Nurturing Love

I grew up with movies and stories of love that did not teach me about what love really is. I thought love was automatic, that I would just fall in love with the perfect person for me, and that we would live "happily ever after." How wrong that idea is! Disney has done me a disservice! 

A garden is a beautiful analogy of love. There is a lot of work that goes into growing and keeping a garden beautiful. It starts with preparation, and planning, and then comes planting, fertilizing, watering, and weeding. With all of this there will come a time that we can enjoy the beautiful flowers, the fruits of our labors.

Prepare the soil

In contrast to Sleeping Beauty, true love requires planning and preparation. Waiting in a tower, sequestered from the world, is no way to prepare. Our preparation for love should start with observation. We need to see loving couples, what they do, how they act, how they feel, what they say to each other and those around them. My parents and grandparents didn't love each other. I had no example of love to be able to see what I was looking for. So, I married "a girl just like the girl that married dear ol' dad" and tried to do it better than they did. I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I thought I did, but it turns out I wasn't prepared with the right tools to love with my heart. I did a lot of planning, but the soil wasn't prepared properly so the flowers didn't grow.

In order to be prepared it is essential that we grow up. Children are self-centered so they can't really make commitments. A child's commitment goes only as far as himself -- he is committed to getting what he wants. Children expect those around them to understand them automatically. They believe in "love at first sight." They don't feel the need to put in an effort to learn the "love language" of their partner, but rather expect that she will learn his. They believe that true love is automatic and requires no effort. Childish couples argue because they are each trying to get their needs filled, and this is the purpose for getting married in the first place. When we grow up, however, we no longer need a mommy to take care of us.

An important part of this preparation is becoming dependent on God, shifting our dependence away from people. When we rely on the Lord, we are able to love and nurture our spouse -- we can give, instead of taking. Thus, proper soil preparation requires faith in God, which brings meekness and lowliness of heart, and the ability to make unselfish commitments. Some soils are hard and need to be worked a lot, with a lot of fertilizer, amendments and additives so the flowers will grow. For this reason, some have very hard lives. The difficulties of our childhood are the fertilizers for our future love. However, if we don't allow them to be dug in, we only get hardened and the fertilizer washes off, leaving only hard ground. There seem to be many more people who become bitter and angry at the difficulties of their lives than become humble and soft. The choice lies within each individual.

After my divorce I began looking around at the women who were available, thinking I wanted to be married. I noticed that the majority of women my age were still children, and didn't have any preparation for love. Most were trying to look half their age so men would lust after them. Many were bitter and angry that they didn't get what they wanted. Instead of allowing the vicissitudes of life to soften them, they had become hardened. I wasn't sure I was prepared, but what I saw made me decide not to marry again. I would just stay single and raise my children for the next seven years -- unless...

Plant the seeds

The Prince loved Cinderella only because she was beautiful. The seeds of love are our desires. We can get seeds that grow quickly, and die quickly, or we can plant seeds that continue to grow forever. Petunia seeds are the desires that don't last forever, such as good looks. If we love someone because she is beautiful, then we cease to love her when she is not. However, if our love is based on who she is, then she will always be beautiful. Lust says, "I love you because you're beautiful." Whereas Love says, "Your beautiful because I love you." All of the temporary things that we desire such as wealth, power, looks, lands, homes, education, and so forth are the perennial seeds.

Like roses, those desires which are permanent can grow into a love that blossoms year after year. These include admirable character traits such as honesty, faithfulness, humility, kindness, diligence, love, cheerfulness, and courage. It's not what they've done, but who they have become that makes the difference.

One evening while visiting my friend, Eddy, who had cancer, I was sitting around talking to his wife Karyn and her children. I noticed that she was soft, and had no sharp edges. She loved her children. She loved her dying husband. I have known her since she was a teenager so I was aware of her hard life. However, she was different; she had developed faith, hope, and love. It wasn't until later as I was reflecting on it that I recognized the difference; now I knew what I wanted -- I saw it. It wasn't a pretty face or a beautiful body; it wasn't wealth or power, status or education -- I wanted humility, peace, kindness, faith, faithfulness, and love. The seed was planted.

Nurture the young and tender plant

Our garden doesn't just get planted, and we "live happily ever after," like Snow White. The work really starts when we come together. The soil must be watered frequently. A little neglect early on could be deadly to our love. We need to be extra vigilant in the first couple of years. We have to express our love frequently. We need to discover our spouse and come to "know" her in every sense of the word. Every day, several times each day, we can tell her we love her in a variety of ways. A look, a smile, a thoughtful gift, a note on the refrigerator, or the seat of his car.

