I was speaking with a young man a few months ago, explaining to him how God works in our lives. He said he didn't believe in God, but as we discussed his concept of a god, it was obvious that he had no clue who God is. His concepts of God has come from sectarian notions that have no resemblance to the one true God.
"God is a great being without body, parts or passions, who sits on the top of a topless throne; whose center is everywhere, and whose circumference is nowhere; who is so large he could fill the Universe, and yet so small he could dwell in your heart."
Most people have a concept of God that is a mass of confusion and contradiction. Those who don't believe are exactly right to be guarded because they are told lies and untruths. It's good not to believe a lie. However, millions of lies about the nature of God does not mean there is no true God.
Those who say they don't believe in God are actually correct, but they don't know what they are saying. They have set up a straw-man god that doesn't exist and say that they are incredulous. I would say, "Of course! I don't understand how anyone would believe in your concept of God!" The problem is not the existence of any Creator, but rather a wrong idea of Him.
Skeptics
Thus, all atheists have an issue with truth, because they don't believe the lies. However, instead of acknowledging that all their own ideas about God are false, they assume they have a correct concept of God, and don't believe it. They question the beliefs of others, being skeptical of the straw-man supernatural god.
A true skeptic is one who questions his own beliefs. Atheists are quick to point out the flaws in the arguments of others as to the existence of God, but never think to question that the entity they believe they are skeptical of doesn't really exist. They have a concept of God that isn't even true so they are being skeptical of their own false beliefs. They neglect to question that what they think of as God, may not be even remotely related to the one true God.
Seeking the one true God
There is a true God who created the heavens, the Earth, and all things that are in them. He exists in a dimension that is different from ours, where time doesn't exist, and power is found in words. Love is the motivation for all things, and His course is one eternal round. There is no beginning and no end. The laws of physics apply to our dimension, but not to His. This is hard for us to understand all of this because it lies outside of our experience.
Those who think they know who God is and ask for proof are arrogant. They put up a false god and tell others that it doesn't exist. Then, when they are informed that their own god is a straw-man, they balk, quoting other people who have a false concept of God. Rather than take the time and effort to try to discover and know their Creator, atheists remain skeptical of their own false concepts of God for two reasons.
1. Laziness -- It takes a huge amount of effort to come to know God because, as Isaiah explains, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9) People have to get outside of themselves in order to come to know God's ways, and His thoughts. This is hard. It takes a great deal of effort and time. Most are too lazy to put in the time and effort to come to know the one true God. Instead, they take on the ideas of other lazy people without questioning it.
2. Pride -- In order to understand God, we need to make a sacrifice of everything we think, and know. It is so dangerous to think we know something. Mark Twain explains this beautifully, "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." This describes perfectly the Athiest concept of God. They are sure they know already, and aren't willing to learn the truth because they would have to give up their false ideas. "And... the wise, and the learned, and they that are rich, who are puffed up because of their learning, and their wisdom, and their riches—yea, they are they whom he despiseth; and save they shall cast these things away, and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them." (2 Nephi 9:42) The danger of "education" is thinking we know something already, which prevent us from finding proof.
Proof of God
Words can never give experience. People often ask for proof of the existence of God. However, it is impossible to prove an experience. Only those who have had the same experience will understand, and we cannot even be too sure of that. My son is "color distorted" (AKA colorblind), and though we may be experiencing the same rainbow, it might be a totally different experience for him. We cannot prove the existence of light or color to one who has not experienced it. We cannot prove we have tasted salt. We can never prove we have felt cold. Only when the other shares the same experiences can we provide "proof." But, even then, it isn't proof, it is only communicating a supposed shared experience.
In the same sense, proof doesn't come from people sharing their experiences about God. This may only peak our interest so that we may desire to come to know God for ourselves. If we believe that they truly have had an experience with God, then we may ask them how it happened. We then may follow the same steps and have the experience ourselves, providing the proof we need, which we cannot give to anyone else. We can share what we have experienced, but the words we use will fall upon deaf ears if the other has not had the same experience.
Any real seeker of truth must take the steps to come to know God for himself. There is no other way. Nobody can give proof to another -- it's not possible. Each must find his own proof. Each must humble himself and come to the Lord with real intent, meaning they intend to do whatever the Lord tells them to do. They must believe in the Lord, Jesus Christ, and come to know Him through following Him and doing as He did. They must desire to know truth more than they desire anything in the world. All those who are sincere will come to know God, will experience His hand in their lives, and will have all the proof they need. And, as they grow in real knowledge and wisdom, they will leave behind their straw-man God.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Why Men Need a Wife
Yesterday my daughter and I were talking about the difference between men and women in their relationships as roommates. She was saying that girls need to connect so they have a continual party in the apartment, staying up until after midnight talking and laughing, then getting up in the morning and talking. Boys, on the other hand, barely say a word to each other as they're focused on other things. When they do talk, it's usually about dating strategy -- how to get dates, and how to get the date to do what you want. I know how this works, because I know a lot of guys.
About ten years ago I paid thousands to go to a weekend internet business conference run by a successful entrepreneur whose business was a dating web site for guys. He wrote endless articles about dating, and millions of guys subscribed to his website. There are a lot of guys who are dating.
I would never have use for a dating service because I wasn't interested in dating. Only as a teenager did I have any interest in dating. As soon as I finished college I was looking for a wife. Then, when I was again faced with the prospect of being single in my 40's, I didn't mess around with dating strategies -- I wanted results! I was only interested in getting married. I was looking for a single permanent relationship, and not a temporary friend. I didn't want to kiss anyone -- I wanted to go all the way! Every woman I met was a prospect for marriage. I wasn't looking for the perfect person, I was looking for anyone I could live with who would have me. I need to love. I need to be loved. I'm not emotionally independent. I'm very needy.
Apparently, there are many men in their thirties sitting around talking about dating lots of girls with their focus on temporary relationships, making-out, or whatever. They aren't needy, emotionally, but rather independent, or pretending to be. They don't think they need a woman to care for them, to love them, to comfort them, and to give her heart to them. They're comfortable not knowing the joy of having a real, heartfelt connection with a woman. They settle for a kiss because it feels good, it's stimulating, and almost feels like love. The token approaches, but never arrives at real love. They don't know what they need.
If he can't see the need, a man cannot overcome the fear of marriage. It's a huge commitment to get married, to sacrifice freedom and be stuck with one person forever. If the need for freedom and independence is greater than the need for love, then the focus will be on independence -- and dating. This way it seems like they could have both; they can remain independent, doing what they want to do, and still have relationships that approach intimacy. But it's not real. They need their own lives more than they need a family, and love. These young men don't realize how much they need a woman.
What men really need
It isn't good for a man to be alone. Men need a woman in order to be complete. Without a woman we are only half-human. A whole human being is a man and a woman together. The commitment forces us to get outside of ourselves, outside of our own selfish wants and needs, and begin to connect with others. I'm convinced that without marriage men become severely retarded in their growth. Like Henry Higgins, they become confirmed bachelors, wondering "why can't a woman be more like a man?" They never learn to give of themselves, or receive a heart. Brigham Young is purported to have said some variation of, "Any single man over 25 is a menace to society." Though he may not have actually said that, church leaders still encourage young men to get married as soon as they are able. Marriage allows men to grow.
In one sense, God's most important work is Supreme Matchmaker. The goal for each of His children is Eternal Life, and marriage is the essential part of that achievement. Without marriage there is no life, or increase.
Just as baptism is essential for entrance into the celestial glory, marriage is an essential ordinance for entrance into the highest degree of that glory. Only a couple can move on to the next level, everyone else in the celestial, terrestrial or telestial glories stays the same forever. They don't have eternal life. This is why it is so important to God that His children marry in the temple.
Higher needs
Motivation for all things is based on need. People will seek what they need, and will find it. I had a patient at the Venice Family Clinic, a retired engineer who had a rent-controlled apartment in Santa Monica, and a good retirement, but he needed freedom so he gave up his comfortable lifestyle to sleep every night on the beach. He enjoyed his homeless life, though there was lots of discomfort, because his need for freedom was most important to him. We will sacrifice anything to fill our needs.
The problem is that we fall in love with whatever we believe will fill our immediate needs. If we don't feel the need to be married, we will not fall in love with anyone. So, if we are waiting to fall head-over-heels in love in order to get married, it's not going to happen. Ironically, it doesn't matter if we feel the need for sex, children, or just companionship, even selfish needs that bring couples together can lead them to love if they are willing to make the sacrifice. They still have that choice.
As free agents, we have the ability to choose how we will live our lives. The choices we make will be based on our perceived needs. Everything we choose fills a need. When there are conflicting needs, the most important one will win out, and the other will be sacrificed. Many people only live according to their immediate needs of air, food, water; others fill secondary needs for sex, entertainment, taste, and rest. Young men who think they need freedom and independence more than a heart will be looking for dating strategies, and not a wife. We end up with what we feel we need.
Choice
Some know in their heads that there is more to relationships than dating, but they don't feel the need to be married. Without a strong drive they don't fall in love, and persist in their independence. However, knowing is enough to make a choice to fulfill those needs. It is so hard to sacrifice an immediate need for one that we don't feel, but we can choose marriage, even when we don't feel the need. We have the ability to consciously choose to sacrifice independence in order to have love.
