Ironically, from an eternal perspective one of our purposes here is to take on as much injustice as possible. The more merciful we are, the more mercy we have. This is a gift given to us by our enemies. Our friends can't help us in this way. When we learn why, we will all love those who hurt us more than those who bless us.
The Law of Justice
Justice is a law even above God. In order for God to have power, He must be obeyed. Everything in the Universe obeys Him, doing His will, and honoring Him, which gives Him all power. The Lord told the Prophet Joseph Smith that "...honor... is my power..." (D&C 29:36) An essential part of this honor is that God is a just God; His word is honored because He is perfectly just. Alma the Younger explains this to his son, "Now the work of justice could not be destroyed; if so, God would cease to be God." (Alma 42:13)
Because of this, we are left with a conundrum, how can the suffering of one pay for the sins of another? It isn't just that the perpetrator get off scot-free while some one else suffers for wrongdoing. Alma explains this to His son, "Now there is not any man that can sacrifice his own blood which will atone for the sins of another. Now, if a man murdereth, behold will our law, which is just, take the life of his brother? I say unto you, Nay. But the law requireth the life of him who hath murdered;" (Alma 34:11-12) In other words, we cannot pay for the sins of another, it isn't fair.
The Law of Mercy
The law of mercy is the "loophole" in the law of justice. Everything in the Universe must balance, every debt must be paid, every wrong righted, and and all suffering recompensed. It works both ways. We are told about the lower law of justice, where a judge sentences one to suffer for his errors and illegal activities, but don't consider that justice also includes that we must receive recompense for all innocent suffering. It is the flip-side of the same coin. We can ask for favors to be paid to us when we suffer for the misdeeds of others innocently. It is only fair. It is just, and therefore required of God.
When we do not require payment for the mistakes of another that caused us damage, we are giving mercy. Like everything else, mercy is on a scale. At the lower end, we don't exact payment for the innocent mistakes of others who hurt us, and on the top end we do not require payment for those who spitefully use us and persecute us. The more we innocently suffer, the more we may live in the law of mercy. If we innocently suffer, and do not seek revenge or payment for the wrongdoings of others who are intending to hurt us, we are living the highest law of justice. The effect of this is nothing short of miraculous!
Building our account
The scales must be balanced. God is perfectly just. He will not let any dirty deed go unpunished. Nor will He let any good deed go by without a reward. The best way to obtain mercy is by being in the law of mercy, and that is not accusing or seeking payment for suffering. If we truly suffer innocently, and allow it without exacting repayment for our suffering, then there is a deficit of justice in our favor. We can actually, or theoretically, create a debt of justice that is owed to us because we never took payment for suffering. The greater the deficit, the greater the blessing. Because of the evil nature of the world, we could, by the end of our lives, build a huge bank account of innocent suffering!
But it isn't true. Since we are not innocent, we can never have a positive account with God. If we feel we have suffered more than we have given suffering to others, the final judgment will show us that we have not. First of all, we are lost and fallen through transgression. We have no right to return to God, no matter how much we have suffered. Second, though we may suffer, our suffering ends, it is finite, but when we cause others to suffer, it may be infinite. A word to another that causes him to suffer may be passed-on for generations. The ripples we cause in the water cannot be stopped. Third, most of our suffering is self-inflicted so there can be no debt. And fourth, we get immediate payment for our all our obedience and good deeds. "he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?" (Mosiah 2:24) We can never be positive.
The true purpose for having mercy on others is that it puts us in the law of mercy. "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy." (Matthew 5:7) Being in the law of mercy allows us to be with Christ, His sons and His daughters, and partake of His mercy. Those who insist on justice will receive justice, and will find that their accounts are very negative, no matter how much they suffered in the world. Our only way out is to be merciful to others, "relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save." (2 Nephi 31:19)
Jesus Christ
God uses the law of mercy for all of us to receive salvation no matter what egregious errors we have committed, wrongs we have done, or hurt we have caused. It all starts with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He marked the path, and led the way by actually doing what He said, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" (Matthew 5:44) He innocently suffered humiliation and pain in the flesh, and forgave those who caused it in every way, even offering them salvation from their own suffering.
The next level is even more amazing! He suffered the pains of a damned soul, though He had never committed any sin. "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit — and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink..." (D&C 19:18) He didn't want to, but did it to be obedient to God. It was the will of God. His Father, God, your God and my God, caused His suffering. He suffered Eternal torment, God's suffering. Yet He was innocent of any sin, transgression, or wrongdoing. This creates a huge hole in the law of justice. It isn't fair that He suffer innocently. This wrong must be righted. Jesus Christ created a huge debt with the Father, who must repay every bit to balance the scales. God cannot allow the punishment to go unrewarded, or He would cease to be God.
Jesus Christ has perfect love. At the final judgment, He stands at the bar, our advocate before God, the just Judge, and says: "Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life." (D&C 45:4-5) His payment includes bringing us with Him into the Kingdom of God to have everlasting life. This is His love for us.
Only those who are "[His] brethren that believe on [His] name" will take part. He asks for His reward to be given to those He loves, His friends. It's not random or arbitrary, all is done according to the law, and must be done perfectly. Not everyone benefits, only those who repent and take upon themselves His name can take part in His reward. "For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins." (Matthew 26:28) When sinners repent of their sins and become lawful, they are enabled to live with God, so they qualify to receive this gift from Christ. Each must be living the law of mercy by forgiving all offenses.
True followers
The true followers of Christ are seeking for ways to forgive everyone. The Lord explained, "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." (Matthew 5:11-12) There can be no bitterness or rancor towards one who hurts us, nor can we wish them ill or hope that God repays them for their unkind deeds. Instead, we gratefully acknowledge them, that they are willing to suffer, taking upon themselves our sins, suffering Eternal torment so that we can be saved from the same fate by teaching us to be merciful. We hope that they repent of their sins through the mercy of the Lord, Jesus Christ so they also may be saved from suffering. And, we thank the Lord for our enemies, that they allow us to learn how to be merciful. Our friends could never help us in this manner. It is our enemies that put us in the law of mercy and allow us to receive mercy from the Lord. This is why, and how, we love our enemies.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Marriage and Happiness
I have had an ongoing discussion with my son about marriage. He insists there is no need for marriage, and I have a hard time explaining it in a way that he would understand. Using metaphors and analogies can be helpful, but they don't convey the reality of marriage to one who has not experienced it any more than a description of a Mozart sonata would really help anyone who has never heard one. In spite of this, I would like to venture to elaborate on the seven reasons for marriage, in no particular order.
