The Greatest Sex EVER!

The climax of human indulgence has never been so high.  In modern society we are able to fulfill every whim like never before in the history of mankind.  Every sensory organ or nerve can be stimulated to the highest degree, or suppressed to the lowest.  Even the least of us can live in constant comfort, with everything we need to satisfy every desire.  We keep our ambient temperature exact, we bathe every day in warm water, we can have pictures of all that we like to see before our eyes, we can hear any music, entertainment, or speech we want to hear at all times, our taste buds are stimulated to the fullest at every meal at which time we fill our bellies to overflowing, and we can smell anything we want.  We have pills to take us up, put us down, or make us sideways.  There is no end to our ability to indulge.

This is just as true of sexual indulgence.  Our children are taught, if not at home then by society, that sexual indulgence is best in youth, that sex with strangers is better than a spouse, and that there is no need to be married.  The problem with this teaching is that it only scratches the surface of what a real relationship can be.  Sex, as taught by society is little more than mutual masturbation.  It is using others for self-indulgence on an emotional level.  The need to connect with others emotionally seems like it could be fulfilled in a sexual relationship, bypassing the actual relationship of the heart.

Society teaches many myths about sexual relations.  Besides being supple and energetic in youth, we are also told more is better, and that different positions, partners and places bring more enjoyment or satisfaction.  All that we are taught is the lowest level of selfishness, and can never come close to the truth.  Sex is merely the token of marriage, the union of a man and a woman.  The token is not the real thing, it is only a portion, or a shadow of what can be.  The only achievement we get from the token is orgasm, which gets old, boring and unfulfilling.  It feels good for a few seconds, but that's the end.

When I am hungry because I haven't eaten anything in several days, jelly beans may taste good, but they don't fill the need for food, nor are they satisfying.  Changing to a different flavor of jelly bean still won't satisfy.  Superficial sexual relationships are like jelly beans, we may briefly get sweet flavor, but we can't live on them.  Our emotional needs are not filled at all, even though it seems like they should be because it feels good.  Those who indulge in pictures or movies to feel stimulated also have such issues.  They taste good, but don't satisfy.  Moreover, those who live by indulging their tastes become weaker, and sickly.  They cannot sustain it long, and lose the ability, or even the desire for sex.  

Married or not, most people remain as dependent children trying to get their own needs filled by others, hoping, like a dope addict, that this next time will be real.  Many give up hope, becoming depressed, or suffer with anxiety or become bitter about life, being angry all the time.  They are like Mick Jagger who said, "I can't get no satisfaction [sic]."  They continue to live without the hope of completion, fulfillment, or satisfaction.

Love
On the other hand, there are those few who are willing to make a sacrifice of their own heart.  They learn to love, and develop trust with their spouse over time.  They work hard to give instead of take.  They pray for help from God to teach them love and trust.

What makes a great sexual relationship is love and trust that comes from experience.  The real thing is the connection that we achieve as we become one from the heart.  The human being is not complete as a single individual, a whole organism is a man and a woman together.  We start out as individuals and gradually grow together emotionally to become one.  This mystic unity is where this greatest experience of sex takes place.  It is a gift of the heart that brings real satisfaction and fulfillment.  Sex is the physical token of the unity of the heart, and when both are present, we are filled.

True love is unselfish.  Our needs are less important when we look for the spiritual growth of our spouse.  As we grow individually, we also grow closer together, eventually becoming one.  This process is so difficult, it's like climbing Mount Everest.  So few achieve it that almost nobody is aware of the possibility.  Moreover, those who do become one generally don't write a book or go out and teach classes on how to do it.  It is something very personal that only two can share with God.  It is the creation of wholeness, a whole human being, a new birth.

This new life is like a child that is nurtured and grows continually.  It is a whole new emotional and spiritual world, filled with wonder and excitement -- the world of love.  It never gets old, and never dies.  What people seek through changing partners, positions, and places can only truly be found in the realm of true love, freed from all selfish desires, wants, and needs.  Paradoxically, this freedom can only come when we are a whole being, man and woman, bound to each other.

Teaching unity
Others may notice that a couple has a good relationship on the outside, but they never know what is on the inside.  They can't see the heart, nor can they see the pains that the couple went through to bring this new life into the world.  Because unity is so rare and so personal almost nobody is around to teach the children about it.  Children may be told the steps, but they can't understand what they mean because they haven't experienced it so they most often go with what they know, which is indulgence.