All too often people make the wedding vows, and afterwards realize what is required, often becoming disenchanted, or even bitter about this sacrifice. They want to have both a connection and independence -- though they are mutually exclusive. These will often have affairs outside of the marriage, asserting their independence, and not fulfilling their covenant. They're still dating.
Those who make the sacrifice and work hard to fulfill the covenant of marriage find out, after they have given all, that marriage is really what they needed. They are fulfilled. They are complete, and whole. They have a heart, and know love. They have a connection and find joy in life. They will always say that what they sacrificed was NOTHING compared to what they received. They even say that their freedom and independence has paradoxically increased because now they have more choices for growth.
The problem is that we cannot know in advance what we really need, or rather what will truly fill the needs we have. God knows. When we follow the Lord and willingly make every sacrifice He requires He will guide us to true fulfillment, joy, and happiness. Whether we feel the need, or not, marriage will always be an essential part of that.
About ten years ago I paid thousands to go to a weekend internet business conference run by a successful entrepreneur whose business was a dating web site for guys. He wrote endless articles about dating, and millions of guys subscribed to his website. There are a lot of guys who are dating.
I would never have use for a dating service because I wasn't interested in dating. Only as a teenager did I have any interest in dating. As soon as I finished college I was looking for a wife. Then, when I was again faced with the prospect of being single in my 40's, I didn't mess around with dating strategies -- I wanted results! I was only interested in getting married. I was looking for a single permanent relationship, and not a temporary friend. I didn't want to kiss anyone -- I wanted to go all the way! Every woman I met was a prospect for marriage. I wasn't looking for the perfect person, I was looking for anyone I could live with who would have me. I need to love. I need to be loved. I'm not emotionally independent. I'm very needy.
Apparently, there are many men in their thirties sitting around talking about dating lots of girls with their focus on temporary relationships, making-out, or whatever. They aren't needy, emotionally, but rather independent, or pretending to be. They don't think they need a woman to care for them, to love them, to comfort them, and to give her heart to them. They're comfortable not knowing the joy of having a real, heartfelt connection with a woman. They settle for a kiss because it feels good, it's stimulating, and almost feels like love. The token approaches, but never arrives at real love. They don't know what they need.
If he can't see the need, a man cannot overcome the fear of marriage. It's a huge commitment to get married, to sacrifice freedom and be stuck with one person forever. If the need for freedom and independence is greater than the need for love, then the focus will be on independence -- and dating. This way it seems like they could have both; they can remain independent, doing what they want to do, and still have relationships that approach intimacy. But it's not real. They need their own lives more than they need a family, and love. These young men don't realize how much they need a woman.
What men really need
It isn't good for a man to be alone. Men need a woman in order to be complete. Without a woman we are only half-human. A whole human being is a man and a woman together. The commitment forces us to get outside of ourselves, outside of our own selfish wants and needs, and begin to connect with others. I'm convinced that without marriage men become severely retarded in their growth. Like Henry Higgins, they become confirmed bachelors, wondering "why can't a woman be more like a man?" They never learn to give of themselves, or receive a heart. Brigham Young is purported to have said some variation of, "Any single man over 25 is a menace to society." Though he may not have actually said that, church leaders still encourage young men to get married as soon as they are able. Marriage allows men to grow.
In one sense, God's most important work is Supreme Matchmaker. The goal for each of His children is Eternal Life, and marriage is the essential part of that achievement. Without marriage there is no life, or increase.
In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;(D&C 131:1-4)
And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.
Just as baptism is essential for entrance into the celestial glory, marriage is an essential ordinance for entrance into the highest degree of that glory. Only a couple can move on to the next level, everyone else in the celestial, terrestrial or telestial glories stays the same forever. They don't have eternal life. This is why it is so important to God that His children marry in the temple.
Higher needs
Motivation for all things is based on need. People will seek what they need, and will find it. I had a patient at the Venice Family Clinic, a retired engineer who had a rent-controlled apartment in Santa Monica, and a good retirement, but he needed freedom so he gave up his comfortable lifestyle to sleep every night on the beach. He enjoyed his homeless life, though there was lots of discomfort, because his need for freedom was most important to him. We will sacrifice anything to fill our needs.
The problem is that we fall in love with whatever we believe will fill our immediate needs. If we don't feel the need to be married, we will not fall in love with anyone. So, if we are waiting to fall head-over-heels in love in order to get married, it's not going to happen. Ironically, it doesn't matter if we feel the need for sex, children, or just companionship, even selfish needs that bring couples together can lead them to love if they are willing to make the sacrifice. They still have that choice.
As free agents, we have the ability to choose how we will live our lives. The choices we make will be based on our perceived needs. Everything we choose fills a need. When there are conflicting needs, the most important one will win out, and the other will be sacrificed. Many people only live according to their immediate needs of air, food, water; others fill secondary needs for sex, entertainment, taste, and rest. Young men who think they need freedom and independence more than a heart will be looking for dating strategies, and not a wife. We end up with what we feel we need.
Choice
Some know in their heads that there is more to relationships than dating, but they don't feel the need to be married. Without a strong drive they don't fall in love, and persist in their independence. However, knowing is enough to make a choice to fulfill those needs. It is so hard to sacrifice an immediate need for one that we don't feel, but we can choose marriage, even when we don't feel the need. We have the ability to consciously choose to sacrifice independence in order to have love.
All too often people make the wedding vows, and afterwards realize what is required, often becoming disenchanted, or even bitter about this sacrifice. They want to have both a connection and independence -- though they are mutually exclusive. These will often have affairs outside of the marriage, asserting their independence, and not fulfilling their covenant. They're still dating.
Those who make the sacrifice and work hard to fulfill the covenant of marriage find out, after they have given all, that marriage is really what they needed. They are fulfilled. They are complete, and whole. They have a heart, and know love. They have a connection and find joy in life. They will always say that what they sacrificed was NOTHING compared to what they received. They even say that their freedom and independence has paradoxically increased because now they have more choices for growth.
The problem is that we cannot know in advance what we really need, or rather what will truly fill the needs we have. God knows. When we follow the Lord and willingly make every sacrifice He requires He will guide us to true fulfillment, joy, and happiness. Whether we feel the need, or not, marriage will always be an essential part of that.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Pain is brief, but Joy is forever!
The problem of pain is not found in the actual discomfort we experience, but rather in the way we deal with it. The Scriptures are clear that we are to endure suffering while in the tabernacle of clay. Part of the test of mortality is to experience evil, and turn to God. Salvation is what we seek, from whatever torment we have. Loneliness, death, disability, physical pain, emotional suffering, and loss of all kinds are things we naturally want to avoid. The avoidance of pain keeps us from growing so those who cannot take pain cannot experience joy. However, if we turn to the Lord in our sorrows He will comfort us and help us to endure to the end, find Eternal life, and have joy forever.
Avoidance of pain
Those who try to avoid pain, avoid joy -- and experience more pain. Being in an imperfect world we must "pass through sorrow," as Eve said, and she should know, she started the whole thing. Adam would have avoided pain, and thus never known good and evil. They would have never progressed, learned, and obtained joy. Lehi explains this concept thoroughly: "if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin." (2 Nephi 2:22-23)
The fear of pain and suffering always brings on pain and suffering. In fact, most often it is the very thing that we fear that we must experience, as Job: "the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." (Job 3:25) We cannot avoid pain. The world is in a constant state of change. People die. Wars happen. People get sick. Disasters happen. People get hurt. Evil happens. We cannot be immunized against these, nor can we avoid them forever. However, even if we could, it would only bring sorrow, because, as Lehi noted above, if we don't experience misery, we cannot experience joy.
It is natural for us to complain to our peers when we suffer. I have had many patients who only want someone to understand how they suffer. But humans cannot truly understand the suffering of another. We can't truly experience their pain, even when we have had a similar experience because we all feel the same pain differently. Those who complain about their suffering never grow up and learn from their experience, but rather become bitter and angry. On the other hand, those who turn to the Lord find comfort.
Once we experience pain we try to get rid of it, or dull it. Modern Medicine has a myriad of drugs and surgery to reduce or eliminate pain and suffering. We believe medicine can save us from our pain. I have seen many use prescription drugs for years, always suffering with pain in spite of the drugs. "They only take the edge off," is what I hear most. Most often, in spite of all the doctors can do, the patient continues to suffer -- hopelessly and needlessly.
Suffer the will of God
People often tell me that it is the Devil that gives us pain, that pain is evil and should never be. However, I have come to see that it is the Lord that gives us pain. To "suffer" is to "allow" the will of God to prevail in our lives. If God gives us pain, we suffer (allow) it. In Proverbs we read, "Despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." (Proverbs 3:11-12)
The Scriptures tell us that Christ is "in all things." All means all and all is all all means. That means our pain, as well as our joy, come from God. Job's friend counseled him, "happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole." (Job 5:17-18) Faith in Christ requires that we do as He did -- suffer the pain that we are given, knowing that He is mighty to save. King Benjamin paints a picture of what it takes to be a child of Christ, he says that every man must be "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19) Submission to the pain God gives to us is not to try to avoid it, numb it, or even dull it, but rather endure it, and turn to Him for salvation, for He is our hope.
