Commiseration vs. Compassion

I never knew pain before. I was numb. Nothing could hurt me. Cold. Singularity. Alone. It wasn't until I married for the second time that I obtained a heart and felt love. A world opened to me that was amazing. A world of lights and colors, of warmth and dimensions. However, with all of that wonderful life came also pain, the pain of a broken heart.

Sarah and I had a rocky start. When Karyn and I announced that we were going to get married four years ago, Sarah, Karyn's daughter, would have none of it. She came home from college to visit, and clearly made it known that I wasn't welcome. She was the only one who didn't come to our wedding. But, it didn't hurt because I was numb to pain. She couldn't hurt me because I didn't care. I thought she was just being childish, and laughed about it.

But over the years we have grown close, and I have come to know and love Sarah. She worked for me, and we had long conversations on our commute to work. I have given her blessings and I have been able to see into her soul. I know how amazing she is. When she got engaged to Weston and they were having trouble getting him accepted into the family, she came to me and apologized for not accepting me right away. I love her, and she loves me. It's good.

However, a few days ago as Karyn and I were talking about wedding plans for Sarah, Karyn tersely stated that there would be no father-daughter dance at the reception in a couple of weeks because Sarah's father wouldn't be there. This was like a knife through my heart. I had a hard time recovering my composure -- it felt so bad! I immediately began to justify my pain. I was angry in my heart. "I can be a dad who pays for her college, mission, and wedding -- but not a dad who dances at her reception." I really love her, and I was being rejected -- again. But this time, it was like being punched in the stomach when you're not looking. I felt so wounded in my heart, deeply. Why did it hurt so much?

Physical pain is easy. There's a wound. You can see it. There is an obvious reason. It looks painful. However, pain in the heart is hidden. Some people use physical wounds to show how they feel inside, and cut, or otherwise hurt themselves physically. Others nurse old wounds for years broadcasting the death of a loved one, a cheating spouse, child abuse, or a serious injury or illness. For me, rejection really hurts, if I care. The reason it hurt the second time, and not the first, is because of love. When we love, we open ourselves to the possibility of pain. We are exposed. I love Sarah so it hurts to be rejected by her.

Before marrying Karyn my heart was closed, cold, and numb, and so was my life. I was protected, and nobody could hurt me. When my first wife wanted a divorce, I was sad for the loss of a dream, but in another way I was relieved, and it didn't hurt. I wasn't angry, and neither was she. After twenty years we still didn't have a heart for each other so our divorce has been easy. Now, I feel like I have an exposed heart. I can get hurt. And when I do, it's easy to become angry, vindictive, and spiteful. In my head I thought of how I'm not even going to show up for the wedding. "Just forget the whole thing. If you don't want me there, then I won't go." I want others to know how much I hurt. In my heart I want to scream -- "OUCH! This really HURTS!" It's easy to start whining and complaining about the pain, but that doesn't help me heal.

Commiseration

Years ago when I was having trouble in my first marriage and life I went to see a psychiatrist for counseling. The first time I drove to his office I had a thought that amazed me, "Someone is going to listen to me!" It was weird. I had never had that experience before. Someone was just going to sit and listen to all my problems. Wow! However, after many sessions I found that I was going nowhere. The complaining just made me feel bad all the time. One morning, while I was driving there I had the distinct impression that I should spend the time in the Temple, instead of with the psychiatrist. I went to his office and announced that this would be our last visit, that I would be going to the Temple every Tuesday morning from now on. That really changed my life. I stopped complaining and started rejoicing. I found joy in serving in the House of the Lord.

If we whine and complain about our pain, it becomes easy to close our hearts and be cold and numb. We become closed, and that prevents us from loving others. In my business I meet every day people who just want to be heard and understood how much it hurts in their heart. They want someone to listen to them. They want others to see or feel their pain, to commiserate, to be understood -- they seek compassion.

Compassion

The literal meaning of compassion is "to suffer with." We ask our friends, family members, or counselors to have compassion on us and feel the pain that is in our hearts, but that is not possible. Nobody can feel your pain. We can really only understand what we have personally felt and commiserate with others. If we have never been in a similar situation, we can't even do that. Mutual complaining feels like compassion, but it's a poor substitute. It's like eating a donut when you're hungry -- it feels like food, but it doesn't nourish the body. Commiserating with others feels like we are understood, but it doesn't really provide what is needed to heal the wound. We continue to hurt. Thus, people sometimes spend their whole lives seeking compassion, but only get more complaints. They never find compassion among their peers, and never heal.

