Satisfaction

"I can't get no satisfaction;

And I try

And I try

And I try

And I try

I can't get no...

No, no, no!"

                       (Mick Jaggar)

A satisfying dish

When I see a well-plated meal with a juicy steak, baked potato, and vegetables, it induces a desire to go further. I would like to smell it, and taste it, but when I've already eaten and have no appetite I'm not interested. If the food doesn't look good, I'm also not interested. However, if I'm really hungry, things that normally wouldn't interest me, suddenly look appetizing. This is where we get many of our "acquired tastes" like sturgeon eggs -- When I caught a female fish I would just clean out the roe into a hole and bury it -- not appetizing.

However, even when I'm not hungry sweet tastes are delicious and I can eat more. People get fat because they are attempting to satisfy their bellies with the most delicious treats and delicacies only to find that they are still hungry. They eat more, destroying their health in the process of trying to fill a need that cannot be filled by food. They often come to the doctor to try to get a pill that will fill the need so they don't have to eat. There are such pills, but they damage the health as much, or worse, than the food they replace.

 

A beautiful woman

Immature men look on women in the same way as food. We call such women "sex objects" because the objective isn't to get to know and love them, but rather to use them to satisfy an appetite. She looks good, and he's hungry, it seems like a perfect fit. The man then goes to her to find if there is any chance of her filling his need. He talks to her. He is interested in her. He woos her with his wit and charm. She falls for it, and they try to satisfy each others' desires.

The sexual relationship doesn't satisfy when it is for the purpose of filling an appetite. You'll just get the need back again. He doesn't want her, he just wants to use her body in order to fill his needs. He's hungry and needs satisfaction. She looks good, tastes good, and feels good. It seems like it should work. But it never does, just like the "foodie," he can't get no satisfaction.

Also like food, a woman could be beautiful but not even desirable if the man has no desire. I have a friend who is very beautiful in her fifties. When she was young she was "Alice" at Disneyland -- gorgeous! She met and married a very nice young man. He had a very low libido because he was attracted to other men. The only woman that could hold any interest for him was a very beautiful one. Because he wasn't very hungry he mostly wasn't interested, which caused marital problems -- their appetites were at odds.

 

Riches

Though it seems like it should, money doesn't satisfy. All the wealth in the world, and all the stuff, and all the land, and all the toys, and everything money can buy, like a good meal, only briefly fills a need. The satisfaction is temporary. In order to feel better, more must be obtained. I have a friend who started an online company who was very surprised to find that in spite of having all he could ever want, he wasn't satisfied -- it didn't fill the need. It seemed like still more was necessary. There is no end to the appetite.

The Lord

If your objective is to satisfy an appetite, it will never happen. However, if your objective is to love it is continually satisfying. It's not what you do, or what you have, but rather "why." The objective is the key. It's in the heart. Nobody knows the heart of another. Though two people may be doing the same things, one may have an objective of personal satisfaction while the other has the objective of love. Love is the reason for all things that satisfy. Love is the opposite of selfishness because it requires the sacrifice of personal desires, needs, or appetites. The objective of love changes the exact same effort from night to day.

We always begin with a selfish heart, searching for satisfaction in our own appetites. The heart must be changed from selfish to selfless so we can learn to love. But we don't have the power to change it. It isn't enough to try to change our behavior; "fake it 'til you make it" doesn't really work. We must have a change of heart that comes from the Holy Ghost through our faith in Jesus Christ. When we put our trust in Him and do as He says we learn to love in all ways. We love ourselves by eating to nourish our bodies, we love others by sharing our wealth, and we love our wives by seeking her heart, and sacrificing for her.

Appetite vs. Love

The same person who seeks for riches to fill his own needs can change evil to good by giving up his own needs and seeking the benefit of others -- even while doing the same work. "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do goodto clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted." (Jacob 2:18-19) The "hope in Christ" changes the heart from evil, giving the "intent to do good," and allowing us to work for the benefit of others. This brings real satisfaction in wealth.