Seeking Pain
The next step after enduring pain is to seek it, cause it, and feel it to the fullest. As we go through life and become more mature we progress through a series of stages.
Stage 1, infancy to early childhood: Avoiding discomfort
Stage 2, children through adolescents: Tolerating discomfort
Stage 3, mature adults: Seeking discomfort
Babies avoid pain. Adults tolerate pain. Prophets cause themselves pain. The first two are imposed by others, the last is self-imposed. There are many things we can do to impose pain upon ourselves that would help us to grow. I ask people to do this all the time in my office:
These painful habits will assure a healthy body that is able to endure through the vicissitudes of life, having a great deal of strength and stamina to tolerate stress.
The saying, "No pain, No gain" is entirely accurate. If we don't experience pain, we cannot experience joy. We only experience joy to the extent that we experience pain. Therefore, if we want to experience more joy, we should be seeking pain and discomfort, instead of comfort.
Paradoxically, the more we seek comfort, the more we lose it, and the more we seek pain, the more we are enabled to feel joy. Self-imposed pain is not masochism, but rather seeking things that are good for us, event though we know they are going to be hard, or may end in disaster, or that we might fail, or will be difficult, instead of avoiding them. Besides the things above for physical health, we can seek pain in other ways:
As we seek ways to cause suffering and sorrow, we become fully engaged in life. "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro," (Ephesians 4:14) but take life by the horns and accept the challenges, the pain, the sorrow, and the suffering. Not just enduring, but even seeking discomfort and pain. If we have been hurt, we go back for more. "Once bitten, twice shy" is for sissies, and children. Adults will go back and face their fears, and overcome in spite of them.
Trust in God
Hope allows us to endure suffering well. Christ has the power to take away our pain, however, as long as we are focused on our own pain, and seek something or someone in the world to save us, we cannot have hope. Hope comes as we exercise faith in Christ and look to Him for salvation. There are many who suffer physical, mental, emotional and other pains of mortality, who don't turn to the world, but rather to God. Often, He doesn't immediately remove their pain, but allows the pain to transform them from weak and immature children to strong and confident adults. Those who turn to the Lord grow up, as Eve indicated: "It is better for us to pass through sorrow..." and Lehi explained why -- "that they might have joy."
It is not in our power to save ourselves from anything, but rather we are to only do the will of the Lord in all things. Seeking the will of the Lord is asking for pain, as Moroni was told, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness." (Ether 12:27) This is why Malachi echoed the words of the people of God, "Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts? And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered." (Malachi 3:14-15) Many have noticed that those who follow the Lord have more problems than those who don't. This is part of the plan. Those who seek the Lord will be given more sorrow, that they might experience more joy.
When we turn to the Lord in our sorrows He may not remove the pain, but rather comfort us as we suffer. As a mother can only comfort her injured child who has a skinned knee, the Lord comforts us in our sorrows, as He did when Joseph Smith was imprisoned: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121:7-8)
The Lord tells us that we will have affliction, and that we must endure our suffering to the end, "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." (D&C 24:8) Endure pain; endure suffering; endure heartache, grief and torment. Endure to the end. This means the end of the suffering, perhaps even the end of our lives. "Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31:20)
Seek the Lord, and ye shall find Him, but He is not in the place you think -- in endless comfort -- but rather in suffering, sorrow, and pain. Seek for sorrow. Feel the pain. Don't seek an easy and event-free life, putting the brakes on everywhere you are afraid to go. No fear! Onward, and upward! Take on life! Carpe diem! Endure hardship! Seek responsibility! Learn! Grow! Don't be afraid! God is with you, always, to the end, no matter what! You will be supported in all your trials. Seek pain. Pain is brief, but joy is FOREVER!
Avoidance of pain
Those who try to avoid pain, avoid joy -- and experience more pain. Being in an imperfect world we must "pass through sorrow," as Eve said, and she should know, she started the whole thing. Adam would have avoided pain, and thus never known good and evil. They would have never progressed, learned, and obtained joy. Lehi explains this concept thoroughly: "if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin." (2 Nephi 2:22-23)
The fear of pain and suffering always brings on pain and suffering. In fact, most often it is the very thing that we fear that we must experience, as Job: "the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." (Job 3:25) We cannot avoid pain. The world is in a constant state of change. People die. Wars happen. People get sick. Disasters happen. People get hurt. Evil happens. We cannot be immunized against these, nor can we avoid them forever. However, even if we could, it would only bring sorrow, because, as Lehi noted above, if we don't experience misery, we cannot experience joy.
It is natural for us to complain to our peers when we suffer. I have had many patients who only want someone to understand how they suffer. But humans cannot truly understand the suffering of another. We can't truly experience their pain, even when we have had a similar experience because we all feel the same pain differently. Those who complain about their suffering never grow up and learn from their experience, but rather become bitter and angry. On the other hand, those who turn to the Lord find comfort.
Once we experience pain we try to get rid of it, or dull it. Modern Medicine has a myriad of drugs and surgery to reduce or eliminate pain and suffering. We believe medicine can save us from our pain. I have seen many use prescription drugs for years, always suffering with pain in spite of the drugs. "They only take the edge off," is what I hear most. Most often, in spite of all the doctors can do, the patient continues to suffer -- hopelessly and needlessly.
Suffer the will of God
People often tell me that it is the Devil that gives us pain, that pain is evil and should never be. However, I have come to see that it is the Lord that gives us pain. To "suffer" is to "allow" the will of God to prevail in our lives. If God gives us pain, we suffer (allow) it. In Proverbs we read, "Despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." (Proverbs 3:11-12)
The Scriptures tell us that Christ is "in all things." All means all and all is all all means. That means our pain, as well as our joy, come from God. Job's friend counseled him, "happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole." (Job 5:17-18) Faith in Christ requires that we do as He did -- suffer the pain that we are given, knowing that He is mighty to save. King Benjamin paints a picture of what it takes to be a child of Christ, he says that every man must be "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19) Submission to the pain God gives to us is not to try to avoid it, numb it, or even dull it, but rather endure it, and turn to Him for salvation, for He is our hope.
Seeking Pain
The next step after enduring pain is to seek it, cause it, and feel it to the fullest. As we go through life and become more mature we progress through a series of stages.
Stage 1, infancy to early childhood: Avoiding discomfort
Stage 2, children through adolescents: Tolerating discomfort
Stage 3, mature adults: Seeking discomfort
Babies avoid pain. Adults tolerate pain. Prophets cause themselves pain. The first two are imposed by others, the last is self-imposed. There are many things we can do to impose pain upon ourselves that would help us to grow. I ask people to do this all the time in my office:
- Avoid comfort foods: alcohol, coffee, sugar, bread, and so forth.
- Eat things that don't taste good -- seek the bitter, avoid the sweet.
- Fast.
- Exercise.
These painful habits will assure a healthy body that is able to endure through the vicissitudes of life, having a great deal of strength and stamina to tolerate stress.
The saying, "No pain, No gain" is entirely accurate. If we don't experience pain, we cannot experience joy. We only experience joy to the extent that we experience pain. Therefore, if we want to experience more joy, we should be seeking pain and discomfort, instead of comfort.
Paradoxically, the more we seek comfort, the more we lose it, and the more we seek pain, the more we are enabled to feel joy. Self-imposed pain is not masochism, but rather seeking things that are good for us, event though we know they are going to be hard, or may end in disaster, or that we might fail, or will be difficult, instead of avoiding them. Besides the things above for physical health, we can seek pain in other ways:
- Take responsibility for others.
- Find work that is challenging.
- Have a family.
- Get married.
- Have children.
- Follow Christ, get baptized, seek God.
- Give up your own wants, needs, and desires for the benefit of others.
- Speak out against sin.
- Teach the truth about God.
- Give all you have to the poor, accepting a lower standard of living.
As we seek ways to cause suffering and sorrow, we become fully engaged in life. "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro," (Ephesians 4:14) but take life by the horns and accept the challenges, the pain, the sorrow, and the suffering. Not just enduring, but even seeking discomfort and pain. If we have been hurt, we go back for more. "Once bitten, twice shy" is for sissies, and children. Adults will go back and face their fears, and overcome in spite of them.
Trust in God
Hope allows us to endure suffering well. Christ has the power to take away our pain, however, as long as we are focused on our own pain, and seek something or someone in the world to save us, we cannot have hope. Hope comes as we exercise faith in Christ and look to Him for salvation. There are many who suffer physical, mental, emotional and other pains of mortality, who don't turn to the world, but rather to God. Often, He doesn't immediately remove their pain, but allows the pain to transform them from weak and immature children to strong and confident adults. Those who turn to the Lord grow up, as Eve indicated: "It is better for us to pass through sorrow..." and Lehi explained why -- "that they might have joy."