Love
Marriage is about true love. Only within the bonds of marriage can we really love another. It is the covenant we make that allows us to learn to get outside of ourselves and truly love another. Without the commitment, we only do what we want, what we like, or seek fulfillment, and don't really learn to love. However,with a real commitment we can truly love our spouse with all our hearts, which leads to peace, joy and happiness.
Security
People often seek security in having money, land, houses, or other material goods. Others want their employer or the government to provide a "safety net" in their lives. Marriage, however, is the best way to have safety and security. Being able to depend on another person who loves you gives more sense of security than even the government with all its power and resources. True love removes all fear, allowing real peace and contentment.
God
There are two kinds of power in the Universe, constructive, and destructive. A close bond with a spouse allows us to come to know God in a deeper way than we can without marriage. The couple makes a complete human being, and together with God they are empowered to reproduce, taking part in creation with Him. In every way, marriage brings with it the power of God, which is always constructive. We cannot begin to understand God unless we share experiences with Him. Marriage allows this to happen in two ways -- love and creation.
Children
Marriage naturally allows children into the world. Children help the couple to experience more of life. We learn more as we teach. Parenting is the process of teaching the children, helping them to grow up in all areas of life: mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and so forth. As the parents help their children to grow they not only learn a deeper love, but also improve themselves in all these areas. Each child is different, and will necessarily give the parents different experiences.
Fun
Those who marry have more fun in life because they have more experience. Each in a couple gets to live more as they experience the world of their spouse. Moreover, they get to re-live their childhood as their children grow up and learn. There is nothing more fun than going to plays, games, recitals, and other activities of children, and being totally interested and absorbed in the outcome. Disneyland isn't fun unless you can bring a child. Experiencing life through our children as they discover the world is truly fun! Fun isn't fun unless it is shared. Marriage allows us to share everything, making all of life fun.
Connection
Probably the best part of being married is having a connection with another. We only really become complete and whole as we become one with our spouse. The experience of unity is the most wonderful part of being human. It is fulfilling like no other human accomplishment can be. No amount of success, power, money, or fame could even come close to the fulfillment of marriage. Feeling complete and whole, comfortable and content is worth thousands of times more than all the wealth in the world! What is amazing is that every single individual has access to this connection no matter where, who, or what they are.
Happiness
Ultimately, the purpose of existence is happiness. God has children, us, and provides for us, teaches us, and sacrifices for us so that we can be happy. A man nor a woman can be happy alone. Becoming perfect, or complete, requires a man and a woman, which make up a whole human being. Marriage is the path to happiness. It is hard, to be sure, in fact, it is the hardest endeavor of life because is requires the greatest sacrifice. All other ventures in life are temporary, at best, and not nearly as fulfilling. Even our children will, hopefully, grow up and leave us as they get married and become complete, raising their own children. A marriage, however, is made to be forever as we become one with another, forming the foundation of happiness.
The price of marriage
The hard part of marriage is the sacrifice required. The expectations of fulfillment, love and unity are not given to us by our spouse, but rather achieved as we sacrifice ourselves, giving up all we are in our heart in order to become one with her, or him. The sacrifice of the heart is the wants, needs and desires that are deep inside. "I want..." is a selfish way to live and doesn't lead to unity and happiness. This is why "living together" or any other false marriage cannot lead to happiness. None of the goals of marriage can be reached without the commitment. Only as we give up all the things we want can we achieve this higher level of existence. Unity is achieved only as this is desired more than everything else. Marriage offers the most opportunities to learn to love, as well as the deepest love as we give up all that we are inside in order to become one with our spouse. It is the greatest achievement of all of humanity. It is more important than being a world leader, a spiritual healer, a philanthropist, or any businessman. Those may be good, but achieving a marriage of unity is so far ahead, hands-down, millions of times better. There is no comparison.
Of course it's hard, but anyone can do it. There is nothing in the world to stop it. While we can become distracted by the cares of the world such as money, business, children, play, friends, parents, and all the other things that can get in the way, these also must be sacrificed for unity to be achieved. It is an accomplishment like no other. It is worth all the sacrifices we make, a thousand times over. But what is most amazing is that it is the right of every person on the Earth. While our pride may make it hard, in reality it's the easiest thing in the world, and it is within the grasp of every individual. It's as easy as letting go. Indeed, marriage is unique as the only thing on the Earth worth all of our best efforts, while at the same time being simple. It is the hardest and at the same time the easiest. It is most uncommon and at the same time most common. It is the best of humanity, and the only way to fulfillment.
The hardest part about writing this is to end what is endless, knowing that none will understand who have not experienced it. Hopefully, these can believe that it isn't random, and have a desire to seek marriage, or if they are already married, to decide to put their marriage at the top of their list of things to do. If anyone can hope for fulfillment and desire to achieve it, they can begin to work on it by letting go of their wants, needs, and desires so they can love. It's that simple, but I can promise that such efforts will bring the most wonderful results!
- Love
- Security
- God
- Children
- Fun
- Connection
- Happiness
Love
Marriage is about true love. Only within the bonds of marriage can we really love another. It is the covenant we make that allows us to learn to get outside of ourselves and truly love another. Without the commitment, we only do what we want, what we like, or seek fulfillment, and don't really learn to love. However,with a real commitment we can truly love our spouse with all our hearts, which leads to peace, joy and happiness.
Security
People often seek security in having money, land, houses, or other material goods. Others want their employer or the government to provide a "safety net" in their lives. Marriage, however, is the best way to have safety and security. Being able to depend on another person who loves you gives more sense of security than even the government with all its power and resources. True love removes all fear, allowing real peace and contentment.
