally seek it in their own lives as they prepared for love and marriage.  They would already understand the need to sacrifice their fantasies.  Moreover, they would also be fortified against the childish whims of the hyper-sexual world around them.

If every child grew up with this knowledge, there would be no sexual innuendo, no seeking a fantasy, and no selfish use of the body of another.  Because of this there would be no divorce, no unwanted children, and no dysfunctional families.  All of our social diseases of body, mind and spirit would disappear.  It would bring world peace.  Life on our planet would truly be better.

Satan Lies

The lies of Satan are always to deny Christ and His mission.  When Lucifer came to Eve in the Garden of Eden he was trying to get her to come under his power.  The only way for this to happen was for her to transgress the laws of God.  He told her that she would be as the gods if she ate the fruit and she asked, "Is there no other way?"  He lied, "There is no other way!" 

We know there is another way because Jesus did it the "other way."  He did NOT disobey God.  He did NOT take of the forbidden fruit.  He was NOT cast out of Heaven, becoming subject to the Devil.  He did NOT experience evil because of His own disobedience. 

Rather, He willingly accepted the experience of evil.  He came to Earth of His own accord.  He suffered not for His sins, but for those of others.  He passed through sorrow to know the good from the evil in obedience to the commandment of the Father.  Adam and Eve had to pass through sorrow because of their disobedience, but Jesus willingly accepted evil, though it wasn't necessary or just that He do so.

The truth is, Jesus did it the "other way."  Lucifer was denying Christ in saying, "There is no other way!"  And Eve believed Him.  For this she was cast out of the Garden -- for believing and obeying Lucifer and not God.  Adam "hearkened to his wife" and received the same fate -- death, exactly as God had told them.  We all suffer death and evil for our own sins and transgressions.  Christ, on the other hand, hearkened to the word of God and receives life for Himself and all those who hearken to Him.

The reason it was necessary for Adam and Eve fall was because so few of God's children, I think only Christ Himself, would be able to pass through sorrow, pain, suffering and all evil in obedience to God.  It would be too hard, one little mistake and all would be lost.  The plan of God is a perfect plan because this way all of His children are offered salvation -- and the way is easy.  As Moses raised the pole with the brass serpent in the wilderness that all who were bitten could look and be saved, likewise all we need to do to be saved is to look to Christ.  Jesus is the Savior.  We can all follow Him to Heaven the same way Adam followed Eve to "the lone and dreary world."  All we need to do is hearken to His word the same way He hearkened to the word of the Father.  There is no other way for us to be saved from the grasp of Satan, or from the effects of believing his lies.

Going for broke

When a Roman army arrived by ship to the island of what is now England they were met with a large army in front of them.  The Roman leaders noticed that their army was looking to the sea for the possibility of escape so they had the ships burned.  The only way off the island was now through the enemy in front of them.  With no possibility of retreat they fought harder and won the war.

Success

The success of any endeavor is determined by the commitment of those involved.  Each must put his whole heart into it.  There can be no fear, no holding back.  Businesses fail because the owners and managers aren't fully committed and don't obtain the hearts of their employees.  On the other hand, those who give 100% become wildly successful.  Walmart was going under in the early years.  The leaders went for broke and asked the employees to take stocks instead of pay.  Those people are all very wealthy now because together they all made the sacrifice.  FedEx did roughly the same thing.  There are many other examples of such successes out of the ashes of poverty and ruin.  It comes to those who are fully-invested.

The success of putting your all into an endeavor may not always be what you expect.  Going for broke is a risk.  Just because you put everything in doesn't mean you will be protected from failure.  You may actually go broke more than once, but you will learn more each time.  Abraham Lincoln had multiple failures.  The small group of people who wanted the British Colonies in America to be independent were willing to risk everything.  We call them "The Founding Fathers" because it was their total commitment to freedom that allowed us to become a nation.  The Declaration of Independence states: "We pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor..."  There was no turning back.  England would have them all hanged as traitors if they didn't win their independence.  However, many of them actually did suffer the loss of their lives and fortunes for the cause, but even so, they did not die in vain. 

