As I read, I often come to "sticking points" which cause me to think. One such place has been a talk given by Mormon, found in Moroni chapter 7. It seems to have a contradiction that I have been unable to reconcile. I now think I know.
The first part reads:
"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?" (Moroni 7:40)
Hope--> Faith
Without hope you cannot get faith.
Then, two verses later:
"...if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." (Moroni 7:42)
Faith --> Hope
If faith, then hope
No faith, no hope
It feels like without hope we cannot have faith, and without faith we cannot have hope.
The definition of hope is found in the intervening verse:
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)
So, hope is the expectation of resurrection to Eternal Life, which comes through faith in Christ.
The definition of faith is given by Paul to the Hebrews:
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Another circle of faith connected to hope. Hope comes first, then we get faith as we gain substance and evidence for that hope. In other words, we develop faith by gaining knowledge and experience, or substance and evidence. Faith in Christ is the evidence that only through Him can we hope for salvation. It is a knowledge of the Atonement. The better we understand the Atonement of Christ, the more faith we have.
Does faith come before hope, or does hope come before faith?
Maybe it's like this:
Your knowledge of the existence of a glorious resurrection brings you to desire that blessing -- or hope for it.
This desire (hope) brings you to Jesus Christ, your only hope, to learn more about His Atonement and resurrection.
As you gain knowledge (faith) of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and have more evidence, you receive the hope you desire.
Thus, hope brings you to faith in Christ, which faith then gives you that hope.
In other words, the hope of the possibility of a glorious resurrection causes you to seek Christ and develop the faith needed to actually receive that hope.
Hope --> Faith --> Hope
Thus, the reconciliation of the "which comes first" question is that there are two related, but distinct, senses of the word "hope." They both have the same definition, but the first is the possibility, whereas the second is the assurance of a glorious resurrection to Eternal Life. What brings the assurance is faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement and resurrection. Without hope, or the possibility of Eternal Life we could not develop faith, and without faith we cannot have the hope, or assurance, of it. Faith is sandwiched between hope!
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Swimming in deep water
“Perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters.... better deep than shallow!”
― Joseph Smith Jr.
In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution. Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed. Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner? Of course, for their benefit! When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?" This decision is essential to being a Christian. Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice. Persecution forces that decision immediately. The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.
"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).
If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end. There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives. Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in. When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!
Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints. For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level. It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in. They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth. It appears that they keep the commandments of God. They're in the pool. However, their hearts are not necessarily changed. They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness. They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside. They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!" They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family. Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.
I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years! Wading in shallow water. Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart. I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men. My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.
I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end. I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life. I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart. Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world. This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth. Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith. I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.
I will obey every word of God. I will do anything. I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution. I'm willing to make that decision. I will take the bullet. I will walk the walk. I will suffer ridicule and pain. I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.
The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth. Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim! I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way. I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it! ...But, there is no obvious choice. I'm not threatened in any way. I'm not being pushed. I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world. I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.
It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support. We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can. But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you? Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make. Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world? How do we know? Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row? Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission? How is one to know what sacrifice to make? Where is the deep end, really?
"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..." Joseph Smith
The Lord will guide. Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed. He is faithful to answer every prayer. Blessings may be hard. We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God. It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good. It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices. We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun. Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim. God knows. He is the swimming instructor. He is the lifeguard. He has all the floaties! He won't let us drown. With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.
― Joseph Smith Jr.
In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution. Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed. Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner? Of course, for their benefit! When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?" This decision is essential to being a Christian. Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice. Persecution forces that decision immediately. The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.
"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).
If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end. There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives. Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in. When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!
Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints. For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level. It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in. They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth. It appears that they keep the commandments of God. They're in the pool. However, their hearts are not necessarily changed. They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness. They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside. They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!" They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family. Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.
I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years! Wading in shallow water. Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart. I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men. My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.
I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end. I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life. I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart. Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world. This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth. Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith. I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.
I will obey every word of God. I will do anything. I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution. I'm willing to make that decision. I will take the bullet. I will walk the walk. I will suffer ridicule and pain. I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.
The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth. Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim! I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way. I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it! ...But, there is no obvious choice. I'm not threatened in any way. I'm not being pushed. I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world. I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.
It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support. We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can. But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you? Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make. Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world? How do we know? Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row? Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission? How is one to know what sacrifice to make? Where is the deep end, really?
"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..." Joseph Smith
The Lord will guide. Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed. He is faithful to answer every prayer. Blessings may be hard. We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God. It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good. It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices. We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun. Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim. God knows. He is the swimming instructor. He is the lifeguard. He has all the floaties! He won't let us drown. With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
The Real Choice
Everything we are choosing is not so much what happens to us, our circumstances, but rather the connections we make with our Creator. We are choosing every minute whether this part of our life brings us closer to God, or farther away.
Wealth can bring you closer to God, or farther away. No matter what the level of poverty we have in life, we are using that to choose to come closer to God, or farther away. There is none that has any wealth, really. We are all roughly equally poor. In the Eternal sense of things we are all completely destitute and dependent, no matter what we think we own in the world.
The choice is simple. Those who don't have enough for their needs could choose to turn to the Lord to fill their needs. As He does so, their faith in Him will be increased. They will learn to put their trust in Him, and come closer to Him.
On the other hand, those who consider themselves wealthy would consecrate all they have to the work of the Lord. They ask the Lord how He wants them to distribute their possessions. They will seek those in need, and
This concept is true no matter what the circumstance.
Being physically fit and healthy could, like the rich man, either lead us away from God by not being able to discover how needy we really are, or it can bring us closer to Him as we give our strength to serve His purposes, working hard to serve Him and our fellow-man. If we are sick we may use that illness to choose to come closer to God by seeking healing from His hand, or turn inward, justifying all of our spiritual weaknesses because of our physical infirmities.
Those who are smart enough to go to school and get a higher education may consider themselves intelligent, but don't know that they are really ignorant compared to their Father, who knows all things. Learned people often look down on those who don't have schooling, and they don't seek the mind and will of the Lord for their lives. They consider themselves strong and independent, not needing to lean on the Lord for their support.
This is just as much of a problem with the unschooled. They may look with lust on learning, or be lazy or give up trying, and not learn anything. Ignorant people, rather than turn to the Lord to find knowledge, will sometimes ridicule or despise those who are learned. God is not a god of ignorance. Growth is about learning and growing continually. God has commanded us to "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118) Thus, their ignorance could lead them away from God, or bring them closer to Him. It's their choice.
If either one turns to the Lord they will use their circumstances to bless His children. As knowledge grows, so does all of society. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." (2 Nephi 9:29) This is the issue, really, no matter what our circumstances in life -- do we seek the counsel of God?
Understanding of what our choice is in life would make us see our circumstances differently. All that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel, are merely means to help us to choose Him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. That is the real choice.
In ev'ry condition—in sickness, in health,This is true with every situation.
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
How Firm a Foundation Hymn 85:2
Wealth can bring you closer to God, or farther away. No matter what the level of poverty we have in life, we are using that to choose to come closer to God, or farther away. There is none that has any wealth, really. We are all roughly equally poor. In the Eternal sense of things we are all completely destitute and dependent, no matter what we think we own in the world.