It is not in our power to save ourselves from anything, but rather we are to only do the will of the Lord in all things. Seeking the will of the Lord is asking for pain, as Moroni was told, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness." (Ether 12:27) This is why Malachi echoed the words of the people of God, "Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts? And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered." (Malachi 3:14-15) Many have noticed that those who follow the Lord have more problems than those who don't. This is part of the plan. Those who seek the Lord will be given more sorrow, that they might experience more joy.
When we turn to the Lord in our sorrows He may not remove the pain, but rather comfort us as we suffer. As a mother can only comfort her injured child who has a skinned knee, the Lord comforts us in our sorrows, as He did when Joseph Smith was imprisoned: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121:7-8)
The Lord tells us that we will have affliction, and that we must endure our suffering to the end, "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." (D&C 24:8) Endure pain; endure suffering; endure heartache, grief and torment. Endure to the end. This means the end of the suffering, perhaps even the end of our lives. "Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31:20)
Seek the Lord, and ye shall find Him, but He is not in the place you think -- in endless comfort -- but rather in suffering, sorrow, and pain. Seek for sorrow. Feel the pain. Don't seek an easy and event-free life, putting the brakes on everywhere you are afraid to go. No fear! Onward, and upward! Take on life! Carpe diem! Endure hardship! Seek responsibility! Learn! Grow! Don't be afraid! God is with you, always, to the end, no matter what! You will be supported in all your trials. Seek pain. Pain is brief, but joy is FOREVER!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
FREEDOM!!!
Almost ten years ago, I read a book called The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris where he describes his hack for working away from an office, having both time and money. The "new rich" are those who have no stuff of the world to bind them down, they are mobile and free. I sure liked the idea of freedom, it was so synergistic with what I wanted. When I read the book I was so excited about it that I couldn't sit still. I would periodically get up and run around the room laughing. This was the most wonderful book I had ever read in my life. I was going to do it! I was there! I wanted freedom more than anything in the world.
Well, as it turned out, life happened differently from my plans and ideas. Within a couple of years I found myself in the middle of a divorce, and then a new business, and next a new marriage and family that tripled my responsibility. Every time I turned around I would have another line staked to the ground, like Gulliver. I now have thirteen children and four houses in two states, four jobs (two full-time and two part-time), and I'm tied down so tight by my own sense of duty that it seems I'll never get away. I'm not happy. I wanted freedom, and got instead so many more tethers to tie me down to one spot. Instead of enjoying life, I'm hating it!
Types of freedom
We live in a world with millions of intelligent beings that have ideas of how life works -- these are the philosophies of men. People who are not lazy will go after what they want, and those who are lazy also get what they want. All of us find a way to get what we want. Tim Ferris wanted freedom, and he found a way to do it. When I read his philosophy, I saw that I could do what he did, and it was so exciting to me, because that's what I wanted, and I could see a way out. I could do it! However, it was not to be. The Lord had a higher calling for me. I had to learn about the different types of freedom.
There are two types of freedom:
Children are in the first category. They are completely free from responsibility for themselves. They have parents to take care of them, allowing them to do anything they want, however, they have boundaries. The parents will limit their activities to those things that are safe, setting guidelines, and even physically restraining them in car seats, high chairs or cribs. Thus, while there is a measure of freedom, children are not really free to do whatever they desire. Many children buck against these restraints, but good parents are firm.
Adults are free to do as they please. Without the oversight of parents, adults can make decisions for their lives according to their own desires. However, there are still restraints and limits. We all need the work of others in order to get what we want. We need thousands of people working for airlines to fly us from one place to another. We need all the farmers growing the food so we can eat. We need people who invent cool gadgets that allow us to communicate... and so forth. In order to get the goods and services of others, we need to provide others with something valuable. We can use our brain or brawn to provide something for the needs and wants of others in a fair exchange. So, we work. Other restraints include the laws of our land that allow us to live together in peace. We aren't completely free, but within these parameters we have a great deal of latitude.
This is what got me so excited. I would be free to do what I wanted, without any responsibility to tie me down. My business would be impersonal, I can provide a service without being there -- they could watch me on You Tube and get all the information. I could be anywhere and speak with them on Skype. The loose bonds with others would allow me to do what I wanted, to go where I wanted, and be whatever I wanted. It's all about me! I'm the lone ranger, free to do as I please! It's real freedom from responsibility. It feels so unconstrained. It's intoxicating!
The paradox of freedom
However, there is more to freedom. The highest level of freedom is being bound to others more tightly. The connections of love that we form as we care for others is so much greater than being able to do anything we want. Taking on responsibility allows us to be more than we can be alone. We have power in unity with others. Becoming one with others is true freedom. The more people we are bound to, the more power we have. More power gives us so much more freedom.
There are many paradoxes in the word "freedom." True freedom is being bound to the right things, and loosed from the rest. Being bound to God is freedom, bound by covenants, commitments, and commandments. In like manner, being bound to a family is freedom. Being bound by your work where you make a contribution to the world. When people work together in harmony on a common goal, there is something called synergy.
Synergy is where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Relationships bring synergy, "some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold." (Matthew 13:8) The closer we are to others, the greater is the potential. A family is very binding, requiring that we give up a lot of things we want. We need a place to raise the children so we get a mortgage, they need to be taught so we put together schools. As the children grow, they have different needs, and we become bound to so many things, taking on more responsibilities for soccer teams, boy scouts, play practices, dance recitals, and so forth -- ad infinitum. All of these things bring groups of people together to reach a common goal. We have synergy in the relationships.
True Freedom
The greatest freedom comes with even more strings attached. In fact, it is the exact opposite of what I got so excited about when I read that book. Instead of being set free to do whatever I wanted, I was given responsibility for others, being tied down to my family, my employees, and my patients -- and then to God. God brings people together for unity, power, and happiness. The Prophet Joseph Smith explained how happiness is being bound to God:
Sacrificing our will brings us closer to God. He has all knowledge and all power so when we're connected to Him, we participate in what He has. A relationship with God is built over time as we bind ourselves to Him, submitting completely to Him, not doing our own pleasures or desires, but rather only His will. This is the ultimate synergy, as it leads us to infinity where there is no end to our potential. Paradoxically, the more we are bound to God, the more we are empowered to become ourselves because we learn the truth about ourselves. Now, I'm happier than ever! I love the freedom of responsibility because I love the connections of the heart! I love truth!
Well, as it turned out, life happened differently from my plans and ideas. Within a couple of years I found myself in the middle of a divorce, and then a new business, and next a new marriage and family that tripled my responsibility. Every time I turned around I would have another line staked to the ground, like Gulliver. I now have thirteen children and four houses in two states, four jobs (two full-time and two part-time), and I'm tied down so tight by my own sense of duty that it seems I'll never get away. I'm not happy. I wanted freedom, and got instead so many more tethers to tie me down to one spot. Instead of enjoying life, I'm hating it!
Types of freedom
We live in a world with millions of intelligent beings that have ideas of how life works -- these are the philosophies of men. People who are not lazy will go after what they want, and those who are lazy also get what they want. All of us find a way to get what we want. Tim Ferris wanted freedom, and he found a way to do it. When I read his philosophy, I saw that I could do what he did, and it was so exciting to me, because that's what I wanted, and I could see a way out. I could do it! However, it was not to be. The Lord had a higher calling for me. I had to learn about the different types of freedom.
There are two types of freedom:
- Freedom from responsibility
- Freedom of responsibility
Children are in the first category. They are completely free from responsibility for themselves. They have parents to take care of them, allowing them to do anything they want, however, they have boundaries. The parents will limit their activities to those things that are safe, setting guidelines, and even physically restraining them in car seats, high chairs or cribs. Thus, while there is a measure of freedom, children are not really free to do whatever they desire. Many children buck against these restraints, but good parents are firm.
Adults are free to do as they please. Without the oversight of parents, adults can make decisions for their lives according to their own desires. However, there are still restraints and limits. We all need the work of others in order to get what we want. We need thousands of people working for airlines to fly us from one place to another. We need all the farmers growing the food so we can eat. We need people who invent cool gadgets that allow us to communicate... and so forth. In order to get the goods and services of others, we need to provide others with something valuable. We can use our brain or brawn to provide something for the needs and wants of others in a fair exchange. So, we work. Other restraints include the laws of our land that allow us to live together in peace. We aren't completely free, but within these parameters we have a great deal of latitude.
This is what got me so excited. I would be free to do what I wanted, without any responsibility to tie me down. My business would be impersonal, I can provide a service without being there -- they could watch me on You Tube and get all the information. I could be anywhere and speak with them on Skype. The loose bonds with others would allow me to do what I wanted, to go where I wanted, and be whatever I wanted. It's all about me! I'm the lone ranger, free to do as I please! It's real freedom from responsibility. It feels so unconstrained. It's intoxicating!
The paradox of freedom
However, there is more to freedom. The highest level of freedom is being bound to others more tightly. The connections of love that we form as we care for others is so much greater than being able to do anything we want. Taking on responsibility allows us to be more than we can be alone. We have power in unity with others. Becoming one with others is true freedom. The more people we are bound to, the more power we have. More power gives us so much more freedom.