Turn to the Lord

When the Nephites were being attacked by the Lamanites in the Book of Mormon the death count went into the tens of thousands. I don't know what the populations of these people were, but I can imagine that these were significant losses. The Lamanites would come into the cities of the Nephites with the intent to kill them, plunder their stuff, and subject them to slavery. However, the Nephites would put their trust in the Lord, fight like lions, and beat the Lamanites every time. Over a period of six centuries when they won, they would just let the Lamanites go home in peace, and then go back and take care of all the widows and fatherless left by the war. They didn't seek for revenge. They didn't complain to God that they were damaged, instead they fasted and prayed in great rejoicing that their nation was spared -- again -- and then prepared for the next time to defend themselves. Though they were hurt, they didn't complain, get angry, or seek revenge.

The Book of Mormon begins with a story about a family traveling through a desert with many problems such as hunger, thirst and fatigue. They are divided by those with faith in the Lord, and those who complain. God gives us everything we have, including trials, pain, and suffering. When we complain, we murmur against Him. However, He gives us another option. Jesus Christ asks us, "will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you? (3 Nephi 9:13) Those who are converted to the Lord are healed of all their wounds. Our hearts are healed. The pain goes away, and we don't remember it anymore. Jesus explained this concept to His disciples:

"A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you." (John 16:21-22)

When God heals the heart, there is no way for any mortal to injure us.

Moses tells us the story of Enoch in the Pearl of Great Price. It is worth reading the whole thing, but I'll just give a summary here.

Enoch is taken up to God, and he sees the whole Earth. He notices that God is looking at the people on the Earth and weeping. "And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?" (Moses 7:29) How can the greatest of all be sad and cry? God answers that those people are His children, and He loves them, but He gave them the freedom to choose and they didn't choose Him so they will suffer. He has compassion. He feels their suffering. He knows them intimately. He really suffers with them, and weeps over them.

It is important to note that the Lord is not commiserating with Enoch. In fact, when Enoch understands the suffering of his brethren he also has compassion. "And as Enoch saw this, he had bitterness of soul, and wept over his brethren, and said unto the heavens: I will refuse to be comforted." (Moses 7:44) "but the Lord said unto Enoch: Lift up your heart, and be glad; and look. And it came to pass that Enoch looked; and from Noah, he beheld all the families of the earth; and he cried unto the Lord, saying: When shall the day of the Lord come? When shall the blood of the Righteous be shed, that all they that mourn may be sanctified and have eternal life?" (Moses 7:44-45) The comfort, joy, and good news is that Jesus Christ comes to save all those who mourn, who have pain, and who need comfort.

"Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered." (2 Nephi 2:7) Only the Lord can save us from our sins. Only He can heal our hearts. There is no other way. We can commiserate all our lives, but will never find healing until we come to the Lord and give our broken hearts to Him. He truly has compassion; He will heal all hurts, all pain, and all suffering.

Saints

We therefore do not complain to our peers about our pain and suffering, but rather bring it all to the Lord. Rather than go to counselors or psychiatrists, we come to Him with all our hurts, not to complain that we unjustly suffered and seek revenge and justice, but rather to seek healing with a humble heart, forgiving all those who hurt us -- no matter what! While our associates, family, friends and so forth cannot help us, God truly can comfort us in our sorrows. He can heal any wound. He can make it all better, and allow us to rise up and be happy, joyful, and have peace, no matter how badly we've been injured.

My reaction to rejection is not healthy. Getting angry because of the pain only makes the pain worse, and prolonged. It doesn't help anyone for me to go to Karyn or Sarah and tell them I was hurt, or to be angry with them. The best way to handle the pain of life: loss, rejection, suffering, is to turn to God and humbly thank Him for all the experiences that help us to grow and learn. I only needed to come to the Lord. When I did, He explained to me that Sarah needs a lot more time to get over the loss of her father, and that she is still hurting inside. She would feel disloyal to her father to have me stand in, adding guilt to her pain. He further told me that my position in the family is to be a light, an example, and not to substitute for Eddy. In giving me this knowledge I was comforted. He helped me to understand, and now I can still have an open heart and love her. I'm not angry. The pain is gone, swept away by pure knowledge.

What's more, when we come to know the Lord and find comfort, we can truly help others who hurt. The true followers of Jesus Christ will also "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Mosiah 18:9) Which is how we "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in." (Mosiah 18:9) When we understand the Comforter, then we can bring others to the Lord for comfort. We may speak to them the words of the Lord. We may speak by the power of the Holy Ghost and give them comfort in their sorrows. Thus, we can help each other pass through this "vale of tears" without becoming angry and bitter.