Thou sayest, "I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing;" and knowest not that thou artComforts can take us away from God, but wealth can also bring us to Him. If the will of the Lord is that we have the things of the world, and we consecrate all we have to Him, to serve His purposes, then we could become truly rich with the riches of Eternity. This is the real choice we have, not how rich or poor we are here on Earth. We have no control over what we have, it is all given to us. It is firstly His to give. Nothing is "earned." Nothing is "owned." We really are, at all times while in mortality,
wretched,
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked: (Revelation 3:17)
"wretched,It is not the wealth that tears us away from God, but rather the "lusts of the eyes" -- the things we want. This is just as true for those who have nothing of the world. They are just as...
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked:"
wretched,...as a "rich" person, but if they are greedy in their hearts, filled with envy and covetousness, lusting after the things that others own, their poverty will bring them away from God. It is their choice. It is the true choice we have. It is the only choice. Those who discover this truth can use their circumstance of "poverty or wealth" to further the work of God, and come closer to Him.
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked
The choice is simple. Those who don't have enough for their needs could choose to turn to the Lord to fill their needs. As He does so, their faith in Him will be increased. They will learn to put their trust in Him, and come closer to Him.
On the other hand, those who consider themselves wealthy would consecrate all they have to the work of the Lord. They ask the Lord how He wants them to distribute their possessions. They will seek those in need, and
"nourish them,As thy do this, they learn to become closer to the Lord, and learn His ways.
and did clothe them,
and did give unto them lands for their inheritance;
And... administer unto them according to their wants." (Alma 35:9)
This concept is true no matter what the circumstance.
"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also.The concept of "poverty and wealth" could be applied to all circumstances we may find ourselves in, such as health or knowledge. Health is like wealth, whereas sickness is like poverty. Those who are "learned" are as if they were wealthy in the knowledge of the world, whereas those who have no training are poor in knowledge. No matter what it is, we are not deciding if we are going to be rich or poor, healthy or sick, learned or ignorant, but rather if we are going to use that circumstance to bring us closer to God, or not.
And wo unto the deaf that will not hear; for they shall perish.
Wo unto the blind that will not see; for they shall perish also." (2 Nephi 9:30-32)
Being physically fit and healthy could, like the rich man, either lead us away from God by not being able to discover how needy we really are, or it can bring us closer to Him as we give our strength to serve His purposes, working hard to serve Him and our fellow-man. If we are sick we may use that illness to choose to come closer to God by seeking healing from His hand, or turn inward, justifying all of our spiritual weaknesses because of our physical infirmities.
Those who are smart enough to go to school and get a higher education may consider themselves intelligent, but don't know that they are really ignorant compared to their Father, who knows all things. Learned people often look down on those who don't have schooling, and they don't seek the mind and will of the Lord for their lives. They consider themselves strong and independent, not needing to lean on the Lord for their support.
"When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish." (2 Nephi 9:28)Just like the rich man, they are really ignorant, and in need of God for everything they know. However, they aren't aware of their need.
This is just as much of a problem with the unschooled. They may look with lust on learning, or be lazy or give up trying, and not learn anything. Ignorant people, rather than turn to the Lord to find knowledge, will sometimes ridicule or despise those who are learned. God is not a god of ignorance. Growth is about learning and growing continually. God has commanded us to "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118) Thus, their ignorance could lead them away from God, or bring them closer to Him. It's their choice.
If either one turns to the Lord they will use their circumstances to bless His children. As knowledge grows, so does all of society. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." (2 Nephi 9:29) This is the issue, really, no matter what our circumstances in life -- do we seek the counsel of God?
Understanding of what our choice is in life would make us see our circumstances differently. All that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel, are merely means to help us to choose Him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. That is the real choice.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Endless
I sat in my car with a young man in the parking lot of a hotel. We had intended to talk in the hotel lobby because he didn't want to go home where his mom was. Instead, we stayed in the car. He had attempted suicide the day before. He cut himself multiple times and took sleeping pills hoping he would just bleed to death in his sleep. He woke up with very little blood around him. He was still alone, with nobody to call. He felt awful, terrible, and horrible. There was no way out of how he felt. He just cried and cried.
A line segment has two ends. Time has two ends. Life on Earth has two ends. We often call these "the beginning" and "the end." While this is what we see, and is apparent, in reality there is no end. Existence is really a line, but we only see one segment. There are no ends, only stages. You can't stop. The train of life doesn't stop. You can't get off. You don't cease to exist. Life has always been, and it keeps going even as there are constant changes. You end one form, and move on to another, but the essence of who you are always was, and always will be. We "lived" before our birth, and we will move on to other "lives" after we leave it. There is no stopping this train. There are no ends.
The young man said that even as he was trying to die, he knew it would not be the end. He knew that his life would continue in another dimension, and that he would have to account for his actions. He knew that he would still be himself, and be in the same situation of feeling horrible and being isolated. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to cease to exist. He wanted an end, but he knew that it really wouldn't be the end.
Many people want an end. They don't like life for a thousand reasons, and want it to end, at least at some point. This is pointed out in "retirement," where people try to bide their time until they die, the end. "Live out my last days in peace." Their "life" is already over, they've finished growing and learning, and working, now they can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labors. The end is near. What they don't see is that it has already happened.
Anxiety and fear come from ends. The modern physician is told to give people fear of ends so that they will be motivated to obey. People obediently take their medication to "prevent the end" when all they really do is create more problems. The irony is that most of these people who fear "the end" are already finished, they just want to prolong their goodbyes. They have already given up on life. They are no longer learning and growing. They don't take on new responsibilities, learn new languages, work to make the world a better place, or love more people, rather they are entirely inwardly focused on the next cruise they can enjoy, food they can eat, or movie they can passively watch. They are already as dead as they will ever be, because they will go on, but not to life
Work is a necessary part of life. In spite of this, we want to be lazy and avoid work. There are many forms of work that fulfill a life, such as using muscles and brains to help others, trading our specialty for theirs, planting, growing, harvesting those things we need to survive, or loving, giving, learning and growing in any way. There is no end to the work of life. There is no retirement.
Life is growth. Life is work. Life is hard. M. Scott Peck, MD, a psychiatrist, noted in his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth
The way to end the pain is not to try to stop it. This only creates more frustration, pain, sorrow, anxiety, and depression. It is hopeless to stop it. You must accept it. You must go on, you will go on, your only choice is how you will go on. If you choose to go on living you will connect with more and more people. Fulfillment in life is connections with others. These are made as we learn and grow. We need others to teach us, and we need to teach others. People who never marry or have children have a more difficult time growing up than those who marry and have children. Nevertheless, they can choose to take on the responsibility for the welfare of others and still learn and grow. They live. They don't want to stop. They don't want ends.
"Salvation" is not the same as immortality -- that is a given -- but rather Eternal Life is salvation To continue to live, learn, grow, and improve is what constitutes and defines life. If the end comes and we are already dead, we will not suddenly get life, but rather just continue on the path we have chosen. The young man knew this, and was very glad his stupid plan didn't work. I just wanted to say so much to him.