There are many paradoxes in the word "freedom." True freedom is being bound to the right things, and loosed from the rest. Being bound to God is freedom, bound by covenants, commitments, and commandments. In like manner, being bound to a family is freedom. Being bound by your work where you make a contribution to the world. When people work together in harmony on a common goal, there is something called synergy.
Synergy is where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Relationships bring synergy, "some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold." (Matthew 13:8) The closer we are to others, the greater is the potential. A family is very binding, requiring that we give up a lot of things we want. We need a place to raise the children so we get a mortgage, they need to be taught so we put together schools. As the children grow, they have different needs, and we become bound to so many things, taking on more responsibilities for soccer teams, boy scouts, play practices, dance recitals, and so forth -- ad infinitum. All of these things bring groups of people together to reach a common goal. We have synergy in the relationships.
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.People take time and effort. Relationships are built as we get to know the heart of others by caring for them. It is a process that takes many years and a great deal of effort. If we are never bound to others, we don't forge a relationship. The efforts of freedom from responsibility are wasted on ourselves, and we end up alone and miserable. However, when we take responsibility for others, we develop a bond of trust and love, bringing ultimate happiness. The more people we care for, the more connected we will be, and the happier we are.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them:
(Psalm 127:3-5)
True Freedom
The greatest freedom comes with even more strings attached. In fact, it is the exact opposite of what I got so excited about when I read that book. Instead of being set free to do whatever I wanted, I was given responsibility for others, being tied down to my family, my employees, and my patients -- and then to God. God brings people together for unity, power, and happiness. The Prophet Joseph Smith explained how happiness is being bound to God:
“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”I wanted freedom from responsibility, but I got freedom of responsibility. I wanted to do everything I wanted, but had to give up all I wanted. I was asking for one thing, but got the opposite because I didn't know what I really wanted. God was merciful and loving by not giving me what I thought I wanted, but rather what I really wanted, but couldn't understand. I couldn't see how freedom comes from sacrifice.
Sacrificing our will brings us closer to God. He has all knowledge and all power so when we're connected to Him, we participate in what He has. A relationship with God is built over time as we bind ourselves to Him, submitting completely to Him, not doing our own pleasures or desires, but rather only His will. This is the ultimate synergy, as it leads us to infinity where there is no end to our potential. Paradoxically, the more we are bound to God, the more we are empowered to become ourselves because we learn the truth about ourselves. Now, I'm happier than ever! I love the freedom of responsibility because I love the connections of the heart! I love truth!
Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
(John 8:31-32)
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Finding Faith in "Quantum Spookiness"
Recent events mark a new era in physics -- and reality. The concept of pairs of particles that are "entangled," meaning they exist in opposite states has been around for over 80 years. This is where creation of one particle has "an equal and opposite" particle to balance it. If one is "up" the other is "down" and so forth. If the first changes to "down" the other is instantly "up." There is no communication between them, it just happens. The theory goes that they exist in some "wave" state of both at the same time, and when observation occurs, it "becomes" one or the other state, while the other particle is always the opposite. Einstein dubbed this "quantum spookiness" because they have no way to communicate to each other.
Schrodigner's Cat
When Schrodinger heard about this, he coined the term "entanglement" to illustrate the notion that paired particles have a connection. He devised a way of explaining it with a cat in a box that had cyanide which could be released by the random decay of a radioactive substance. The thought experiment says that quantum entanglement is like the cat being both alive and dead at the same time, until the observer opens the box, at which point it becomes one or the other. It's the observer that creates the reality which existed in both states before it was observed. He meant to point out the absurdity of Einstein's idea, but actually seems to be the case.
In a 1935 paper, Albert Einstein explained that if indeed the "quantum spookiness" existed, then our concept of reality must be changed. Our entire reality in physics is based on a constant, C, the speed of light, which is the basis of our concept of time. It has always been assumed that there can be no communication faster than the speed of light, but, now everything has changed. While it seemed clear since the time of Einstein that it was true, "quantum entanglement" has finally been "proven" experimentally with a certainty of 1/170,000,000! (I never trust statistics, truth is always true, 100%, and anything less than that is incomplete, at best. However, this is the best we can do at this point because our ability to observe is not yet 100%.)
Changing reality
Truth is what it is and never changes, but our understanding of it may change dramatically. There are many paradoxes wherever people are trying to discover truth, such as in science and religion. The paradoxical nature of truth happens because our interpretations of our observations are either incomplete, or just plain wrong. It's not the data, it's the interpretation of the data that create the irreconcilable differences among seekers of truth. This is why there is a competition between science and religion. Each claims to know the truth, or can explain reality, using the same data with mutually incompatible interpretations. However, as more data is gathered, both are forced to come together.
Reality also exists outside of our ability to experience it. One of the issues of the idea of "quantum spookiness" is that of time. To God, time doesn't exist so He has a reality much different than we know. Now, quantum physics is leading us to begin to understand the world of God. Our constant "C" has broken-down. We now know that the speed of light is just a special case of waves of energy traveling through a medium of photons. What we thought were limits no longer are limits; amazingly, the Universe has no speed limit!
Time vs. Decision
Time doesn't exist in the Universe, it is an anomaly of our own sphere of existence in the state of matter in which we currently reside. Our dimension includes time, but outside of our observation of a sequence of events it doesn't exist at all. Since there really is no sequence of events, all things exist simultaneously in a different dimension I call "decision." Allow me a simple illustration.
Kehli asked about any stories I had about tithing, and receiving blessings. I told her a story from when I was in college, the details of which escape me, but the concept is intact. I had about $20 and was told that by giving it away, I would be able to receive more. This was my last bit of money, and there was more than a week before I got paid. I decided to test the hypothesis, and gave my last dollar. The next day, I received a $50 check from my mom (who rarely wrote, and even more rarely sent money) saying that she thought I might need it. I took it as a gift from God, my mom being the angel, or servant of God.
If we analyze this, we see that in order for me to give away the $20 on Sunday, and receive a $50 check on Monday, the check would have had to have been in the mail at least a few days before I decided, or actually gave away my $20. Indeed, the date on the check, the postmark, and the letter would all have pre-dated my decision to donate my last dollar. Therefore, logically, if I had not given away the money, I would have had $70 on Monday, instead of $50. However, the reality changes in the quantum world (God's world) not with time, but rather with decision. All possibilities exist at the same time, until a decision is made, at which point all the factors line up throughout "time" to create that reality. In other words, if I had not made the decision to give away my last $20, the check from mom would not have been in the mail, and I would have received no letter at all on Monday, or perhaps there would have been a letter with no check accompanying it.
Schrodinger's cat is actually neither alive nor dead until there is a decision to make an observation. Neils Bohr said that the "fixed" position didn't require a human observer, but rather any instrument that could measure it. Likewise, our reality becomes fixed at the moment we make the decision. We don't have to actually see or observe the entire chain of events that creates it, all we need to do is decide. The decision is called faith, which exists outside of time and therefore cannot be observed as a sequence of events until the actual decision is made. It is choice that creates reality, not sequence. This is why scientists struggle so much to learn basic concepts of reality -- they try to take choice out of the equation and only look at sequence.
Religion vs. Science
God has no time. There is no sequence of events. All things happen simultaneously. The cause and effect we observe in time is all wrong. We can reproduce it all we want, but that's only a special case because we are observing it -- like Schrodinger's cat -- observing it makes it so. But if we have faith, we can move into the quantum world where there is no time, where all things are possible, where miracles happen miraculously, and were we can have power beyond any current comprehension. What researchers at the US National Institute of Standards and Technology discovered is the next level of science -- timelessness. This is something that the prophets of God have already known for millennia, as the Prophet Alma stated 2089 years ago,
Eventually, I believe science will catch up to religion, and we will "all come in the unity of the faith," to the same conclusions about our observations and data. I am in constant amazement watching scientists do the math, and eventually coming to what God had revealed to prophets since the beginning of time. I think it's incredible that using such crude tools as numbers and lasers man can discover Eternal truths. There's more than one way to kill Schrodinger's cat. But, I don't want to wait for another 100 years for them to figure it out, so instead, I'll "speak the truth in love," and walk the path of faith in God.
Schrodigner's Cat
When Schrodinger heard about this, he coined the term "entanglement" to illustrate the notion that paired particles have a connection. He devised a way of explaining it with a cat in a box that had cyanide which could be released by the random decay of a radioactive substance. The thought experiment says that quantum entanglement is like the cat being both alive and dead at the same time, until the observer opens the box, at which point it becomes one or the other. It's the observer that creates the reality which existed in both states before it was observed. He meant to point out the absurdity of Einstein's idea, but actually seems to be the case.
In a 1935 paper, Albert Einstein explained that if indeed the "quantum spookiness" existed, then our concept of reality must be changed. Our entire reality in physics is based on a constant, C, the speed of light, which is the basis of our concept of time. It has always been assumed that there can be no communication faster than the speed of light, but, now everything has changed. While it seemed clear since the time of Einstein that it was true, "quantum entanglement" has finally been "proven" experimentally with a certainty of 1/170,000,000! (I never trust statistics, truth is always true, 100%, and anything less than that is incomplete, at best. However, this is the best we can do at this point because our ability to observe is not yet 100%.)