Marriage

Marriage is an ultimate commitment -- to the death.  When a man gets married he must "leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh."  (Mark 10:7-8)  He has no more options for being with his mother or father, nor can he give his heart to anyone else.  "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else."  (D&C 42:22)  Jesus did not give the option of divorce.  Without such a commitment there is no way to achieve the unity required for Eternal Life.  Jesus said, "if ye are not one ye are not mine."  (D&C 38:27)

Unity is only achieved when each partner in the marriage is totally committed.  If either one is holding anything back, there is no unity.  A united couple no longer even thinks about themselves, every decision is based on "us" or "we," and never "you," "I," or "me."

Family

When parents aren't giving 100% to their family, they create dysfunction.  A dysfunctional family doesn't serve its function to help the children become independent.  When pregnancy happens, there is a real commitment.  Life moves forward and not backwards.  The couple must put all of their efforts into their children.  They can't turn back.  They can't send the child away without consequences.  Children require a total commitment.  You cannot be half-hearted about raising a child and have a functional family.  The child must be taught how to be independent physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and in all other ways.  It is a huge undertaking, but also causes committed parents to grow in all these ways.  Everyone wins when there is total commitment, and everyone loses when there isn't.

The Gospel

The Lord requires a willing heart -- all of it.  There is no holding back.  When Annanias and Saphira sold a property and gave the proceeds to Peter, they held back a little for themselves.  Peter discerned the truth of the matter and they were struck dead.  This is metaphorical for what happens to all those who hold back a little from the Lord.  Baptism is a commitment to the death.  We are buried in the water and come out as resurrected to a new life.  We cannot hold on to any part of our old life -- all things must become new.  Pure water is 100% water, anything less is not pure anymore.  The law is the law, and there is no bending it.  Any fraction of 1 mph over the speed limit is breaking the law.  Any tiny sin we hold on to will prevent us from achieving Eternal Life.  There is no compromise; nobody gets a pass because "the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance."  (Alma 45:16)

Abraham gave everything to the Lord, as did his son Isaac and grandson Jacob.  Joseph was similarly committed to the Lord, as was Moses, and all the prophets.  Many gave their lives for their testimony of Christ.  These are examples of what it really takes to be a Christian.  Those who choose the Lord, but look back turn into a pillar of salt.  "The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind."  (D&C 64:34)  Those who don't "go for broke" are not worthy of the gifts of God.

However, we can ponder upon the blessed and happy state of those who are fully-invested in the Lord.  Ammon successfully helped thousands come to the Lord because of his total commitment.  He said, "Let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel."  (Alma 26:16)

Safety nets

John Travolta was once asked how he became a successful actor and he said he didn't get a day job.  He burned the ships.  The way to prevent people from being successful is to provide a "safety net" so they don't have to make a complete commitment.  Some are continually looking back to the ships off shore for retreat and never put their whole hearts into anything. 

Parents prevent success when they provide safety nets for their children.  Some parents keep a place to come home to if marriage isn't all their child hoped.  Others provide money so their children never have to make a commitment to an employer or profession.  The parents' desire to help only prevents the children from growing up and taking responsibility for themselves.

Governments often want to "help" citizens by providing an economic safety net.  The effects of this are a dependent population and a broke government.  So far, this is the outcome in every nation where it has been tried.  There are many who believe that a government economic safety net could work if administered properly , but what they don't realize is that it prevents a real commitment to becoming self-sustaining.  Unless a person can "go for broke" he can never really excel, either.

Churches also make this mistake when they don't require the absolute commitment of each member of their congregations.  The Prophet Joseph Smith said, "A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.  Those who do not make the sacrifice cannot enjoy this faith, because men are dependent upon this sacrifice in order to obtain this faith." (Lectures on Faith (1985), 69-70)  The commitment of a Christian must be the same as that of Christ -- everything.  The safety net that churches provide of "absolution" or "worship without sacrifice" actually prevents people from finding God.