The difference is dramatic. While God Himself weeps for the lost of His children, He rejoices for those who are spared through the sacrifice of His only begotten Son. Those who commiserate with others, justify pain, or become bitter and angry bring only misery to both themselves and others, while those who turn to the Lord are healed and can have compassion, and continue to live, laugh, and love -- in spite of sorrow or suffering.

Happiness is purposeful

Statisticians estimate that the odds of life happening by random chance is 1:1x10 to the 40,000 power. This astronomically small number is based on what we currently understand what would be needed to produce, transcribe, and translate DNA into proteins that are required to form a single cell. As we get more information, the odds go down. This is also based on the existence of a "primordial soup" that contains all the raw materials needed to form a cell, and that these elements have no intelligence themselves. Thus it's all random (except for the existence of the "primordial soup").

This philosophy makes us think that life is generally accidental. Our birth is a random event of millions of sperm trying to get into an egg -- the one that gets in first wins, also known as "survival of the fittest." Talents are doled-out randomly by genetic sorting, making some more intelligent, more beautiful, or healthier. Wealth comes by luck to those who "win the lottery" by being born that way, making it in business, or knowing the right people. Thus, we are told that not only life, but all that we want or need is built on random chance.

Reality is so much easier to swallow! Nothing is random. Everything is planned. All things are known, down to the position of every subatomic particle (Heisenberg's principle only applies to observers in the same dimension). Chaos is only ignorance of the variables. Events only seem to be random to an observer who lacks understanding. In reality, everything is easy when we know how it works. Knowledge is the key ingredient needed to dispel the "random" myth.

The happy benefits of understanding everything is that it takes away the anxiety of randomness, and at the same time it gives power. If we have the capability of knowing how everything works, then we can control all events. We can control birth, genetics, wealth, health, and even talents if we know the principles behind them. Knowledge has to have a Source, there must be One who knows, and can dispense that knowledge to us. This is God, our Creator, our Father. Nothing is random to Him because He knows all the principles behind every action and reaction. This is real power.

Traditionally, man's understanding of God has been very limited, and those who believed in God found evidence in miraculous events. For example, any average person today could go back in time only a couple of centuries and convince the people of that time that he was a god because of their ignorance. For this reason, many believe that God only exists in the gaps in our knowledge, that if we can understand and control all of these things, then we will dispel the need for God. After all, God is the supernatural entity, and when nothing is supernatural, then God will cease to exist. But nothing could be further from the truth.

If I were from another place and time, and walked into a house and turned on a faucet and fresh, clean hot or cold water came out I might think that was miraculous. I might think a plumber was a worker of miracles. However, as I learned about reservoirs, pipes, pumps, and faucets, I would no longer see the water as a miracle. It's just a plumber using the principles of fluid dynamics to direct the flow of water to, and through, the house. This knowledge, though, does not make the plumber cease to exist. Even if I could do all the plumbing myself, the plumber still exists, and has other work to do.

God is like the plumber, but with the knowledge of everything. Everything is based on principles. All improvement requires a plan, along with the energy and materials to carry-out the plan. If we don't know the principles on which an effect happens, we have no way of making a plan, or improving. We are dependent on God. Where farmers are ignorant of the principles of irrigation, they are dependent on God for rain to grow anything. However, when we know how things work, and all the possibilities, we become independent, being able to make plans and carry them through. Knowing the principles of any subject gives power to change, to create, to nurture life, and to grow.

Of course, this changes the nature of our relationship with God from dependent to peer. When we have God's knowledge, we have His power as well. Children go through the same process with their parents. My brothers and I thought my dad was superman, and my mom was Einstein. However, as we began to understand the principles, and grow up a little, we have become peers with them. They are still strong and smart, but we no longer need them for knowledge and power. In the same way, ultimately, when we possess all knowledge God does not cease to exist, instead, we become as He is. He is always our Father, but He is teaching us to grow up and become like Him by giving us knowledge of the principles upon which life, and happiness, are based.

Some examples of principles of happiness that I have learned include:

• Freedom comes from organization
• Wealth comes from monitoring finances
• Growth comes from planning, and following a plan
• Health comes from proper food and activity, avoiding toxins, and loving others
• Love is intentionally helping others to grow
• Mindful living is essential to joy

Without obeying the principles, we cannot have the benefits. Without knowing the principles we cannot plan to keep them. Knowledge is therefore necessary for health, wealth, joy, happiness, and love. We need God to teach us these and other principles so we can plan and fulfill our full destiny. Our purpose is to be happy, and that comes as we grow up, learn, and live the principles of happiness.