Changing reality
Truth is what it is and never changes, but our understanding of it may change dramatically. There are many paradoxes wherever people are trying to discover truth, such as in science and religion. The paradoxical nature of truth happens because our interpretations of our observations are either incomplete, or just plain wrong. It's not the data, it's the interpretation of the data that create the irreconcilable differences among seekers of truth. This is why there is a competition between science and religion. Each claims to know the truth, or can explain reality, using the same data with mutually incompatible interpretations. However, as more data is gathered, both are forced to come together.
Reality also exists outside of our ability to experience it. One of the issues of the idea of "quantum spookiness" is that of time. To God, time doesn't exist so He has a reality much different than we know. Now, quantum physics is leading us to begin to understand the world of God. Our constant "C" has broken-down. We now know that the speed of light is just a special case of waves of energy traveling through a medium of photons. What we thought were limits no longer are limits; amazingly, the Universe has no speed limit!
Time vs. Decision
Time doesn't exist in the Universe, it is an anomaly of our own sphere of existence in the state of matter in which we currently reside. Our dimension includes time, but outside of our observation of a sequence of events it doesn't exist at all. Since there really is no sequence of events, all things exist simultaneously in a different dimension I call "decision." Allow me a simple illustration.
Kehli asked about any stories I had about tithing, and receiving blessings. I told her a story from when I was in college, the details of which escape me, but the concept is intact. I had about $20 and was told that by giving it away, I would be able to receive more. This was my last bit of money, and there was more than a week before I got paid. I decided to test the hypothesis, and gave my last dollar. The next day, I received a $50 check from my mom (who rarely wrote, and even more rarely sent money) saying that she thought I might need it. I took it as a gift from God, my mom being the angel, or servant of God.
If we analyze this, we see that in order for me to give away the $20 on Sunday, and receive a $50 check on Monday, the check would have had to have been in the mail at least a few days before I decided, or actually gave away my $20. Indeed, the date on the check, the postmark, and the letter would all have pre-dated my decision to donate my last dollar. Therefore, logically, if I had not given away the money, I would have had $70 on Monday, instead of $50. However, the reality changes in the quantum world (God's world) not with time, but rather with decision. All possibilities exist at the same time, until a decision is made, at which point all the factors line up throughout "time" to create that reality. In other words, if I had not made the decision to give away my last $20, the check from mom would not have been in the mail, and I would have received no letter at all on Monday, or perhaps there would have been a letter with no check accompanying it.
Schrodinger's cat is actually neither alive nor dead until there is a decision to make an observation. Neils Bohr said that the "fixed" position didn't require a human observer, but rather any instrument that could measure it. Likewise, our reality becomes fixed at the moment we make the decision. We don't have to actually see or observe the entire chain of events that creates it, all we need to do is decide. The decision is called faith, which exists outside of time and therefore cannot be observed as a sequence of events until the actual decision is made. It is choice that creates reality, not sequence. This is why scientists struggle so much to learn basic concepts of reality -- they try to take choice out of the equation and only look at sequence.
Religion vs. Science
God has no time. There is no sequence of events. All things happen simultaneously. The cause and effect we observe in time is all wrong. We can reproduce it all we want, but that's only a special case because we are observing it -- like Schrodinger's cat -- observing it makes it so. But if we have faith, we can move into the quantum world where there is no time, where all things are possible, where miracles happen miraculously, and were we can have power beyond any current comprehension. What researchers at the US National Institute of Standards and Technology discovered is the next level of science -- timelessness. This is something that the prophets of God have already known for millennia, as the Prophet Alma stated 2089 years ago,
"...all is as one day with God, and time only is measured unto men."So, it takes over 2000 years for us to discover with our crude instruments and constraints of time what we could have known by faith already. The moment we decide to use faith to gain knowledge our reality changes. We are no longer subject to the arguments and misinterpretations of others. We begin to understand truth as it exists -- outside of the dimension of time. God has given us this knowledge, if we will decide to use it. Again, the Apostle Paul stated this almost 2000 years ago:
(Alma 40:8)
"He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things. And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:" (Ephesians 4:10-15)In 1856 W.W. Phelps published, 23 years before the birth of Einstein, a poem that describes the relativity of time and space, and contains the answer to the "quantum singularity." He tells us the problem with E=MC2 is the "C." It doesn't really exist. It is only a special case. Now, over a hundred years later, science is just beginning to understand. Quantum entanglement will change the nature of physics even more than quantum mechanics changed Newtonian physics.
Eventually, I believe science will catch up to religion, and we will "all come in the unity of the faith," to the same conclusions about our observations and data. I am in constant amazement watching scientists do the math, and eventually coming to what God had revealed to prophets since the beginning of time. I think it's incredible that using such crude tools as numbers and lasers man can discover Eternal truths. There's more than one way to kill Schrodinger's cat. But, I don't want to wait for another 100 years for them to figure it out, so instead, I'll "speak the truth in love," and walk the path of faith in God.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
The Greatest Sex EVER!
The climax of human indulgence has never been so high. In modern society we are able to fulfill every whim like never before in the history of mankind. Every sensory organ or nerve can be stimulated to the highest degree, or suppressed to the lowest. Even the least of us can live in constant comfort, with everything we need to satisfy every desire. We keep our ambient temperature exact, we bathe every day in warm water, we can have pictures of all that we like to see before our eyes, we can hear any music, entertainment, or speech we want to hear at all times, our taste buds are stimulated to the fullest at every meal at which time we fill our bellies to overflowing, and we can smell anything we want. We have pills to take us up, put us down, or make us sideways. There is no end to our ability to indulge.
This is just as true of sexual indulgence. Our children are taught, if not at home then by society, that sexual indulgence is best in youth, that sex with strangers is better than a spouse, and that there is no need to be married. The problem with this teaching is that it only scratches the surface of what a real relationship can be. Sex, as taught by society is little more than mutual masturbation. It is using others for self-indulgence on an emotional level. The need to connect with others emotionally seems like it could be fulfilled in a sexual relationship, bypassing the actual relationship of the heart.
Society teaches many myths about sexual relations. Besides being supple and energetic in youth, we are also told more is better, and that different positions, partners and places bring more enjoyment or satisfaction. All that we are taught is the lowest level of selfishness, and can never come close to the truth. Sex is merely the token of marriage, the union of a man and a woman. The token is not the real thing, it is only a portion, or a shadow of what can be. The only achievement we get from the token is orgasm, which gets old, boring and unfulfilling. It feels good for a few seconds, but that's the end.
When I am hungry because I haven't eaten anything in several days, jelly beans may taste good, but they don't fill the need for food, nor are they satisfying. Changing to a different flavor of jelly bean still won't satisfy. Superficial sexual relationships are like jelly beans, we may briefly get sweet flavor, but we can't live on them. Our emotional needs are not filled at all, even though it seems like they should be because it feels good. Those who indulge in pictures or movies to feel stimulated also have such issues. They taste good, but don't satisfy. Moreover, those who live by indulging their tastes become weaker, and sickly. They cannot sustain it long, and lose the ability, or even the desire for sex.
Married or not, most people remain as dependent children trying to get their own needs filled by others, hoping, like a dope addict, that this next time will be real. Many give up hope, becoming depressed, or suffer with anxiety or become bitter about life, being angry all the time. They are like Mick Jagger who said, "I can't get no satisfaction [sic]." They continue to live without the hope of completion, fulfillment, or satisfaction.
Love
On the other hand, there are those few who are willing to make a sacrifice of their own heart. They learn to love, and develop trust with their spouse over time. They work hard to give instead of take. They pray for help from God to teach them love and trust.
What makes a great sexual relationship is love and trust that comes from experience. The real thing is the connection that we achieve as we become one from the heart. The human being is not complete as a single individual, a whole organism is a man and a woman together. We start out as individuals and gradually grow together emotionally to become one. This mystic unity is where this greatest experience of sex takes place. It is a gift of the heart that brings real satisfaction and fulfillment. Sex is the physical token of the unity of the heart, and when both are present, we are filled.
True love is unselfish. Our needs are less important when we look for the spiritual growth of our spouse. As we grow individually, we also grow closer together, eventually becoming one. This process is so difficult, it's like climbing Mount Everest. So few achieve it that almost nobody is aware of the possibility. Moreover, those who do become one generally don't write a book or go out and teach classes on how to do it. It is something very personal that only two can share with God. It is the creation of wholeness, a whole human being, a new birth.
This new life is like a child that is nurtured and grows continually. It is a whole new emotional and spiritual world, filled with wonder and excitement -- the world of love. It never gets old, and never dies. What people seek through changing partners, positions, and places can only truly be found in the realm of true love, freed from all selfish desires, wants, and needs. Paradoxically, this freedom can only come when we are a whole being, man and woman, bound to each other.
Teaching unity
Others may notice that a couple has a good relationship on the outside, but they never know what is on the inside. They can't see the heart, nor can they see the pains that the couple went through to bring this new life into the world. Because unity is so rare and so personal almost nobody is around to teach the children about it. Children may be told the steps, but they can't understand what they mean because they haven't experienced it so they most often go with what they know, which is indulgence.