Live the hardness. Take on the responsibility. Live life to the fullest. Give your whole heart. Give all your energy. Love all you can. Learn all there is. Be the motivation for others. Go to school. Play your music. Get married, have children. Sure it's hard. Of course you will have setbacks, pain, problems, "speed bumps," and all sorts of "failures." That's life. That's how we learn. That's how we grow. The endless life is the only life worth living. Don't try to stop it. Push ahead. Go, Go, Go! Move! Act! Do it! Don't stop, and don't try to stop it.
As soon as you decide to live, you will remove all the fear of life, and ends. Life will go on forever. Love will be a possibility. And, immortality will become Eternal Life. Because we can choose, if we are willing to put in the effort, for life to be ENDLESS!
A line segment has two ends. Time has two ends. Life on Earth has two ends. We often call these "the beginning" and "the end." While this is what we see, and is apparent, in reality there is no end. Existence is really a line, but we only see one segment. There are no ends, only stages. You can't stop. The train of life doesn't stop. You can't get off. You don't cease to exist. Life has always been, and it keeps going even as there are constant changes. You end one form, and move on to another, but the essence of who you are always was, and always will be. We "lived" before our birth, and we will move on to other "lives" after we leave it. There is no stopping this train. There are no ends.
The young man said that even as he was trying to die, he knew it would not be the end. He knew that his life would continue in another dimension, and that he would have to account for his actions. He knew that he would still be himself, and be in the same situation of feeling horrible and being isolated. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to cease to exist. He wanted an end, but he knew that it really wouldn't be the end.
Many people want an end. They don't like life for a thousand reasons, and want it to end, at least at some point. This is pointed out in "retirement," where people try to bide their time until they die, the end. "Live out my last days in peace." Their "life" is already over, they've finished growing and learning, and working, now they can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labors. The end is near. What they don't see is that it has already happened.
Anxiety and fear come from ends. The modern physician is told to give people fear of ends so that they will be motivated to obey. People obediently take their medication to "prevent the end" when all they really do is create more problems. The irony is that most of these people who fear "the end" are already finished, they just want to prolong their goodbyes. They have already given up on life. They are no longer learning and growing. They don't take on new responsibilities, learn new languages, work to make the world a better place, or love more people, rather they are entirely inwardly focused on the next cruise they can enjoy, food they can eat, or movie they can passively watch. They are already as dead as they will ever be, because they will go on, but not to life
Work is a necessary part of life. In spite of this, we want to be lazy and avoid work. There are many forms of work that fulfill a life, such as using muscles and brains to help others, trading our specialty for theirs, planting, growing, harvesting those things we need to survive, or loving, giving, learning and growing in any way. There is no end to the work of life. There is no retirement.
Life is growth. Life is work. Life is hard. M. Scott Peck, MD, a psychiatrist, noted in his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”What is so important about this concept of immortality is that it is horrible if you are not living, growing, learning, improving and loving. If all you have is self-absorbed whims, your life goes on as a separate, single, independent entity that cannot grow, improve or change. The excitement of life is change, and yet dead people avoid change. You will go on, but you will never change. It's hell, which is worse than not existing. A dead, isolated existence is just yucky! Existence continues, but life does not -- unless we choose to live.
The way to end the pain is not to try to stop it. This only creates more frustration, pain, sorrow, anxiety, and depression. It is hopeless to stop it. You must accept it. You must go on, you will go on, your only choice is how you will go on. If you choose to go on living you will connect with more and more people. Fulfillment in life is connections with others. These are made as we learn and grow. We need others to teach us, and we need to teach others. People who never marry or have children have a more difficult time growing up than those who marry and have children. Nevertheless, they can choose to take on the responsibility for the welfare of others and still learn and grow. They live. They don't want to stop. They don't want ends.
"Salvation" is not the same as immortality -- that is a given -- but rather Eternal Life is salvation To continue to live, learn, grow, and improve is what constitutes and defines life. If the end comes and we are already dead, we will not suddenly get life, but rather just continue on the path we have chosen. The young man knew this, and was very glad his stupid plan didn't work. I just wanted to say so much to him.
Live the hardness. Take on the responsibility. Live life to the fullest. Give your whole heart. Give all your energy. Love all you can. Learn all there is. Be the motivation for others. Go to school. Play your music. Get married, have children. Sure it's hard. Of course you will have setbacks, pain, problems, "speed bumps," and all sorts of "failures." That's life. That's how we learn. That's how we grow. The endless life is the only life worth living. Don't try to stop it. Push ahead. Go, Go, Go! Move! Act! Do it! Don't stop, and don't try to stop it.
As soon as you decide to live, you will remove all the fear of life, and ends. Life will go on forever. Love will be a possibility. And, immortality will become Eternal Life. Because we can choose, if we are willing to put in the effort, for life to be ENDLESS!
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
The 3 Principles of "Happily Ever After"
Most of our fairy tales and love stories include a couple that falls in love and lives "happily ever after." We feel slighted if we don't get such closure in a story. We know love is important, but the stories don't always teach the true principles of what it takes to achieve that end. The basis of a relationship is often looks. When their eyes meet across the room and they instantly know it's love. They didn't have to work at this love, it just happened. When we are dating, looking for a mate, we often expect that love will just happen as we traverse the crowd of singles. A glance, a smile, just having that look is what we seek.
It's common for single men and women in their thirties to wonder why they aren't married. They often want to get married, but never fall in love because they don't need anyone. Those needs are often filled by friends, roommates, classmates, and an endless stream of boyfriends, and girlfriends, all of whom are interesting, but who don't seem to have chemistry. Since they don't need anyone, they will not "fall in love" with anyone. Love, at least the immature love of cathexis or infatuation, is based on a belief that a person could fill your needs.
But reality is way different; true love is actually based on principles that we can learn and practice. Rather than leaving everything to chance, there is a good way to seek a mate that will almost assure a "happily ever after!" There are three things that are most important in this endeavor, that far outweigh "falling in love." These are simple, easy to learn, and available to everyone. They are no mystery.
1. Have the same goals
2. Respect and admire their character
3. Enjoy their company
All three are essential to having a great relationship. If you find an excellent person with matching goals and great character, but with an annoying personality any kind of relationship would be a struggle. If you have the same goals, but do not have character to reach them, then the relationship will not work. If you both have excellent character and enjoy each other's company, but have different goals you will only grow further apart as you progress towards your individual goals.
Goals
When we are dating we think it's so important that we like the same things and are able to "finish each other's sandwiches," enjoy the same restaurants or movies, have the same workout routine, or have the same hobbies. This is much less important than knowing your own ultimate desires, as well as his or hers. Those who start a relationship with a lot in common, but have divergent goals will move further apart and end up separated, emotionally or physically -- or both.
The first thing to consider is the goals of your love interest. The best match are those who have the same goals, who are headed in the same direction, and want to be in the same place. The two of you could be worlds apart now, but if you have the same goals you have a good chance of coming together. On the other hand, having a lot in common, except your ultimate goals, is a recipe for disaster. This is why those who are of the same religion make a better match.
Some very important goals right now, may not be so important later. A young person may be focused on education and building an income, for example. It is common to assume that because a couple is in agreement on these, they are compatible. This, however, may change. Another common issue is a desire for children. Some may desire to have a large family, but while it's important to have some compatibility in this, we don't always know if we are able to have children. Thus, the important goals to look for aren't just what we want out of life, but rather ultimate goals.