In order to find satisfaction in a relationship, a man must change his objective from her body to her heart. What we all, both men and women, really desire is a connection with the heart. The body is just the token of the heart. In classic love stories the man does all he can to win the heart of his beloved. He goes out to slay the dragon, or rescue her from certain death or other bad situation. It is her heart he wants. He takes time to get to know her. He finds her "love language" and learns to speak it well. He earns her trust with patience. He takes her childishness, but always treats her like a queen. He apologizes for his own childish behavior. He loves her. There is no equality, tit-for-tat, or "what's good for the goose is good for the gander." She is everything to him, and he lives only to give to her, protect her, and provide for her. In time, she learns to trust him, and give her heart to him. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." (Ephesians 5:25) Christ is the example of love.

Even our food choices are affected by love. In order for food to be satisfying the objective must be changed from filling an appetite to being healthy. If we are eating for taste, we will end up unhealthy. The late Jack LaLanne, who maintained a healthy body into his 90's, said "If it tastes good, spit it out!" As a physician I see the terrible effects of eating for taste, and to fill the appetite. I think more than 80% of the health problems I deal with are diet-related. Sometimes I can convince people to change their eating habits and make positive changes in their health, but it's always a battle. The recidivism rate is very high. Those who do not understand the truths of the soul being eternal won't have a reason to sacrifice taste for health. This is how they love themselves, by taking care of their bodies. After explaining what foods were good for the body, the Lord continues, "And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones... And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them." (D&C 89:18-21)

A mighty change of heart

Jesus changes the heart. There is no other way -- all other changes are temporary, at best. We can try all we like, but we will always be selfish until we turn to the Lord and He changes our hearts in such a way that we are able to see outside of ourselves. Our vision changes. Our hearing changes, our thoughts change, our very nature changes. We are healed from our deafness, dumbness, blindness, and leprosy. We become clean, or "perfect" meaning "complete" or "whole." We are integrated, body and spirit. We are a new person, able to love, and be loved. Life is so good! "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." (Moroni 10:32) Only He has the power to change our hearts, bringing perfect love, and true and lasting satisfaction in all we do.

Joy and Gratitude

Dr. Berne Brown, a sociologist, in interviewing thousands of people noticed a pattern in the relationship between gratitude and joy, "Every one of the joyful people I talked to had a deep sense of gratitude, not just expressing thanks, but living it." Of course, the next recommendation for those who desire to have joy is to develop "an attitude of gratitude" which would then allow them to feel joy. However, this is not the way to find joy.

I like

For a person to make a conscious decision to be grateful he will express thanks for what he likes. "For the beauty of the Earth, For the beauty of the skies; For the love which from our birth, Over and around us lies..." The things we enjoy, that give us pleasure, that excite our minds and bodies, that we consider to be good are the things for which we can easily feel grateful. It's all about me. It's all about what I like. This form of gratitude is selfish, and not joyful, because it doesn't include love, which is completely unselfish.

Academic exercises

If a person has no love and wants to "develop an attitude of gratitude" he must begin expressing thanks for things he doesn't even like, but without knowing why. This is an academic exercise that does not include the heart. Corrie Ten Boom talks about expressing thanks for the fleas in the prison during World War II. However, until she knew why, it was only an academic exercise. When she found out that the guards of the prison didn't come and rape them because they had so many fleas they were very grateful -- for the fleas.

However, True, heartfelt gratitude only comes from knowing the truth that all I have is an expression of the love of God. Until I understand this concept, gratitude can only be two-dimensional. It has to be selfish because it is all about me and what I like. I can only be grateful for the things that benefit me. The "attitude of gratitude" is childish and selfish because I don't know who to thank. The difference is not academic, it is the difference between night and day. If Corrie Ten Boom is grateful for fleas in general it only has two dimensions, however when the dimension of love is added it fills the heart. She knows it is a blessing from a loving God who is protecting and nurturing her personally and constantly. She is grateful, not for the fleas, but to her loving Heavenly Father for His protection.