A proper sex education must include an example of unity in marriage, as well as the steps to the greatest of all, not just the animal desires. This is ideally taught in the home, as parents have gone through the steps and have become one so the children have a good example. This is the best instruction of all. When children grow up with parents that are of one heart, they will come to know and expect that. Since most of us don't witness the world of completeness, we need to learn the hard way. It's like a language, if we grow up speaking English, then we grasp it easily, but when we don't we need to take specific steps to learn it -- with a lot of effort.
All improvement requires four steps:
A Good Goal
Every couple can become one if they are willing to set a goal to do so. This is not automatic, it is consciously undertaken, and painstakingly achieved through continual effort. It's not just being compatible, it is a choice the two of them make. Most don't know it's possible so they can't make it a goal.
A True Plan
If I want to learn to play the piano, it would not be enough to buy a piano. I would need to make a true plan that includes instruction and practice. Likewise, there must be a plan laid out to achieve unity. This would, of course, begin with marriage. If our plan is to get married, and then do all that we can to fulfill the covenant of marriage, it is so much more than sex or having children. A plan to fulfill the covenant of marriage must include learning to love, and developing trust. These go together, but most have a backwards plan: you need to trust me. The real plan must be: what can I do every day to earn your trust? Trust develops over a long time of experience of being trustworthy. No lying. No cheating. No seeking selfish desires. Giving instead of taking. Sacrificing ourselves. Whatever includes these will be a true plan.
A Real Commitment
Since this is the highest achievement of mankind, becoming fully human, complete, and whole, it requires the greatest commitment of all. This is a do-or-die endeavor. It is 100% -- you must be ALL in or you won't reach it. A half-hearted effort to climb Mount Everest may lead to disaster, but will not be rewarded with success. This is why marriage is essential, ideally forever. Those who are sealed together in the House of the Lord extend their commitment beyond death, seeking a truly permanent union. I was explaining this to a friend many years ago and she said, "Why would I want to be with him forever?! It's hard enough just until death!" She didn't want unity with her husband, and wasn't willing to make a real commitment with her heart.
An Equal Sacrifice
The sacrifice must be equal to the desired goal. If we want everything, then we must sacrifice everything. The actual sacrifice we must make is our whole heart. Most expect our spouse to make a sacrifice before we are willing to do the same. This plan will never work. We must continually ask ourselves if our pride is more important than the relationship. Are we letting our own needs get in the way? Time allows us to change as we learn to give instead of taking.
"Be one"
Becoming one is worth all the effort we can muster. It is far more than worth giving up our selfish needs. It is a confinement like no other. It's more important than any work or accomplishment we can do. It's better than being a king, president, or ruler. It's more important than a prophet or seer. It's more fulfilling than wealth or riches of any kind. Indeed, it is the only truly human achievement -- it's how we become fully human. Unity is the greatest human experience of all -- becoming whole, complete, and fulfilled, the very definition of happiness!
Those who have not experienced the wonders of two hearts knit together in love can never understand how awesome it is. There is nothing like it in the world. It is Heaven in the highest degree. It is fully-satisfying, and rich, and wonderful. Best of all, it continues to grow and get better. It fills. It fulfills. It satisfies. ...and it lasts forever. There is nothing in the world to compare with unity. There is no comfort, no taste, no smell, no excitement, no power, nothing in the world even comes close. The greatest sex of all is sharing physical unity with the person who holds our heart forever; where two are so intertwined, even death cannot separate us, a true physical expression of how we feel in our hearts. Having a partner in love is more like a gourmet meal when we are hungry, truly filling the need, and bringing real satisfaction. And most importantly, everyone can get this satisfaction, if they are willing to make the effort.
This is just as true of sexual indulgence. Our children are taught, if not at home then by society, that sexual indulgence is best in youth, that sex with strangers is better than a spouse, and that there is no need to be married. The problem with this teaching is that it only scratches the surface of what a real relationship can be. Sex, as taught by society is little more than mutual masturbation. It is using others for self-indulgence on an emotional level. The need to connect with others emotionally seems like it could be fulfilled in a sexual relationship, bypassing the actual relationship of the heart.
Society teaches many myths about sexual relations. Besides being supple and energetic in youth, we are also told more is better, and that different positions, partners and places bring more enjoyment or satisfaction. All that we are taught is the lowest level of selfishness, and can never come close to the truth. Sex is merely the token of marriage, the union of a man and a woman. The token is not the real thing, it is only a portion, or a shadow of what can be. The only achievement we get from the token is orgasm, which gets old, boring and unfulfilling. It feels good for a few seconds, but that's the end.
When I am hungry because I haven't eaten anything in several days, jelly beans may taste good, but they don't fill the need for food, nor are they satisfying. Changing to a different flavor of jelly bean still won't satisfy. Superficial sexual relationships are like jelly beans, we may briefly get sweet flavor, but we can't live on them. Our emotional needs are not filled at all, even though it seems like they should be because it feels good. Those who indulge in pictures or movies to feel stimulated also have such issues. They taste good, but don't satisfy. Moreover, those who live by indulging their tastes become weaker, and sickly. They cannot sustain it long, and lose the ability, or even the desire for sex.
Married or not, most people remain as dependent children trying to get their own needs filled by others, hoping, like a dope addict, that this next time will be real. Many give up hope, becoming depressed, or suffer with anxiety or become bitter about life, being angry all the time. They are like Mick Jagger who said, "I can't get no satisfaction [sic]." They continue to live without the hope of completion, fulfillment, or satisfaction.
Love
On the other hand, there are those few who are willing to make a sacrifice of their own heart. They learn to love, and develop trust with their spouse over time. They work hard to give instead of take. They pray for help from God to teach them love and trust.
What makes a great sexual relationship is love and trust that comes from experience. The real thing is the connection that we achieve as we become one from the heart. The human being is not complete as a single individual, a whole organism is a man and a woman together. We start out as individuals and gradually grow together emotionally to become one. This mystic unity is where this greatest experience of sex takes place. It is a gift of the heart that brings real satisfaction and fulfillment. Sex is the physical token of the unity of the heart, and when both are present, we are filled.
True love is unselfish. Our needs are less important when we look for the spiritual growth of our spouse. As we grow individually, we also grow closer together, eventually becoming one. This process is so difficult, it's like climbing Mount Everest. So few achieve it that almost nobody is aware of the possibility. Moreover, those who do become one generally don't write a book or go out and teach classes on how to do it. It is something very personal that only two can share with God. It is the creation of wholeness, a whole human being, a new birth.
This new life is like a child that is nurtured and grows continually. It is a whole new emotional and spiritual world, filled with wonder and excitement -- the world of love. It never gets old, and never dies. What people seek through changing partners, positions, and places can only truly be found in the realm of true love, freed from all selfish desires, wants, and needs. Paradoxically, this freedom can only come when we are a whole being, man and woman, bound to each other.
Teaching unity
Others may notice that a couple has a good relationship on the outside, but they never know what is on the inside. They can't see the heart, nor can they see the pains that the couple went through to bring this new life into the world. Because unity is so rare and so personal almost nobody is around to teach the children about it. Children may be told the steps, but they can't understand what they mean because they haven't experienced it so they most often go with what they know, which is indulgence.
A proper sex education must include an example of unity in marriage, as well as the steps to the greatest of all, not just the animal desires. This is ideally taught in the home, as parents have gone through the steps and have become one so the children have a good example. This is the best instruction of all. When children grow up with parents that are of one heart, they will come to know and expect that. Since most of us don't witness the world of completeness, we need to learn the hard way. It's like a language, if we grow up speaking English, then we grasp it easily, but when we don't we need to take specific steps to learn it -- with a lot of effort.
All improvement requires four steps:
- A good goal
- A true plan
- A real commitment
- An equal sacrifice
A Good Goal
Every couple can become one if they are willing to set a goal to do so. This is not automatic, it is consciously undertaken, and painstakingly achieved through continual effort. It's not just being compatible, it is a choice the two of them make. Most don't know it's possible so they can't make it a goal.
A True Plan
If I want to learn to play the piano, it would not be enough to buy a piano. I would need to make a true plan that includes instruction and practice. Likewise, there must be a plan laid out to achieve unity. This would, of course, begin with marriage. If our plan is to get married, and then do all that we can to fulfill the covenant of marriage, it is so much more than sex or having children. A plan to fulfill the covenant of marriage must include learning to love, and developing trust. These go together, but most have a backwards plan: you need to trust me. The real plan must be: what can I do every day to earn your trust? Trust develops over a long time of experience of being trustworthy. No lying. No cheating. No seeking selfish desires. Giving instead of taking. Sacrificing ourselves. Whatever includes these will be a true plan.
A Real Commitment
Since this is the highest achievement of mankind, becoming fully human, complete, and whole, it requires the greatest commitment of all. This is a do-or-die endeavor. It is 100% -- you must be ALL in or you won't reach it. A half-hearted effort to climb Mount Everest may lead to disaster, but will not be rewarded with success. This is why marriage is essential, ideally forever. Those who are sealed together in the House of the Lord extend their commitment beyond death, seeking a truly permanent union. I was explaining this to a friend many years ago and she said, "Why would I want to be with him forever?! It's hard enough just until death!" She didn't want unity with her husband, and wasn't willing to make a real commitment with her heart.