Like a new garden, young love requires a great deal of effort. After several months as a missionary in Venezuela I was sure that it would be easier to teach everyone there to speak English because it was so hard for me to learn Spanish. However, with persistence, I eventually learned and now I even have a spot every week on a Spanish-language TV news show. Part of the nurturing of love is to learn a new language -- the "love language" of our spouse. With all the effort of learning any new language we can come to understand her "love language" and learn to speak it fluently. Like any new language, it takes time, patience, and effort.

Suddenly, it's not all about me, but rather a process of getting to know her in a more intimate way. The more we understand our loved ones, the more our love grows. The growth process is never-ending. Each individual is living and changing; moreover, we are complex enough for a lifetime of intimate study. If we continually nurture our love, it just keeps getting better.

Weed the garden

Aladdin grew up very differently from Jasmine which produces a lot of potential weed seeds. We can have great soil, good seed, give lots of water and fertilizer, but if we don't weed the garden, it won't be nearly as enjoyable. Keeping the weeds out, means not having any ugliness. Our thoughts are the weed seeds. We don't plant the weeds, they just show up. Judgment and criticism for weaknesses is automatic. Also, the cares of life can become weeds that overgrow our garden.

When we sit as judges, expecting perfection in any area of life, love dies. Criticism is the process of avoiding intimacy. If we need to criticize, it means our soil is not prepared to love. The problem is not in our partner, no matter what she has done, but rather in us. We weed our garden of love when we remove all negative thoughts. The best time to do this is immediately as they sprout because if we wait until they have gone to seed, we allow more to grow. I have found that when I tell Karyn about the weeds we grow closer and no new ones sprout.

Spending time with our lover is essential to the growth of love. When we get caught up in the other cares of life we may completely choke-out our beautiful flowers. I used to think that life was backwards. We should start out with all the experience and acquired goods and money of a 50-year-old so we have the means and knowledge to raise our children well. Now, however, I think life is perfect. We need the first years to be lean so we can learn what is really important. We must let go of all of the things of the world and put our trust in God, and put our spouse first in the world. In poverty all things are gained because we come to know what is really important. There are four things we can do with our time: 1) unimportant things such as watching TV, 2) good things such as cleaning the house, 3) better things such as working to earn money, and 4) the best things such as nurturing our love. All of the first three can be best if they are part of number four. However, if they are done to the exclusion of love, they become weeds that must be pulled-out.

True Love

True love really is a rose garden. There are thorns, and it requires pruning, fertilizing, weeding and watering, but if we are properly prepared, and are willing to put in the time and effort our love can grow every year with more and more blossoms and colors.

The Worth of Souls

"He's a worthless human being!" I said about my brother, but I immediately felt awful.  I knew it was wrong, that everyone was worth something, but didn’t understand why -- until now.

The other day I was worrying about problems in my business.  I considered that if I couldn’t make money nobody would want me.  My wife and children would be disappointed and reject me.  As if a light went on, I suddenly understood that it didn’t matter -- I have intrinsic value.  I'm worth something no matter what; in fact, I'm worth more than the entire world.  Nothing of the world has value; it is only worth what a person is willing to give in exchange for it.  If nobody wants gold, it's worthless.  If nobody wants a home, it has no value at all.  But as for me, I have value no matter what!  Whether I produce, or not, I have value.  It doesn't matter what I can do.  It doesn't matter what I know.  It doesn't matter what I have.  Even if the whole world rejects me, I'm still worth more than everything because God paid an infinite price for me.

I have always valued my life based on what I could do, produce, know, or possess.  Wealth or knowledge made me highly valuable.  I needed a talent that I could sell or trade to indicate my value.  My worth could only come from the world since I could only have value in the eyes of men.  I grew up this way, I was taught that my value comes from being desirable to others.   I was like money -- if I wasn’t valued by others, then I lost my worth. 

Money is the medium of exchange in our world.  We use money to trade our talents with others.  Rather than having to wait for the baker to get sick before I could exchange a medical visit for a loaf of bread, I could just see the plumber, who would give me money because I didn't need any plumbing, and then I could use the money with the baker, who could then trade it with the plumber.  It's a beautiful system.  Money, though, like everything else in the world, has no intrinsic value.  If nobody wants it, it's worthless.  For example, I brought some Bolivares home from Venezuela, which were perfectly useful for buying fresh bread at the panaderia when I was there, but nobody would accept them; they were worthless in the United States.