When I was thrown into the dating scene at the old age of 47 I was overwhelmed by the plethora of options. I didn't know what to do! I could end up with a younger woman and start a family all over again, or someone with multiple children, or anything in between! I wasn't sure how to choose, or what to do to begin. One day I was with a friend who lost her husband, and we were discussing eternal things. She had been going to the Temple every week while her husband was sick to help her keep in touch with God. A light went on at this point, because this is exactly what I was doing while going through my divorce. Over a short time I realized that she had the same ultimate focus that I did -- we had the same goals. We have been married for over four years and it just keeps getting better as we come closer to each other because we are striving to reach our mutual goals.
The way to know our own goals, or those of others is to ask:
Character
Rather than looking for physical attraction, or that "je ne sais quoi" we need to consider the character of the individual. The belief that another could fill your needs would be wrong if he or she doesn't have character. In the movie Into the Woods, Cinderella marries Prince Charming and finds out he's been unfaithful to her. When she confronts him, he replies, "I was raised to be charming, not sincere!" He only thought of his own needs. He wasn't able to truly love because his selfish nature wouldn't allow him to keep his promises. How many couples end up in this situation! This is the importance of knowing the character of the person you might consider marrying.
Being a good judge of character requires you to get to know a person. We don't automatically know what a person is made of, we must watch them closely in a variety of situations. Stress is the best way to judge character. One of my friends was on a surfing date in Mexico with her boyfriend. They went into a gas station and came out just in time to watch the truck with all of their stuff get stolen. Her date watched his new pickup with his favorite surfboards speed off into the dusty Baja desert for a minute before he turned to her and said, "Well, I guess we need to find another way home!" She was so impressed with his composure under such stress that she decided then and there she wanted to marry him. They've been happily married for 20 years.
Signs of good character include:
Enjoyment
The last, but probably no less important, is to find some one you enjoy being with. A friend you can talk with, and have fun together is essential to building a relationship. Having someone who has great character, and shares the same goals, but you don't enjoy their company may not form a great relationship. There needs to be some form of "chemistry" that brings enjoyment. Someone you might be friends with no matter what.
It's important to understand that we don't always like, or want to be with any one individual. There will be times that it will be necessary to be apart, but when you come back together you will still enjoy the other's company. It isn't necessary to second-guess yourself if you want other friends, or have other interests that don't include your spouse. The important thing is that you enjoy the company of your significant other.
The Dating Game
Knowing these three principles can open up a whole new world of possibilities -- and impossibilities -- for dating. We fall in love when we believe that the other will be able to fill our needs. This belief doesn't have to be a mystery, or out of our control. We can decide to fall in love when we know that our intended one has the qualities that truly can fill the need. Knowing the goals, and character of one we enjoy being with will assure that love will not only happen, but will be lasting and continuously growing. This knowledge puts us in control of our love life!
Don't leave love to chance. Knowing what we're looking for will change the odds dramatically of successfully finding a "soul mate." After all, what is a soul mate if it isn't someone we respect, admire, share the same goals, and enjoy being with? This is the person that truly can fill our deepest need, that of a connection, or becoming one. Unity of heart is the end result of following these three principles, which is "true love" and leads to our own "happily ever after."
It's common for single men and women in their thirties to wonder why they aren't married. They often want to get married, but never fall in love because they don't need anyone. Those needs are often filled by friends, roommates, classmates, and an endless stream of boyfriends, and girlfriends, all of whom are interesting, but who don't seem to have chemistry. Since they don't need anyone, they will not "fall in love" with anyone. Love, at least the immature love of cathexis or infatuation, is based on a belief that a person could fill your needs.
But reality is way different; true love is actually based on principles that we can learn and practice. Rather than leaving everything to chance, there is a good way to seek a mate that will almost assure a "happily ever after!" There are three things that are most important in this endeavor, that far outweigh "falling in love." These are simple, easy to learn, and available to everyone. They are no mystery.
1. Have the same goals
2. Respect and admire their character
3. Enjoy their company
All three are essential to having a great relationship. If you find an excellent person with matching goals and great character, but with an annoying personality any kind of relationship would be a struggle. If you have the same goals, but do not have character to reach them, then the relationship will not work. If you both have excellent character and enjoy each other's company, but have different goals you will only grow further apart as you progress towards your individual goals.
Goals
When we are dating we think it's so important that we like the same things and are able to "finish each other's sandwiches," enjoy the same restaurants or movies, have the same workout routine, or have the same hobbies. This is much less important than knowing your own ultimate desires, as well as his or hers. Those who start a relationship with a lot in common, but have divergent goals will move further apart and end up separated, emotionally or physically -- or both.
The first thing to consider is the goals of your love interest. The best match are those who have the same goals, who are headed in the same direction, and want to be in the same place. The two of you could be worlds apart now, but if you have the same goals you have a good chance of coming together. On the other hand, having a lot in common, except your ultimate goals, is a recipe for disaster. This is why those who are of the same religion make a better match.
Some very important goals right now, may not be so important later. A young person may be focused on education and building an income, for example. It is common to assume that because a couple is in agreement on these, they are compatible. This, however, may change. Another common issue is a desire for children. Some may desire to have a large family, but while it's important to have some compatibility in this, we don't always know if we are able to have children. Thus, the important goals to look for aren't just what we want out of life, but rather ultimate goals.
When I was thrown into the dating scene at the old age of 47 I was overwhelmed by the plethora of options. I didn't know what to do! I could end up with a younger woman and start a family all over again, or someone with multiple children, or anything in between! I wasn't sure how to choose, or what to do to begin. One day I was with a friend who lost her husband, and we were discussing eternal things. She had been going to the Temple every week while her husband was sick to help her keep in touch with God. A light went on at this point, because this is exactly what I was doing while going through my divorce. Over a short time I realized that she had the same ultimate focus that I did -- we had the same goals. We have been married for over four years and it just keeps getting better as we come closer to each other because we are striving to reach our mutual goals.
The way to know our own goals, or those of others is to ask:
- What do you love more than anything?
- What do you have your heart set on?
- What are your basic needs?
- What are your deepest desires?
- What is really important to you?
- What would you sacrifice everything else in the world for?
- What would you die for?
- What do you live for?
Character
Rather than looking for physical attraction, or that "je ne sais quoi" we need to consider the character of the individual. The belief that another could fill your needs would be wrong if he or she doesn't have character. In the movie Into the Woods, Cinderella marries Prince Charming and finds out he's been unfaithful to her. When she confronts him, he replies, "I was raised to be charming, not sincere!" He only thought of his own needs. He wasn't able to truly love because his selfish nature wouldn't allow him to keep his promises. How many couples end up in this situation! This is the importance of knowing the character of the person you might consider marrying.
Being a good judge of character requires you to get to know a person. We don't automatically know what a person is made of, we must watch them closely in a variety of situations. Stress is the best way to judge character. One of my friends was on a surfing date in Mexico with her boyfriend. They went into a gas station and came out just in time to watch the truck with all of their stuff get stolen. Her date watched his new pickup with his favorite surfboards speed off into the dusty Baja desert for a minute before he turned to her and said, "Well, I guess we need to find another way home!" She was so impressed with his composure under such stress that she decided then and there she wanted to marry him. They've been happily married for 20 years.