True Love

The basis for this type of gratitude comes from a knowledge and understanding of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Knowing the reality of my lost and fallen state, and knowing that there is no way I could ever get out alive; knowing I am doomed to suffer the consequences of my bad choices forever without Him changes my heart. Understanding His sacrifice for my benefit gives me the perspective to truly feel gratitude in my heart. It is the knowledge of His love to "snatch us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state" (Alma 26:17) that really forms the foundation of gratitude.

With a foundation of faith in Christ I can truly have a heartfelt gratitude for everything, even the things I don't personally like. I know that His love is supernal and will take me to places I don't want to go for my benefit. I know "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life..." (2 Nephi 26:24) When I am called to pass through sorrow, when I am in pain, when I have to suffer and grieve, I can have the comfort of knowing His love, acceptance, and ultimate deliverance. I can truly be grateful in my heart for all things. This is not an "attitude of gratitude" but rather a deep and abiding knowledge that brings an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything. I know to whom I am grateful, and why! This is true gratitude -- and joy!

A Changed Heart

I received a call one day from Joe, "Scott, you need to do RET, it's SO good! It really works!" I put him off with "Yeah, yeah, I'll have to do that someday." He went on to tell me how much it had helped him. In this treatment the person blinks rapidly as he goes back to revisit childhood moments. He was very persistent, and I was curious so I found a therapist nearby and she came to my house. I tried one treatment, but couldn't continue. Later I went to see Joe and went to his therapist -- to no avail -- it didn't seem to make any difference for me. Over time, I could see that while he said he felt different, there was no real change in him. His heart, his desires, were still the same, there was no change.

The heart, as used in the Scriptures, represents the desires that we have, or the things we really want or truly seek. We are born with conflict in our hearts, every one of us, which means we can be enticed by opposites. We cannot pursue anything with our whole heart until we let go of part. That part we let go of causes us to mourn the loss and is referred to as the broken heart. Once we experience a broken heart, we can put our whole heart and soul into one direction to pursue a course of righteousness.

Before this happens, however, we are constantly flagged by our weaknesses and insecurities. We have guilt because we know our hearts are not right. We want to do good, but are driven to do things we know are wrong. We also have shame. We try to hide our guilt and shame. We resolve to be better, but fall back easily into patterns of selfishness because of the desires of our hearts. This causes us to seek for help, like Joe.

PsYchObaBBLe

RET, Psychology, talk therapy, biofeedback, CBT, psychiatry, EFT, and all other therapies have a central purpose: to effect a change of heart. People have problems, unfilled needs, addictions, depression, anxiety, and other problems of the feelings, mind, and psyche that come from the conflict in their hearts. We fight with behaviors that are self-defeating, self-destructive, and need to be changed. People go to all sorts of therapy in order to find a way to understand their problems and make changes.

Most of the self-help books and therapies revolve around changing the symptoms of the disease. They almost always conclude that people would not be depressed or anxious if they could just let go of their shame and guilt. They assume that these come from childhood, that our parents foisted the guilt and shame on us by telling us what is right and wrong so we can spend years in therapy "undoing" our moral compass. Religion is also the enemy for bringing shame through moral teachings. If there is no wrong, if our motives are pure, if our desires are OK -- Hey, "I'm OK, You're OK." We don't have to have feelings or right and wrong, we just are what we are and need to "get over it." It's OK to have weaknesses, we are only human, we are born that way and cannot change. It's written in our genes -- the map of our body carries our desires, and there's no way to change the physical structure of our DNA. We just have to accept ourselves, our whole selves, warts and all, as good. It's all good. Your child is good, not bad like your parents told you. You are good, inherently and absolutely. Your desires aren't bad, you are mistaken, it is the feelings of guilt and shame that are bad.

Religion

Others turn away from the psycho spin-doctors and seek a change of heart through religion. Religion, rather than seeking a change of heart, mostly seeks to justify the heart. Buddhism, Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and so forth are looking to some god to to take away their guilt and shame. They work in different ways, but have the same ultimate goal: if I am faithful to the tenets, precepts, ministrations, ordinances, observances, laws, and dictates of my religion then I am clean, whole, and free of guilt and shame -- the performances make me worthy.

