Knowledge, or understanding, comes on various levels, or dimensions. Children can understand things on a one-dimensional level, they can connect dots, or bits of information to make a line. As we grow up, we can see how the lines fit together to make a picture. However, as we gain experience we learn how the pictures come together to form a third dimension, adding depth to our pictures.
I had a picture of what a family should be. It was very intricately drawn over years of thinking, learning, observing, and reading. Through my personal experience I formed opinions on how things should be, starting with: "I'm not going to make the mistakes my parents made." Moreover, I read many self-help books on marriage and family. I was also taught a great deal about the family at church. My picture seemed very real -- perfect, but it was still only 2-dimensional. When I actually had a family I set about creating exactly what I had pictured.
I just assumed that my wife and children would come to see that my picture of marriage and family was good. I felt like I had to give them my picture, to "teach" or "mold" them to fit my picture using various tools of manipulation. Of course, they all rebelled against me. When my 17-year-old said, "how can you be happy when your wife and children hate you for what you believe," I replied, "Why should I let others determine my happiness?" My response revealed my sin: I didn't care what they thought, or how they felt; my heart wasn't with them. I wasn't dependent on them in any way.
Part of the problem is never learning how, but also I didn't want to let them into my heart because that would require me to change. Change what? My thoughts, my ideas, my mind, my heart, my feelings, and my desires. It's me. It's what I am inside, the core, or the heart. If I let others in then it will inevitably require a change of heart. Avoiding change is pride, which then brought fear. To avoid admitting I wasn't perfect (complete, or whole) I had to keep them out of my heart.
It wasn't that the picture I had was wrong, it was just incomplete, or two-dimensional. It needed a third dimension to make it real. A picture of your family is not the same as having their presence. A hug is a whole dimension better than a photograph. To connect with the heart is infinitely better than a business conversation. The third dimension adds so much more -- indeed, it is life itself. The third dimension is love; it takes the picture that can only exist in your own brain, and adds color and depth. The Apostle Paul explains that perfect love is the opposite of selfishness: "Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up... seeketh not her own." (1 Corinthians 13:4,5) Love is not proud or selfish. Because of pride I didn't love. It's other people and their differences that give us a third dimension.
Love requires a change of heart. Connecting with people means they will change what you think and feel -- changing your mind and heart. Every person we love will change us in some way by adding their uniqueness to our picture. It is our differences that make us real; no two people are exactly alike. When we accept others by trying to understand who they are and what they think and feel, we will necessarily have to experience their uniqueness. We don't really understand what others experience until we share it. This is why people form groups with similar experiences. Loving those without similarities is more difficult, requiring humility and maturity. When we experience people who are different from us, we will take them into our hearts and our hearts will change. Each change adds more depth to us. The more we love, the more depth we have, adding dimensions.
Just like I did with my family, people often "love" people in order to change them to our point-of-view. Real love requires that we just accept how they are. If I love you, then I must experience your uniqueness. Time is a requirement for love to grow. The more time I spend, the more experience I have, allows me to gain greater understanding -- and love.
Because of this, the family is where we mostly learn to accept differences and connect with others. We take our family members exactly as they are and come to know them over time. We communicate with them, we watch them, we experience them and in this way come to know them intimately. Each experience with each person brings us closer together. The Family Proclamation reads: "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." As we share these experiences our hearts become more unified.
I have always had an exclusive concept of family: a mother, father and their children. Aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents and so forth are extended family. I now have become part of a family that is inclusive, that welcomes others into our intimate circle. Anyone who desires, and is willing to live by our family rules, may come and be accepted in spite of their differences. This requires a lot of love as each member allows their heart to change with each addition to the family. This is how we love our neighbors, adding more and more depth to our picture of life.
Ultimately, our love for our neighbor leads to love for God because we experience Him both directly and through others. After explaining that the first commandment was to love God, Jesus went on, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22:39) By loving those around us we take Him into our hearts, changing our thoughts, ideas, needs and desires. This is the sacrifice required of all God's children, that of "a broken heart and a contrite spirit." Each week we take the emblems of His body and blood into ourselves -- His sacrifice, His love -- and make Him a part of our hearts, and as we experience Him we obtain "a mighty change of heart," or a true love for God, giving depth to our picture, making us 3D.
When you tell Jeannie to just paint over my wall before I am finished mudding/sanding it, its the same thing.
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