God
There are two kinds of power in the Universe, constructive, and destructive. A close bond with a spouse allows us to come to know God in a deeper way than we can without marriage. The couple makes a complete human being, and together with God they are empowered to reproduce, taking part in creation with Him. In every way, marriage brings with it the power of God, which is always constructive. We cannot begin to understand God unless we share experiences with Him. Marriage allows this to happen in two ways -- love and creation.
Children
Marriage naturally allows children into the world. Children help the couple to experience more of life. We learn more as we teach. Parenting is the process of teaching the children, helping them to grow up in all areas of life: mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and so forth. As the parents help their children to grow they not only learn a deeper love, but also improve themselves in all these areas. Each child is different, and will necessarily give the parents different experiences.
Fun
Those who marry have more fun in life because they have more experience. Each in a couple gets to live more as they experience the world of their spouse. Moreover, they get to re-live their childhood as their children grow up and learn. There is nothing more fun than going to plays, games, recitals, and other activities of children, and being totally interested and absorbed in the outcome. Disneyland isn't fun unless you can bring a child. Experiencing life through our children as they discover the world is truly fun! Fun isn't fun unless it is shared. Marriage allows us to share everything, making all of life fun.
Connection
Probably the best part of being married is having a connection with another. We only really become complete and whole as we become one with our spouse. The experience of unity is the most wonderful part of being human. It is fulfilling like no other human accomplishment can be. No amount of success, power, money, or fame could even come close to the fulfillment of marriage. Feeling complete and whole, comfortable and content is worth thousands of times more than all the wealth in the world! What is amazing is that every single individual has access to this connection no matter where, who, or what they are.
Happiness
Ultimately, the purpose of existence is happiness. God has children, us, and provides for us, teaches us, and sacrifices for us so that we can be happy. A man nor a woman can be happy alone. Becoming perfect, or complete, requires a man and a woman, which make up a whole human being. Marriage is the path to happiness. It is hard, to be sure, in fact, it is the hardest endeavor of life because is requires the greatest sacrifice. All other ventures in life are temporary, at best, and not nearly as fulfilling. Even our children will, hopefully, grow up and leave us as they get married and become complete, raising their own children. A marriage, however, is made to be forever as we become one with another, forming the foundation of happiness.
The price of marriage
The hard part of marriage is the sacrifice required. The expectations of fulfillment, love and unity are not given to us by our spouse, but rather achieved as we sacrifice ourselves, giving up all we are in our heart in order to become one with her, or him. The sacrifice of the heart is the wants, needs and desires that are deep inside. "I want..." is a selfish way to live and doesn't lead to unity and happiness. This is why "living together" or any other false marriage cannot lead to happiness. None of the goals of marriage can be reached without the commitment. Only as we give up all the things we want can we achieve this higher level of existence. Unity is achieved only as this is desired more than everything else. Marriage offers the most opportunities to learn to love, as well as the deepest love as we give up all that we are inside in order to become one with our spouse. It is the greatest achievement of all of humanity. It is more important than being a world leader, a spiritual healer, a philanthropist, or any businessman. Those may be good, but achieving a marriage of unity is so far ahead, hands-down, millions of times better. There is no comparison.
Of course it's hard, but anyone can do it. There is nothing in the world to stop it. While we can become distracted by the cares of the world such as money, business, children, play, friends, parents, and all the other things that can get in the way, these also must be sacrificed for unity to be achieved. It is an accomplishment like no other. It is worth all the sacrifices we make, a thousand times over. But what is most amazing is that it is the right of every person on the Earth. While our pride may make it hard, in reality it's the easiest thing in the world, and it is within the grasp of every individual. It's as easy as letting go. Indeed, marriage is unique as the only thing on the Earth worth all of our best efforts, while at the same time being simple. It is the hardest and at the same time the easiest. It is most uncommon and at the same time most common. It is the best of humanity, and the only way to fulfillment.
The hardest part about writing this is to end what is endless, knowing that none will understand who have not experienced it. Hopefully, these can believe that it isn't random, and have a desire to seek marriage, or if they are already married, to decide to put their marriage at the top of their list of things to do. If anyone can hope for fulfillment and desire to achieve it, they can begin to work on it by letting go of their wants, needs, and desires so they can love. It's that simple, but I can promise that such efforts will bring the most wonderful results!
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Faith and Hope
As I read, I often come to "sticking points" which cause me to think. One such place has been a talk given by Mormon, found in Moroni chapter 7. It seems to have a contradiction that I have been unable to reconcile. I now think I know.
The first part reads:
"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?" (Moroni 7:40)
Hope--> Faith
Without hope you cannot get faith.
Then, two verses later:
"...if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." (Moroni 7:42)
Faith --> Hope
If faith, then hope
No faith, no hope
It feels like without hope we cannot have faith, and without faith we cannot have hope.
The definition of hope is found in the intervening verse:
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)
So, hope is the expectation of resurrection to Eternal Life, which comes through faith in Christ.
The definition of faith is given by Paul to the Hebrews:
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Another circle of faith connected to hope. Hope comes first, then we get faith as we gain substance and evidence for that hope. In other words, we develop faith by gaining knowledge and experience, or substance and evidence. Faith in Christ is the evidence that only through Him can we hope for salvation. It is a knowledge of the Atonement. The better we understand the Atonement of Christ, the more faith we have.
Does faith come before hope, or does hope come before faith?
Maybe it's like this:
Your knowledge of the existence of a glorious resurrection brings you to desire that blessing -- or hope for it.
This desire (hope) brings you to Jesus Christ, your only hope, to learn more about His Atonement and resurrection.
As you gain knowledge (faith) of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and have more evidence, you receive the hope you desire.
Thus, hope brings you to faith in Christ, which faith then gives you that hope.
In other words, the hope of the possibility of a glorious resurrection causes you to seek Christ and develop the faith needed to actually receive that hope.
Hope --> Faith --> Hope
Thus, the reconciliation of the "which comes first" question is that there are two related, but distinct, senses of the word "hope." They both have the same definition, but the first is the possibility, whereas the second is the assurance of a glorious resurrection to Eternal Life. What brings the assurance is faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement and resurrection. Without hope, or the possibility of Eternal Life we could not develop faith, and without faith we cannot have the hope, or assurance, of it. Faith is sandwiched between hope!