A proper sex education must include an example of unity in marriage, as well as the steps to the greatest of all, not just the animal desires.  This is ideally taught in the home, as parents have gone through the steps and have become one so the children have a good example.  This is the best instruction of all.  When children grow up with parents that are of one heart, they will come to know and expect that.  Since most of us don't witness the world of completeness, we need to learn the hard way.  It's like a language, if we grow up speaking English, then we grasp it easily, but when we don't we need to take specific steps to learn it -- with a lot of effort.

All improvement requires four steps:

1. A good goal
2. A true plan
3. A real commitment
4. An equal sacrifice

A Good Goal
Every couple can become one if they are willing to set a goal to do so.  This is not automatic, it is consciously undertaken, and painstakingly achieved through continual effort.  It's not just being compatible, it is a choice the two of them make.  Most don't know it's possible so they can't make it a goal.

A True Plan
If I want to learn to play the piano, it would not be enough to buy a piano.  I would need to make a true plan that includes instruction and practice.  Likewise, there must be a plan laid out to achieve unity.  This would, of course, begin with marriage.  If our plan is to get married, and then do all that we can to fulfill the covenant of marriage, it is so much more than sex or having children.  A plan to fulfill the covenant of marriage must include learning to love, and developing trust.  These go together, but most have a backwards plan: you need to trust me.  The real plan must be: what can I do every day to earn your trust?  Trust develops over a long time of experience of being trustworthy.  No lying.  No cheating.  No seeking selfish desires.  Giving instead of taking.  Sacrificing ourselves.  Whatever includes these will be a true plan.

A Real Commitment
Since this is the highest achievement of mankind, becoming fully human, complete, and whole, it requires the greatest commitment of all.  This is a do-or-die endeavor.  It is 100% -- you must be ALL in or you won't reach it.  A half-hearted effort to climb Mount Everest may lead to disaster, but will not be rewarded with success.  This is why marriage is essential, ideally forever.  Those who are sealed together in the House of the Lord extend their commitment beyond death, seeking a truly permanent union.  I was explaining this to a friend many years ago and she said, "Why would I want to be with him forever?!  It's hard enough just until death!"  She didn't want unity with her husband, and wasn't willing to make a real commitment with her heart.

An Equal Sacrifice
The sacrifice must be equal to the desired goal.  If we want everything, then we must sacrifice everything.  The actual sacrifice we must make is our whole heart.  Most expect our spouse to make a sacrifice before we are willing to do the same.  This plan will never work.  We must continually ask ourselves if our pride is more important than the relationship.  Are we letting our own needs get in the way?  Time allows us to change as we learn to give instead of taking.

"Be one"
Becoming one is worth all the effort we can muster.  It is far more than worth giving up our selfish needs.  It is a confinement like no other.  It's more important than any work or accomplishment we can do.  It's better than being a king, president, or ruler.  It's more important than a prophet or seer.  It's more fulfilling than wealth or riches of any kind.  Indeed, it is the only truly human achievement -- it's how we become fully human.  Unity is the greatest human experience of all -- becoming whole, complete, and fulfilled, the very definition of happiness!

Those who have not experienced the wonders of two hearts knit together in love can never understand how awesome it is.  There is nothing like it in the world.  It is Heaven in the highest degree.  It is fully-satisfying, and rich, and wonderful.  Best of all, it continues to grow and get better.  It fills.  It fulfills.  It satisfies.  ...and it lasts forever.  There is nothing in the world to compare with unity.  There is no comfort, no taste, no smell, no excitement, no power, nothing in the world even comes close.  The greatest sex of all is sharing physical unity with the person who holds our heart forever; where two are so intertwined, even death cannot separate us, a true physical expression of how we feel in our hearts.  Having a partner in love is more like a gourmet meal when we are hungry, truly filling the need, and bringing real satisfaction. And most importantly, everyone can get this  satisfaction, if they are willing to make the effort.

Princess Movies

Several days ago, my daughter and I watched a newer version of Alice in Wonderland which has caused me much thought.   The story was re-interpreted in a way that allowed me to see how movies portray gender today.  In this version, Alice is taken to her very posh surprise engagement party where she runs away from her suitor, follows the rabbit down the hole, and slays the Jabberwocky with a sword.  She then returns, tells her suitor that she will not marry him, and becomes a partner in her father's business.

The princess  movies of former times always ended with the princess marrying the prince, and living happily ever after.  A movie wasn't fulfilling unless they ended up together.  The prince is the hero, and rescues the princess in distress.  They fall in love and are together forever.  It just needs to be this way.  These include:
Jasmin
Aurora
Rapunzel
Snow White
Ariel

Now, everything has changed.  The new stories have the princess being the hero and not needing the prince.  She can say no to any man and manage her life on her own.  She doesn't need to be rescued; she can slay the dragon all by herself.  The pattern is much more common now.

