Years ago I read a story by a man who had business problems, he was so stressed that he couldn't sleep so he stayed up and prayed about his difficulties, one at a time. He came to know the Lord through these early morning meetings as together they worked out his problems, and his business grew.
The Spirit of the Lord has been talking to me for months, telling me to "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings," (Alma 37:37) but I didn't listen. Things got worse, and worse, and worse. I'm pulling my hair out, I'm hating life, I want to quit, I want to leave, I'm going to take a job somewhere else. I'm firing employees, I'm alienating patients and staff because I'm so stressed! I want it to fail so I can leave and just get a real job. The Lord put a book in my hands, God Owns My Business, by Stanley Tan. I read the whole thing a few months ago, but didn't get it. I was blind.
I woke up this morning and the Spirit spoke again, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good," (Alma 37:37) and I got it! Suddenly, I understood. It's so simple. It's so easy!
All these years of failure have finally taught me what I needed to know. I needed to know that I was unable to do this alone. I needed to know that it's the Lord that "giveth to all men liberally" and not through my own efforts. I gave all my efforts, but they were in vain! If the business had grown, I would have been proud of my work, and not given the Lord the credit. I would have thought the Lord "helped" here and there, but that it was my work, intellect, thoughts, and innovations that made the difference. I would have been unable to see His hand.
Pride
Twelve years ago I left the safety and comfort of a good job at the County Clinics because of my pride -- I wanted to do things my way. I have tried for all these years and never could make the business side work. It never got good. I have started four new practices, and I have bought two. They were doing well when I bought them, but I couldn't make them work for me. If I wasn't oblivious, which I was most of the time, then I was frustrated. I tried, and tried, and tried. I thought, and thought, and thought. I cursed, and vented, and paced. I worried, and worried, and became consumed by money -- I just couldn't get the business to make enough.
Pride is so insidious, so underhanded, so blind. I could not see my own weakness when it was thrust in front of me. I would cry, pout, hate life, yell, be grumpy, pray for help, but no help came. I was locked into a jail cell by my own pride with no way out! My pride kept pushing me to do something I couldn't do, but didn't know it. The Spirit whispered to me, "Let me help you..." but I would say, "Wait, I think I can figure this out!" I'll buy another business book, I'll fire some one, I'll get a new doctor, I'll change the pay structure, and so forth. I have made so many changes the staff doesn't know what to do.
The Spirit kept on me, "Just pray." I started praying, but not to turn it over to the Lord, I prayed general, "Help me, I'm drowning!" prayers. I was going to figure it out. I'm smart. I'm good. I should be able to do this! I just need a little help. Pride. My practice has always been to figure everything out myself, and ask God for help with the things I couldn't.
When Charly was three I began to cook dinner one evening and she wanted to help. We pulled a chair up to the counter, she stood on it and I helped her cut some of the vegetables. Three or four cuts and she lost interest, then she wanted to stir the pan so I let her do that. I finished cooking and put the food on the table. Everyone came to eat, and as we were all sitting down Charly walked to the table, puffed-out her chest and exclaimed, "I cooked dinner!"
This is how I have lived my life. The Lord does all the work, and I do a few things and take all the glory. I built a house, and continue to marvel that I built it. I acknowledge the hand of the Lord in helping out a few times when I got into trouble -- He sent a carpenter when I didn't know how to do the trusses, and got us the money when we didn't have enough to get the drywall done, and so forth. But, I built it! My pride was much bigger than I thought. I was blind to the fact that I can do NOTHING without Him, that I am completely impotent! In reality, He does all the work, and I pound a few nails and "insert tab 'B' into slot 'A'."
"Thus saith the Lord unto my peopleyou have many things to do and to repent of; for behold, your sins have come up unto me, and are not pardoned, because you seek to counsel in your own ways." (D&C 56:14)
Repentance
I knew all of this in my head. I have known it for years. I have taught lessons, and given talks. What I understood in my head, did not reach my heart. But now I understand in my heart. I know. I know for sure that I'm not the one who made the difference, that I didn't build anything, that it didn't come about because of my intelligence or work. It is all His work. I only carried it out.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)
The "mighty change of heart" is not willed, it is a gift given by the Holy Ghost. Even repentance is impossible without His help. The information was all there in front of me, in my head, memorized and memorialized, but I couldn't even see it. I didn't know how to apply the simplest principles to myself, to my own situation. The heart had to be changed first. I am so grateful to Jesus Christ for the gift of repentance! He has shown me the way. He has given me grace, more than I deserve.
"I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak..." (Alma 26:12)
I have had enough experience to know that I cannot run a business. I now know that I am nothing. I know I'm weak. I know for a fact that if anything comes of my life it isn't because of my prowess or intelligence, but rather because of His mercy and grace. I know nothing. I am nothing. I have nothing. I can do nothing without Him. Right now I feel like this is the most important information I could ever know!
The fruits
I'm making Him my partner in the business -- the SENIOR partner. I will do nothing without His consent. I will counsel with Him on everything, everything! Who to hire, who to fire, where to use people, how to help them, scheduling patients, making the program, buying supplies, selling prices, and so forth. He is in charge. It's His business. I will carry-out His commands. Thus I will learn to work with the Lord. He is so wonderful! I love the Lord!
"The weak things of the world shall come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones, that man should not counsel his fellow man, neither trust in the arm of flesh, But that every man might speak in the name of God the Lord, even the Savior of the world." (D&C 1:19-20)
I will no longer be "tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine!" (Ephesians 4:14) I can be strong because I will build my house on a Rock. "...It is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation..." (Helaman 5:12) If I am standing on a Rock, then I can be solid. If the Lord sends me to do something, then I can absolutely do it without qualms or misgivings. If He tells me to let go of some one, I can do it gracefully and firmly. If He tells me to go somewhere or buy something I will do it. Nothing can stop the word of the Lord. I am only a conduit, and one who is carrying-out His will. He knows all things. He knows the end from the beginning. He runs the place, I just bring about His orders. It's not my business, it's His.
Life is fun again! I'm so excited about my new adventure! I needed a partner, and what better partner to have than God? I have tried to hire them in the past, but this is the best! What a huge load taken off of my shoulders! I feel light. I feel great! I know I'm able to do what He says because His word is law. I don't need to worry. I have no fear. I just do as He says and He teaches me the way. We work together on everything! Wow! I know that as I work with Him that I will come to know Him in a very different way than I have in the past. I love Him.
Who would have thought that a business venture could bring about such a mighty change of heart?
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