Some look to a "higher power" to change them, which may include religions and all of the 12-step programs. These know they need to change because their hearts desire something that is destroying their lives. Most have tried all the other ways, and found them woefully inadequate so they end up seeking change through giving their lives over to their own image of a god. They end up changing one addiction for another, becoming fanatical.

One of the most prevalent religions is "New Age" which is not an organized group, but rather the religion of "whatever." It includes a conglomeration of all the religions with psych therapies. The essence of this is the same as many ancient religions which is that there are no specifications to becoming one with God. There are no laws. There is no inherent right and wrong, rather we are gods. We determine what is right and wrong. We are inherently worthy because we are part of nature, or God. You can follow your heart because it is inherently right and good. You have the power to make your dreams come true! Your desires are good!

Truth

Reality, however, is that we are intrinsically guilty for a reason. We are estranged from our Father in Heaven because of transgression, and we know it deep inside. We know we aren't worthy to be in His presence, we aren't worthy of His love, so we feel guilt and shame. Our parents on Earth only represent God to us. We are really born in sin. We all know it. The feeling is universal -- every individual in every culture feels it, creating the need for religion and therapy. King Benjamin said it so well: "The natural man is an enemy to God..." (Mosiah 3:19)

Without this basic fact we entirely lose the purpose of our lives on Earth. We are here to experience the "downside" of life. Contrast is essential to all life in the whole Universe. We can only understand hot in relation to cold, light in relation to darkness, and good in relation to evil. Our evil natures allow us to know good. The guilt, shame, and insecurity we feel help us to realize the need to change. Everyone must change. There is only one way. We must choose light instead of darkness, or good instead of evil. Both are in our hearts, but we must choose one. Psychobabble and religion tell us that we should turn off the light, then we won't see our sin and will have no shame. Shutting down the evil of the heart is like turning off the light -- we must live in darkness, having no heart at all!

If we want to live with our hearts we need to be healed. The only way to actually remove the evil in our hearts and leave the good is through Christ. The Lord, Jesus Christ, took upon Himself the sins and transgressions of all mankind. He has the ability to make us clean and whole. He can bring a mighty change of heart. There is no other way. Every other way is only a cover-up, denying truth, or shutting down the heart. Christ is the hope of all mankind because it is only through Him that we are able to actually receive forgiveness, getting rid of guilt and shame entirely. We can be washed clean in His blood, and have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually. He can literally change our hearts, which precludes the need for therapy and religion. It is what everyone seeks. It is what everyone needs. All other ways are dead-ends.

This is why Elder Boyd K. Packer said, "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior." (Washed Clean, General Conference 1997) Dealing with the symptoms of guilt and shame do not truly address what we need. We all seek a "Mighty change of heart." We need our hearts to change, fundamentally, permanently, and absolutely. Covering it up or denying this need will never bring us peace and happiness. We need the Lord.

Once we have received this change, we can live wholeheartedly. Life in the Light is so much better than darkness. There is no more "halting between two opinions." We no longer feel any guilt or shame. We can give with our whole hearts. We can love with our whole souls. We can live life to the fullest extent with no regrets or losses. We have peace. We can feel pure joy without fear of losing it. We can truly be happy. This is the change we are all truly seeking! I hope Joe finds the Lord, and a real change of heart!

A Labor of Love

Everything I do that requires my effort either in thought or strength can be considered labor. Labor is essential in life, to live and grow requires effort. Knowledge and intelligence is gained through our labors. The Lord told Joseph Smith this concept in these words: "a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience.." (D&C 130:19) Work is directed force, random force is just an explosion, and if there is no force then nothing happens. There is purpose in labor, where energy is directed towards a goal.

On the outside we are performing labors every day. We do our jobs, clean up, buy what we need, cook food, and so forth that allows our physical bodies to live and function. However, underlying all of this is another labor that is not so readily apparent -- we are also learning and growing in a spiritual way -- or not! Some only have the immediate goal of physical maintenance and don't consider the long-term consequence of their actions. Underlying all of our work is a permanent growth, knowledge, and understanding gained from what we do. There are two accomplishments, 1. The physical task is what I do, and 2. The spiritual growth is why I do it.