Brave is about a young princess, Merida, who is told she needs to choose between the princes of other tribes for political reasons.  She becomes an expert with a bow and wins the competition, and doesn't need any of the whimps that she is told to marry.

In another movie, the army captain is going to make a man out of Mulan, who ends up being the hero and saving all of China from the Huns.

In the movie Frozen the two princesses remain independent.  I asked my 13-year-old daughter about that and she said, "...because Elsa has power."

The difference is striking.  These movies are meant to build the pride of girls, to give them self-esteem.  Girls should learn to be powerful and independent, and not be needy, an essential lesson for anyone.  The ability to care for yourself is a very important part of growing up.  The first big milestone to maturity is independence.

Lesser goals
However, I feel like the message is a lesser one because it stops at the lower level.  Independence is only the first stop on the journey of maturity.  We start as infants, completely dependent on others for everything, but grow up to become independent and able to take care of ourselves.  Then, the next step allows us to grow infinitely more by caring for others, starting with a spouse, and then possibly adding children.  If we tell children about independence, then they may assume that is the goal, and stop there, not moving on to real growth.

The purpose of independence is to be able to care for others.  "No man is an island," we all need one another to learn and grow.  A beehive is a complete organism, an individual bee is not.  Likewise, neither a man nor a woman is a complete organism, it is only both of them together that form a whole being.  The woman needs the man as much as the man needs the woman.

Life is a series of births.  We're born into this world to parents who care for us, feed us, and teach us to take care of ourselves.  We then get married and have children and do the same for them.  However, each step is a start.  After we become independent, we are ready to get married and take on responsibility for another.  This is another birth.  We are infants in the relationship, completely dependent on our spouse.  As we grow and mature, we become more independent, emotionally, allowing us to truly love our spouse.  Love is not dependence, it is a proactive choice that brings inter-dependence.  This goal is the greatest of all human achievements.  Those who learn to love by giving their whole hearts to their spouse can become one, forming a whole person.

While the old princess movies were childish about relationships, the new independent princesses are a step backwards.  The natural progression of growth includes:

Dependence --> Independence --> Dependent love --> Independent Love --> unity

Higher goals
The highest expression of humanity is unity.  Dependence is a need for others to fill your needs.  Independence is powerful because you can fill you own needs.  The next step actually seems backwards, becoming dependent on a spouse, but it is really birth into a new existence.  The two are starting on a journey to unity, becoming complete and whole.  While the old princess stories were about a new birth into love, the new stories are about becoming independent -- the step prior.

While independence is an important part of maturity, it is not an end, but rather a transition.  I just found it interesting that the goals that the new movies give to children are no longer about love and marriage, but rather selfish goals of independence.

On the other hand, learning these lessons can be a good thing.  As long as we teach our children that the goal of life is to become complete and whole with our spouse there is no problem with learning to be strong and independent.  The child will understand that the next step is to get married and start a new life together.  In fact, her ability to be strong and independent may allow them to progress to a more mature love, and eventually to unity.  I guess, just like anything, it depends on the interpretation, and the individual situation.

Love Your Enemies

Ironically, from an eternal perspective one of our purposes here is to take on as much injustice as possible.  The more merciful we are, the more mercy we have.  This is a gift given to us by our enemies.  Our friends can't help us in this way.  When we learn why, we will all love those who hurt us more than those who bless us.

The Law of Justice
Justice is a law even above God.  In order for God to have power, He must be obeyed.  Everything in the Universe obeys Him, doing His will, and honoring Him, which gives Him all power.  The Lord told the Prophet Joseph Smith that "...honor... is my power..." (D&C 29:36)  An essential part of this honor is that God is a just God; His word is honored because He is perfectly just.  Alma the Younger explains this to his son,  "Now the work of justice could not be destroyed; if so, God would cease to be God." (Alma 42:13)

Because of this, we are left with a conundrum, how can the suffering of one pay for the sins of another?  It isn't just that the perpetrator get off scot-free while some one else suffers for wrongdoing.  Alma explains this to His son, "Now there is not any man that can sacrifice his own blood which will atone for the sins of another. Now, if a man murdereth, behold will our law, which is just, take the life of his brother? I say unto you, Nay.  But the law requireth the life of him who hath murdered;" (Alma 34:11-12)  In other words, we cannot pay for the sins of another, it isn't fair.