The first part reads:
"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?" (Moroni 7:40)
Hope--> Faith
Without hope you cannot get faith.
Then, two verses later:
"...if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." (Moroni 7:42)
Faith --> Hope
If faith, then hope
No faith, no hope
It feels like without hope we cannot have faith, and without faith we cannot have hope.
The definition of hope is found in the intervening verse:
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)
So, hope is the expectation of resurrection to Eternal Life, which comes through faith in Christ.
The definition of faith is given by Paul to the Hebrews:
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Another circle of faith connected to hope. Hope comes first, then we get faith as we gain substance and evidence for that hope. In other words, we develop faith by gaining knowledge and experience, or substance and evidence. Faith in Christ is the evidence that only through Him can we hope for salvation. It is a knowledge of the Atonement. The better we understand the Atonement of Christ, the more faith we have.
Does faith come before hope, or does hope come before faith?
Maybe it's like this:
Your knowledge of the existence of a glorious resurrection brings you to desire that blessing -- or hope for it.
This desire (hope) brings you to Jesus Christ, your only hope, to learn more about His Atonement and resurrection.
As you gain knowledge (faith) of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and have more evidence, you receive the hope you desire.
Thus, hope brings you to faith in Christ, which faith then gives you that hope.
In other words, the hope of the possibility of a glorious resurrection causes you to seek Christ and develop the faith needed to actually receive that hope.
Hope --> Faith --> Hope
Thus, the reconciliation of the "which comes first" question is that there are two related, but distinct, senses of the word "hope." They both have the same definition, but the first is the possibility, whereas the second is the assurance of a glorious resurrection to Eternal Life. What brings the assurance is faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement and resurrection. Without hope, or the possibility of Eternal Life we could not develop faith, and without faith we cannot have the hope, or assurance, of it. Faith is sandwiched between hope!
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Swimming in deep water
“Perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters.... better deep than shallow!”
― Joseph Smith Jr.
In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution. Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed. Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner? Of course, for their benefit! When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?" This decision is essential to being a Christian. Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice. Persecution forces that decision immediately. The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.
"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).
If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end. There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives. Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in. When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!
Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints. For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level. It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in. They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth. It appears that they keep the commandments of God. They're in the pool. However, their hearts are not necessarily changed. They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness. They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside. They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!" They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family. Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.
I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years! Wading in shallow water. Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart. I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men. My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.
I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end. I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life. I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart. Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world. This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth. Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith. I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.
I will obey every word of God. I will do anything. I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution. I'm willing to make that decision. I will take the bullet. I will walk the walk. I will suffer ridicule and pain. I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.
The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth. Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim! I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way. I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it! ...But, there is no obvious choice. I'm not threatened in any way. I'm not being pushed. I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world. I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.
It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support. We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can. But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you? Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make. Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world? How do we know? Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row? Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission? How is one to know what sacrifice to make? Where is the deep end, really?
"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..." Joseph Smith
The Lord will guide. Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed. He is faithful to answer every prayer. Blessings may be hard. We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God. It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good. It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices. We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun. Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim. God knows. He is the swimming instructor. He is the lifeguard. He has all the floaties! He won't let us drown. With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.
― Joseph Smith Jr.
In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution. Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed. Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner? Of course, for their benefit! When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?" This decision is essential to being a Christian. Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice. Persecution forces that decision immediately. The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.
"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).
If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end. There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives. Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in. When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!
Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints. For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level. It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in. They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth. It appears that they keep the commandments of God. They're in the pool. However, their hearts are not necessarily changed. They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness. They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside. They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!" They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family. Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.
I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years! Wading in shallow water. Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart. I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men. My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.
I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end. I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life. I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart. Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world. This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth. Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith. I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.
I will obey every word of God. I will do anything. I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution. I'm willing to make that decision. I will take the bullet. I will walk the walk. I will suffer ridicule and pain. I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.
The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth. Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim! I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way. I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it! ...But, there is no obvious choice. I'm not threatened in any way. I'm not being pushed. I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world. I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.
It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support. We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can. But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you? Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make. Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world? How do we know? Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row? Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission? How is one to know what sacrifice to make? Where is the deep end, really?
"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..." Joseph Smith
The Lord will guide. Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed. He is faithful to answer every prayer. Blessings may be hard. We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God. It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good. It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices. We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun. Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim. God knows. He is the swimming instructor. He is the lifeguard. He has all the floaties! He won't let us drown. With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
The Real Choice
Everything we are choosing is not so much what happens to us, our circumstances, but rather the connections we make with our Creator. We are choosing every minute whether this part of our life brings us closer to God, or farther away.
Wealth can bring you closer to God, or farther away. No matter what the level of poverty we have in life, we are using that to choose to come closer to God, or farther away. There is none that has any wealth, really. We are all roughly equally poor. In the Eternal sense of things we are all completely destitute and dependent, no matter what we think we own in the world.
The choice is simple. Those who don't have enough for their needs could choose to turn to the Lord to fill their needs. As He does so, their faith in Him will be increased. They will learn to put their trust in Him, and come closer to Him.
On the other hand, those who consider themselves wealthy would consecrate all they have to the work of the Lord. They ask the Lord how He wants them to distribute their possessions. They will seek those in need, and
This concept is true no matter what the circumstance.
Being physically fit and healthy could, like the rich man, either lead us away from God by not being able to discover how needy we really are, or it can bring us closer to Him as we give our strength to serve His purposes, working hard to serve Him and our fellow-man. If we are sick we may use that illness to choose to come closer to God by seeking healing from His hand, or turn inward, justifying all of our spiritual weaknesses because of our physical infirmities.
Those who are smart enough to go to school and get a higher education may consider themselves intelligent, but don't know that they are really ignorant compared to their Father, who knows all things. Learned people often look down on those who don't have schooling, and they don't seek the mind and will of the Lord for their lives. They consider themselves strong and independent, not needing to lean on the Lord for their support.
