However, I think in reality I missed the actual point of Paul's treatise. The first few verses, the introduction, begins the point of what he is saying: you can know everything, be full of faith, speak or write very eloquently, and have any gift in the Universe, but if you don't have charity you are still nothing. Without charity all the other things you do don't mean a thing -- they don't help you. I am living proof of that.
In my zeal to acquire knowledge, I have been very proud of my efforts. I have been obedient, faithful, pious, and filled with the knowledge of God. Indeed, He has blessed me with an abundance of understanding. I know the Scriptures well. I can speak on any subject at a moment's notice. I can argue any case with the best minds in the world. I feel as though I have done everything right, and the Lord has blessed me because of my righteousness; I have known abundance.
Reality bites! I have really known nothing of the abundant life! I see now that I am nothing because I don't possess charity -- the pure love of Christ. All that I had built up in the world, all that I cared about, has been lost. I got what I wanted, and found it to be exactly what Macbeth said: "Upon my head they placed a fruitless crown, And put a barren scepter in my grip." I lost nothing, my "sacrifice" is nothing. I still have all the knowledge the Lord gave me, but without charity even that is nothing. Now, I would go back to Paul's writings and try to understand what really is "the greatest!"
The greatest gift is love. We all know that, and we seek it, but often look in the wrong places. We seek to be loved instead of to love. I had a friend, Michael Jackson, who was "loved" by millions of people, but was very lonely because he didn't love. There were very few people he felt that he could trust and love. Instead of seeking to be loved by others, some seek the love of God. They are the Pharisees of the world. In reality, thought, there is a triangle of love, self, God and others, that work together for finding true love, the gift of charity.
The pure love of Christ
There are many gifts of the Spirit, and to each is given gifts so that he can help others to come to know God. However, they aren't all the same; some are temporary, but others continue on. When everyone knows everything the gifts of knowledge and prophesy aren't relevant. When there is no sickness, the gift of healing won't matter. There are three gifts of the Spirit that continue in Eternity: faith, hope, and charity, but "the greatest of these is Charity," the pure love of Christ.
Mormon tells us how to obtain this most prized gift: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ." (Moroni 7:48) I see this in steps. Step 1: become a true follower of Jesus Christ. That means a true Christian. That means love everyone, make the ultimate sacrifice of body and blood, and obey the Father in all things -- as He did. Then, step 2: pray with everything in your heart to receive this gift.
Becoming a disciple of Christ
As I was driving to see my psychiatrist for the first time, a most unusual thought struck me: "Someone is going to listen to me!" It was the first time I had had that experience. I couldn't remember ever having a listening ear, somebody else's full attention, in a non-judgmental way. It was a unique and really wonderful feeling. After several months of sessions, however, I got bored of the relationship because there was no reciprocity -- I didn't come to know the doctor at all; I was just talking about myself. A living love is two-ways. I left his office one day and never spoke to him again.
We only love ourselves as we love others. I have throughout my life looked at love backwards. I have tried to love myself by making others love me. I thought that if I gave everyone what they wanted, then they would love me, and then I would feel loved. I find that whenever I'm upset with my wife it is because I'm thinking about myself, that I'm not getting the love I need. I have tried to please her in order to get my needs met. The problem with this thinking is that it is selfish -- it's still all about me. Pleasing others is not the way to charity.
Moreover, we can only love God to the degree that we love others. "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" (1 John 4:20) The way to discipleship is to "love thy neighbor as thyself."
Love the one you're withWhen Jesus said that the love of your neighbor is "like unto" the love of God, the Pharisees asked Him "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus then gave the parable of the Good Samaritan. Our neighbor is the person we meet. It is the child we are with. It is the person in the store. It is the one we sit next to in church. It is our spouse. It's our co-worker. The ones we have contact with we have the opportunity to love. We cannot pick and choose the ones we will love, it must be each and every person we meet.
Love is achieved by getting outside of yourself and getting into others. It is taking the time to be with another and discover what they need, how they learn, who they are, their talents and weaknesses, their likes and dislikes. It starts with getting to know another, not as a member of a group, but as an individual. "To know me is to love me" specifically applies to God, but also applies to everyone else. We can't separate the love of others from the love of God. We can only love God to the degree that we love others so we can only know God to the degree that we know others. Listening with a desire to understand from their perspective is essential.
To love is to serve
As we come to know others we begin to understand their needs, which gives us the opportunity to serve them. To serve is to minister in exactly the way that they need. We cannot know their needs unless we know them. If we haven't taken the time to know them, then we can only give them what we think they need. We end up giving them what we want. It's like a mother who is hungry all the time giving her obese children more food. She doesn't know their needs so she gives them what she would want. Service, therefore, requires that we first come to know another. The saying is true, "I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care."
If we are listening, each person will reveal his needs. Our children will whine and cry, but it is up to us to understand them to know if they need a hug, or food, sleep, or time and attention. One mother had a saying, "feed them, don't beat them," which is an improvement, but makes for fat children. Some people just need a listening ear, others need advice. We need to be attentive to know the needs of the individual we are with. It helps to ask.
A short time ago I was driving a young man whom I had known for years to work, and he was telling me that when he was done with this job he was not going back. I asked him what he was going to do, and he said, "Sit around and do nothing." Of course, I had a lot of advice, that he should get another job, be productive, go to school, and so forth, but he would have nothing to do with it. Then I began to wonder why he felt that way so I asked. At first, he pushed it away, but I persisted and found out that he had some basic skills that were left out of his childhood. Things like tying shoes and riding a bike were things he had never learned, and he felt inadequate to other tasks. Having been a scoutmaster for many years, I knew how to tie knots so we agreed to start his training with his very basic shoe-tying need. I have the opportunity to serve him because we had a relationship of trust and he revealed his needs.
We love God by serving His children. King Benjamin makes the connection between serving others and serving God: "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17) We love others by serving them, we love God by serving others.
The miracle of love
"Love your neighbor" is the grand key to charity. The "love triangle" of self, God and others starts with others. We cannot begin by loving ourselves because that is selfish -- exactly the opposite of charity. Nor can we begin by knowing God because we can only know Him to the degree that we love others, and we can only love Him to the degree that we serve His children. The miracle is that as we begin loving our neighbor we automatically have an equal amount of love for God, and ourselves. We really only need to work on one side of the triangle and it always remains balanced.
Thus, the amount of love we have for God, ourselves, and others is exactly correlated. We cannot love God more than we love our neighbors. We cannot love ourselves more than we love God. The more we love one, the more we love all. Therefore, it is the one that we love that allows us to love all. The "love triangle" works by coming to know and serve each and every person that God brings into our path.
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