The Law of Mercy
The law of mercy is the "loophole" in the law of justice.  Everything in the Universe must balance, every debt must be paid, every wrong righted, and and all suffering recompensed.  It works both ways.  We are told about the lower law of justice, where a judge sentences one to suffer for his errors and illegal activities, but don't consider that justice also includes that we must receive recompense for all innocent suffering.  It is the flip-side of the same coin.  We can ask for favors to be paid to us when we suffer for the misdeeds of others innocently.  It is only fair.  It is just, and therefore required of God.

When we do not require payment for the mistakes of another that caused us damage, we are giving mercy.  Like everything else, mercy is on a scale.  At the lower end, we don't exact payment for the innocent mistakes of others who hurt us, and on the top end we do not require payment for those who spitefully use us and persecute us.  The more we innocently suffer, the more we may live in the law of mercy.  If we innocently suffer, and do not seek revenge or payment for the wrongdoings of others who are intending to hurt us, we are living the highest law of justice.  The effect of this is nothing short of miraculous!

Building our account
The scales must be balanced.  God is perfectly just.  He will not let any dirty deed go unpunished.  Nor will He let any good deed go by without a reward.  The best way to obtain mercy is by being in the law of mercy, and that is not accusing or seeking payment for suffering.  If we truly suffer innocently, and allow it without exacting repayment for our suffering, then there is a deficit of justice in our favor.  We can actually, or theoretically, create a debt of justice that is owed to us because we never took payment for suffering.  The greater the deficit, the greater the blessing.  Because of the evil nature of the world, we could, by the end of our lives, build a huge bank account of innocent suffering!

But it isn't true.  Since we are not innocent, we can never have a positive account with God.  If we feel we have suffered more than we have given suffering to others, the final judgment will show us that we have not.  First of all, we are lost and fallen through transgression.  We have no right to return to God, no matter how much we have suffered.  Second, though we may suffer, our suffering ends, it is finite, but when we cause others to suffer, it may be infinite.  A word to another that causes him to suffer may be passed-on for generations.  The ripples we cause in the water cannot be stopped.  Third, most of our suffering is self-inflicted so there can be no debt.  And fourth, we get immediate payment for our all our obedience and good deeds.  "he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?" (Mosiah 2:24)  We can never be positive.

The true purpose for having mercy on others is that it puts us in the law of mercy.  "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy." (Matthew 5:7)  Being in the law of mercy allows us to be with Christ, His sons and His daughters, and partake of His mercy.  Those who insist on justice will receive justice, and will find that their accounts are very negative, no matter how much they suffered in the world.  Our only way out is to be merciful to others, "relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save." (2 Nephi 31:19)

Jesus Christ
God uses the law of mercy for all of us to receive salvation no matter what egregious errors we have committed, wrongs we have done, or hurt we have caused.  It all starts with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He marked the path, and led the way by actually doing what He said, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" (Matthew 5:44)  He innocently suffered humiliation and pain in the flesh, and forgave those who caused it in every way, even offering them salvation from their own suffering.

The next level is even more amazing!  He suffered the pains of a damned soul, though He had never committed any sin.  "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit — and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink..." (D&C 19:18)  He didn't want to, but did it to be obedient to God.  It was the will of God.  His Father, God, your God and my God, caused His suffering.  He suffered Eternal torment, God's suffering.  Yet He was innocent of any sin, transgression, or wrongdoing.  This creates a huge hole in the law of justice.  It isn't fair that He suffer innocently.  This wrong must be righted.  Jesus Christ created a huge debt with the Father, who must repay every bit to balance the scales.  God cannot allow the punishment to go unrewarded, or He would cease to be God.

Jesus Christ has perfect love.  At the final judgment, He stands at the bar, our advocate before God, the just Judge, and says:  "Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life." (D&C 45:4-5)  His payment includes bringing us with Him into the Kingdom of God to have everlasting life.  This is His love for us.

Only those who are "[His] brethren that believe on [His] name" will take part.  He asks for His reward to be given to those He loves, His friends.   It's not random or arbitrary, all is done according to the law, and must be done perfectly.  Not everyone benefits, only those who repent and take upon themselves His name can take part in His reward.  "For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins." (Matthew 26:28)  When sinners repent of their sins and become lawful, they are enabled to live with God, so they qualify to receive this gift from Christ.  Each must be living the law of mercy by forgiving all offenses.

