Marriage and Happiness

I have had an ongoing discussion with my son about marriage.  He insists there is no need for marriage, and I have a hard time explaining it in a way that he would understand.  Using metaphors and analogies can be helpful, but they don't convey the reality of marriage to one who has not experienced it any more than a description of a Mozart sonata would really help anyone who has never heard one.  In spite of this, I would like to venture to elaborate on the seven reasons for marriage, in no particular order.

• Love
• Security
• God
• Children
• Fun
• Connection
• Happiness

Love
Marriage is about true love.  Only within the bonds of marriage can we really love another.  It is the covenant we make that allows us to learn to get outside of ourselves and truly love another.  Without the commitment, we only do what we want, what we like, or seek fulfillment, and don't really learn to love.  However,with a real commitment we can truly love our spouse with all our hearts, which leads to peace, joy and happiness.

Security
People often seek security in having money, land, houses, or other material goods.  Others want their employer or the government to provide a "safety net" in their lives.  Marriage, however, is the best way to have safety and security.  Being able to depend on another person who loves you gives more sense of security than even the government with all its power and resources.  True love removes all fear, allowing real peace and contentment.

God
There are two kinds of power in the Universe, constructive, and destructive.  A close bond with a spouse allows us to come to know God in a deeper way than we can without marriage.  The couple makes a complete human being, and together with God they are empowered to reproduce, taking part in creation with Him.  In every way, marriage brings with it the power of God, which is always constructive.  We cannot begin to understand God unless we share experiences with Him.  Marriage allows this to happen in two ways -- love and creation.

Children
Marriage naturally allows children into the world.  Children help the couple to experience more of life.  We learn more as we teach.  Parenting is the process of teaching the children, helping them to grow up in all areas of life: mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and so forth.  As the parents help their children to grow they not only learn a deeper love, but also improve themselves in all these areas.  Each child is different, and will necessarily give the parents different experiences.

Fun
Those who marry have more fun in life because they have more experience.  Each in a couple gets to live more as they experience the world of their spouse.  Moreover, they get to re-live their childhood as their children grow up and learn.  There is nothing more fun than going to plays, games, recitals, and other activities of children, and being totally interested and absorbed in the outcome.  Disneyland isn't fun unless you can bring a child.  Experiencing life through our children as they discover the world is truly fun!  Fun isn't fun unless it is shared.  Marriage allows us to share everything, making all of life fun.

Connection
Probably the best part of being married is having a connection with another.  We only really become complete and whole as we become one with our spouse.  The experience of unity is the most wonderful part of being human.  It is fulfilling like no other human accomplishment can be.  No amount of success, power, money, or fame could even come close to the fulfillment of marriage.  Feeling complete and whole, comfortable and content is worth thousands of times more than all the wealth in the world!  What is amazing is that every single individual has access to this connection no matter where, who, or what they are.

Happiness
Ultimately, the purpose of existence is happiness.  God has children, us, and provides for us, teaches us, and sacrifices for us so that we can be happy.  A man nor a woman can be happy alone.  Becoming perfect, or complete, requires a man and a woman, which make up a whole human being.  Marriage is the path to happiness.  It is hard, to be sure, in fact, it is the hardest endeavor of life because is requires the greatest sacrifice.  All other ventures in life are temporary, at best, and not nearly as fulfilling.  Even our children will, hopefully, grow up and leave us as they get married and become complete, raising their own children.  A marriage, however, is made to be forever as we become one with another, forming the foundation of happiness.

The price of marriage
The hard part of marriage is the sacrifice required.  The expectations of fulfillment, love and unity are not given to us by our spouse, but rather achieved as we sacrifice ourselves, giving up all we are in our heart in order to become one with her, or him.  The sacrifice of the heart is the wants, needs and desires that are deep inside.  "I want..." is a selfish way to live and doesn't lead to unity and happiness.  This is why "living together" or any other false marriage cannot lead to happiness.  None of the goals of marriage can be reached without the commitment.  Only as we give up all the things we want can we achieve this higher level of existence.  Unity is achieved only as this is desired more than everything else.  Marriage offers the most opportunities to learn to love, as well as the deepest love as we give up all that we are inside in order to become one with our spouse.  It is the greatest achievement of all of humanity.  It is more important than being a world leader, a spiritual healer, a philanthropist, or any businessman.  Those may be good, but achieving a marriage of unity is so far ahead, hands-down, millions of times better.  There is no comparison.

Of course it's hard, but anyone can do it.  There is nothing in the world to stop it.  While we can become distracted by the cares of the world such as money, business, children, play, friends, parents, and all the other things that can get in the way, these also must be sacrificed for unity to be achieved.  It is an accomplishment like no other.  It is worth all the sacrifices we make, a thousand times over.  But what is most amazing is that it is the right of every person on the Earth.  While our pride may make it hard, in reality it's the easiest thing in the world, and it is within the grasp of every individual.  It's as easy as letting go.  Indeed, marriage is unique as the only thing on the Earth worth all of our best efforts, while at the same time being simple.  It is the hardest and at the same time the easiest.  It is most uncommon and at the same time most common.  It is the best of humanity, and the only way to fulfillment.

The hardest part about writing this is to end what is endless, knowing that none will understand who have not experienced it.  Hopefully, these can believe that it isn't random, and have a desire to seek marriage, or if they are already married, to decide to put their marriage at the top of their list of things to do.  If anyone can hope for fulfillment and desire to achieve it, they can begin to work on it by letting go of their wants, needs, and desires so they can love.  It's that simple, but I can promise that such efforts will bring the most wonderful results!