This is just as much of a problem with the unschooled. They may look with lust on learning, or be lazy or give up trying, and not learn anything. Ignorant people, rather than turn to the Lord to find knowledge, will sometimes ridicule or despise those who are learned. God is not a god of ignorance. Growth is about learning and growing continually. God has commanded us to "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118) Thus, their ignorance could lead them away from God, or bring them closer to Him. It's their choice.
If either one turns to the Lord they will use their circumstances to bless His children. As knowledge grows, so does all of society. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." (2 Nephi 9:29) This is the issue, really, no matter what our circumstances in life -- do we seek the counsel of God?
Understanding of what our choice is in life would make us see our circumstances differently. All that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel, are merely means to help us to choose Him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. That is the real choice.
In ev'ry condition—in sickness, in health,This is true with every situation.
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
How Firm a Foundation Hymn 85:2
Wealth can bring you closer to God, or farther away. No matter what the level of poverty we have in life, we are using that to choose to come closer to God, or farther away. There is none that has any wealth, really. We are all roughly equally poor. In the Eternal sense of things we are all completely destitute and dependent, no matter what we think we own in the world.
Thou sayest, "I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing;" and knowest not that thou artComforts can take us away from God, but wealth can also bring us to Him. If the will of the Lord is that we have the things of the world, and we consecrate all we have to Him, to serve His purposes, then we could become truly rich with the riches of Eternity. This is the real choice we have, not how rich or poor we are here on Earth. We have no control over what we have, it is all given to us. It is firstly His to give. Nothing is "earned." Nothing is "owned." We really are, at all times while in mortality,
wretched,
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked: (Revelation 3:17)
"wretched,It is not the wealth that tears us away from God, but rather the "lusts of the eyes" -- the things we want. This is just as true for those who have nothing of the world. They are just as...
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked:"
wretched,...as a "rich" person, but if they are greedy in their hearts, filled with envy and covetousness, lusting after the things that others own, their poverty will bring them away from God. It is their choice. It is the true choice we have. It is the only choice. Those who discover this truth can use their circumstance of "poverty or wealth" to further the work of God, and come closer to Him.
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked
The choice is simple. Those who don't have enough for their needs could choose to turn to the Lord to fill their needs. As He does so, their faith in Him will be increased. They will learn to put their trust in Him, and come closer to Him.
On the other hand, those who consider themselves wealthy would consecrate all they have to the work of the Lord. They ask the Lord how He wants them to distribute their possessions. They will seek those in need, and
"nourish them,As thy do this, they learn to become closer to the Lord, and learn His ways.
and did clothe them,
and did give unto them lands for their inheritance;
And... administer unto them according to their wants." (Alma 35:9)
This concept is true no matter what the circumstance.
"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also.The concept of "poverty and wealth" could be applied to all circumstances we may find ourselves in, such as health or knowledge. Health is like wealth, whereas sickness is like poverty. Those who are "learned" are as if they were wealthy in the knowledge of the world, whereas those who have no training are poor in knowledge. No matter what it is, we are not deciding if we are going to be rich or poor, healthy or sick, learned or ignorant, but rather if we are going to use that circumstance to bring us closer to God, or not.
And wo unto the deaf that will not hear; for they shall perish.
Wo unto the blind that will not see; for they shall perish also." (2 Nephi 9:30-32)
Being physically fit and healthy could, like the rich man, either lead us away from God by not being able to discover how needy we really are, or it can bring us closer to Him as we give our strength to serve His purposes, working hard to serve Him and our fellow-man. If we are sick we may use that illness to choose to come closer to God by seeking healing from His hand, or turn inward, justifying all of our spiritual weaknesses because of our physical infirmities.
Those who are smart enough to go to school and get a higher education may consider themselves intelligent, but don't know that they are really ignorant compared to their Father, who knows all things. Learned people often look down on those who don't have schooling, and they don't seek the mind and will of the Lord for their lives. They consider themselves strong and independent, not needing to lean on the Lord for their support.
"When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish." (2 Nephi 9:28)Just like the rich man, they are really ignorant, and in need of God for everything they know. However, they aren't aware of their need.
This is just as much of a problem with the unschooled. They may look with lust on learning, or be lazy or give up trying, and not learn anything. Ignorant people, rather than turn to the Lord to find knowledge, will sometimes ridicule or despise those who are learned. God is not a god of ignorance. Growth is about learning and growing continually. God has commanded us to "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118) Thus, their ignorance could lead them away from God, or bring them closer to Him. It's their choice.
If either one turns to the Lord they will use their circumstances to bless His children. As knowledge grows, so does all of society. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." (2 Nephi 9:29) This is the issue, really, no matter what our circumstances in life -- do we seek the counsel of God?
Understanding of what our choice is in life would make us see our circumstances differently. All that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel, are merely means to help us to choose Him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. That is the real choice.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Endless
I sat in my car with a young man in the parking lot of a hotel. We had intended to talk in the hotel lobby because he didn't want to go home where his mom was. Instead, we stayed in the car. He had attempted suicide the day before. He cut himself multiple times and took sleeping pills hoping he would just bleed to death in his sleep. He woke up with very little blood around him. He was still alone, with nobody to call. He felt awful, terrible, and horrible. There was no way out of how he felt. He just cried and cried.
A line segment has two ends. Time has two ends. Life on Earth has two ends. We often call these "the beginning" and "the end." While this is what we see, and is apparent, in reality there is no end. Existence is really a line, but we only see one segment. There are no ends, only stages. You can't stop. The train of life doesn't stop. You can't get off. You don't cease to exist. Life has always been, and it keeps going even as there are constant changes. You end one form, and move on to another, but the essence of who you are always was, and always will be. We "lived" before our birth, and we will move on to other "lives" after we leave it. There is no stopping this train. There are no ends.
The young man said that even as he was trying to die, he knew it would not be the end. He knew that his life would continue in another dimension, and that he would have to account for his actions. He knew that he would still be himself, and be in the same situation of feeling horrible and being isolated. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to cease to exist. He wanted an end, but he knew that it really wouldn't be the end.
Many people want an end. They don't like life for a thousand reasons, and want it to end, at least at some point. This is pointed out in "retirement," where people try to bide their time until they die, the end. "Live out my last days in peace." Their "life" is already over, they've finished growing and learning, and working, now they can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labors. The end is near. What they don't see is that it has already happened.