True followers
The true followers of Christ are seeking for ways to forgive everyone.  The Lord explained, "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.  Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." (Matthew 5:11-12)  There can be no bitterness or rancor towards one who hurts us, nor can we wish them ill or hope that God repays them for their unkind deeds.  Instead, we gratefully acknowledge them, that they are willing to suffer, taking upon themselves our sins, suffering Eternal torment so that we can be saved from the same fate by teaching us to be merciful.  We hope that they repent of their sins through the mercy of the Lord, Jesus Christ so they also may be saved from suffering.  And, we thank the Lord for our enemies, that they allow us to learn how to be merciful.  Our friends could never help us in this manner.  It is our enemies that put us in the law of mercy and allow us to receive mercy from the Lord.  This is why, and how, we love our enemies.

Marriage and Happiness

I have had an ongoing discussion with my son about marriage.  He insists there is no need for marriage, and I have a hard time explaining it in a way that he would understand.  Using metaphors and analogies can be helpful, but they don't convey the reality of marriage to one who has not experienced it any more than a description of a Mozart sonata would really help anyone who has never heard one.  In spite of this, I would like to venture to elaborate on the seven reasons for marriage, in no particular order.

• Love
• Security
• God
• Children
• Fun
• Connection
• Happiness

Love
Marriage is about true love.  Only within the bonds of marriage can we really love another.  It is the covenant we make that allows us to learn to get outside of ourselves and truly love another.  Without the commitment, we only do what we want, what we like, or seek fulfillment, and don't really learn to love.  However,with a real commitment we can truly love our spouse with all our hearts, which leads to peace, joy and happiness.

Security
People often seek security in having money, land, houses, or other material goods.  Others want their employer or the government to provide a "safety net" in their lives.  Marriage, however, is the best way to have safety and security.  Being able to depend on another person who loves you gives more sense of security than even the government with all its power and resources.  True love removes all fear, allowing real peace and contentment.

God
There are two kinds of power in the Universe, constructive, and destructive.  A close bond with a spouse allows us to come to know God in a deeper way than we can without marriage.  The couple makes a complete human being, and together with God they are empowered to reproduce, taking part in creation with Him.  In every way, marriage brings with it the power of God, which is always constructive.  We cannot begin to understand God unless we share experiences with Him.  Marriage allows this to happen in two ways -- love and creation.

Children
Marriage naturally allows children into the world.  Children help the couple to experience more of life.  We learn more as we teach.  Parenting is the process of teaching the children, helping them to grow up in all areas of life: mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, and so forth.  As the parents help their children to grow they not only learn a deeper love, but also improve themselves in all these areas.  Each child is different, and will necessarily give the parents different experiences.

Fun
Those who marry have more fun in life because they have more experience.  Each in a couple gets to live more as they experience the world of their spouse.  Moreover, they get to re-live their childhood as their children grow up and learn.  There is nothing more fun than going to plays, games, recitals, and other activities of children, and being totally interested and absorbed in the outcome.  Disneyland isn't fun unless you can bring a child.  Experiencing life through our children as they discover the world is truly fun!  Fun isn't fun unless it is shared.  Marriage allows us to share everything, making all of life fun.

Connection
Probably the best part of being married is having a connection with another.  We only really become complete and whole as we become one with our spouse.  The experience of unity is the most wonderful part of being human.  It is fulfilling like no other human accomplishment can be.  No amount of success, power, money, or fame could even come close to the fulfillment of marriage.  Feeling complete and whole, comfortable and content is worth thousands of times more than all the wealth in the world!  What is amazing is that every single individual has access to this connection no matter where, who, or what they are.

Happiness
Ultimately, the purpose of existence is happiness.  God has children, us, and provides for us, teaches us, and sacrifices for us so that we can be happy.  A man nor a woman can be happy alone.  Becoming perfect, or complete, requires a man and a woman, which make up a whole human being.  Marriage is the path to happiness.  It is hard, to be sure, in fact, it is the hardest endeavor of life because is requires the greatest sacrifice.  All other ventures in life are temporary, at best, and not nearly as fulfilling.  Even our children will, hopefully, grow up and leave us as they get married and become complete, raising their own children.  A marriage, however, is made to be forever as we become one with another, forming the foundation of happiness.

The price of marriage
The hard part of marriage is the sacrifice required.  The expectations of fulfillment, love and unity are not given to us by our spouse, but rather achieved as we sacrifice ourselves, giving up all we are in our heart in order to become one with her, or him.  The sacrifice of the heart is the wants, needs and desires that are deep inside.  "I want..." is a selfish way to live and doesn't lead to unity and happiness.  This is why "living together" or any other false marriage cannot lead to happiness.  None of the goals of marriage can be reached without the commitment.  Only as we give up all the things we want can we achieve this higher level of existence.  Unity is achieved only as this is desired more than everything else.  Marriage offers the most opportunities to learn to love, as well as the deepest love as we give up all that we are inside in order to become one with our spouse.  It is the greatest achievement of all of humanity.  It is more important than being a world leader, a spiritual healer, a philanthropist, or any businessman.  Those may be good, but achieving a marriage of unity is so far ahead, hands-down, millions of times better.  There is no comparison.