An Equal Sacrifice
The sacrifice must be equal to the desired goal. If we want everything, then we must sacrifice everything. The actual sacrifice we must make is our whole heart. Most expect our spouse to make a sacrifice before we are willing to do the same. This plan will never work. We must continually ask ourselves if our pride is more important than the relationship. Are we letting our own needs get in the way? Time allows us to change as we learn to give instead of taking.
"Be one"
Becoming one is worth all the effort we can muster. It is far more than worth giving up our selfish needs. It is a confinement like no other. It's more important than any work or accomplishment we can do. It's better than being a king, president, or ruler. It's more important than a prophet or seer. It's more fulfilling than wealth or riches of any kind. Indeed, it is the only truly human achievement -- it's how we become fully human. Unity is the greatest human experience of all -- becoming whole, complete, and fulfilled, the very definition of happiness!
Those who have not experienced the wonders of two hearts knit together in love can never understand how awesome it is. There is nothing like it in the world. It is Heaven in the highest degree. It is fully-satisfying, and rich, and wonderful. Best of all, it continues to grow and get better. It fills. It fulfills. It satisfies. ...and it lasts forever. There is nothing in the world to compare with unity. There is no comfort, no taste, no smell, no excitement, no power, nothing in the world even comes close. The greatest sex of all is sharing physical unity with the person who holds our heart forever; where two are so intertwined, even death cannot separate us, a true physical expression of how we feel in our hearts. Having a partner in love is more like a gourmet meal when we are hungry, truly filling the need, and bringing real satisfaction. And most importantly, everyone can get this satisfaction, if they are willing to make the effort.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Princess Movies
Several days ago, my daughter and I watched a newer version of Alice in Wonderland which has caused me much thought. The story was re-interpreted in a way that allowed me to see how movies portray gender today. In this version, Alice is taken to her very posh surprise engagement party where she runs away from her suitor, follows the rabbit down the hole, and slays the Jabberwocky with a sword. She then returns, tells her suitor that she will not marry him, and becomes a partner in her father's business.
The princess movies of former times always ended with the princess marrying the prince, and living happily ever after. A movie wasn't fulfilling unless they ended up together. The prince is the hero, and rescues the princess in distress. They fall in love and are together forever. It just needs to be this way. These include:
Jasmin
Aurora
Rapunzel
Snow White
Ariel
Now, everything has changed. The new stories have the princess being the hero and not needing the prince. She can say no to any man and manage her life on her own. She doesn't need to be rescued; she can slay the dragon all by herself. The pattern is much more common now.
Brave is about a young princess, Merida, who is told she needs to choose between the princes of other tribes for political reasons. She becomes an expert with a bow and wins the competition, and doesn't need any of the whimps that she is told to marry.
In another movie, the army captain is going to make a man out of Mulan, who ends up being the hero and saving all of China from the Huns.
In the movie Frozen the two princesses remain independent. I asked my 13-year-old daughter about that and she said, "...because Elsa has power."
The difference is striking. These movies are meant to build the pride of girls, to give them self-esteem. Girls should learn to be powerful and independent, and not be needy, an essential lesson for anyone. The ability to care for yourself is a very important part of growing up. The first big milestone to maturity is independence.
Lesser goals
However, I feel like the message is a lesser one because it stops at the lower level. Independence is only the first stop on the journey of maturity. We start as infants, completely dependent on others for everything, but grow up to become independent and able to take care of ourselves. Then, the next step allows us to grow infinitely more by caring for others, starting with a spouse, and then possibly adding children. If we tell children about independence, then they may assume that is the goal, and stop there, not moving on to real growth.
The purpose of independence is to be able to care for others. "No man is an island," we all need one another to learn and grow. A beehive is a complete organism, an individual bee is not. Likewise, neither a man nor a woman is a complete organism, it is only both of them together that form a whole being. The woman needs the man as much as the man needs the woman.
Life is a series of births. We're born into this world to parents who care for us, feed us, and teach us to take care of ourselves. We then get married and have children and do the same for them. However, each step is a start. After we become independent, we are ready to get married and take on responsibility for another. This is another birth. We are infants in the relationship, completely dependent on our spouse. As we grow and mature, we become more independent, emotionally, allowing us to truly love our spouse. Love is not dependence, it is a proactive choice that brings inter-dependence. This goal is the greatest of all human achievements. Those who learn to love by giving their whole hearts to their spouse can become one, forming a whole person.
While the old princess movies were childish about relationships, the new independent princesses are a step backwards. The natural progression of growth includes:
Dependence --> Independence --> Dependent love --> Independent Love --> unity
Higher goals
The highest expression of humanity is unity. Dependence is a need for others to fill your needs. Independence is powerful because you can fill you own needs. The next step actually seems backwards, becoming dependent on a spouse, but it is really birth into a new existence. The two are starting on a journey to unity, becoming complete and whole. While the old princess stories were about a new birth into love, the new stories are about becoming independent -- the step prior.
While independence is an important part of maturity, it is not an end, but rather a transition. I just found it interesting that the goals that the new movies give to children are no longer about love and marriage, but rather selfish goals of independence.
On the other hand, learning these lessons can be a good thing. As long as we teach our children that the goal of life is to become complete and whole with our spouse there is no problem with learning to be strong and independent. The child will understand that the next step is to get married and start a new life together. In fact, her ability to be strong and independent may allow them to progress to a more mature love, and eventually to unity. I guess, just like anything, it depends on the interpretation, and the individual situation.
The princess movies of former times always ended with the princess marrying the prince, and living happily ever after. A movie wasn't fulfilling unless they ended up together. The prince is the hero, and rescues the princess in distress. They fall in love and are together forever. It just needs to be this way. These include:
Jasmin
Aurora
Rapunzel
Snow White
Ariel
Now, everything has changed. The new stories have the princess being the hero and not needing the prince. She can say no to any man and manage her life on her own. She doesn't need to be rescued; she can slay the dragon all by herself. The pattern is much more common now.
Brave is about a young princess, Merida, who is told she needs to choose between the princes of other tribes for political reasons. She becomes an expert with a bow and wins the competition, and doesn't need any of the whimps that she is told to marry.
In another movie, the army captain is going to make a man out of Mulan, who ends up being the hero and saving all of China from the Huns.
In the movie Frozen the two princesses remain independent. I asked my 13-year-old daughter about that and she said, "...because Elsa has power."
The difference is striking. These movies are meant to build the pride of girls, to give them self-esteem. Girls should learn to be powerful and independent, and not be needy, an essential lesson for anyone. The ability to care for yourself is a very important part of growing up. The first big milestone to maturity is independence.
Lesser goals
However, I feel like the message is a lesser one because it stops at the lower level. Independence is only the first stop on the journey of maturity. We start as infants, completely dependent on others for everything, but grow up to become independent and able to take care of ourselves. Then, the next step allows us to grow infinitely more by caring for others, starting with a spouse, and then possibly adding children. If we tell children about independence, then they may assume that is the goal, and stop there, not moving on to real growth.
The purpose of independence is to be able to care for others. "No man is an island," we all need one another to learn and grow. A beehive is a complete organism, an individual bee is not. Likewise, neither a man nor a woman is a complete organism, it is only both of them together that form a whole being. The woman needs the man as much as the man needs the woman.
Life is a series of births. We're born into this world to parents who care for us, feed us, and teach us to take care of ourselves. We then get married and have children and do the same for them. However, each step is a start. After we become independent, we are ready to get married and take on responsibility for another. This is another birth. We are infants in the relationship, completely dependent on our spouse. As we grow and mature, we become more independent, emotionally, allowing us to truly love our spouse. Love is not dependence, it is a proactive choice that brings inter-dependence. This goal is the greatest of all human achievements. Those who learn to love by giving their whole hearts to their spouse can become one, forming a whole person.
While the old princess movies were childish about relationships, the new independent princesses are a step backwards. The natural progression of growth includes:
Dependence --> Independence --> Dependent love --> Independent Love --> unity
Higher goals
The highest expression of humanity is unity. Dependence is a need for others to fill your needs. Independence is powerful because you can fill you own needs. The next step actually seems backwards, becoming dependent on a spouse, but it is really birth into a new existence. The two are starting on a journey to unity, becoming complete and whole. While the old princess stories were about a new birth into love, the new stories are about becoming independent -- the step prior.
While independence is an important part of maturity, it is not an end, but rather a transition. I just found it interesting that the goals that the new movies give to children are no longer about love and marriage, but rather selfish goals of independence.
On the other hand, learning these lessons can be a good thing. As long as we teach our children that the goal of life is to become complete and whole with our spouse there is no problem with learning to be strong and independent. The child will understand that the next step is to get married and start a new life together. In fact, her ability to be strong and independent may allow them to progress to a more mature love, and eventually to unity. I guess, just like anything, it depends on the interpretation, and the individual situation.
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