Signs of good character include:
- Keeping commitments
- Continuously learning
- Unselfishness
- Lack of addictions
- Grace
- Cares for his/her own health
- Forgiving
- Happy
- Clean and organized
- Not easily provoked to anger
- Loyalty/faithfulness
- Courage
Enjoyment
The last, but probably no less important, is to find some one you enjoy being with. A friend you can talk with, and have fun together is essential to building a relationship. Having someone who has great character, and shares the same goals, but you don't enjoy their company may not form a great relationship. There needs to be some form of "chemistry" that brings enjoyment. Someone you might be friends with no matter what.
It's important to understand that we don't always like, or want to be with any one individual. There will be times that it will be necessary to be apart, but when you come back together you will still enjoy the other's company. It isn't necessary to second-guess yourself if you want other friends, or have other interests that don't include your spouse. The important thing is that you enjoy the company of your significant other.
The Dating Game
Knowing these three principles can open up a whole new world of possibilities -- and impossibilities -- for dating. We fall in love when we believe that the other will be able to fill our needs. This belief doesn't have to be a mystery, or out of our control. We can decide to fall in love when we know that our intended one has the qualities that truly can fill the need. Knowing the goals, and character of one we enjoy being with will assure that love will not only happen, but will be lasting and continuously growing. This knowledge puts us in control of our love life!
Don't leave love to chance. Knowing what we're looking for will change the odds dramatically of successfully finding a "soul mate." After all, what is a soul mate if it isn't someone we respect, admire, share the same goals, and enjoy being with? This is the person that truly can fill our deepest need, that of a connection, or becoming one. Unity of heart is the end result of following these three principles, which is "true love" and leads to our own "happily ever after."
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Glory!
I have pondered on the definition of the word "glory." It is respect, admiration, power, and love. The more people love us, the more glory we have. Love is what we give to others, the sacrifices we make for their benefit, and glory is the love others give to us, giving their will. Love is what we give, glory is what we receive when people submit to us.
Give God the glory
To love God is to give Him glory. This is done through obedience to His will. When we say in our hearts, "not my will, but thine, be done," we are giving Him glory by making a sacrifice of our own will.
The Great Jehovah was in the pre-mortal worlds when two plans were presented for the benefit of mankind, the spirit children of God. Lucifer had a plan to glorify himself by forcing all to go through mortality completely obedient and return to God unscathed. All would be required to sacrifice their will to him, and Lucifer would be above all. God had a very different plan that allowed all to choose who they were going to follow. Jehovah followed God, and agreed to be the example and sacrifice Himself so everyone else could choose to follow Him. He submitted to the will of God, giving Him the glory.
Since we are given freedom, mistakes would be made. All of God's children chose to "take the forbidden fruit" -- except for Jehovah -- and are cast out of Heaven. Those who made a covenant with God to obey Him were sent to Earth, those who didn't were cast into hell as evil spirits. The covenant allows God to give us a gift of a physical body since we pledge: "if you will give me a body, I will only use it for Thy purposes." Everyone who comes to Earth and is born into a body has made this covenant, because those who refused remain spirits forever, never possessing a physical body. Jehovah never took the fruit, but rather came to Earth of His own accord, with the same promise to be obedient to our Father in Heaven.
The problem is, when we get to Earth, we totally forget our former life, and the covenant we made. Our bodies are wonderful instruments, that feel, taste, smell, see, and hear all that is in the physical world. We have emotions and brains. We can manipulate our physical environment, doing all sorts of wonderful things -- building, dancing, writing, singing, learning, and growing continually. The greatest of all, is that we can love, touch, and feel another. It's so easy to get so involved in the wonder of our bodies to forget about where we came from, why we're here, and where we're going when our mortal life is through. Most people are just trying to get their needs filled, or the desires of their heart, assuming that God wants what they want -- "God wants me to be happy, and this makes me happy..." is the mantra of the day.
Jesus is our Example
In order to give God the glory, we would have to do as Jesus did: "Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) He did not want to suffer in the Garden or on the Cross, but He was willing to go through it in order to glorify God. Because of what He did we can also give up our own will and be obedient to the will of God, glorifying Him.
The process of subjecting our will to the will of God is often long and difficult. It requires the same four steps that all improvement requires:
There is no way to improve anything without going through these steps, it doesn't happen randomly. There is always a goal, always a plan, always a commitment, and always a sacrifice.
The Goal is Eternal Life
Life is growth. That means we can continuously be growing forever, reaching levels of knowledge, wisdom, power, and love that we cannot even imagine now. Those who remain inside themselves, continually seeking their own desires are choosing death. Their foundation is their own heart, what they want. However, those who want to live get outside of themselves, put aside their own needs, and look for a Mentor to guide them on paths they don't know.
The Plan is the Plan of Salvation
The Plan of Happiness is the same one given by our Father in Heaven before the world was created. There is only one plan. The path is strait and narrow. It is very specific. It is simple: give up what you want, your deepest, heartfelt desires, and accept the will of God. That's it. It's simple. However, it is quite a process to do. We must be able to know the will of God, which is a difficult learning experience because, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8) So, the process of learning the thoughts and ways of God is a long and difficult one. It may take a lifetime, or more. All of the parts of the plan center around learning and doing the will of God.
The Commitment is Baptism
Baptism symbolizes the death of the body, and re-birth of us into the will of God. This is the same covenant we made in Heaven before we came to Earth, but there is a difference. The covenant there was made in the spirit to God in His presence. Thus, the spirit is already subject to God. On Earth, the covenant is made with the body. Baptism must be done in the body, in the flesh, in the physical world, in physical water in order to be valid. In doing so, we promise our body to God, subjecting the flesh to the spirit, and becoming one.
The Sacrifice is the Heart
The symbolism of the heart is our deepest desires, the motivation for life, and all we do. Everything we think, like, say, and do has a basis in the heart. That which we love must be sacrificed in order to do the will of God. It feels like death. This is a "broken heart, and a contrite spirit," both of which are required to follow the plan. God will not take our heart from us, it must be a willing sacrifice. This fourth step is exemplified in the following scripture:
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)
Glory to God
When we go through these steps, and take upon ourselves the name of Christ by doing as He did, submitting to the will of God, we glorify God. When we help others follow these same steps we also glorify God. We love God by doing His will, giving Him the glory. In doing so, we receive His glory. As Christ is glorified by God, so will all those who follow Him. Our greatest glory is His glory, for we receive all that He has. Love is what you give to others; glory is what you get when others love you. The ultimate glory, then is to be loved by God. When God introduced Jesus Christ to the Nephites, He said, "Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name..." (3 Nephi 11:7) This kind of has a new meaning, doesn't it?
Give God the glory
To love God is to give Him glory. This is done through obedience to His will. When we say in our hearts, "not my will, but thine, be done," we are giving Him glory by making a sacrifice of our own will.