Of course it's hard, but anyone can do it.  There is nothing in the world to stop it.  While we can become distracted by the cares of the world such as money, business, children, play, friends, parents, and all the other things that can get in the way, these also must be sacrificed for unity to be achieved.  It is an accomplishment like no other.  It is worth all the sacrifices we make, a thousand times over.  But what is most amazing is that it is the right of every person on the Earth.  While our pride may make it hard, in reality it's the easiest thing in the world, and it is within the grasp of every individual.  It's as easy as letting go.  Indeed, marriage is unique as the only thing on the Earth worth all of our best efforts, while at the same time being simple.  It is the hardest and at the same time the easiest.  It is most uncommon and at the same time most common.  It is the best of humanity, and the only way to fulfillment.

The hardest part about writing this is to end what is endless, knowing that none will understand who have not experienced it.  Hopefully, these can believe that it isn't random, and have a desire to seek marriage, or if they are already married, to decide to put their marriage at the top of their list of things to do.  If anyone can hope for fulfillment and desire to achieve it, they can begin to work on it by letting go of their wants, needs, and desires so they can love.  It's that simple, but I can promise that such efforts will bring the most wonderful results!

Faith and Hope

As I read, I often come to "sticking points" which cause me to think.  One such place has been a talk given by Mormon, found in Moroni chapter 7.  It seems to have a contradiction that I have been unable to reconcile.  I now think I know.

The first part reads:
"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?"  (Moroni 7:40)

Hope--> Faith
Without hope you cannot get faith.

Then, two verses later:
"...if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." (Moroni 7:42)

Faith --> Hope
If faith, then hope
No faith, no hope

It feels like without hope we cannot have faith, and without faith we cannot have hope.

The definition of hope is found in the intervening verse:
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)

So, hope is the expectation of resurrection to Eternal Life, which comes through faith in Christ.

The definition of faith is given by Paul to the Hebrews:
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)   Another circle of faith connected to hope.  Hope comes first, then we get faith as we gain substance and evidence for that hope.  In other words, we develop faith by gaining knowledge and experience, or substance and evidence.  Faith in Christ is the evidence that only through Him can we hope for salvation.  It is a knowledge of the Atonement.  The better we understand the Atonement of Christ, the more faith we have.

Does faith come before hope, or does hope come before faith?

Maybe it's like this:
Your knowledge of the existence of a glorious resurrection brings you to desire that blessing -- or hope for it.
This desire (hope)  brings you to Jesus Christ, your only hope, to learn more about His Atonement and resurrection.
As you gain knowledge (faith) of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and have more evidence, you receive the hope you desire.

Thus, hope brings you to faith in Christ, which faith then gives you that hope.
In other words, the hope of the possibility of a glorious resurrection causes you to seek Christ and develop the faith needed to actually receive that hope.

Hope --> Faith --> Hope

Thus, the reconciliation of the "which comes first" question is that there are two related, but distinct, senses of the word "hope."  They both have the same definition, but the first is the possibility, whereas the second is the assurance of a glorious resurrection to Eternal Life.  What brings the assurance is faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement and resurrection.  Without hope, or the possibility of Eternal Life we could not develop faith, and without faith we cannot have the hope, or assurance, of it.  Faith is sandwiched between hope!

Swimming in deep water

“Perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters.... better deep than shallow!”
― Joseph Smith Jr.

In the early Church there was a great deal of persecution.  Christians were hated, beaten, tortured, hunted and imprisoned, and even killed.  Why would the Lord allow His people to be treated in such a manner?  Of course, for their benefit!  When people face persecution they must of necessity make a decision: "Am I in, or am I out?"  This decision is essential to being a Christian.  Each person who wants to be part of the Church of the Firstborn must make the decision to be in all the way, of his own free will and choice.  Persecution forces that decision immediately.  The willingness to endure all manner of pain and loss, even the peril of life, puts you all the way in the Church -- you must swim in deep water.