You can't have growth in ignorance. It isn't random. It isn't an accident. Randomness does not exist; whatever seems random is just a lack of understanding of all the variables, or a failure to plan. Being subject to time, we cannot even see all of the possibilities because we only know part of what is now before us. We cannot go back, nor can we see forward in time. Our limitations are what make us dependent on God. However, as He teaches us, and we come to understand the principles that govern any part of our existence, then we can take control of our own growth and development. Control is the issue. Power is the need. Knowledge is essential. Happiness can only come as we seek it, learn the principles, and live them.

On Business Leaders and Orchestra Conductors

The conductor

We buy our tickets to go to the Music Center to listen to Esa Pekka Salonen conduct the Los Angeles Philharmonic orchestra. We find our seats in anticipation of the performance. The conductor comes out and bows to the audience. We clap. He turns, and there is silence. Then the music starts and we listen spellbound to the beautiful strains of Brahms while the conductor stands up front and waves his arms around randomly. It looks so easy! The conductor doesn't make a single sound, but he gets all the praise for what we hear.  He didn't write the music.  We don't even know that he can play an instrument, but we applaud him for the beautiful music he created. It almost seems ironic!

As a leader, what Mr. Salonen does is amazing! He brings good musicians together to do so much more than any could do alone -- produce great music. We don’t see the hours he has trained each of the players in the orchestra. During the performance, he is just directing timing and giving signs – each player has already been instructed to do exactly what he wants them to do.

The players already know their instruments. They have practiced every day for hours, and know how to play anything. Each has the ability to make beautiful music alone, in small groups, or in an orchestra. They can get together with other musicians and improvise. While many can play an instrument, the conductor is looking for those who can give him the sound he wants. The players in an orchestra may be technically perfect, but it's the conductor that brings them together.

The conductor spends hours with them as a group, practicing each piece, telling each of them what he wants to hear coming out of their instruments. He tells some to soften, others to play louder, he makes the timing perfect so each comes in on cue. The conductor brings them together so the entire orchestra plays as one, while each does his own job. Without him they wouldn't have the impact of an excellent performance. The art of the performance really is all about the conductor, but after all the training, his presence in front of the orchestra becomes almost superfluous.

Business Leadership

In the same way, a good leader in business trains his staff to function the way he wants over time. They are all trained individually and collectively so they know exactly what to do. Then, when all is running as it should, he can step out of working in the business and direct the activities. He will carefully follow the business statistics to see that all is running well, making small corrections as needed, or directing them as a group. When he has accomplished this the business will run without him, everyone knows their job and they do it well. He will then be able to use his time to improve the entire business.

A good leader makes an overall plan for the business, including what each team member accomplishes. The business owner needs to know exactly what he wants each person to do so each employee is empowered. Each is talented through their own personal training. Each also knows the "big picture" in how the office is supposed to run in order to function well. They need a leader to show and tell them how to work together to make the business work the way he wants it to work. With a clear vision, a good leader brings employees together, working in harmony to synergistically do what neither the owner, nor the employees could do alone. 

Staff training

Just like the conductor in an orchestra, it's all about the leader in business as well. He is responsible for the business. He must train everyone to do exactly what he wants. The employees do as he says, and are empowered to act only within their position. If they have an idea on how the business might work better, they go to their leader to see if it fits in with the big picture. The leader decides what will be done, and how. When a person does something especially well, they get praised, and when they are out of sync, they are told to get back in line. The leader must do performance reviews, the more the better. Training must happen continuously, both as individuals and as a group. 

As the leader evaluates each employee, the "cream will rise to the top." Those who are doing what he wants get better. He doesn't compromise his standards. He doesn't allow "the inmates to run the asylum," but rather gives clear direction at all times. The standards are set, and are not moved. Those who are unable to perform to the standards of the leader, and who are not able to be trained, must be let go, and then another will be hired to fill the position. 

Finding talent
 Over time it becomes clear that a leader is looking for a specific talent to fill a position. There are many who could do the job, but a good business leader is looking for one who can perform excellently, follow directions, and work together with others to form the group into a team, like an orchestra, where each is playing his own part to make the whole business run well. The hiring process requires knowing exactly what jobs need to be done so the right people can be found to fill them. Each candidate is told what is expected and can be hired if they have expressed the desire and shown the ability to do that job. Then they must be trained to act in harmony with the group. Sometimes a person who seems right isn't able to work with the team, or fill the position properly. As soon as it becomes obvious that an individual isn't able to perform, they must be changed, and another must be found that is a good fit. One wrong note can destroy the entire performance! As staff grows, a leader may continually be looking for talent. 