When our value comes from the world we naturally worship (seek, desire) money.  Most people see their value in money.  Our lives depend on it so we need more of it in order to be "safe and secure."  We build our money temples (banks) out of granite so people will get the feeling that it is permanent, and secure.  Security comes from our value in dollars.  People want to win the lottery to pretend they have millions of dollars of talent or value that they have traded and saved.  It's a lie.  When our value comes from the world we want to live a lie.  We want to appear to have talents that are valued by others.  People cheat, lie, steal, and find any way to increase their apparent value.  People want to appear to be wealthy, young, and desirable (sexy) because their value comes from what others think of them.  Their time and efforts are spent maintaining that appearance, which is one form of worship.

However, when we worship the Lord, we have intrinsic value.  The beggar in the street has the same value as the CEO of a big corporation.  The housewife has the same value as the president of a country.  Value is measured differently by God because it is measured by what He gave for each to be saved -- saved from death and suffering so each can have Eternal Life.  He said, "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.  And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.  And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!  (D&C 18:10-13)  I notice that he says, “all men” and not just some.  Rich or poor, bond or free, male or female, all are invited because all have the same infinite value.

In my heart, I finally understand that I am valuable.  The Creator of Heaven and Earth suffered and died so that I could live.  I have been bought with a hefty price -- more than all the riches of the world.  He paid the price for me to live, laugh, love, and find joy.  Blessed be His holy name!  I will worship Him, instead of the opinions of the world, or money, because I have real value to Him.

The Love Triangle

Many years ago I found what I considered the most beautiful poetry in the Bible; where Paul, speaking to the Corinthian Saints, imparts to us "a more excellent way." 1 Corinthians chapter 13 is so full of information that I thought it worth memorizing. I learned about growing up, about being unselfish, about being kind and thoughtful. I thought long and hard about what it meant to "put away childish things," and even wrote a book about it. I understood that we now see Eternal things darkly, and even prophecy is only part of the picture. Paul was so eloquent, so profound, so wise -- he was truly inspired.

However, I think in reality I missed the actual point of Paul's treatise. The first few verses, the introduction, begins the point of what he is saying: you can know everything, be full of faith, speak or write very eloquently, and have any gift in the Universe, but if you don't have charity you are still nothing. Without charity all the other things you do don't mean a thing -- they don't help you. I am living proof of that.

In my zeal to acquire knowledge, I have been very proud of my efforts. I have been obedient, faithful, pious, and filled with the knowledge of God. Indeed, He has blessed me with an abundance of understanding. I know the Scriptures well. I can speak on any subject at a moment's notice. I can argue any case with the best minds in the world. I feel as though I have done everything right, and the Lord has blessed me because of my righteousness; I have known abundance.

Reality bites! I have really known nothing of the abundant life! I see now that I am nothing because I don't possess charity -- the pure love of Christ. All that I had built up in the world, all that I cared about, has been lost. I got what I wanted, and found it to be exactly what Macbeth said: "Upon my head they placed a fruitless crown, And put a barren scepter in my grip." I lost nothing, my "sacrifice" is nothing. I still have all the knowledge the Lord gave me, but without charity even that is nothing. Now, I would go back to Paul's writings and try to understand what really is "the greatest!"

The greatest gift is love. We all know that, and we seek it, but often look in the wrong places. We seek to be loved instead of to love. I had a friend, Michael Jackson, who was "loved" by millions of people, but was very lonely because he didn't love. There were very few people he felt that he could trust and love. Instead of seeking to be loved by others, some seek the love of God. They are the Pharisees of the world. In reality, thought, there is a triangle of love, self, God and others, that work together for finding true love, the gift of charity.

The pure love of Christ

There are many gifts of the Spirit, and to each is given gifts so that he can help others to come to know God. However, they aren't all the same; some are temporary, but others continue on. When everyone knows everything the gifts of knowledge and prophesy aren't relevant. When there is no sickness, the gift of healing won't matter. There are three gifts of the Spirit that continue in Eternity: faith, hope, and charity, but "the greatest of these is Charity," the pure love of Christ.

Mormon tells us how to obtain this most prized gift: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ." (Moroni 7:48) I see this in steps. Step 1: become a true follower of Jesus Christ. That means a true Christian. That means love everyone, make the ultimate sacrifice of body and blood, and obey the Father in all things -- as He did. Then, step 2: pray with everything in your heart to receive this gift.