Anxiety and fear come from ends. The modern physician is told to give people fear of ends so that they will be motivated to obey. People obediently take their medication to "prevent the end" when all they really do is create more problems. The irony is that most of these people who fear "the end" are already finished, they just want to prolong their goodbyes. They have already given up on life. They are no longer learning and growing. They don't take on new responsibilities, learn new languages, work to make the world a better place, or love more people, rather they are entirely inwardly focused on the next cruise they can enjoy, food they can eat, or movie they can passively watch. They are already as dead as they will ever be, because they will go on, but not to life
Work is a necessary part of life. In spite of this, we want to be lazy and avoid work. There are many forms of work that fulfill a life, such as using muscles and brains to help others, trading our specialty for theirs, planting, growing, harvesting those things we need to survive, or loving, giving, learning and growing in any way. There is no end to the work of life. There is no retirement.
Life is growth. Life is work. Life is hard. M. Scott Peck, MD, a psychiatrist, noted in his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth
The way to end the pain is not to try to stop it. This only creates more frustration, pain, sorrow, anxiety, and depression. It is hopeless to stop it. You must accept it. You must go on, you will go on, your only choice is how you will go on. If you choose to go on living you will connect with more and more people. Fulfillment in life is connections with others. These are made as we learn and grow. We need others to teach us, and we need to teach others. People who never marry or have children have a more difficult time growing up than those who marry and have children. Nevertheless, they can choose to take on the responsibility for the welfare of others and still learn and grow. They live. They don't want to stop. They don't want ends.
"Salvation" is not the same as immortality -- that is a given -- but rather Eternal Life is salvation To continue to live, learn, grow, and improve is what constitutes and defines life. If the end comes and we are already dead, we will not suddenly get life, but rather just continue on the path we have chosen. The young man knew this, and was very glad his stupid plan didn't work. I just wanted to say so much to him.
Live the hardness. Take on the responsibility. Live life to the fullest. Give your whole heart. Give all your energy. Love all you can. Learn all there is. Be the motivation for others. Go to school. Play your music. Get married, have children. Sure it's hard. Of course you will have setbacks, pain, problems, "speed bumps," and all sorts of "failures." That's life. That's how we learn. That's how we grow. The endless life is the only life worth living. Don't try to stop it. Push ahead. Go, Go, Go! Move! Act! Do it! Don't stop, and don't try to stop it.
As soon as you decide to live, you will remove all the fear of life, and ends. Life will go on forever. Love will be a possibility. And, immortality will become Eternal Life. Because we can choose, if we are willing to put in the effort, for life to be ENDLESS!
A line segment has two ends. Time has two ends. Life on Earth has two ends. We often call these "the beginning" and "the end." While this is what we see, and is apparent, in reality there is no end. Existence is really a line, but we only see one segment. There are no ends, only stages. You can't stop. The train of life doesn't stop. You can't get off. You don't cease to exist. Life has always been, and it keeps going even as there are constant changes. You end one form, and move on to another, but the essence of who you are always was, and always will be. We "lived" before our birth, and we will move on to other "lives" after we leave it. There is no stopping this train. There are no ends.
The young man said that even as he was trying to die, he knew it would not be the end. He knew that his life would continue in another dimension, and that he would have to account for his actions. He knew that he would still be himself, and be in the same situation of feeling horrible and being isolated. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to cease to exist. He wanted an end, but he knew that it really wouldn't be the end.
Many people want an end. They don't like life for a thousand reasons, and want it to end, at least at some point. This is pointed out in "retirement," where people try to bide their time until they die, the end. "Live out my last days in peace." Their "life" is already over, they've finished growing and learning, and working, now they can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labors. The end is near. What they don't see is that it has already happened.
Anxiety and fear come from ends. The modern physician is told to give people fear of ends so that they will be motivated to obey. People obediently take their medication to "prevent the end" when all they really do is create more problems. The irony is that most of these people who fear "the end" are already finished, they just want to prolong their goodbyes. They have already given up on life. They are no longer learning and growing. They don't take on new responsibilities, learn new languages, work to make the world a better place, or love more people, rather they are entirely inwardly focused on the next cruise they can enjoy, food they can eat, or movie they can passively watch. They are already as dead as they will ever be, because they will go on, but not to life
Work is a necessary part of life. In spite of this, we want to be lazy and avoid work. There are many forms of work that fulfill a life, such as using muscles and brains to help others, trading our specialty for theirs, planting, growing, harvesting those things we need to survive, or loving, giving, learning and growing in any way. There is no end to the work of life. There is no retirement.
Life is growth. Life is work. Life is hard. M. Scott Peck, MD, a psychiatrist, noted in his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”What is so important about this concept of immortality is that it is horrible if you are not living, growing, learning, improving and loving. If all you have is self-absorbed whims, your life goes on as a separate, single, independent entity that cannot grow, improve or change. The excitement of life is change, and yet dead people avoid change. You will go on, but you will never change. It's hell, which is worse than not existing. A dead, isolated existence is just yucky! Existence continues, but life does not -- unless we choose to live.
The way to end the pain is not to try to stop it. This only creates more frustration, pain, sorrow, anxiety, and depression. It is hopeless to stop it. You must accept it. You must go on, you will go on, your only choice is how you will go on. If you choose to go on living you will connect with more and more people. Fulfillment in life is connections with others. These are made as we learn and grow. We need others to teach us, and we need to teach others. People who never marry or have children have a more difficult time growing up than those who marry and have children. Nevertheless, they can choose to take on the responsibility for the welfare of others and still learn and grow. They live. They don't want to stop. They don't want ends.
"Salvation" is not the same as immortality -- that is a given -- but rather Eternal Life is salvation To continue to live, learn, grow, and improve is what constitutes and defines life. If the end comes and we are already dead, we will not suddenly get life, but rather just continue on the path we have chosen. The young man knew this, and was very glad his stupid plan didn't work. I just wanted to say so much to him.