If thou canst believe...

Success requires the whole heart.  You cannot put your whole heart into something you don't believe.  You must believe it with all your heart, then you can give your all and find success.  One cannot be fully-invested in selfish or evil pursuits, there is always a conflict with evil.  Evil is fear.  Living life to the fullest requires letting go of fear, and then love takes over and life becomes fulfilling.  "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear" (1 John 4:18).  Without fear you can find what you really love, which will then allow you to find success in the long run because you can be completely uninhibited and "go for broke."

Idiots

In psychiatric terms, the word "idiot" has a very specific definition, meaning one who is severely retarded who will never gain understanding beyond the age of three.  Colloquially, it is used for any person who is retarded or foolish, lacking understanding.   The term comes from Freud, who assumed the immature brain was driven by the "Id" or passions, lusts and desires.  An idiot is one who is controlled by his Id and has no ego or superego.  He doesn't care what others think or how they feel; other people only exist to serve his needs.  A three-year-old screams and yells to get what he wants because he can only consider his own desires.  My son, at the age of three, said, "If you give me what I want, I won't cry, but if you don't, I'll cry."  He clearly understood the concept of, "I will make you miserable until I get what I want."

An idiot also has no sense of time.  He is unable to think in the past or the future; he only thinks about what he wants now.  His immediate need reigns supreme and consequences are irrelevant.  If you just gave him a candy and he wants another, the previous one didn't even exist, all he knows is he wants one now.  If you tell him he can have one later, he screams louder because he doesn't understand.  If you try to explain the consequences of eating candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he doesn't get it.  He will still choose what he wants now -- consequences be damned!  I watched a You Tube video of a three-year-old in Cambodia who smoked like an adult.  The family sat around laughing at him, but if he didn't get a cigarette he would scream and cry until he did.  His father said he had no choice but to give him another cigarette.  Is there any hope when the parents are idiots just like the child?

A three-year-old child is small and weak and can do little damage by his temper-tantrums, but things are quite different when one who acts this way is fully-grown.  This kind of adult can do a lot of damage: they hurt others, they kill people, they destroy property, they enslave others.  The problem is compounded when one of these is in charge.  Those who are infantile emotionally have no social boundaries so they easily become leaders, and because they don't consider others they are always despots.  The problem with this is that they gain political power in society and begin to force their foolishness on others, doing a great deal of damage.

I want...

All evil begins with the phrase, "I want..."  Idiots commit evil because are not aware of the needs or desires of others, only their own.  Therefore, whatever damage is done by them in the process of getting their desires is only "collateral damage."  They feel like whatever they do is alright because "I was just trying to get what I want."  These idiots use other people, they steal, lie, scam, cheat and even kill to get what they want.  A young man on death row in California was being interviewed on television.  He said, "I needed her car and she wouldn't give it to me... I had to kill her to get it.  Anybody would have done the same if they were in my shoes." 

Mommy

Idiots in government want to be a mommy because they get power.  As the population becomes more dependent, they give up more freedom, allowing governments to have more control.  Since those seeking greatness are idiots, driven by their appetite for power and control, they don't open the way for the growth, maturity and independence of the population, but rather dependence.  They make promises to provide goods, services, and security at "no cost."  They think that "stealing from the rich to give to the poor" could work.  As if they could be a parent of infinite resources in charge of children with infinite needs -- idiocy!

Idiots in the population fall into the trap because they want someone else to take care of them.  They don't feel capable of taking responsibility for themselves, assuming everyone else exists to serve their immediate needs.  If they can't get family, friends, or neighbors to do it, they want the government.  The government makes a perfect parent to an immature person because the cost of taking care of him can be spread out over a large number of people.  It seems worthwhile to give up freedom to have everything they want provided for them.  Grown idiots complain, or even riot if their wants aren't met, but never decide to take over their own care.

Somebody stop me!