The Great Jehovah was in the pre-mortal worlds when two plans were presented for the benefit of mankind, the spirit children of God. Lucifer had a plan to glorify himself by forcing all to go through mortality completely obedient and return to God unscathed. All would be required to sacrifice their will to him, and Lucifer would be above all. God had a very different plan that allowed all to choose who they were going to follow. Jehovah followed God, and agreed to be the example and sacrifice Himself so everyone else could choose to follow Him. He submitted to the will of God, giving Him the glory.
Since we are given freedom, mistakes would be made. All of God's children chose to "take the forbidden fruit" -- except for Jehovah -- and are cast out of Heaven. Those who made a covenant with God to obey Him were sent to Earth, those who didn't were cast into hell as evil spirits. The covenant allows God to give us a gift of a physical body since we pledge: "if you will give me a body, I will only use it for Thy purposes." Everyone who comes to Earth and is born into a body has made this covenant, because those who refused remain spirits forever, never possessing a physical body. Jehovah never took the fruit, but rather came to Earth of His own accord, with the same promise to be obedient to our Father in Heaven.
The problem is, when we get to Earth, we totally forget our former life, and the covenant we made. Our bodies are wonderful instruments, that feel, taste, smell, see, and hear all that is in the physical world. We have emotions and brains. We can manipulate our physical environment, doing all sorts of wonderful things -- building, dancing, writing, singing, learning, and growing continually. The greatest of all, is that we can love, touch, and feel another. It's so easy to get so involved in the wonder of our bodies to forget about where we came from, why we're here, and where we're going when our mortal life is through. Most people are just trying to get their needs filled, or the desires of their heart, assuming that God wants what they want -- "God wants me to be happy, and this makes me happy..." is the mantra of the day.
Jesus is our Example
In order to give God the glory, we would have to do as Jesus did: "Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) He did not want to suffer in the Garden or on the Cross, but He was willing to go through it in order to glorify God. Because of what He did we can also give up our own will and be obedient to the will of God, glorifying Him.
The process of subjecting our will to the will of God is often long and difficult. It requires the same four steps that all improvement requires:
- A goal.
- A plan.
- A commitment.
- A sacrifice.
There is no way to improve anything without going through these steps, it doesn't happen randomly. There is always a goal, always a plan, always a commitment, and always a sacrifice.
The Goal is Eternal Life
Life is growth. That means we can continuously be growing forever, reaching levels of knowledge, wisdom, power, and love that we cannot even imagine now. Those who remain inside themselves, continually seeking their own desires are choosing death. Their foundation is their own heart, what they want. However, those who want to live get outside of themselves, put aside their own needs, and look for a Mentor to guide them on paths they don't know.
The Plan is the Plan of Salvation
The Plan of Happiness is the same one given by our Father in Heaven before the world was created. There is only one plan. The path is strait and narrow. It is very specific. It is simple: give up what you want, your deepest, heartfelt desires, and accept the will of God. That's it. It's simple. However, it is quite a process to do. We must be able to know the will of God, which is a difficult learning experience because, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8) So, the process of learning the thoughts and ways of God is a long and difficult one. It may take a lifetime, or more. All of the parts of the plan center around learning and doing the will of God.
The Commitment is Baptism
Baptism symbolizes the death of the body, and re-birth of us into the will of God. This is the same covenant we made in Heaven before we came to Earth, but there is a difference. The covenant there was made in the spirit to God in His presence. Thus, the spirit is already subject to God. On Earth, the covenant is made with the body. Baptism must be done in the body, in the flesh, in the physical world, in physical water in order to be valid. In doing so, we promise our body to God, subjecting the flesh to the spirit, and becoming one.
The Sacrifice is the Heart
The symbolism of the heart is our deepest desires, the motivation for life, and all we do. Everything we think, like, say, and do has a basis in the heart. That which we love must be sacrificed in order to do the will of God. It feels like death. This is a "broken heart, and a contrite spirit," both of which are required to follow the plan. God will not take our heart from us, it must be a willing sacrifice. This fourth step is exemplified in the following scripture:
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)
Glory to God
When we go through these steps, and take upon ourselves the name of Christ by doing as He did, submitting to the will of God, we glorify God. When we help others follow these same steps we also glorify God. We love God by doing His will, giving Him the glory. In doing so, we receive His glory. As Christ is glorified by God, so will all those who follow Him. Our greatest glory is His glory, for we receive all that He has. Love is what you give to others; glory is what you get when others love you. The ultimate glory, then is to be loved by God. When God introduced Jesus Christ to the Nephites, He said, "Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name..." (3 Nephi 11:7) This kind of has a new meaning, doesn't it?
Saturday, September 5, 2015
How True Love Brings Joy
Yesterday a middle-aged executive came in for a physical exam. His only concern was a lack of libido, and he was wondering if a shot of testosterone would fix it. He's successful in business, he has a nice family, and a beautiful wife to whom he is faithful. He eats well, exercises daily, and is otherwise healthy so it doesn't make sense to him that he should struggle with this issue.
Young men have a sex drive that is similar to everyone's hunger drive for food. When a person is really hungry, food that was previously unappetizing becomes gourmet, such as caviar, truffles, and escargot. In the same sense, men who are starved for affection will go to any lengths to get what they need. When young men get married they become very attached to their wives, partly because she continually fills this need.
As we age, however, things change. The hunger or desire wanes, and many men complain of decreased libido. Maturity changes our needs. We no longer just need a sexual encounter, now we need a connection. Young men give love for sex, older men have sex for love. The need is totally different, in fact, opposite. The young man is selfish in getting his needs filled, but the older man needs a connection from the heart in order to feel sexual. It's more about the connection; mature intimacy is the expression of a connection from the heart. The young man wants a physical connection while the mature man seeks true love.
Maturing in love
Immature love is based on need; we love someone or something that either fills our needs, or we believe could fill them. This is how we can "fall in love" with someone we don't know -- we only need to believe they could fill the need. Immature men look at women with this in mind. The question is always implicit or explicit, "Could she fill my needs?" If the answer is, "Yes," then he could fall in love with her. She will look beautiful to him. In many cases this is reversed, just because she looks beautiful he believes she could fill his needs, and falls in love with her. He doesn't have to know her at all.
The effect of immature love is that as long as each fills the needs of the other, they remain content in the relationship. There is a "give-and-take." Possession is inherent in this arrangement. Young men easily become jealous of their wife, guarding their own territory, or protecting their needs. They are willing to "protect and provide" for the wife that fills their need, or, as one author put it, "to swim through shark-infested waters to bring her a glass of lemonade." This is the kind of love that most songs, poetry, and romantic stories portray.
Mature men, however, have a completely different way of relating to women. The needs of a mature man are not just sexual, but rather a sense of unity and true love. They need a connection from the heart. She becomes his need, his heart, and his ability to feel. They become one because the wife provides a heart for her husband. This is his need. Without her, he cannot feel. He begins to understand the difference between a physical need, and the emotional need. As his emotions grow, his needs change. He now wants, and needs, an emotional bond to fill his heart. He understands that only having a physical relationship keeps him lonely; while a sexual encounter could make him feel connected briefly, like a piece of candy fills the need for food, he now sees that his heart can be filled forever with a true connection. The candy is no longer sufficient, he wants real, nourishing, food -- a heart.