In performing the exact same task I could be doing two very different things, spiritually. Growth comes not from the actual accomplishment of a task, but rather the reason why. The goal is the desires of the heart. To arrive at this I need to ask myself, "Why do I do this?"

For example, I cleaned the pool today, and today it was a labor of love. However, a couple of weeks ago when I cleaned the pool it was not. This had nothing to do with stress or other things going on, nor did it relate to the state of the pool itself. The difference was the reason I did it. Last week I cleaned the pool because I wanted a clean pool, and I needed appreciation. It was all for me. I wanted. I needed. I was looking for certain benefits. However, today, it was a labor of love. I did it for them. My family will want to play in the pool, and they will want it clean. The goal was not to receive kudos or any personal benefit; it really was for them.

What is the difference? The end result is the same. The pool gets clean. People still swim and play. On the outside it all appears to be the same thing. But it's NOT the same. In fact, I understand now that it is so different as night and day, black and white, evil and good, hot and cold, or any other extreme of contrast. How could performing the same task and accomplishing the exact same result be so different? Love. Love is the answer.

Love as a motivation

When I work for myself I am accomplishing my own goals, to get what I want, need, or desire. The work fulfills my purposes, or I won't do it. The motivation to work is to get what I want. Cleaning the pool in order to have a clean pool is frustrating because it will get dirty again. It needs regular cleaning. I will never move on and accomplish greater things. This is true of all the work of men. However, if I am doing it for the purpose of growth, then I effect a permanent change, this is the work of God. "Remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men;" (D&C 3:3)

No matter what labors I perform on the Earth, it will come to nothing in the end. If I build the tallest skyscraper it will eventually come down. If I build a business it will fail. If I build a fortune it will be divided. If I clean up, it will get dirty. If I fix things they will break down again. No work that I do for my own purpose is permanent.

I often hear complaints of parents saying how they can never get ahead. The work is never done; there is always more work to do. It's so frustrating to clean up the kitchen and find it messy only an hour later! Mothers also either perform a labor of love, or they work for themselves. If they are task-oriented, they will be frustrated. However, if they see the purpose of love in their work, then they will find great accomplishment in the same tasks. They will know that their purpose is not to have a clean kitchen, but rather to help the children to grow.  What the children learn at home will stay with them forever.

I recall the story of a man who had a large garden in which he labored with his children. A neighbor noticed that for all the time they spent on the garden, working the soil, planting, weeding, and so forth, he could have bought the vegetables for much less. The man replied, "I'm not raising vegetables, I'm raising children." This was a labor of love. The work was done for the growth and benefit of the children. Knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence are permanent, and eternal, while the vegetables may be eaten in a day and be gone.
 

Love and economics

I see this has such a profound implications since most of the efforts of the world are wasted. Every job and profession has a great deal of wasted effort because the people doing the work are looking for personal benefits. In my own profession there is research to indicate that about 80% of surgery and medications are unnecessary and do more harm than good. Doctors recommend what they do, instead of what will help their patients. Cancer is the worst case, causing a great deal of harm because the doctor gets paid for prescribing a treatment. According to the Institute of Medicine doctors are the number one cause of death in the United States.   In other words, a consultation with a doctor will be more likely to bring benefit to the doctor than to you. I suspect this is true with any profession. (Perhaps the 80-20 rule applies) If this is the case, the world could be much more efficient and effective if more people performed a labor of love.

A labor of love focuses on the benefit that can come to others through our efforts. It is not task oriented. It is individual. It must be constantly changing. Sometimes I may NOT clean the pool out of love -- if by allowing the children to learn how to take care of the pool they can grow. There is no sense of "efficiency" or putting things and processes above people; the first priority is always people. However, before this can happen there must be a change of heart.

A mighty change of heart

If my work is a labor of love, then I don't need to work for money. When I work for money, I am tempted to recommend products and services that may not be needed, or helpful for those I counsel. God will give me all I want; I can rely on Him to fill my needs. This is a profession of faith that allows the Lord to bless my efforts and gain a mighty change of heart.