Becoming a disciple of Christ

As I was driving to see my psychiatrist for the first time, a most unusual thought struck me: "Someone is going to listen to me!" It was the first time I had had that experience. I couldn't remember ever having a listening ear, somebody else's full attention, in a non-judgmental way. It was a unique and really wonderful feeling. After several months of sessions, however, I got bored of the relationship because there was no reciprocity -- I didn't come to know the doctor at all; I was just talking about myself. A living love is two-ways. I left his office one day and never spoke to him again.

We only love ourselves as we love others. I have throughout my life looked at love backwards. I have tried to love myself by making others love me. I thought that if I gave everyone what they wanted, then they would love me, and then I would feel loved. I find that whenever I'm upset with my wife it is because I'm thinking about myself, that I'm not getting the love I need. I have tried to please her in order to get my needs met. The problem with this thinking is that it is selfish -- it's still all about me. Pleasing others is not the way to charity.

Moreover, we can only love God to the degree that we love others. "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" (1 John 4:20) The way to discipleship is to "love thy neighbor as thyself."

Love the one you're withWhen Jesus said that the love of your neighbor is "like unto" the love of God, the Pharisees asked Him "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus then gave the parable of the Good Samaritan. Our neighbor is the person we meet. It is the child we are with. It is the person in the store. It is the one we sit next to in church. It is our spouse. It's our co-worker. The ones we have contact with we have the opportunity to love. We cannot pick and choose the ones we will love, it must be each and every person we meet.

Love is achieved by getting outside of yourself and getting into others. It is taking the time to be with another and discover what they need, how they learn, who they are, their talents and weaknesses, their likes and dislikes. It starts with getting to know another, not as a member of a group, but as an individual. "To know me is to love me" specifically applies to God, but also applies to everyone else. We can't separate the love of others from the love of God. We can only love God to the degree that we love others so we can only know God to the degree that we know others. Listening with a desire to understand from their perspective is essential.

To love is to serve

As we come to know others we begin to understand their needs, which gives us the opportunity to serve them. To serve is to minister in exactly the way that they need. We cannot know their needs unless we know them. If we haven't taken the time to know them, then we can only give them what we think they need. We end up giving them what we want. It's like a mother who is hungry all the time giving her obese children more food. She doesn't know their needs so she gives them what she would want. Service, therefore, requires that we first come to know another. The saying is true, "I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care."

If we are listening, each person will reveal his needs. Our children will whine and cry, but it is up to us to understand them to know if they need a hug, or food, sleep, or time and attention. One mother had a saying, "feed them, don't beat them," which is an improvement, but makes for fat children. Some people just need a listening ear, others need advice. We need to be attentive to know the needs of the individual we are with. It helps to ask.

A short time ago I was driving a young man whom I had known for years to work, and he was telling me that when he was done with this job he was not going back. I asked him what he was going to do, and he said, "Sit around and do nothing." Of course, I had a lot of advice, that he should get another job, be productive, go to school, and so forth, but he would have nothing to do with it. Then I began to wonder why he felt that way so I asked. At first, he pushed it away, but I persisted and found out that he had some basic skills that were left out of his childhood. Things like tying shoes and riding a bike were things he had never learned, and he felt inadequate to other tasks. Having been a scoutmaster for many years, I knew how to tie knots so we agreed to start his training with his very basic shoe-tying need. I have the opportunity to serve him because we had a relationship of trust and he revealed his needs.

We love God by serving His children. King Benjamin makes the connection between serving others and serving God: "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17) We love others by serving them, we love God by serving others.

The miracle of love

"Love your neighbor" is the grand key to charity. The "love triangle" of self, God and others starts with others. We cannot begin by loving ourselves because that is selfish -- exactly the opposite of charity. Nor can we begin by knowing God because we can only know Him to the degree that we love others, and we can only love Him to the degree that we serve His children. The miracle is that as we begin loving our neighbor we automatically have an equal amount of love for God, and ourselves. We really only need to work on one side of the triangle and it always remains balanced.

Thus, the amount of love we have for God, ourselves, and others is exactly correlated. We cannot love God more than we love our neighbors. We cannot love ourselves more than we love God. The more we love one, the more we love all. Therefore, it is the one that we love that allows us to love all. The "love triangle" works by coming to know and serve each and every person that God brings into our path.

Love is 3D

Becoming divorced after twenty years of marriage made me want to know why. I prayed for the Lord to tell me what my role in this failure could be, because I had considered myself the "perfect" husband and father. Through the grace of God I have seen that I was missing a most important aspect of life. I appeared on the outside to do "everything right," but I didn't know what was missing; we don't know what we don't know. What was missing was the heart! I did not come to know my family in an intimate way. 