A difficult transition
The transition from immature love to a mature love is also a subject of many books, poems, songs, and stories. It's a hard transition, and many don't survive it. Those who want their relationship to continue on as before, filling each other's needs, often go outside of the relationship to fill them, ending in tears. The promise wasn't fulfilled because they didn't stay with the program, causing bitterness and anger. Couples fight for one reason, and one reason only; they are asking the question, "Do you love me?" If they don't get the answer they need, they become insecure in the relationship, creating more problems. Without this security, there is no way to transition from immature to true love.
A wife who doesn't have a heart because she is calloused from abuse will be unable to provide for this need. Thus, a man protects his wife's heart and would never hurt her in any way. He also wants a woman who hasn't given her heart to another. If she has trauma from previous relationships, she may have a hard time giving her heart to her husband. Women raised in a modern society become like men, seeking political power and sexual relationship so they can keep their hearts. They live on the emotional candy of orgasm. Some have multiple lovers before they ever get married. Such a woman can relate well to an immature man, having a platonic sexual relationship, but will not be able to form a mature relationship because she cannot give her heart, only her body. The couple, then, doesn't have a heart. They may be married for many years just continuing to fill each other's needs in a physical relationship, but never making a connection from the heart.
In order to find true love each of the couple must let go of the very needs that brought them together. Needs keep them selfish because each requires the other to fill them. Thus, the very existence of needs prevents true love. Women most often need strength, stability, and support -- financially and otherwise, while men need sex. Thus, as a man gets older he may lose his desire, or ability, for physical intimacy which initiates the transition to true love.
Choosing true love
Sometimes a spouse becomes disabled, and is no longer able to fill the needs of the other. In our society, we expect, and even encourage the one who remains intact to leave the relationship. The expectation is that if one is not getting his needs filled, he is no longer bound to stay. However, we find that those who do stay, putting aside their own needs and tending to the needs of their partner, become stronger in love. Those who have such trials often say, "I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!" Love comes not from filling needs, but rather by sacrificing those very needs.
Another option is to choose to love. This is done in the same way, by sacrificing our own needs and seeking instead to fill the needs of our spouse. This, of course, requires that we come to know our wife in such an intimate way as to know what she needs. The default is to fill "wants," but that may be destructive to both the individual and the relationship. When children are young, parents are mostly careful to distinguish between wants and needs for them. The child who wants to eat only ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, is often disappointed that the parents will give them nourishing food instead. Thus, the parents love their children.
The point of choosing to love is to change the focus from getting my needs filled to filling her needs. The question of, "Do you love me?" needs to change to, "Do I love you?" and then, "How do I show that love?" Helping our wife be secure in our relationship will help her to transition from immature love to true love because she will feel the ability to give her heart. The more she has an open heart, the easier and smoother the transition from immature, to true love. The man assists this by helping her feel secure. He does not threaten, hurt or force in any way. He doesn't become angry or grumpy. He doesn't insist on his way, or his needs. He would never have any form of intimacy outside of the relationship, not even to look at other women. Things like flirting or pornography are so far from him because he no longer seeks these immature forms of love -- he wants only true love and knows that the heart of his wife is his only desire. He doesn't go to the doctor to get testosterone, Viagra, or anything that would prolong the immature phase of their relationship.
Instead, he looks to help his wife feel secure in their relationship. He protects the heart of his wife from all insults because her heart is the key to them becoming fully human. He makes sacrifices for her. He gives to her. He loves her always. He takes time away from those things he wants to do in order to spend time with her. He asks questions to get to know her. He asks what she thinks and how she feels. He seeks to know her heart -- her wants, needs, and desires -- and connect with her through them. This is not selfish in the least, but rather self-sacrificing. He doesn't do these things as a manipulation to get her to give him what he wants. Rather, his intentions are to know her and give her security in their relationship. Thus, the man is the leader, or the catalyst, that makes the transition from immature love to true love by making a willing sacrifice of his own needs.
Ménage à trois
True love doesn't just happen, rather it is sought and planned each step of the way. However, since neither has ever experienced true love there is no way to plot a course to get there. For this reason, every loving relationship requires a third member. We think of a couple as two individuals coming together in unity and love, but true love requires a trio. The third member is Love, "for God is love." (1 John 4:8) Without God there is no way for unity to happen. A couple can only become one in Him for two reasons. First, only He knows the path to take from selfish love to true love, and second, He brings the security that is so vital to giving the heart.
The transition in a marriage from selfish love to true love is never automatic. It's God who knows the way for us to become a single unit, a complete human being. He shows us the way. Without His hand in our relationship there is no way for us to even know what the next step would be. We must put our trust in Him and take each step as it is given. The path is different for each. For some, it will be disability or hardship, and for others it will be promptings of how to put his wife above his own needs. In some cases, losing the desire for sexual gratification is the next step -- though this may be frightening to many men because he feels it's the only thing binding him to his wife. He must put his trust in God and continue on in spite of his weakness. This is different for each couple so no "How-to book" will be adequate to show them the way. The couple only has God to guide them.
The other reason it is so essential to include God in our marriage is that He has the power to fill all of our needs. Once each of us comes to love God and trust in Him, He fills our needs, allowing each of us to be free to love. When we no longer need one another we can give of ourselves from the heart. The Comforter gives assurance to us as we repent, or let go of our carnal nature, allowing any sacrifice to be made. With the assurance of God, a man may easily let go of his youthful needs, and his wife will feel secure and be free to give her heart. In this way God becomes an integral part of our relationship. The three make us whole, complete, and finished.
Becoming complete
A man is not a whole human being any more than an bee is a complete organism. The individual bee is dead without the hive, and a man is lost without his woman -- and God. The three of them make a complete human being that has infinite potential. True love brings with it things that a selfish individual could never imagine: kingdoms, principalities, powers, dominions, and infinite connections with all that exists. The hive truly is amazing, compared to the individual bee. True love is worth all the sacrifice that could ever be made. A middle-aged man going to the doctor to try to get his libido back is so backward, regressive, and provincial. If instead he chooses to take the path of true love, he will find new worlds of light, happiness, peace, and joy. For, "men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)
Young men have a sex drive that is similar to everyone's hunger drive for food. When a person is really hungry, food that was previously unappetizing becomes gourmet, such as caviar, truffles, and escargot. In the same sense, men who are starved for affection will go to any lengths to get what they need. When young men get married they become very attached to their wives, partly because she continually fills this need.
As we age, however, things change. The hunger or desire wanes, and many men complain of decreased libido. Maturity changes our needs. We no longer just need a sexual encounter, now we need a connection. Young men give love for sex, older men have sex for love. The need is totally different, in fact, opposite. The young man is selfish in getting his needs filled, but the older man needs a connection from the heart in order to feel sexual. It's more about the connection; mature intimacy is the expression of a connection from the heart. The young man wants a physical connection while the mature man seeks true love.
Maturing in love
Immature love is based on need; we love someone or something that either fills our needs, or we believe could fill them. This is how we can "fall in love" with someone we don't know -- we only need to believe they could fill the need. Immature men look at women with this in mind. The question is always implicit or explicit, "Could she fill my needs?" If the answer is, "Yes," then he could fall in love with her. She will look beautiful to him. In many cases this is reversed, just because she looks beautiful he believes she could fill his needs, and falls in love with her. He doesn't have to know her at all.