A good orchestra becomes great when the conductor is able to bring good musicians together to act as one. Likewise, in business, when there is good leadership with a clear plan of vision and direction, a well-trained staff who knows their own place, and who fit in well, the business doesn't just survive, it thrives! All team members are happy, and work synergistically, multiplying their talents. They grow and "bear fruit, and bring forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty." (Matthew 13:23) Moreover, by the time of the performance the orchestra could play the piece without the conductor. Likewise, because the staff all know exactly what to do, a well-run business frees the leader from continuously “putting out fires” and allows him to “work on the business, and not in the business.”

An Eternal Family

The senses of our bodies are one- or two-dimensional; we perceive only what is in front of us at the moment. The brain is really only one-dimensional because we can only have one thought at a time. Because of this, our ideas, concepts, and philosophies are severely limited. Our brains cannot conceive of anything that it has not experienced. We are really, really limited, even handicapped by our own perceptions.

One consequence of this is to limit our relationships of family. Our worldly concept of family is a mother, father and their children. This is a very fixed idea from childhood that doesn't allow for substitutes. We even have to work up to the concept of adoption, and we accept that as a second-class "family." Those who have children who are adopted know the difference. Children who are adopted also feel the difference. Step-parents, step-children, or step-siblings are also second-class. I feel that this is very short-sighted, and the true concept of family is not at all that narrow. One passage of Scripture may help illustrate. Jesus is speaking to a group of disciples:

"While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother." (Matthew 12:46-50)

I believe in this passage Jesus is expanding our perception of family. On the Earth we are limited to a mother, a father, and their children as a family, however in Heaven that limitation doesn't exist. As Jesus indicated, I believe we choose our family, and the connections are not limited to a few, but rather have multiple dimensions.

The key to all of life is choice. Our ability to choose is the single most important foundation upon which all life is based. Without choice there is no life because there is no difference, all is the same, which is nothing. Our next-door neighbor had a birthday last week, and his son, Max, wrote him a birthday card saying, in essence: "If you weren't my dad, I would search until I found you..." Did we choose our families? Were we given the choice of a mother and father? Some people think not, and are angry that they were "sent" to a family that didn't care for them. Max, on the other hand, said he would choose his father all over again. Perhaps we didn't choose to be born into a family, but as we go through life we choose our fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers.

A father is a man who engenders life in another. Life is growth, so, anyone who helps us to grow is our parent. Once we are grown enough to make these choices, we begin choosing our family. Those we associate with are our brothers and sisters. Those who help us to grow are our mothers and fathers.

Anyone who would like to be a father simply needs to grow up and help others to do the same. Becoming a mentor, teacher, writer, speaker, or in any way giving information to help others to grow makes us worthy to be a father to another. The human tendency to push others to be better doesn't work; only by helping others to come to where we are can we become a father or mother to them. They may go beyond us, but in order to do it they will need to find another parent to teach them how.

Thus, the true concept of family is very different than a mother, a father, and their children. In the Eternal sense, we have the fathers we choose. Jesus explained this to the Pharisees:

"They answered and said unto him, Abraham is our father. Jesus saith unto them, If ye were Abraham's children, ye would do the works of Abraham. But now ye seek to kill me, a man that hath told you the truth, which I have heard of God: this did not Abraham. Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God. Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me. Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." (John 8:39-44)

In other words, those born physically into the family of Abraham are not his children, but rather those who follow him, who do as he did. If God were their father they would do as He does and love Jesus. Jesus then tells them who their father really is, the one they follow. This is true of all fathers -- birth is not the issue. All of those we follow are our fathers. If we choose to follow people who are destructive then these are our fathers. On the other hand, if we choose to follow Jesus Christ, or any of His disciples, then these are our fathers -- all of them.

The Eternal concept of family, then, is bringing others to God. When we are all with God, our associations as parents and siblings have a hierarchy. Those who help the most people come to know God, and return to His presence have the greatest glory, indeed, they are at the top. The holy prophets whose writings we use to come to know our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, are fathers to many. Each of us can choose to be great and have glory by helping others come to know God.

Ultimately, Jesus Christ is a Father to all because it is only through Him that we can have life in every way, both immortality and Eternal Life. The first is given in spite of our choices so He is the Father of every resurrected, perfect, immortal body -- we will all follow Him into death and resurrection. The second, however, is a gift only to those who choose to accept it. For these, Christ is the Father of their Eternal family. Not everyone will follow Him to Heaven because we all have choice, and some choose other fathers of their eternal existence. He is the Father of all the Earth, every person ever born to the family of Adam, making Him the greatest of all. He is also necessarily the Father of all those who choose Him, making Him the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, the Servant of all.

The true concept of family in Heaven, then, is based on a choice each makes to come to God. Those who bring others to know the choice is possible, as well as those who help others to make choices, and keep covenants are the fathers and mothers, while those who end up in the same place by making the same choices are brothers and sisters.