Knowledge, or understanding, comes on various levels, or dimensions. Children can understand things on a one-dimensional level, they can connect dots, or bits of information to make a line. As we grow up, we can see how the lines fit together to make a picture.  However, as we gain experience we learn how the pictures come together to form a third dimension, adding depth to our pictures. 

I had a picture of what a family should be. It was very intricately drawn over years of thinking, learning, observing, and reading. Through my personal experience I formed opinions on how things should be, starting with: "I'm not going to make the mistakes my parents made." Moreover, I read many self-help books on marriage and family. I was also taught a great deal about the family at church. My picture seemed very real -- perfect, but it was still only 2-dimensional.  When I actually had a family I set about creating exactly what I had pictured. 

I just assumed that my wife and children would come to see that my picture of marriage and family was good. I felt like I had to give them my picture, to "teach" or "mold" them to fit my picture using various tools of manipulation. Of course, they all rebelled against me.  When my 17-year-old said, "how can you be happy when your wife and children hate you for what you believe," I replied, "Why should I let others determine my happiness?" My response revealed my sin: I didn't care what they thought, or how they felt; my heart wasn't with them. I wasn't dependent on them in any way.

Part of the problem is never learning how, but also I didn't want to let them into my heart because that would require me to change. Change what? My thoughts, my ideas, my mind, my heart, my feelings, and my desires. It's me. It's what I am inside, the core, or the heart. If I let others in then it will inevitably require a change of heart. Avoiding change is pride, which then brought fear.  To avoid admitting I wasn't perfect (complete, or whole) I had to keep them out of my heart.

It wasn't that the picture I had was wrong, it was just incomplete, or two-dimensional. It needed a third dimension to make it real. A picture of your family is not the same as having their presence. A hug is a whole dimension better than a photograph. To connect with the heart is infinitely better than a business conversation. The third dimension adds so much more -- indeed, it is life itself. The third dimension is love; it takes the picture that can only exist in your own brain, and adds color and depth. The Apostle Paul explains that perfect love is the opposite of selfishness: "Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up... seeketh not her own." (1 Corinthians 13:4,5) Love is not proud or selfish. Because of pride I didn't love.  It's other people and their differences that give us a third dimension.

Love requires a change of heart. Connecting with people means they will change what you think and feel -- changing your mind and heart. Every person we love will change us in some way by adding their uniqueness to our picture. It is our differences that make us real; no two people are exactly alike. When we accept others by trying to understand who they are and what they think and feel, we will necessarily have to experience their uniqueness.  We don't really understand what others experience until we share it. This is why people form groups with similar experiences.  Loving those without similarities is more difficult, requiring humility and maturity. When we experience people who are different from us, we will take them into our hearts and our hearts will change. Each change adds more depth to us. The more we love, the more depth we have, adding dimensions.

Just like I did with my family, people often "love" people in order to change them to our point-of-view.  Real love requires that we just accept how they are.  If I love you, then I must experience your uniqueness.  Time is a requirement for love to grow.  The more time I spend, the more experience I have, allows me to gain greater understanding -- and love.

Because of this, the family is where we mostly learn to accept differences and connect with others. We take our family members exactly as they are and come to know them over time. We communicate with them, we watch them, we experience them and in this way come to know them intimately. Each experience with each person brings us closer together. The Family Proclamation reads: "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." As we share these experiences our hearts become more unified.

I have always had an exclusive concept of family: a mother, father and their children. Aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents and so forth are extended family. I now have become part of a family that is inclusive, that welcomes others into our intimate circle. Anyone who desires, and is willing to live by our family rules, may come and be accepted in spite of their differences. This requires a lot of love as each member allows their heart to change with each addition to the family. This is how we love our neighbors, adding more and more depth to our picture of life.

Ultimately, our love for our neighbor leads to love for God because we experience Him both directly and through others. After explaining that the first commandment was to love God, Jesus went on, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22:39) By loving those around us we take Him into our hearts, changing our thoughts, ideas, needs and desires. This is the sacrifice required of all God's children, that of "a broken heart and a contrite spirit." Each week we take the emblems of His body and blood into ourselves -- His sacrifice, His love -- and make Him a part of our hearts, and as we experience Him we obtain "a mighty change of heart," or a true love for God, giving depth to our picture, making us 3D.