The effect of immature love is that as long as each fills the needs of the other, they remain content in the relationship. There is a "give-and-take." Possession is inherent in this arrangement. Young men easily become jealous of their wife, guarding their own territory, or protecting their needs. They are willing to "protect and provide" for the wife that fills their need, or, as one author put it, "to swim through shark-infested waters to bring her a glass of lemonade." This is the kind of love that most songs, poetry, and romantic stories portray.
Mature men, however, have a completely different way of relating to women. The needs of a mature man are not just sexual, but rather a sense of unity and true love. They need a connection from the heart. She becomes his need, his heart, and his ability to feel. They become one because the wife provides a heart for her husband. This is his need. Without her, he cannot feel. He begins to understand the difference between a physical need, and the emotional need. As his emotions grow, his needs change. He now wants, and needs, an emotional bond to fill his heart. He understands that only having a physical relationship keeps him lonely; while a sexual encounter could make him feel connected briefly, like a piece of candy fills the need for food, he now sees that his heart can be filled forever with a true connection. The candy is no longer sufficient, he wants real, nourishing, food -- a heart.
A difficult transition
The transition from immature love to a mature love is also a subject of many books, poems, songs, and stories. It's a hard transition, and many don't survive it. Those who want their relationship to continue on as before, filling each other's needs, often go outside of the relationship to fill them, ending in tears. The promise wasn't fulfilled because they didn't stay with the program, causing bitterness and anger. Couples fight for one reason, and one reason only; they are asking the question, "Do you love me?" If they don't get the answer they need, they become insecure in the relationship, creating more problems. Without this security, there is no way to transition from immature to true love.
A wife who doesn't have a heart because she is calloused from abuse will be unable to provide for this need. Thus, a man protects his wife's heart and would never hurt her in any way. He also wants a woman who hasn't given her heart to another. If she has trauma from previous relationships, she may have a hard time giving her heart to her husband. Women raised in a modern society become like men, seeking political power and sexual relationship so they can keep their hearts. They live on the emotional candy of orgasm. Some have multiple lovers before they ever get married. Such a woman can relate well to an immature man, having a platonic sexual relationship, but will not be able to form a mature relationship because she cannot give her heart, only her body. The couple, then, doesn't have a heart. They may be married for many years just continuing to fill each other's needs in a physical relationship, but never making a connection from the heart.
In order to find true love each of the couple must let go of the very needs that brought them together. Needs keep them selfish because each requires the other to fill them. Thus, the very existence of needs prevents true love. Women most often need strength, stability, and support -- financially and otherwise, while men need sex. Thus, as a man gets older he may lose his desire, or ability, for physical intimacy which initiates the transition to true love.
Choosing true love
Sometimes a spouse becomes disabled, and is no longer able to fill the needs of the other. In our society, we expect, and even encourage the one who remains intact to leave the relationship. The expectation is that if one is not getting his needs filled, he is no longer bound to stay. However, we find that those who do stay, putting aside their own needs and tending to the needs of their partner, become stronger in love. Those who have such trials often say, "I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!" Love comes not from filling needs, but rather by sacrificing those very needs.
Another option is to choose to love. This is done in the same way, by sacrificing our own needs and seeking instead to fill the needs of our spouse. This, of course, requires that we come to know our wife in such an intimate way as to know what she needs. The default is to fill "wants," but that may be destructive to both the individual and the relationship. When children are young, parents are mostly careful to distinguish between wants and needs for them. The child who wants to eat only ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, is often disappointed that the parents will give them nourishing food instead. Thus, the parents love their children.
The point of choosing to love is to change the focus from getting my needs filled to filling her needs. The question of, "Do you love me?" needs to change to, "Do I love you?" and then, "How do I show that love?" Helping our wife be secure in our relationship will help her to transition from immature love to true love because she will feel the ability to give her heart. The more she has an open heart, the easier and smoother the transition from immature, to true love. The man assists this by helping her feel secure. He does not threaten, hurt or force in any way. He doesn't become angry or grumpy. He doesn't insist on his way, or his needs. He would never have any form of intimacy outside of the relationship, not even to look at other women. Things like flirting or pornography are so far from him because he no longer seeks these immature forms of love -- he wants only true love and knows that the heart of his wife is his only desire. He doesn't go to the doctor to get testosterone, Viagra, or anything that would prolong the immature phase of their relationship.
Instead, he looks to help his wife feel secure in their relationship. He protects the heart of his wife from all insults because her heart is the key to them becoming fully human. He makes sacrifices for her. He gives to her. He loves her always. He takes time away from those things he wants to do in order to spend time with her. He asks questions to get to know her. He asks what she thinks and how she feels. He seeks to know her heart -- her wants, needs, and desires -- and connect with her through them. This is not selfish in the least, but rather self-sacrificing. He doesn't do these things as a manipulation to get her to give him what he wants. Rather, his intentions are to know her and give her security in their relationship. Thus, the man is the leader, or the catalyst, that makes the transition from immature love to true love by making a willing sacrifice of his own needs.
Ménage à trois
True love doesn't just happen, rather it is sought and planned each step of the way. However, since neither has ever experienced true love there is no way to plot a course to get there. For this reason, every loving relationship requires a third member. We think of a couple as two individuals coming together in unity and love, but true love requires a trio. The third member is Love, "for God is love." (1 John 4:8) Without God there is no way for unity to happen. A couple can only become one in Him for two reasons. First, only He knows the path to take from selfish love to true love, and second, He brings the security that is so vital to giving the heart.
The transition in a marriage from selfish love to true love is never automatic. It's God who knows the way for us to become a single unit, a complete human being. He shows us the way. Without His hand in our relationship there is no way for us to even know what the next step would be. We must put our trust in Him and take each step as it is given. The path is different for each. For some, it will be disability or hardship, and for others it will be promptings of how to put his wife above his own needs. In some cases, losing the desire for sexual gratification is the next step -- though this may be frightening to many men because he feels it's the only thing binding him to his wife. He must put his trust in God and continue on in spite of his weakness. This is different for each couple so no "How-to book" will be adequate to show them the way. The couple only has God to guide them.
The other reason it is so essential to include God in our marriage is that He has the power to fill all of our needs. Once each of us comes to love God and trust in Him, He fills our needs, allowing each of us to be free to love. When we no longer need one another we can give of ourselves from the heart. The Comforter gives assurance to us as we repent, or let go of our carnal nature, allowing any sacrifice to be made. With the assurance of God, a man may easily let go of his youthful needs, and his wife will feel secure and be free to give her heart. In this way God becomes an integral part of our relationship. The three make us whole, complete, and finished.
Becoming complete
A man is not a whole human being any more than an bee is a complete organism. The individual bee is dead without the hive, and a man is lost without his woman -- and God. The three of them make a complete human being that has infinite potential. True love brings with it things that a selfish individual could never imagine: kingdoms, principalities, powers, dominions, and infinite connections with all that exists. The hive truly is amazing, compared to the individual bee. True love is worth all the sacrifice that could ever be made. A middle-aged man going to the doctor to try to get his libido back is so backward, regressive, and provincial. If instead he chooses to take the path of true love, he will find new worlds of light, happiness, peace, and joy. For, "men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)
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