Idiots are impetuous.  They don't have an internal stop mechanism when it comes to their desires.  They gain weight because they want food that tastes good now and don't think about the long-term effects of overeating.  They also indulge in sex, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and any other pleasure of the flesh.  Like a child they don't know how to stop so they automatically assume others should stop them.  They look around for others to be in charge of them.  For this reason, they require more and more laws to control them.  There are two issues here, idiots who are in power making laws to control others because they have no control, and those who break the laws, becoming destructive to society, because they are out of control. 

Because idiots need to be controlled, they assume everyone else does as well.  Those who make laws assume others need as much control as they do, and those who need protection from themselves hope the government will do it.  Most of these are laws of protection such as seatbelt, smoking, helmet, and gun laws.  They also include all the licensing laws that require people to take classes in anatomy and physiology before they can cut hair, for example.

There are idiots who really do need someone to stop them from injuring others.  They need many laws and strict punishments to keep them in line at all times.  This is easy when a small proportion of the population is immature, but when a majority are thus in need it becomes impossible.  The jails cannot hold all the destructive elements of such a society, and it collapses under its own weight.

Bureaucratic idiots

In a democracy the people choose their leaders.  If the people are idiots, they will choose idiots to be their leaders.  This starts a cycle of infantile behavior including temper-tantrums, wars, bureaucracies, and other sociopathic behavior.  People blame the leaders who have made promises to give the idiots in the population what they want, but don't deliver on their promises.  However, the real problem is having enough idiots in a population that would elect such an idiot into office in the first place. 

The Founding Fathers of the United States of America wanted to avoid a democracy because it is just "mob rule."  It wasn't until the 1950's that the government was changed from a republic to a democracy by idiots who want control.  Now, all that is needed is a majority of idiots to force the entire population to fill their needs.  It seems we have arrived, our entire system is based on filling infantile needs of food, shelter, and security.  Nobody is taught to grow up and be independent.  The entire society has sacrificed freedom for the promise of security.  I was in an airport last week watching the people standing in line to be x-rayed, strip-searched, and scanned and heard over the loudspeaker: "You must report any suspicious activity..." and realized that we were living in "1984."  Our movements are all monitored.  Our cell phones can all be monitored.  "The war in foreign lands" is never-ending as the enemy changes.  The population of idiots has taken over.

When we have more children than adults, we are, as all other populations in the past, ripening for destruction.  And, like all past civilizations it happens in the same way -- from the inside out.  Our self-destructive behavior becomes so great as more and more people are clamoring for what they want -- "bread and circuses" -- that it is unsustainable.  Any idiot can then simply take over and enslave everyone.  There is, however, a way out; we can still turn it around.  We are not yet doomed as Greece, Rome, and all other societies of the past.

Mature citizens

Everyone born begins as idiots -- driven by their "Id."  Those who come from "functional families" have a much better chance of growing out of it in childhood, becoming free and independent, because the "function" of a family is to support the growth and autonomy of the children.  This is the importance of the family to society.  Our modern prophets have recently warned us what happens if we don't support the family:  "We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."  (True to the Faith, Family)  There will always be "dysfunctional families" however, if there are no "functional families" within one generation the entire population is dependent -- and they have no one to be dependent on so the society collapses.  If we support families in nurturing the growth of children to maturity there will always be independent people to teach the rest of society.

Mature citizens want freedom.  They are willing to sacrifice parental security so they take responsibility.  They especially don't want the government to provide for their wants, needs, or desires.  They don't want "bread and circuses."  They don't want subsidies.  They prefer the freedom to choose their own way in life.  As we take responsibility for ourselves, and teach others to do the same, we help our nation to grow up, preventing our demise.

Those who decide to grow up keep themselves away from indulgences of the flesh.  They don't spend more than they have or take loans (installments) for lifestyle choices.  They don't live to eat or choose food for taste, instead choosing to nourish their bodies.  They don't take drugs to change the way they feel.  They work for their own support.  They accept the vicissitudes of life, knowing there will be ups and downs.  They know that in the short run there is always unfairness, waiting for justice while forgiving others.  They understand that pain and suffering are temporary, and do not let it deter them from learning, growing, and doing good.  Mature people are independent.