Thoughts are things

"The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven"   John Milton

My daughter called me last night wondering if she was loved.  She said that she had been plagued with these thoughts that nobody cared about her.  I told her I loved her more than anything in the world, and that if I had anything in the world, it was at her disposal.   She said, "Thank you," through her tears.  As I was speaking to her I began to think about thoughts.

Last week I was cleaning the kitchen and began having thoughts of discontent. I was lamenting my fate. I was thinking about how things weren't being done properly in my household. As I was wiping the stove I started to get discouraged, has I had many times in the past. However, somehow I got a sense that these thoughts weren't from me, or God, so I asked the Lord in my heart, "Are these evil spirits that are putting these thoughts into my head?" The answer was immediate and powerful, "YES!!!!" That was all.

The ethereal nature of thoughts is deceiving. We would like to think stoves exist and thoughts don't, or that stoves are real and thoughts aren't. Actually, the contrary is true. The reality in eternity is that the thoughts are real and last forever, whereas the stove is temporary.  Just like my daughter, the thoughts in my head caused a change in my heart, or feelings. I began to be discontent, discouraged, and distant. I would have rejected those who love me. In the Scriptures "reject" is synonymous with "hate." The thoughts inside the mind are so powerful as to create the kind of life I live.  What I think is what I am.

The Eternal nature of thoughts puts them in the realm of reality. They are not arbitrary or nothing, but rather more real and tangible than anything we can hold in our hands.   Nor do we create them from nothing.  Rogers and Hammerstein pointed out that "nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could." There is no ex nihilo creation. Thoughts come from somewhere. They are given to us, it is part of the war.

The war in Heaven is intricately woven into the fabric of life. Wherever life exists, the war is there. The sides are clearly drawn, there is nobody in the middle, or on the fence: whoever is not on the side of good is evil. As darkness is the absence of light, or cold is a lack of heat, evil is just "not good." Even those things that are "not bad" may be evil if they are not good.  Every arrow of God must hit exactly in the center of the target. Close isn't good. In fact, the most insidious evil is that which is close enough to good so that it cannot be easily distinguished.  Mormon explains: "every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.  But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil." (Moroni 7:16,17)  We fight either with lies, or truth.

The truth is Jesus Christ. We are children of God so we have intrinsic value -- He loves us. The way we know He loves us is because He sent His Only Begotten Son to pay the price for our sins and transgressions. We don't have to suffer the consequences of our evil natures because He already did. This is love. Accepting His sacrifice brings us to God. Without Him there is no way for us to span that infinite gap that separates us from God. Every person born has access to this love. Knowing this, we could never be discouraged, or hopeless, or hateful, or rebellious, or apathetic or fearful. This is the two-edged sword that cuts through all the lies of Satan. It is the battlefront that is most attacked in the minds and hearts of men. If the lies can blind us to this truth we can be overcome, and lost.

The battleground is not in the material world, per se, it is in the hearts and minds of every living being. Though we cannot see the blood, it is spilt in a very real way when anyone is lost to God. The weapons, though we cannot perceive them with our physical senses, are nevertheless very real -- and deadly! Thoughts and feelings turn the soul in either direction. Those who are fighting on the side of good are doing the will of God, and those who obey Satan are on the side of evil.

Our enemy has no sword because there is no truth in him. He has "fiery darts" and "poisonous serpents" which are really one weapon: lies: "you are not good; if you can't perceive it with your physical senses, it doesn't exist; God doesn't exist; Satan doesn't exist; there is no good and evil; there is no war; you can be selfish and happy at the same time," and so forth. Anger, hopelessness, discouragement, hatred, pride, rejection, fear, rebellion, loathing, apathy, and desire are the weapons of the adversary. The evil spirits are real, and the thoughts they give to us are just as real. When we take the thoughts into our minds, we are wounded, but they do little damage. It's when we accept them into our hearts and believe them that we are truly damaged, indeed, we could die.

Fighting on the side of God requires wielding the sword of truth. Truth cuts through lies like light cuts through darkness. Darkness cannot exist where there is light because it is merely the absence of light. In the same way, truth dispels all lies so it is more powerful and wins every battle. Knowing the truth gives one power over evil.  We don't become warriors on the side of God until we can adeptly wield the sword of Truth. "Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men." (D&C 11:21)

Our thoughts determine our destiny. Thoughts are real. God is real. Satan is real. The real war being fought every minute of every day is in our thoughts -- our minds and our hearts. Thoughts of discouragement are given to us by Satan, and thoughts of faith, hope, and love are gifts from God. By His grace He gives us the protection, the weapons, and the healing we need to fight and win. If we accept the truth that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior, and bring it into our hearts, we have won the war. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7)

Ignorance IS bliss

Isaiah was sent to the Jews not to give understanding, but rather to blind them. "And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not. Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed." (Isaiah 6:9-10) He was told to give them things they couldn't understand so they wouldn't be converted. 