"In the fall of 1857, the nineteen-year-old Joseph F. was returning from his mission in Hawaii, and in California he joined a wagon train. It was a volatile time for the Saints. Johnston’s Army was marching towards Utah, and many had bitter feelings towards the Church. One evening several hoodlums rode into camp, cursing and threatening to hurt every Mormon they could find. Most in the wagon train ran and hid in the brush. But Joseph F. thought to himself: “Shall I run from these fellows? Why should I fear them?” With that, he walked up to one of the intruders who, with pistol in hand, demanded, “Are you a Mormon?” Joseph F. Smith responded, “Yes siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.” At that, the hoodlum grasped his hand and said, “Well you are the [blankety-blank] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake hands, young fellow. I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions”' (See Gospel Doctrine, 518).

If the Church is a pool, then all those who are baptized are swimming in it, some in the shallow end, and others, like Joseph F. Smith, in the deep end.  There were many who chose the world when faced with the decision, getting out of the pool entirely, rather than risk their lives.  Some of these became the greatest persecutors of those who stayed in.  When they got out of the pool, they got all the way out!  

Today, there is little, if any, persecution of the Saints.  For this reason all those who profess to be Christian could be wading in the shallow water at whatever level.  It's easy because there is nobody requiring that they go all the way in.  They may appear to be in by all outside indicators: they go to church, participate in service projects, pay tithing, and so forth.  It appears that they keep the commandments of God.  They're in the pool.  However, their hearts are not necessarily changed.  They may have designs on the things of the world, and be filled with lust, greed, envy, and all manner of lasciviousness.  They still live "in the world, but also of the world" on the inside.  They have excuses for not keeping the Sabbath Day holy such as, "I need to work and support my family!"  They trust in their own strength, or in their wealth, or their family.  Their feet are firmly planted on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool.

I know about this because it's the way I have lived for 50 years!  Wading in shallow water.  Appearing to be very much dedicated to God on the outside, but filled with the world in my heart.  I have desired the things of the world more than the things of God, with all the normal lusts of the flesh: money, pleasures, and the honors of men.  My desires are well-hidden because, as usual, I'm smarter than others; I'm still in the shallow end, but sitting on the bottom with only my head out of the water so I appear to be in deep water.

I'm ready to move on, to swim in the deep end.  I don't want to stay in the shallow end all my life.  I need to take the risk and give my all to the Lord, to follow Him into the depths of humility (pun intended) and give Him my whole heart.  Giving up the shallow water means giving up the support of the world.  This could be anything we have that we rely on for support: money, lands, houses, friends, family, talents, and so forth.  Swimming out into the deep water without a floatie or any means of support takes a great deal of faith.  I want to give him all, not holding anything back, putting my trust fully in Him to be my support as I go out into the deep and start to swim.

I will obey every word of God.  I will do anything.  I will suffer any discomfort, or persecution.  I'm willing to make that decision.  I will take the bullet.  I will walk the walk.  I will suffer ridicule and pain.  I would make the sacrifice, and give all to Him, gladly, willingly, and swim out into the deep water of my own accord.

The problem for me is, I don't have the advantage of diving, or getting pushed, into the deep end of the pool from the beginning; I got in a little at a time, getting my toes wet, then up to my ankles, then up to my knees, and so forth.  Now I'm ready to move in to the deep end, but I don't know how to swim!  I have to make decisions and willingly and voluntarily go all the way.  I need to give up my worldliness -- all of it!  ...But, there is no obvious choice.  I'm not threatened in any way.  I'm not being pushed.  I don't have to walk away from all my belongings, family, business, and things of the world.  I can keep everything so I don't know what to keep, and what to give up.

It's easy when everything is taken from us, losing our means of support.  We don't have a choice -- we just accept the will of God and do all we can.  But, the big question is, how do you sacrifice when it isn't forced on you?  Walking away from all your responsibilities, the job, earning money, supporting your family, employing others so they can support their families, and whatever else we do is not necessarily the sacrifice we need to make.  Do we willingly give up family, friends, food, music, money, or anything else of the world?  How do we know?  Does it mean quitting work to be homeless on skid row?  Do I move to Timbuktu and start a mission?  How is one to know what sacrifice to make?  Where is the deep end, really?

"And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life... nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth..."  Joseph Smith

The Lord will guide.  Everyone is different so we should ask Him what is needed.  He is faithful to answer every prayer.  Blessings may be hard.  We may be forced to make decisions, to choose between the things we want in the world, and the things of God.  It's the everyday choices to pray, read the Scriptures, love others, and do good.  It's found in small things, not necessarily in big sacrifices.  We may not be asked to walk away from all our worldly belongings, or face the business end of a gun.  Sometimes staying and improving our current situation, or helping others where we are is the deep water in which we must swim.  God knows.  He is the swimming instructor.  He is the lifeguard.  He has all the floaties!  He won't let us drown.  With His help, we can learn to swim in deep water.