Our "reward" in Heaven may be the people we bring to God. We are building our mansions in Heaven by helping others come to know God in any way. The more followers, or children, we engender spiritually, the larger our "house" will be. The real work of life, then, is to come to know God ourselves by choosing "parents" who know God, and then to assist as many people as we can to do the same by becoming a mentor or teacher to them. This is the process of building our Eternal family.

Dad

Last week my dad came and spent a couple of days with me. It was just the two of us, except when Charlotte was there in the evening. He came to work with me, went to one of my "dinner talks" and hung out. While I was working, he was reading a book about the beginning of time: Adam, Eve, Seth, Cain, Able, and so forth. We talked a little about these things and I was surprised at his understanding. He's now almost 80 years old, but he's still working! He's running a MLM business and helping Frank remodel his kitchen. He's also in business with a friend on a new type of human resources business. He's busy. But I still noticed he's slowing down a little. We had a good time together.

Today I woke up with a song in my head, The Leader of the Band, by Dan Fogelberg. I heard it a lot when I started college at BYU in 1980 because my roommate had the album and listened to it frequently on his record player. While I was in the shower this morning it occurred to me that the song was about me and my dad, suddenly my eyes were opened to who I was and I started crying.

"The leader of the band is tired, and his eyes are growing old,

But his blood runs through my instruments and his song is in my soul,

My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy to the Leader of the Band!"

I suddenly saw my dad as the leader of our little band of boys. He did the best he could with everything. He was a great man, a great father. He could do anything, we thought, and he instilled in us the same sense. He had faith, even when he didn't understand. He was persistent, never becoming discouraged, even through many difficult times. He just kept on plugging away at everything until he accomplished his goal. He loved his family. He loved his boys. He spent time with us, taking us Boy Scout and family trips.

 

I am amazed at how much my life has paralleled his. Family, marriage, problems, health issues, activities and so forth that I do or have are similar to what his has done. I have the same mannerisms, speech, and ideas -- in spite of how much I would like to believe otherwise. I tell the same jokes to my kids. I learned to build because he did. I have a song for everything anybody says -- and start singing it. I find myself saying the same things. I was a Boy Scout leader for my boys, and others.

I really have built upon the foundation provided by my dad. In my career I have written books and articles saying some of the same things my dad used to tell us when we were kids. For example, he would frequently tell us how sugar was "poison," as he would eat it. Of course, we laughed at his hypocrisy, adolescents are very aware of that. Recently I wrote an article on the internet explaining how sugar is the toxin that causes the most illness in the world -- and I still eat it (at times)! I took what he gave me, and ran with it. I took on his dreams, and improved on them. I took his ideas of success, and made them successful. "His song is in my soul!" I am what he wanted to be, in so many ways.

The Spirit of Elijah has wrought heavily on me, my heart is turned to my father. I have a new love for my dad. In the past I have seen him as so different from me, but now my eyes have been opened to the similarities that I couldn't see before. I always wanted to connect with him, and didn't think I could. On the one hand, I can now appreciate all that he has done for me. He gave me life. He raised me up. He trained me. But more than all of that, he gave me dreams, goals, and faith to move ahead, to go on, to improve on what he had done. My dreams are his dreams. I know who I am. "I am a living legacy to the leader of the band!"

The Prophet

I feel the need to write about a remarkable man who has made a difference in my life, and in the life of every person living and dead. It was said of him, after he was killed, that he "has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it." (D&C 135:3) I took that with a grain of salt for many years, not really understanding what it meant. I thought it may be an exaggeration, a little hyperbole written by his cohorts to emphasize how much they thought of him. I thought, "Really? To put him at the level of Jesus Christ? Above Moses and Abraham, Peter and Paul?" Actually, I don't think even the authors fully understood how true that statement really is.

People have filled the world for thousands of years. Prophets have come and taught about our Creator, God, while others have taught about false gods. False gods are generally concerned with what we can see, hear, feel, and know through our senses, while the true God gives knowledge about higher things that are not of this world. Sacrifices of what we know and think are required in order for us to receive the greater knowledge. Prophets have all taught these things, but there is one that stands out more than all the others.

Joseph Smith was only a boy like any other in a rural community in New York in the early 1800's. He was looking for truth, like almost everyone else. He had no special gifts or talents. His family were poor farmers, living off the land through hard work. But what he accomplished in only twenty years is astounding!

When Jesus walked the Earth in Palestine, He organized a church with apostles and prophets who were commanded to "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you." (Matthew 28:19-20) Peter, Paul, and the Apostles of that time tried, but were all killed before they could fulfill that commandment. Since that time Christians have generally tried to bring this knowledge to others, but much of it was lost.