Jesus did the same thing, explaining to his disciples that He taught with parables so as not to be easily understood as if He didn't want them to be forgiven of their sins. He quotes Isaiah when the disciples ask why He speaks in parables instead of plainly: "And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables: That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them." (Mark 4:11-12)

This always sounded wrong to me, doesn't Jesus want everyone to be forgiven and find happiness? No. Those who receive the Holy Ghost and deny Him are much worse off in Eternity than those who remain ignorant. He doesn't want anyone to suffer the wrath of Almighty God. He wants those who aren't strong in the faith, who can't pass the tests of discipleship, to remain ignorant so they aren't condemned. He does it to "bless those that would curse Him!"

Nephi explains why it is important to only give salvation to those who will "endure to the end." "After ye have repented of your sins, and witnessed unto the Father that ye are willing to keep my commandments, by the baptism of water, and have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, and can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels, and after this should deny me, it would have been better for you that ye had not known me." (2 Nephi 31:14) In other words, it is better to never be converted than to be converted and turn away.

We understand why it would be better to have never known the Lord when we know about the "unpardonable sin." Alma is talking to his son about the sin of adultery and tells him about the hierarchy of sins, and especially the worst sin of all. "Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost? For behold, if ye deny the Holy Ghost when it once has had place in you, and ye know that ye deny it, behold, this is a sin which is unpardonable." (Alma 39:5-6) "The shedding of innocent blood" is the same as "denying the Holy Ghost" because Jesus is the only innocent man to have walked the Earth. When those who receive the cleansing power of the blood of Christ and then altogether turn against Him, they shed His blood. The Lord expounds on this to Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon:

Thus saith the Lord concerning all those who know my power, and have been made partakers thereof, and suffered themselves through the power of the devil to be overcome, and to deny the truth and defy my power

They are they who are the sons of perdition, of whom I say that it had been better for them never to have been born;

For they are vessels of wrath, doomed to suffer the wrath of God, with the devil and his angels in eternity;

Concerning whom I have said there is no forgiveness in this world nor in the world to come

Having denied the Holy Spirit after having received it, and having denied the Only Begotten Son of the Father, having crucified him unto themselves and put him to an open shame.

These are they who shall go away into the lake of fire and brimstone, with the devil and his angels

And the only ones on whom the second death shall have any power;

Yea, verily, the only ones who shall not be redeemed in the due time of the Lord, after the sufferings of his wrath.

Wherefore, he saves all except themthey shall go away into everlasting punishment, which is endless punishment, which is eternal punishment, to reign with the devil and his angels in eternity, where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched, which is their torment. (D&C 76:31-38,45)

God doesn't want a single person to suffer this Eternal torment so He hides the information that could condemn those who can't handle it. This, however, is the same information they need for salvation. He purposely keeps them ignorant to save them from themselves. They cannot be judged for the things they don't know so they can still be saved by Him. For these, ignorance is bliss. Oh, how merciful is our God! He will withhold knowledge from those who would use it for evil or deny Him. He blinds their eyes so they don't see, and by this spares those who would deny Him from Endless suffering. He is the perfect example of the injunction to "love your enemies." He arranges for the salvation of even His enemies through His foreknowledge and power. How awesome is our God! His grace extends to all, even His enemies! Blessed be His holy name forever and ever, amen!

Not for the fainthearted

People who do not believe in God often accuse those who are religious of being weak, immature, childish, or dependent.  Even Jesus said, "Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein." (Luke 18:17)  Those who follow Christ are often referred to as children of God, Children of Christ, and children of Abraham.  As Jesus was leaving His disciples He told them their precarious situation: "I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." (Matthew 10:16)  It is hard to be in such a paradoxical position, to be powerless among the powerful.  Being a Christian isn't easy, it's actually very difficult.  In fact, the very reason people don't seek the Lord is because it is anything but easy -- it's the hardest thing in the world!  Faith is not for the fainthearted!