Live the hardness. Take on the responsibility. Live life to the fullest. Give your whole heart. Give all your energy. Love all you can. Learn all there is. Be the motivation for others. Go to school. Play your music. Get married, have children. Sure it's hard. Of course you will have setbacks, pain, problems, "speed bumps," and all sorts of "failures." That's life. That's how we learn. That's how we grow. The endless life is the only life worth living. Don't try to stop it. Push ahead. Go, Go, Go! Move! Act! Do it! Don't stop, and don't try to stop it.
As soon as you decide to live, you will remove all the fear of life, and ends. Life will go on forever. Love will be a possibility. And, immortality will become Eternal Life. Because we can choose, if we are willing to put in the effort, for life to be ENDLESS!
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
The 3 Principles of "Happily Ever After"
Most of our fairy tales and love stories include a couple that falls in love and lives "happily ever after." We feel slighted if we don't get such closure in a story. We know love is important, but the stories don't always teach the true principles of what it takes to achieve that end. The basis of a relationship is often looks. When their eyes meet across the room and they instantly know it's love. They didn't have to work at this love, it just happened. When we are dating, looking for a mate, we often expect that love will just happen as we traverse the crowd of singles. A glance, a smile, just having that look is what we seek.
It's common for single men and women in their thirties to wonder why they aren't married. They often want to get married, but never fall in love because they don't need anyone. Those needs are often filled by friends, roommates, classmates, and an endless stream of boyfriends, and girlfriends, all of whom are interesting, but who don't seem to have chemistry. Since they don't need anyone, they will not "fall in love" with anyone. Love, at least the immature love of cathexis or infatuation, is based on a belief that a person could fill your needs.
But reality is way different; true love is actually based on principles that we can learn and practice. Rather than leaving everything to chance, there is a good way to seek a mate that will almost assure a "happily ever after!" There are three things that are most important in this endeavor, that far outweigh "falling in love." These are simple, easy to learn, and available to everyone. They are no mystery.
1. Have the same goals
2. Respect and admire their character
3. Enjoy their company
All three are essential to having a great relationship. If you find an excellent person with matching goals and great character, but with an annoying personality any kind of relationship would be a struggle. If you have the same goals, but do not have character to reach them, then the relationship will not work. If you both have excellent character and enjoy each other's company, but have different goals you will only grow further apart as you progress towards your individual goals.
Goals
When we are dating we think it's so important that we like the same things and are able to "finish each other's sandwiches," enjoy the same restaurants or movies, have the same workout routine, or have the same hobbies. This is much less important than knowing your own ultimate desires, as well as his or hers. Those who start a relationship with a lot in common, but have divergent goals will move further apart and end up separated, emotionally or physically -- or both.
The first thing to consider is the goals of your love interest. The best match are those who have the same goals, who are headed in the same direction, and want to be in the same place. The two of you could be worlds apart now, but if you have the same goals you have a good chance of coming together. On the other hand, having a lot in common, except your ultimate goals, is a recipe for disaster. This is why those who are of the same religion make a better match.
Some very important goals right now, may not be so important later. A young person may be focused on education and building an income, for example. It is common to assume that because a couple is in agreement on these, they are compatible. This, however, may change. Another common issue is a desire for children. Some may desire to have a large family, but while it's important to have some compatibility in this, we don't always know if we are able to have children. Thus, the important goals to look for aren't just what we want out of life, but rather ultimate goals.
When I was thrown into the dating scene at the old age of 47 I was overwhelmed by the plethora of options. I didn't know what to do! I could end up with a younger woman and start a family all over again, or someone with multiple children, or anything in between! I wasn't sure how to choose, or what to do to begin. One day I was with a friend who lost her husband, and we were discussing eternal things. She had been going to the Temple every week while her husband was sick to help her keep in touch with God. A light went on at this point, because this is exactly what I was doing while going through my divorce. Over a short time I realized that she had the same ultimate focus that I did -- we had the same goals. We have been married for over four years and it just keeps getting better as we come closer to each other because we are striving to reach our mutual goals.
The way to know our own goals, or those of others is to ask:
Character
Rather than looking for physical attraction, or that "je ne sais quoi" we need to consider the character of the individual. The belief that another could fill your needs would be wrong if he or she doesn't have character. In the movie Into the Woods, Cinderella marries Prince Charming and finds out he's been unfaithful to her. When she confronts him, he replies, "I was raised to be charming, not sincere!" He only thought of his own needs. He wasn't able to truly love because his selfish nature wouldn't allow him to keep his promises. How many couples end up in this situation! This is the importance of knowing the character of the person you might consider marrying.
Being a good judge of character requires you to get to know a person. We don't automatically know what a person is made of, we must watch them closely in a variety of situations. Stress is the best way to judge character. One of my friends was on a surfing date in Mexico with her boyfriend. They went into a gas station and came out just in time to watch the truck with all of their stuff get stolen. Her date watched his new pickup with his favorite surfboards speed off into the dusty Baja desert for a minute before he turned to her and said, "Well, I guess we need to find another way home!" She was so impressed with his composure under such stress that she decided then and there she wanted to marry him. They've been happily married for 20 years.
Signs of good character include:
Enjoyment
The last, but probably no less important, is to find some one you enjoy being with. A friend you can talk with, and have fun together is essential to building a relationship. Having someone who has great character, and shares the same goals, but you don't enjoy their company may not form a great relationship. There needs to be some form of "chemistry" that brings enjoyment. Someone you might be friends with no matter what.
It's important to understand that we don't always like, or want to be with any one individual. There will be times that it will be necessary to be apart, but when you come back together you will still enjoy the other's company. It isn't necessary to second-guess yourself if you want other friends, or have other interests that don't include your spouse. The important thing is that you enjoy the company of your significant other.
The Dating Game
Knowing these three principles can open up a whole new world of possibilities -- and impossibilities -- for dating. We fall in love when we believe that the other will be able to fill our needs. This belief doesn't have to be a mystery, or out of our control. We can decide to fall in love when we know that our intended one has the qualities that truly can fill the need. Knowing the goals, and character of one we enjoy being with will assure that love will not only happen, but will be lasting and continuously growing. This knowledge puts us in control of our love life!