The ancient Church of Jesus Christ taught concepts that were subsequently lost when the Apostles were killed. The scriptures were there, but there was nobody who could interpret them. People were "tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive. (Ephesians 4:14) And deceive they did.

The most important information was lost entirely -- the knowledge of the purpose of life. For almost two thousand years nobody knew why we existed, where we came from, or what happened after this life. There were all kinds of theories, ideas, and philosophies, but nobody really knew for sure, until Joseph Smith.

While translating the Bible into English, Joseph saw that much was missing from the original manuscript of the writings of Moses. One particular scripture is foundational, the most concise answer to all the "why" questions of life, that reveals God's goal for all of His children. In it, God is talking to Moses on the mountain, and tell him about the purpose of life,

"For behold, this is my work and my glory -- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39)

This statement is simple and concise, yet most profound and glorious! God has two purposes for man:

1. To make him immortal, and

2. To give him Eternal Life.

All religions and philosophies, before Joseph Smith, believed that these two terms were synonymous, and most still do. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Eternal Life is continually growing, learning, achieving, and improving. Immortality only means to continue to exist forever. Immortality is a gift given to everyone by Jesus Christ, but Eternal Life must be learned. It is something we grow into as we fulfill our purpose of life.

If you go to any school, philosophy, church, or religion in the world, and if they believe that life is forever, they will have some concept of heaven and hell. If you are good you go to heaven, and if you are bad you go to hell. In some cases all are going to hell, in others, all are going to heaven. The truth is so much more wonderful than any conception of man. Jesus said, "In my Father's house are many mansions..." (John 14:2) God is so merciful that He has created a Heaven for everyone who desires it. While Paul briefly describes in 1 Corinthians chapter 15 the various glories in the resurrection, Joseph Smith gives us details as to what they are, who goes to each, and how to receive our desires in D&C section 76. There he also revealed the meaning of "the third heaven" that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12:2.

All growth or improvement requires the following:

1. A goal

2. A plan

3. A commitment

4. A sacrifice

Before Joseph Smith people didn't know where they were going -- they had no goal so they couldn't even begin the process of growth. The best they could do was to live a moral life in order to receive a higher glory than those who were mean and selfish. Thus, all religions and philosophies were on the same level. Because of Joseph Smith, however, we know what God has prepared for His children -- His goal for us. For the first time in almost two thousand years there is a real goal.

After having a goal, there must be a plan to obtain it. If you want to learn to play the piano, just saying you are going to play it is not enough, you need a plan. This must be a true plan. Sitting and listening to Beethoven all day is not going to make you proficient in playing it, you must actually sit down with an instructor and pound on the keys. In the same sense, every goal must have a true plan, or it will not be reached. Only through Joseph Smith can we know the true plan, the straight and narrow path, that can bring us Eternal Life. All other plans cannot bring us to reach our full potential.

Also, it was through Joseph Smith that the authority to administer the plan was given. Authority is essential in every organization. Without authority there is no organization, and all turns to chaos. The police have authority to write tickets to those who break traffic laws -- it would not be good if anybody could collect fines for infractions of the law. Parents have authority over their children, and nobody else can discipline them without being authorized by the parents. Likewise in the Church of Jesus Christ the authority is given to preach the Gospel and administer the ordinances, which are the commitments we make to God to carry-out the plan. This allows us to be coached on the path, making all the sacrifices needed to receive Eternal Life.

Moreover, Joseph Smith didn't just affect people in his own day, his influence is generational, from the beginning to the end of the world. There have been billions of people who have lived without the ordinances of salvation. In order to enter into "the third heaven" and receive eternal life it is essential that each receive the ordinances. Through the Prophet learn how we are able to help those who went before without a knowledge of the plan by performing these ordinances vicariously for them. Thus, all who ever lived on the Earth will have the opportunity to achieve the highest glory, to fulfill their purpose for existence, and receive "the greatest of all the gifts of God." (D&C 14:7)

In short, Joseph Smith, in his short life, did more for the salvation of mankind, besides the Author of salvation Himself, than anyone else.

1. He brought a knowledge of the purpose of mankind, and the reasons for our existence on the Earth -- our goal.

2. He revealed the entire plan of happiness, the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

3. He brought the covenants and ordinances, or commitments, that allow us to follow the plan.

4. He organized a church to administer the ordinances and help people carry-out the plan.

5. He prepared the way for all those who lived before to receive the same covenants and ordinances.

Through this man we have the ability to fulfill the purpose for our existence, that of Eternal Life. And not just we, but every person who ever lived has this same opportunity.