Those who would increase their faith must be able to handle all of the most difficult things in life.  Moreover, they must do it willingly and with joy in their hearts.  The Lord will inevitably require the most difficult tasks and sacrifices of them.  He knows the heart, and knows how to test His children, and He will take them to the limit in all things.  They must be "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [them], even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19) 

Sacrifice everything

The essence of growing in the Gospel is sacrifice.  The word "worship" is synonymous with sacrifice.  Joseph Smith stated, "The faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things." (Lectures on Faith, Lecture Sixth)  The requirement is "all earthly things."  All means all and all is all all means.  Jesus said that even your own family must be sacrificed.  "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37)  Nothing you possess is out of the reach of God.  All of it must be sacrificed, or we cannot come to Him. 

Those who make a covenant with the Lord are often surprised by how difficult these sacrifices are.  Many describe what happens next as being akin to Job.  They lose wealth, health, family, friends, lands, houses, and businesses.  As these things are lost, they must sit still and trust in the Lord.  They do not charge God foolishly.  Instead they say as Job, "For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God:" (Job 19:25-26)  It is hard to sacrifice to the Lord. 

Stand alone

No matter what everyone else is doing, a Christian must be able to stand alone, even at the peril of his life.  Many have been rejected by their closest friends and relatives in order to follow Christ.  They are often mocked and persecuted for believing differently.  My teenage son told me, "How can you be happy when your own wife and children hate you for what you believe?"  It is hard to be all alone in the world. 

Walk in darkness

Faith is the belief in things which we cannot see.  To walk in faith is paradoxically to walk in both darkness and light.  The darkness is in the world, doing things that make no sense to the outside observer such as keeping the commandments of God.  The light is the Light of Christ, or a knowledge of things that are only spiritually understood.  "But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." (1 Corinthians 2:14)  All of the "natural men" see Christians as idiots, wasting their lives on some pie-in-the-sky hope that they cannot even explain.  Even Paul noted this paradox: "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." (1 Corinthians 15:19)  It's hard to walk by faith. 

Move ahead in spite of fear

A blind person without a cane or help is walking in fear.  Every step could bring him into the pit, over a cliff, or some other danger.  Likewise, walking by faith is a fearsome thing.  We are most often not told why we must do things.  The Lord simply commands and we obey.  Sometimes it's painful.  Often it's hard.  Always we must trust that it is for our own benefit.  Because of this we put aside our fear and move ahead with courage in our hearts.  It is hard to be obedient. 

Humble yourself

When we acknowledge the omniscience of God we are at the same time recognizing our own ignorance.  Based on this we humble ourselves and live "by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4)  We give up all things we think and want.  We give up everything we have been taught by our parents, school and society, and try to learn the ways of God.  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)  It is hard to be humble. 

Forgive everyone

Jesus commanded His disciples that they go against their very natures, giving up their own sense of justice.  Those who would be followers of Christ must not hold a grudge, seek revenge, or even seek justice on those who hurt them.  There is no amount of pain, big or small, that we don't forgive.  Even when we are repeatedly injured, to seventy times seven, we are to forgive.  A Christian desires forgiveness for himself so he must let go of all justice for others as well.  It's hard to endure injustice. 

Love your enemies

What's more, a Christian must even have to love those who hate, despise, reject, use, or persecute them.  "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." (Matthew 5:44)  Forgiveness is not only a matter of letting go of justice, it requires making a sacrifice to benefit those who have hurt us.  A man who randomly shot children in a school, killing many Amish children, then shot and killed himself.  The families of those children who had died took up a collection for the widow of the man who killed them.  This is the very thing it takes to become a child of Christ.  It's hard to love your enemies. 

Endure to the end

Christians cannot make a covenant with God and then not keep it.  We must at all times be witnesses of Him until the end of our lives.  Those who quit have no benefit.  It's a constant battle.  There is no rest.  At the end of his life, Paul had this to say to Timothy, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7)  He had endured to the end of his life.  "Endure" is a double entendre: to continue, and to withstand.  It is hard to endure to the end. 

Growing up

Growth is hard.  All of these difficulties that a Christian endures help us to grow.  We grow up in the knowledge of God, coming to know Him.  Paul indicated this in writing about charity.  "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11)  "Putting away childish things" is not easy, but there are benefits.  We are endowed with gifts of knowledge, wisdom, peace, love, and joy.  We can receive the comforting Spirit.  We can have "the peace of God, which passeth all understanding." (Philippians 4:7)  Also, as we learn truth we are freed from the tyranny of sin.  Ultimately, we come to know God, and life.  "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent." (John 17:3)  Becoming a Christian is worth every effort and sacrifice -- and so much more!  However the process of growing up is definitely not for the fainthearted.