Intelligence

Those who grow up and become independent are no longer idiots because they are no longer driven by the "Id," or their passions.  Independence comes from intelligence.  You have to know how to do something before you can do it yourself.  All knowledge comes from God.  "The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth."  (D&C 93:36)  Therefore, in order to avoid remaining an idiot everyone must come to know God.  There is no other way to grow up.  The very knowledge of how to grow up, or even that there is such a thing as maturity comes from Emmanuel -- "God with us."  He shows us the way; He tells us the way -- He is the way. 

Moreover, we cannot overcome any of our wants without the ability to be forgiven of our idiotic errors.  Everyone makes mistakes, it's part of the learning process.  However, if we don't have a way to get past them, we are doomed to repeat them over and over, making our lives redundant, echoing past mistakes, and doing the same things again and again.  Jesus Christ is the only one who offers forgiveness for past mistakes, allowing us to put the past behind us so we can move ahead and learn and grow.

Most assume Jesus is only a "spiritual leader," but this is far from the case.  He is The Way in all things of the body and spirit.  Even our social and political maturity is dependent on Him.  This is why John Adams frankly stated, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."  All intelligence comes from Christ, and we cannot grow up without intelligence so without Jesus Christ we can only remain idiots in a world of idiots headed for collapse and ultimate destruction. 

Fantasy and Reality

The constant struggle of mankind in every age and place is a war of "fantasy vs. reality."  I have often thought evil can be defined as "I want," but that is too simplistic.  Evil is really just those things that we want that are not the will of God.  Wherever our will coincides with the will of God we are actually good.  God brings us to reality, and everything else is fantasy.    We struggle to put aside our fantasies while nurturing the will of God.  This is the war fought in our hearts every day.  Every single decision we make in our daily walk either brings us towards fantasy, or reality. 

We want the fantasy because it brings instant satisfaction, however it is temporary, leaving us unfulfilled.  Reality, on the other hand, is permanent, bringing lasting satisfaction, fulfillment, peace, and joy.

Fantasy

Those things which are temporary, which don't last, or are intermittent are as dreams that cannot satisfy.  Isaiah explained this, "It shall even be as when an hungry man dreameth, and, behold, he eateth; but he awaketh, and his soul is empty: or as when a thirsty man dreameth, and, behold, he drinketh; but he awaketh, and, behold, he is faint, and his soul hath appetite."  (Isaiah 29:8)  Fantasies are dreams that cannot come true.  There is a promise of fulfillment that can't ever happen.  We can eat all we want now, but tomorrow we will be hungry again.  Food cannot satisfy our craving.  We can indulge in every hedonistic pleasure that life has to offer, but none of them will bring satisfaction.

I once had a patient who was "hooked" on heroin.  She said the first time she shot it into her veins was the best, and she continued doing it for over ten years trying to get that feeling back of the first time.  It never happened, and now she wanted off, but couldn't.  The brief respite from her pain and loneliness provided by the drug only made her want more, but never really gave her satisfaction.  Living a fantasy is as Mick Jaeger said, "I can't get no satisfaction."

Sensuality

In essence, those things that are not of God are fantasies that we believe.  We think satisfaction could come through the senses of our bodies, for example.  We indulge in taste sensations, licentiousness, and chemical-induced numbness seeking rest and satisfaction.

We indulge our appetites on the promise of satisfaction because there is a temporary easing.  It works!  I have often said that the problem with drugs is that they work -- but only to ease the symptom a little, not fix the problem.  Likewise, all licentiousness gives us a temporary reprieve from our need or hunger, but doesn't fulfill or satisfy.  Thus, everyone who indulges only seeks more.  Chocolate tastes good for the moment.  Sex feels good for the moment.  Tobacco calms the nerves for the moment.  They really work!  But, it's the drug producing the feeling so it lasts only as long as the chemical is in the body -- then it's gone.