Thus, to say that Joseph Smith was a prophet is to belittle his profound contribution to mankind. No other prophet has such a direct effect on the eternal salvation of every son and daughter of Adam. While other prophets revealed truths about God to their own generation and those that followed, the things revealed by Joseph Smith have an immediate effect on all of mankind. The personal salvation of most people, and every family is dependent on the knowledge, ordinances, and authority given through him. Indeed, your own salvation, or your ability to reach your full potential, is dependent on him.

Why I'm Mormon

I have chosen to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints over all the other churches and philosophies in the world. I've studied just about everything in the realm of science, philosophy and religion. I know their doctrine. I know many honorable and intelligent people in the world of all faiths and beliefs, but I came back to being Mormon. There are many reasons for this, but I would like to discuss the major ones.

I was born in the covenant.

First of all, my parents, grandparents, and even some of my great grandparents were LDS. They all have amazing stories of their conversion to Mormonism, and they sacrificed a great deal to be members. I, on the other hand, had it easy. My parents were sealed in the Temple for time, and all Eternity so I was born in the Covenant. The power of the Priesthood seals couples to each other and their children to them, not just for this life on Earth, but even after -- forever; it is the power to bind on Earth, and in Heaven. This means that when I was born, I already had a covenant with God because He had promised my parents that their children would be theirs forever. Covenants with God allow Him to help us to be faithful; His angels are especially watchful over all those who have made covenants.

Intelligence is light and truth.

I have been told that Mormonism is the only religion that has increased activity as education increases. In other words, as Mormons become more intelligent they are more likely to participate in church, as opposed to all other religions, which are less likely. I believe this is true because we believe that intelligence is an essential part of salvation. The Lord told Joseph Smith, "It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance." (D&C 131:6) Moreover, there is no dogma. All the words of the prophets must be individually confirmed by every member to know that it is the word of God. Nobody dictates what I believe or know -- except God Himself.

I like more.

The word "Mormon" means "more good." This means to me that I can learn more about God from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What's more, I have the freedom to study all knowledge and understanding in the world and incorporate it into my religion. No truth is outside of the Mormon faith, no matter what the source. I can find truth in the writings of Buddha, Mohammed, Paul, or even apocryphal literature. "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." (Articles of Faith:13) I hate limits.

It's true, and living.

According to the Lord, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is "the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth." (D&C 1:30) "True" Means it is the only one that contains the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as the authority to administer the ordinances.

"Living" Means it is growing, changing, improving both in doctrine, knowledge, wisdom, and power. This doesn't just mean that the cannon of Scripture is increasing, but also that the whole body of those who belong to the Church are growing as individuals and as a group. All other religions are dead, stagnant, not growing. For example, Latin is spoken by thousands of people and is taught in many schools, but it is defined as a dead language because no new words are added to it; a Latin dictionary never changes. English on the other hand, is a living language with hundreds or thousands of new words every year! The Mormon Church is like the English language, continually growing with us.

I want to understand God's will for me.

This is the most important reason I'm a Mormon today. Modern revelation helps us to understand our purpose because we know why we were created:

"For behold, this is my work and my glory -- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39)

God's work is to give us salvation in two ways:

1. Immortality and

2. Eternal life.

Immortality is a free gift from the Lord for all those who are born in the family of Adam. We will all be resurrected. We might go to any Christian or other sect and find a preacher telling his congregation that all are saved from death, and this would be true. All are saved in this way. However, there is another part of salvation that is totally lost to everyone, except the Mormons -- Eternal Life! Everyone else thinks these terms are synonymous, but nothing could be farther from the truth. The Devil continues to exist forever, as do all of his angels. Also, all those born on this Earth will be resurrected; immortality is a free gift to everyone.

Eternal life, however, is a completely different concept. It is living as God, growing up to be like our Father, continually growing and increasing. It means creating, populating, and ruling over galaxies and worlds -- being a god, just like our Father.

What's more, the plan for us to reach this goal is also only found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We call it "the plan of happiness." It is step-by-step instructions on how to reach our ultimate destiny, the goal of Eternal life. It is a true plan. It is the true plan. It is the only plan that will get me to my goal. The way is prepared by God, and all we need to do is follow Him. There is no other organization that knows or can help anyone carry-out the plan.

Since nobody else knows the purpose of life all other religions and philosophies are useless to me -- they cannot help me reach my goal. I want to know my purpose. I want my life to have meaning. I want to fulfill my ultimate destiny. I want to be the best that I can be. I want continual growth. Without the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there would be no way to achieve my goal; I would be lost, wandering in a desert of ideas that go nowhere. I know. I looked around. This is the real reason I have chosen to be Mormon.