I've always been a lonely person. I've wanted so desperately to connect with someone, anyone, but mostly my mom, dad, brothers, or wife. I've never been able to get there, until I married Karyn. She is in my heart and soul. I love her with a depth that I can't explain. I love her more than my life, more than any of the superficial wants, needs, desires, appearances, or qualities she or I possess. It's amazing, and beautiful. "Love is a many splendored thing!" But, behind it all is a dark spot that gives me a constant sense of impending doom.
"They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."
Karyn told me about a man she visited yesterday. His first wife died, his second wife left him, and his third wife decided that he was sealed to the first and didn't want to share so she left him as well. Now, he's alone. His niece with her children who is in the middle of a divorce stay with him, and he takes care of them. At 63, he doesn't intend to marry again.
The "lone and dreary world" is appropriately named. We are all disconnected, and as much as we try to connect, we so often fail. It sometimes seems better just to be alone than to suffer all of this failure to connect. Death and divorce are really hard on one who needs to love from the heart. We can then add to that all of the uncertainties of the next part of our lives when we leave the Earth, making the concept of "Eternal families" more challenging.
"Two people together, but living alone."
Karyn is in an LDS widows group which continually struggles with a unique challenge compared to all the other widows in the world. These women are sealed to men who are no longer on the Earth. This means they have commitments that are Eternal in nature, not just for here, but after this life. Because of this, it is so hard for them to find an LDS man to marry and be with; the men feel like they are only temporary stand-in's; they can only be married for time because the woman has another in Eternity.
My dad is in this situation. My father is divorced from my mother, and married to a widow. Her heart is with her first husband, to whom she is sealed with all of her children. That's her family. He's just a person with whom to share the loneliness of being away from the one she loves. My dad said to me one day, "I'm hoping your mother will reconsider when we get to the other side." I've talked to my mom about it, but her heart is nowhere near there. We don't suddenly change. Where does that leave him? We don't know, and we won't know until the resurrection -- unless God reveals it for his specific case. Until then, he lives with uncertainty.
"If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."
My situation is strikingly similar. I fight loneliness, knowing that the woman to whom I'm sealed is not interested in the slightest, and the woman to whom I'm married has an Eternal commitment to someone else, the father of her children. I'm just the temporary "Joe." She needs someone, for now, and so do I. "... It's better than drinking alone!" Her heart is with her first husband. However, I've fallen in love with her so deeply. I need her. I want her. She's the only connection I've ever had from the heart. She fulfills my dreams. She connects me to God, and Eternity, but... I don't know the final outcome so I continually live with a lone and dreary uncertainty.
Our problem is compounded by logistical realities that often leave me alone, and lonely. She can't live with me, and I can't live with her so we reside in different states. We have the benefits of visitation at times, which are wonderful and so good I can't even describe it; it's like Heaven. But then we're torn apart after a couple of days or weeks, back to our lonely worlds. For me, it's like hell. The contrast is extreme! Most of the time I'm alone, again, naturally.
"I really want to know you, Lord."
I suppose the purpose of all this loneliness is to teach me something about connecting with God. We come to Earth to experience death and hell -- a separation from God. It's supposed to be lonely. We're supposed to feel the need to connect with God. Jesus came to Earth to show us the way to make this connection and return to grace. When the Lord was asked which was the greatest commandment, He told the lawyers, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38) Then he went beyond their question to shed more light, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22:39) This love is charity, the pure love of Christ. It's doesn't come out of loneliness, but rather desire, belief, faith, and hope.
I have always sought the Lord, but looked to my peers to fill my empty heart. If I don't love my neighbor, I don't love God. The connection with God brings the love of my neighbor, and vice-versa. They are alike, as Jesus said. I know this to be true, because it wasn't until I had a heartfelt connection to Karyn that I was able to love God, and feel His love. This also gives me the ability to love others, including my children, and step-children, father, mother, and brothers. From there, I'm sure it extends to all people -- in time.
The loneliness dissipates when we are connected to God, which comes through the Lord, Jesus Christ. Mormon admonishes us how to seek and find this connection:
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen." (Moroni 7:48)
With charity, all of the problems of the lone and dreary world cease to exist. There is no loneliness. There is no hatred. There is no selfishness. There is no loss of connections. There is no worry or uncertainty with whom I will be after this life. The end result of charity is a connection with God and all people, never to be alone again, naturally.
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