Fantasy and Reality

The constant struggle of mankind in every age and place is a war of "fantasy vs. reality."  I have often thought evil can be defined as "I want," but that is too simplistic.  Evil is really just those things that we want that are not the will of God.  Wherever our will coincides with the will of God we are actually good.  God brings us to reality, and everything else is fantasy.    We struggle to put aside our fantasies while nurturing the will of God.  This is the war fought in our hearts every day.  Every single decision we make in our daily walk either brings us towards fantasy, or reality. 

We want the fantasy because it brings instant satisfaction, however it is temporary, leaving us unfulfilled.  Reality, on the other hand, is permanent, bringing lasting satisfaction, fulfillment, peace, and joy.

Fantasy

Those things which are temporary, which don't last, or are intermittent are as dreams that cannot satisfy.  Isaiah explained this, "It shall even be as when an hungry man dreameth, and, behold, he eateth; but he awaketh, and his soul is empty: or as when a thirsty man dreameth, and, behold, he drinketh; but he awaketh, and, behold, he is faint, and his soul hath appetite."  (Isaiah 29:8)  Fantasies are dreams that cannot come true.  There is a promise of fulfillment that can't ever happen.  We can eat all we want now, but tomorrow we will be hungry again.  Food cannot satisfy our craving.  We can indulge in every hedonistic pleasure that life has to offer, but none of them will bring satisfaction.

I once had a patient who was "hooked" on heroin.  She said the first time she shot it into her veins was the best, and she continued doing it for over ten years trying to get that feeling back of the first time.  It never happened, and now she wanted off, but couldn't.  The brief respite from her pain and loneliness provided by the drug only made her want more, but never really gave her satisfaction.  Living a fantasy is as Mick Jaeger said, "I can't get no satisfaction."

Sensuality

In essence, those things that are not of God are fantasies that we believe.  We think satisfaction could come through the senses of our bodies, for example.  We indulge in taste sensations, licentiousness, and chemical-induced numbness seeking rest and satisfaction.

We indulge our appetites on the promise of satisfaction because there is a temporary easing.  It works!  I have often said that the problem with drugs is that they work -- but only to ease the symptom a little, not fix the problem.  Likewise, all licentiousness gives us a temporary reprieve from our need or hunger, but doesn't fulfill or satisfy.  Thus, everyone who indulges only seeks more.  Chocolate tastes good for the moment.  Sex feels good for the moment.  Tobacco calms the nerves for the moment.  They really work!  But, it's the drug producing the feeling so it lasts only as long as the chemical is in the body -- then it's gone.

This problem has been noted by sages and fools throughout the ages.  Both those who indulge their appetites and those who conquer them come to the same conclusions -- that all those things that aren't permanent aren't worthwhile.  There is an inscription on the wall of the chapel at Stanford University that reads in part: "All that is not eternal is too short."

Fantasy seems better than reality

Sometimes we want to live a fantasy because it feels better or is easier than reality.  A patient of mine came in to the office with a complaint of allergies.  After we were alone he said the real reason he came in was to talk about his erectile dysfunction, or impotence.  We discussed it at length and found that he was spending a lot of time (and money) on pornography, where he did not have impotence.  He acknowledged that the fantasy of the pictures was better than the reality of his own wife.  He could only relate to two-dimensional women because he could make them into whatever he wanted.  There was no work, no give-and-take, and he didn't have to wonder what the photographs were thinking -- they were always exactly what he wanted.  Moreover, he didn't have to "perform," he could fantasize his own perfect performance.  The problem is that he could no longer relate to his wife.  He could not function in reality, but the fantasy only brought loneliness and pain.

Also, the anticipation is better than the real thing.  I remember a family trip to Disneyland where the children were excited for weeks before we went.  On the actual day, though, there were periods of time that they enjoyed the rides and stuff, and periods of crying, wining, pouting, and general discontent.  The whole day at the park was bipolar -- full of highs and lows.  In the end, it was a very tiring day for all, not something that energized us (especially the ones pushing the stroller).  While we did have fun, I concluded that "The happiest place on Earth" isn't.  It's just a fantasy.

Fantasy is destructive

The fantasy doesn't just prevent us from finding fulfillment, it is also very destructive. Pretending keeps us from learning reality, but it isn't just a decision of two equals.   Those who smoke age prematurely.  Those who drink alcohol damage many organs.  Those who indulge in sexual appetites find diseases, cancers, and destroyed relationships.  Those who try to find satisfaction in power or money only find destruction to themselves and those around them.  On a large scale, seeking power causes wars between nations, and on a small scale individuals in families and neighbors relationships are destroyed.

Reality is free

Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.  Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.  Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness.  (2 Nephi 9:51)

Fantasy always requires your money and labor, whereas reality is free for the asking.  God is always willing to give whatever is needed for our growth.  The only "cost" of this is to let go of our fantasies.  Some find it a big sacrifice -- so big, in fact, that many are unwilling to do it.  The cost seems to great -- but in reality it is no cost at all because a fantasy isn't real.  It would be like having to sacrifice a million dollars of Monopoly money for an ounce of gold.  Since the paper has no value, it isn't really a sacrifice.

Good judgment

Sometimes it isn't clear what is the fantasy and what is the reality.  I have already stated that fantasy is anything temporary and reality is anything permanent, but how do we know what is permanent?  Mormon explains:

"For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know [reality] from [fantasy]; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.  For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know [reality] from [fantasy]; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.  But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him."  (Moroni 7:15-17)

Reality is Jesus Christ.  Fantasy is everything else.  Whatever doesn't lead you to Christ isn't real because it's only temporary and doesn't deliver on it's promise.  On the other hand, the promises of God are always fulfilled.  We are not sure because we don't see immediate results.  We may have to be patient and wait upon Him, but His promises are sure.  It takes time to grow up, both physically and spiritually.  Just as children often indicate that they want to be grown up already, people who are spiritual children want to be immediate adults, but they still must put in the time and grow little-by-little.

Repent

We grow up physically if we nourish and exercise the body, and we grow up spiritually when we nourish and exercise the spirit.  Spiritual growth requires that we come to know and do the will of God, or reality.  The process of going from a fantasy world to reality is called repentance; as we learn a truth we give up a fantasy.  The process continues little-by-little until we have no more fantasies at all.  The war is over.  Reality has won!