Not only my labor, everything can be done out of either selfishness or love. When I pray I can either ask for the things I want, or I can pray for blessings on those around me. I can share knowledge of God to appear to be good, smart, or pious, or I can do it to help someone come to know God. I can teach others to appear to be intelligent, or I can do it to help them learn. A loving interaction always looks for a way to benefit others, to help them to grow, learn, and improve.
 

Love is a gift

The problem is that nobody knows what others truly need because human beings are unable to understand all the factors in the life of another. But the Lord knows all things and is able to discern the needs of all people so I can know the needs of those around me through Him. Without communication with God I don't have the capacity to choose to love anyone. I wouldn't be able to fill the needs of another because I wouldn't even know what they are. Thus, love is a gift of the Spirit.

Before, though I understood the concept, I could not actually do it. I have often said, "It's not what you do, but why you do it that counts," but I didn't have the understanding in my heart to actually love. I could pretend, but it was only an action without heart. Now that I understand in my heart the principle of love, which is receiving the gift, I can choose to act out of love. Love had to become a part of my heart.

In his book The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck, MD defines love as, "extending oneself to nurture growth." This is a profound interpretation. There are two elements, labor and growth. First, there must be some work performed, some directed effort, and second another must grow. If there is no effort, there is no love, even if another does grow. Also, if there is no growth, there is no love, no matter how much effort is made. The greatest example of love has been given by the Lord, Jesus Christ. He extended Himself more than anyone can, through which all can benefit. The greatest effort, and the most benefit -- it's called charity, the pure love of Christ. It is to this Jesus was referring when He said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) What more can you give than your life, and what greater benefit than Eternal Life?

In order for me to love others it is imperative that I understand what efforts I can make that would bless them and help them to grow. If not, my efforts are wasted. It requires the gift of love through the Holy Ghost. When I am aware of the needs of others, and I am willing to make a sacrifice to fill those needs, then, and only then, can I perform a true labor of love.

I'm OK, you're OK -- revisited

We need to be really careful of the sophistry of the world. In the 1970's there was a book written by Thomas Harris, MD called I'm OK, You're OK which is a popular view of Transactional Analysis. The theory of the book is that children start as "I'm not OK, you're OK" but must come to realize that the ideal is "I'm OK, You're OK." There is no need to put a judgment on either what I do or what others do. These theories have been around since the beginning of time because of the need to deal with the inherent sense of shame and guilt that make each one of us self-conscious and insecure.

Today, there is a book written by a sociologist, Brene Brown, Ph.D., which in essence gives the same advice. It's called The Gift of Imperfection, and deals with the fact that we are all imperfect, and we should be able to accept, and even celebrate, our imperfections. She sees children being raised with a sense of being accepted as lovable in spite of weaknesses as a way of preventing psychopathology.

In this book, guilt and shame are the enemies because they cause people to hide. When people hide a part of themselves that they don't want others to see, they do the following:

1. Numb the pain with drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and other addictions
2. Make the uncertain certain -- making absolute truths out of beliefs (religion, science, etc.)
3. Become perfect, make their children, job, and everything in their lives appear to be perfect
4. Pretend to be what they are not and have security, love, connection, etc.

The reality of who we are is outlined:

• We are lovable, and loved, no matter what our imperfections are.
• We need to love with our whole heart.
• We need to be authentic and quit lying about who we are, or hide.
• When we accept ourselves as we are, warts and all, we can put our whole heart into our existence.
• We need to live with gratitude and joy.
• We allow ourselves to be seen, all of us, without hiding anything.
• We connect with others when we share our whole heart.

In order to reach these truths we must:

• Give up perfectionism.
• Give up addictions.
• Don't worry about what others think.
• Let go of fear.
• Believe that you are enough.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
• Have courage to tell your story from your heart, including your weaknesses.
• Take risks.
• Practice gratitude.