Don't leave love to chance. Knowing what we're looking for will change the odds dramatically of successfully finding a "soul mate." After all, what is a soul mate if it isn't someone we respect, admire, share the same goals, and enjoy being with? This is the person that truly can fill our deepest need, that of a connection, or becoming one. Unity of heart is the end result of following these three principles, which is "true love" and leads to our own "happily ever after."
It's common for single men and women in their thirties to wonder why they aren't married. They often want to get married, but never fall in love because they don't need anyone. Those needs are often filled by friends, roommates, classmates, and an endless stream of boyfriends, and girlfriends, all of whom are interesting, but who don't seem to have chemistry. Since they don't need anyone, they will not "fall in love" with anyone. Love, at least the immature love of cathexis or infatuation, is based on a belief that a person could fill your needs.
But reality is way different; true love is actually based on principles that we can learn and practice. Rather than leaving everything to chance, there is a good way to seek a mate that will almost assure a "happily ever after!" There are three things that are most important in this endeavor, that far outweigh "falling in love." These are simple, easy to learn, and available to everyone. They are no mystery.
1. Have the same goals
2. Respect and admire their character
3. Enjoy their company
All three are essential to having a great relationship. If you find an excellent person with matching goals and great character, but with an annoying personality any kind of relationship would be a struggle. If you have the same goals, but do not have character to reach them, then the relationship will not work. If you both have excellent character and enjoy each other's company, but have different goals you will only grow further apart as you progress towards your individual goals.
Goals
When we are dating we think it's so important that we like the same things and are able to "finish each other's sandwiches," enjoy the same restaurants or movies, have the same workout routine, or have the same hobbies. This is much less important than knowing your own ultimate desires, as well as his or hers. Those who start a relationship with a lot in common, but have divergent goals will move further apart and end up separated, emotionally or physically -- or both.
The first thing to consider is the goals of your love interest. The best match are those who have the same goals, who are headed in the same direction, and want to be in the same place. The two of you could be worlds apart now, but if you have the same goals you have a good chance of coming together. On the other hand, having a lot in common, except your ultimate goals, is a recipe for disaster. This is why those who are of the same religion make a better match.
Some very important goals right now, may not be so important later. A young person may be focused on education and building an income, for example. It is common to assume that because a couple is in agreement on these, they are compatible. This, however, may change. Another common issue is a desire for children. Some may desire to have a large family, but while it's important to have some compatibility in this, we don't always know if we are able to have children. Thus, the important goals to look for aren't just what we want out of life, but rather ultimate goals.
When I was thrown into the dating scene at the old age of 47 I was overwhelmed by the plethora of options. I didn't know what to do! I could end up with a younger woman and start a family all over again, or someone with multiple children, or anything in between! I wasn't sure how to choose, or what to do to begin. One day I was with a friend who lost her husband, and we were discussing eternal things. She had been going to the Temple every week while her husband was sick to help her keep in touch with God. A light went on at this point, because this is exactly what I was doing while going through my divorce. Over a short time I realized that she had the same ultimate focus that I did -- we had the same goals. We have been married for over four years and it just keeps getting better as we come closer to each other because we are striving to reach our mutual goals.
The way to know our own goals, or those of others is to ask:
- What do you love more than anything?
- What do you have your heart set on?
- What are your basic needs?
- What are your deepest desires?
- What is really important to you?
- What would you sacrifice everything else in the world for?
- What would you die for?
- What do you live for?
Character
Rather than looking for physical attraction, or that "je ne sais quoi" we need to consider the character of the individual. The belief that another could fill your needs would be wrong if he or she doesn't have character. In the movie Into the Woods, Cinderella marries Prince Charming and finds out he's been unfaithful to her. When she confronts him, he replies, "I was raised to be charming, not sincere!" He only thought of his own needs. He wasn't able to truly love because his selfish nature wouldn't allow him to keep his promises. How many couples end up in this situation! This is the importance of knowing the character of the person you might consider marrying.
Being a good judge of character requires you to get to know a person. We don't automatically know what a person is made of, we must watch them closely in a variety of situations. Stress is the best way to judge character. One of my friends was on a surfing date in Mexico with her boyfriend. They went into a gas station and came out just in time to watch the truck with all of their stuff get stolen. Her date watched his new pickup with his favorite surfboards speed off into the dusty Baja desert for a minute before he turned to her and said, "Well, I guess we need to find another way home!" She was so impressed with his composure under such stress that she decided then and there she wanted to marry him. They've been happily married for 20 years.
Signs of good character include:
- Keeping commitments
- Continuously learning
- Unselfishness
- Lack of addictions
- Grace
- Cares for his/her own health
- Forgiving
- Happy
- Clean and organized
- Not easily provoked to anger
- Loyalty/faithfulness
- Courage
Enjoyment
The last, but probably no less important, is to find some one you enjoy being with. A friend you can talk with, and have fun together is essential to building a relationship. Having someone who has great character, and shares the same goals, but you don't enjoy their company may not form a great relationship. There needs to be some form of "chemistry" that brings enjoyment. Someone you might be friends with no matter what.
It's important to understand that we don't always like, or want to be with any one individual. There will be times that it will be necessary to be apart, but when you come back together you will still enjoy the other's company. It isn't necessary to second-guess yourself if you want other friends, or have other interests that don't include your spouse. The important thing is that you enjoy the company of your significant other.
The Dating Game
Knowing these three principles can open up a whole new world of possibilities -- and impossibilities -- for dating. We fall in love when we believe that the other will be able to fill our needs. This belief doesn't have to be a mystery, or out of our control. We can decide to fall in love when we know that our intended one has the qualities that truly can fill the need. Knowing the goals, and character of one we enjoy being with will assure that love will not only happen, but will be lasting and continuously growing. This knowledge puts us in control of our love life!
Don't leave love to chance. Knowing what we're looking for will change the odds dramatically of successfully finding a "soul mate." After all, what is a soul mate if it isn't someone we respect, admire, share the same goals, and enjoy being with? This is the person that truly can fill our deepest need, that of a connection, or becoming one. Unity of heart is the end result of following these three principles, which is "true love" and leads to our own "happily ever after."
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