Fake it 'till you make it

In the summer of 1984 I returned home after serving as a missionary in Venezuela for 15 months. Prior to leaving I had worked during the summer doing the "Sponge Bob" thing at Carl's Jr. I was not looking forward to doing that for minimum wage again. As I was whining to my carpenter friend, Chris, he said, "You know how to use a saw, don't you? Just walk on to a construction site and tell the foreman you're a carpenter looking for work." Being completely ignorant, I did just that. 

The first place was a 3-story condominium job site. I walked-in, asked for the foreman, and was directed to the top floor. I went straight up to him and said, "I'm carpenter looking for work." 

"What can you do?" he inquired.

I shrugged, "Well, anything."

"Sheeting?" (I didn't know what this meant, but I was sure I could learn.)

"Yeah."

"Joisting?" (I wasn't sure what this was, either.)

"Yeah."

"Well, we don't need anyone just now."

I left and walked down one block to a similar job site, inquired of the whereabouts of the foreman.

"I'm a carpenter looking for work."

"What can you do?"

"Sheeting, Joisting... anything." (I still don't know what this means, but I thought it would sound good.)

"Ok, bring your bags tomorrow and we'll start you doing pick-up work."

I immediately went home and called Chris. "He told me to bring bags and do pick-up work, does that mean I have to bring trash bags and pick up trash?" Chris laughed out loud, "You idiot, "bags" are your tool bags, and pick-up work is fixing all the mistakes." I asked, and he told me what I needed. 

The next day I showed-up to see Kyle, the foreman, with stiff leather tool bags filled with shiny new tools from Sears -- CRAFTSMAN! Everyone pointed, laughed, and used language I wouldn't know how to write. But, they let me stay. Kyle took one look at me and said, "You'll work with me." He led me upstairs, got up on a ladder and said, "Cut me a 32 long-point." I looked at him quizzingly. "You know, 45 degree angle, 32 inches to the long point... and, here, use this instead of that thing." I put away my Sears tri-square and picked up his speed square, marked a 45 at 32 inches and picked up the 7-1/4 Skill-saw to cut it.  "STOP! -- YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE GOING TO CUT YOURSEF!" he yelled at me. He got down from the ladder and showed me how to hold the saw and board properly to avoid an accident. This kind of thing went on all day, but I learned fast, and didn't make the same mistakes twice.

He let me come back the next day. He told me he'd pay me $7/hour, twice as much as the fry-cook job! 

By the end of the summer I was a carpenter. I didn't know everything, but I knew enough to find a job anywhere. The following summer the same company hired me back, and even hired my brother, who was just about as ignorant as I was when I had started. John, the boss, wanted intelligent people on the job, and I assured him Chas was SMART. We went on to build for years, eventually building my own house mostly by ourselves.

In the world I have been able to "fake it" to learn just about anything, but I don't think this works with the things of Eternity. The qualities of faith, humility, and charity are not something I could fake. I have tried. The problem is, I can study it and understand it intellectually, and even act the part, but if it isn't in my heart, it isn't real. Jesus explained this concept to the Nephites:

For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God, except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing. For behold, it is not counted unto him for righteousness. For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God. (Moroni 7:6-8)

In spiritual terms, "fake it 'till you make it" is just hypocrisy. What I do or think on the outside is not nearly so important as what is in my heart. That is the difference. In the world, what I DO is important, but Heaven is based on the heart. The Pharisees faked being righteous, but were told, "But woe unto you, Pharisees! for ye tithe mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass over judgment and the love of God: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone." (Luke 11:42) In other words, what they did was important, but "the weightier matters" are those things of the heart.

Faking love, doing all the "loving" things, doesn't work. It doesn't change my heart. I only appear to be loving, but the heart is still selfish. Selfishness is the opposite of love. Also, I can teach Sunday School and appear to understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but that doesn't assure that the commandments are written in my heart, as Abinadi explained to the wicked priests of King Noah, "And now I read unto you the remainder of the commandments of God, for I perceive that they are not written in your hearts; I perceive that ye have studied and taught iniquity the most part of your lives." (Mosiah 13:11)

I have enough experience to know for sure that the Scriptures are true. They teach that there is only one way to God, and that is through Jesus Christ. Those who turn to Him, will find a "mighty change of heart" through the ministration of the Holy Ghost. There is no other way. There is no faking with God. "O then, my beloved brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the Lord God is his name." (2 Nephi 9:41)

The problem is, I've faked it for so many years I don't know how to do it any other way! I know I can't change my heart. I'm in a sort of bondage, a catch-22, and a vicious cycle. If I do good, I'm trying to "fake it" and I congratulate myself on how "good" I am so it's really bad. 

Nephi explains how to do this, "I know that if ye shall follow the Son with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ, by baptism; yea, by following your Lord and your Savior down into the water, according to his word, behold, then shall ye receive the Holy Ghost; yea, then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost; and then can ye speak with the tongue of angels, and shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel." (2 Nephi 31:13)

I guess the only thing I can do is pray for repentance and a mighty change of heart, and, "Trust in the Lord with all [my] heart; and lean not unto [mine] own understanding. In all [my] ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct [my] paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) I'm going to give up faking it, and turn to the Lord.