However, the idea of performing a behavior in order to change your heart is fallacious. We are often told that if you copy the behaviors of people who feel joy, then you will feel joy. Joy comes from gratitude. If we practice gratitude, we should be able to feel joy. The reality is that none of these changes can enter your heart without God. Until we experience being "born again" all changes we make will be like words on a page.

Shame does not go away without knowing the Lord, Jesus Christ. The Light exposes all shame and makes everyone humble, which allows them to ask for what they need and express gratitude from their hearts. The cascade is essential. You cannot skip a step. You must begin with an understanding of why you feel guilt and shame, and address the problem, rather than just the symptoms. We come to know His compassion and true empathy, which melts our need to hide. We can then see ourselves as we really are, and seek forgiveness. When Christ takes our burden we can be truly grateful, and will no longer have any guilt, shame or reason to hide. The plan is beautiful, perfect, and accessible to everyone!

Like all works of self-help and psychotherapy this new book contains 2-dimensional truth. It's true that we need to make changes, that we need to give up addictions, that we need to get rid of shame and become vulnerable, however, the way to do this is not by changing behavior, but rather to "come unto Jesus."

No Jesus, no peace.
Know Jesus, know peace.

No Jesus, no joy.
Know Jesus, know joy.

No Jesus, no love.
Know Jesus, know love.

No Jesus, no security.
Know Jesus, know security.

No Jesus, no truth.
Know Jesus, know truth.

Life before Life -- and After

Premortal Life
God has spirit children in the same way He has mortal children. "The inhabitants [of the worlds] are begotten sons and daughters unto God." (D&C 76:24) They are not begotten of God, but rather begotten unto Him. His spirit children, those born into spirit bodies before the worlds were created were conceived and born in the same way. I am a son of my father, who begat me, and also my grandfathers, who did not.

We were given agency. "In the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency." (Moses 7:32) Eden represents our life before we came to Earth. It was perfect. It was glorious. We walked and talked with God. And, we had the ability to choose, though we were "innocent." A child is innocent, but can disobey.

All of the children of God committed some transgression in our innocence, except One. Some were enticed by others, some did it willingly so they could leave the presence of God, and "pass through sorrow," though we didn't know what "sorrow" was at the time, being innocent.

Satan is the leader of a special group of spirits who wanted what could not be had -- experience without agency, Good without evil, virtue without vice, light without darkness, health without sickness, and pleasure without pain. Unless there is an opposite, there is no existence. Temperature only exists because there is cold in opposition to hot. Light only exists because there is more or less of it. These spirits used the gift of agency they were given to choose darkness. They did not keep their "first estate" and therefore cannot move on.

Birth
Moving on to the "second estate" means to come to Earth, obtain a physical body, and be tested "to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25) This step required a commitment, a covenant that we made directly with our Father in Heaven -- that we would obey Him. Those who would make this commitment were allowed to come to Earth and be born into a physical body, while those who refused to make this covenant were cast out and became the Devil and his angels. This is the "war in Heaven." We were all cast out (except Christ). We are all cast down to the Earth: Satan, evil spirits, good spirits, angels, and even Michael, the Archangel. The difference is that those who made the covenant come with a physical body, while those who refused are just spirits.

Now, we have choice in a different way, outside of the presence of God. Interestingly, the requirement for returning to our Heavenly Home is exactly the same as it was that brought us to Earth in the first place: Baptism -- the covenant and promise to keep the commandments of God. The first one was made with our Father in Heaven, but in mortality our covenant is with Christ. Those who refuse this simple ordinance will not be able to return, they will have another place prepared for them, where they do not have as many choices, having more boundaries. The more they abused their choices on Earth, the more boundaries they will have. There are those who will completely and utterly go against their promise made prior to birth who will be cast out with Satan. Each chooses his level of glory by his level of obedience.