The Real Choice

Everything we are choosing is not so much what happens to us, our circumstances, but rather the connections we make with our Creator.  We are choosing every minute whether this part of our life brings us closer to God, or farther away.

In ev'ry condition—in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
How Firm a Foundation Hymn 85:2

This is true with every situation.

Wealth can bring you closer to God, or farther away.  No matter what the level of poverty we have in life, we are using that to choose to come closer to God, or farther away.  There is none that has any wealth, really.  We are all roughly equally poor.  In the Eternal sense of things we are all completely destitute and dependent, no matter what we think we own in the world.

Thou sayest, "I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing;" and knowest not that thou art
wretched,
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked:  (Revelation 3:17)

Comforts can take us away from God, but wealth can also bring us to Him.  If the will of the Lord is that we have the things of the world, and we consecrate all we have to Him, to serve His purposes, then we could become truly rich with the riches of Eternity.  This is the real choice we have, not how rich or poor we are here on Earth.  We have no control over what we have, it is all given to us.  It is firstly His to give.  Nothing is "earned."  Nothing is "owned."  We really are, at all times while in mortality,

"wretched,
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked:"

It is not the wealth that tears us away from God, but rather the "lusts of the eyes" -- the things we want.  This is just as true for those who have nothing of the world.  They are just as...

wretched,
and miserable,
and poor,
and blind,
and naked 

...as a "rich" person, but if they are greedy in their hearts, filled with envy and covetousness, lusting after the things that others own, their poverty will bring them away from God.  It is their choice.  It is the true choice we have.  It is the only choice.  Those who discover this truth can use their circumstance of "poverty or wealth" to further the work of God, and come closer to Him.

The choice is simple.  Those who don't have enough for their needs could choose to turn to the Lord to fill their needs.  As He does so, their faith in Him will be increased.  They will learn to put their trust in Him, and come closer to Him.

On the other hand, those who consider themselves wealthy would consecrate all they have to the work of the Lord.  They ask the Lord how He wants them to distribute their possessions.  They will seek those in need, and

"nourish them,
and did clothe them,
and did give unto them lands for their inheritance;
And... administer unto them according to their wants."  (Alma 35:9)

As thy do this, they learn to become closer to the Lord, and learn His ways.

This concept is true no matter what the circumstance.

"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also.
And wo unto the deaf that will not hear; for they shall perish.
Wo unto the blind that will not see; for they shall perish also."  (2 Nephi 9:30-32)

The concept of "poverty and wealth" could be applied to all circumstances we may find ourselves in, such as health or knowledge.  Health is like wealth, whereas sickness is like poverty.  Those who are "learned" are as if they were wealthy in the knowledge of the world, whereas those who have no training are poor in knowledge.  No matter what it is, we are not deciding if we are going to be rich or poor, healthy or sick, learned or ignorant, but rather if we are going to use that circumstance to bring us closer to God, or not.

Being physically fit and healthy could, like the rich man, either lead us away from God by not being able to discover how needy we really are, or it can bring us closer to Him as we give our strength to serve His purposes, working hard to serve Him and our fellow-man.  If we are sick we may use that illness to choose to come closer to God by seeking healing from His hand, or turn inward, justifying all of our spiritual weaknesses because of our physical infirmities.

Those who are smart enough to go to school and get a higher education may consider themselves intelligent, but don't know that they are really ignorant compared to their Father, who knows all things.  Learned people often look down on those who don't have schooling, and they don't seek the mind and will of the Lord for their lives.  They consider themselves strong and independent, not needing to lean on the Lord for their support.

"When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish."  (2 Nephi 9:28)

Just like the rich man, they are really ignorant, and in need of God for everything they know.  However, they aren't aware of their need.

This is just as much of a problem with the unschooled.  They may look with lust on learning, or be lazy or give up trying, and not learn anything.  Ignorant people, rather than turn to the Lord to find knowledge, will sometimes ridicule or despise those who are learned.  God is not a god of ignorance.  Growth is about learning and growing continually.  God has commanded us to "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118)  Thus, their ignorance could lead them away from God, or bring them closer to Him.  It's their choice.

If either one turns to the Lord they will use their circumstances to bless His children.  As knowledge grows, so does all of society.  "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God."  (2 Nephi 9:29)  This is the issue, really, no matter what our circumstances in life -- do we seek the counsel of God?

Understanding of what our choice is in life would make us see our circumstances differently.  All that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel, are merely means to help us to choose Him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in.  That is the real choice.