This problem has been noted by sages and fools throughout the ages.  Both those who indulge their appetites and those who conquer them come to the same conclusions -- that all those things that aren't permanent aren't worthwhile.  There is an inscription on the wall of the chapel at Stanford University that reads in part: "All that is not eternal is too short."

Fantasy seems better than reality

Sometimes we want to live a fantasy because it feels better or is easier than reality.  A patient of mine came in to the office with a complaint of allergies.  After we were alone he said the real reason he came in was to talk about his erectile dysfunction, or impotence.  We discussed it at length and found that he was spending a lot of time (and money) on pornography, where he did not have impotence.  He acknowledged that the fantasy of the pictures was better than the reality of his own wife.  He could only relate to two-dimensional women because he could make them into whatever he wanted.  There was no work, no give-and-take, and he didn't have to wonder what the photographs were thinking -- they were always exactly what he wanted.  Moreover, he didn't have to "perform," he could fantasize his own perfect performance.  The problem is that he could no longer relate to his wife.  He could not function in reality, but the fantasy only brought loneliness and pain.

Also, the anticipation is better than the real thing.  I remember a family trip to Disneyland where the children were excited for weeks before we went.  On the actual day, though, there were periods of time that they enjoyed the rides and stuff, and periods of crying, wining, pouting, and general discontent.  The whole day at the park was bipolar -- full of highs and lows.  In the end, it was a very tiring day for all, not something that energized us (especially the ones pushing the stroller).  While we did have fun, I concluded that "The happiest place on Earth" isn't.  It's just a fantasy.

Fantasy is destructive

The fantasy doesn't just prevent us from finding fulfillment, it is also very destructive. Pretending keeps us from learning reality, but it isn't just a decision of two equals.   Those who smoke age prematurely.  Those who drink alcohol damage many organs.  Those who indulge in sexual appetites find diseases, cancers, and destroyed relationships.  Those who try to find satisfaction in power or money only find destruction to themselves and those around them.  On a large scale, seeking power causes wars between nations, and on a small scale individuals in families and neighbors relationships are destroyed.

Reality is free

Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.  Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.  Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness.  (2 Nephi 9:51)

Fantasy always requires your money and labor, whereas reality is free for the asking.  God is always willing to give whatever is needed for our growth.  The only "cost" of this is to let go of our fantasies.  Some find it a big sacrifice -- so big, in fact, that many are unwilling to do it.  The cost seems to great -- but in reality it is no cost at all because a fantasy isn't real.  It would be like having to sacrifice a million dollars of Monopoly money for an ounce of gold.  Since the paper has no value, it isn't really a sacrifice.

Good judgment

Sometimes it isn't clear what is the fantasy and what is the reality.  I have already stated that fantasy is anything temporary and reality is anything permanent, but how do we know what is permanent?  Mormon explains:

"For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know [reality] from [fantasy]; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.  For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know [reality] from [fantasy]; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.  But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him."  (Moroni 7:15-17)

Reality is Jesus Christ.  Fantasy is everything else.  Whatever doesn't lead you to Christ isn't real because it's only temporary and doesn't deliver on it's promise.  On the other hand, the promises of God are always fulfilled.  We are not sure because we don't see immediate results.  We may have to be patient and wait upon Him, but His promises are sure.  It takes time to grow up, both physically and spiritually.  Just as children often indicate that they want to be grown up already, people who are spiritual children want to be immediate adults, but they still must put in the time and grow little-by-little.

Repent

We grow up physically if we nourish and exercise the body, and we grow up spiritually when we nourish and exercise the spirit.  Spiritual growth requires that we come to know and do the will of God, or reality.  The process of going from a fantasy world to reality is called repentance; as we learn a truth we give up a fantasy.  The process continues little-by-little until we have no more fantasies at all.  The war is over.  Reality has won!