Jesus saves all
Christ is the only One who did not transgress the laws of God either in the First or the Second Estate. He was not cast to Earth because of being unfit for Heaven, rather He came willingly, to save the rest of God's children. Who are the children of God? All. All means all and all is all all means. This includes those who chose not to make either the first or the second covenant. This means those who are "a law unto themselves (Romans 2:14), who completely refuse to obey the Father. He saves even them from utter destruction because He "descended below all things." (D&C 88:6) He withstood all the temptations of Satan with no armor or help, and never transgressed a law. He loved the ones who tortured Him. He gave them a chance at life, and even saves them from themselves.

Sacrifice is Mercy

Last week 22-year-old Sarah came in with a multitude of problems. She has lots of pain, headaches every day, irregular menstrual periods which are also very painful. She also suffers from frequent fatigue -- her mom says she's just lazy, but she says she can't even get up sometimes because she feels so weak. We did some tests and found that she has Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, a hormone and metabolic problem. She cannot use fat for energy so she runs out of steam easily. Plus, she just holds on to fat so she cannot lose weight. The extra fat changes her hormone balance, and makes her hungry so she eats more and gains more weight -- a vicious cycle!

I told her that we had to take some extreme measures to correct her metabolism which would change her hormones, and that if she would do this, she would not only feel better, but she would be more likely to be able to have children when she was ready. I gave her a diet that was completely different from what she was eating.
She started to cry, "You've taken away everything I love!"
I replied, "This is how you got into this predicament in the first place, if you are going to reverse it, you must reverse your food choices."
"It's too hard!" she blurted out through her tears. "You ask too much!"
What could I do? Could I be "merciful" and allow her to continue to eat the things she loved? Would that help her? I knew that she could not be healed if she ate those things. My attempts to show "mercy" to her would only make her fatter, have more pain, and be more fatigued! I held the line -- "You must not make exceptions, but adhere strictly to the diet I have shown you."

In my work as a doctor, I often tell people what would be required for them to be healthy. I joke that for every new patient I would only have to ask, what is your favorite thing? If it's a food, wine, or tobacco, or soda or juice I would just say, "Give it up! -- NEXT!" and I would be doing more for them than all the drugs I could give them. I don't require this sacrifice for my benefit. I don't require it as penance for having been indulgent. Nor do I ask them to make such sacrifices to pay for the blessing of health. I'm really only telling them what it will take to change them so they can have a healthy body.

Sarah looked on me as an ogre requiring a huge sacrifice of her, but she eventually relented, promising to do it. Many others have gone away to find other doctors who would tell them what they wanted to hear: "You can eat what you want, live your own lifestyle as you choose and still be happy, content, pain-free, and full of energy! All you need to do is take this pill every day, get this shot, pay me money, or make some token change." Sarah will not be healthy unless she gives up her "normal" food. She can take all the pills she was offered by her other doctors, but that will not change her inside -- it will only change the outside. She will get temporary relief from the symptoms, sometimes, but her situation will be just the same. In fact, she will continue to get worse in spite of the medications.

Doctors can be like God, or Satan. God gives us commandments and requires sacrifices that are hard for us. But, does He need what we give up? I don't think so. I suspect the only reason for sacrifice is to allow us to change and overcome our weaknesses. On the other hand, Satan says to us as he tempted Eve, "You can have it all! Everything you want is before you! Go ahead, indulge yourself, you are a god, you can be both good and evil."

The sacrifices God wants us to make are for our benefit, not His. He knows what we need to learn and do in order to be able to receive a blessing or gift, and overcome a weakness. The Blessing is the commandment to make a sacrifice that changes us to be able to possess a gift from Heaven, just as I offered Sarah the blessing of health through her sacrifice. The changes she must make are terribly difficult, but not because she has to pay, nor do I want her to suffer the loss of all her favorite foods. I get nothing out of her sacrifice, except the satisfaction of seeing her improve.

Likewise, we don't have to pay for our sins, past, present or future. God doesn't need our pennies. God is not sadistically requiring the most painful sacrifice because it brings Him joy to watch us suffer. God's mercy is the sacrifice itself! All He asks of us is our willingness to make the sacrifices of the world so we can become more like Him. We are only required to do what it takes to be happy, have joy, peace, love, charity, hope, and faith. It's only for our benefit, so these things can be part of our lives.